Chapter Sixteen

The excessive amount of alcohol Mathias Køhler had consumed over the years chipped away at a vast number of his brain cells, giving him an overall aloof and self-important type of oblivious persona. Yet he actually felt a significant amount of guilt clutching at his heart, overpowering the fluttery emotion that was cruel, cruel love.

He managed to ignore it.

"Mm, hey, Lukie. You hungry?"

The gorgeously doll-like Norwegian glanced up from his book- an adult level spin on one of his favorite fairytales as a child. He narrowed his absent violet eyes, a dark aura seeming to emanate from his perfect being at the use of that God-awful nickname. "Not really… Why."

His Danish roommate sighed heavily, plopping himself at the foot of Lukas's bed. The latter slipped a bookmark into his page and glared at Mathias over his knees as if he was a slime-oozing roach. On the inside, however, he was smiling- singing, even, and partially regretted laying down since it put a bit more difference between him and the Dane. He sat up.

"I lost my appetite. This whole… situation is just stressin' me out," Mathias muttered, using one callused hand to massage his temple. Lukas swung his legs to the left (not bothering to take care to avoid kicking his roommate in the hip) so that the two young men were sitting side-by-side. He stared at Mathias with that look that gave nothing away while at the same time saying absolutely everything. Mathias's jaw fell slack and he even flinched a little. Why did Lukas have to be so creepy?

"You love her, don't you." Mathias couldn't deny it: he adored the way Lukas could read him like a book (even though he wasn't exactly a closed off guy). Of course, that mysterious expression of Lukas's and his not deep, not high, yet not medium voice made his jeans ever-so-slightly tighter. He heaved another great sigh.

"Of course I do. Her eyes are the prettiest shade of blue, I swear. Her lack of self esteem is annoying, ja, but it's kinda freakin' adorable. We can always get each other laughin', and I can't think of anythin' I've said that's offended her, but… I dunno, it just feels like-"

"-she's too much of a friend. Like a sister."

Mathias just gaped at Lukas for a moment. "…Ja, exactly like that. She's almost like one of the guys, but with boobs and a v-" Lukas kicked Mathias in the shin before he could finish his vulgar sentence. He clenched his teeth in pain, but it soon passed; he was used to this type of abuse from his… "friend." "ANYWAY, she's kinda a goody-two-shoes too. She tries to be a little badass, but she's even more into her grades than you are. And she's always tryin' to TUTOR me. Like, who does she think she is? My mother?"

Lukas's eyebrows furrowed together, and now he felt the guilt too. Just a pang of it, though it was still present. These weren't exactly the things he was wanting to hear. "Don't ridicule her or anything. You could have just said she's not in the 'girlfriend' league."

Ridicule? Was that what Mathias was doing? He wasn't trying to… He thought he was just listing the reasons that he should get it over with and friend zone Gabby! Isn't that what Lukas wanted to hear? He pursed his lips. Whatever… "Well what's YOUR excuse? I thought you were all in luvvvv with Caliegh?"

Now it was Lukas's turn to feel uncharacteristically uncomfortable. How could he not expect Mathias to bring up Caliegh when they'd just been discussing Gabby? Besides, she was as big a part in this situation as her sister, Lukas, and Mathias were. "…I, do love her. But it's….." He sighed. It didn't matter that he'd known Mathias since they were kids; sharing his feelings with anyone- let alone the idiot Dane- was unexplored territory. Up until recent… events. "It's complicated, okay. I think we just have too much in common."

"So what, it's like you're dating yourself with boobs and-" Mathias couldn't help but grin broadly, despite cradling his head which would be harboring a nice bump from where Lukas just slammed his leather-bound book against it. "But seriously, bro. Isn't havin' too many things in common a bad thing?" He thought about all the jokes he'd invented that only Gabby understood, and went rigid.

"Ja, usually… They do say opposites attract." Lukas was not headstrong, but he was not a wimp. Either way, he had to draw up a lot of courage to speak the words that were clawing at his lips, dangling off the tip of his tongue. Heart beating quicker than he'd prefer, blushing a light shade of pink (as unwonted as that was to do in Mathias's presence), he lifted his eyes up to meet the Dane's deep blue ones as if the violet orbs were made of heavy lead. "Perhaps… that's why I'm more in love with you."

God, Mathias is such a bumbling idiot, was all Lukas could think as his "friend" simply stared at him, mouth hanging open. "Aw, bro….! Jeg elsker dig." For a moment, he recalled whispering these words into Gabrielle's ear, smirking in satisfaction as she emitted a slight shudder of pleasure. He quickly shot the memories into the back of his head before his grin could falter.

"Ja, ja… Jeg elsker deg også," Lukas murmured, staring at the ground. He ignored the fact that he had told stupid Mathias that important three-letter phrase more times than he had told Caliegh: his own girlfriend.

But that didn't matter. Because now that idiotic, annoying, cocky Danish man had his lips mashed against Lukas's. And there was nothing he loved more than that permanent taste of lingering alcohol on a smirking mouth.

Mathias almost didn't want to pull back- he wanted Lukas to swallow him whole, for them to lose themselves in each other without paying the world another thought. Nonetheless, oxygen was calling him, so he had no choice but to withdraw. Lukas had this unique, indescribable taste, much unlike the obvious flavor of lip gloss Gabby had about her. Oh, damn it, why did she have to keep popping into his head….?!

Oh, right. Because she was his girlfriend, and the first person he verbally admitted to loving. Then again, what did that matter when the first person he consciously loved was mere centimeters away from him, looking ever-so-kissable?

….Well, the whole thing about cheating was pretty important…

Ah, whatever. He'd deal with that later.

At the moment, he wrapped one strong arm around Lukas's waist and pulled him so close that he could feel Lukas's….. well, manhood through his plaid pants. Their lips came together once more, perfectly, as if their mouths were crafted just for each other's. They opened their eyes in unison; Mathias's flickered with a youthful glow while Lukas's simply glared. Both emotions, however, belied a combination of the mixture of uncertainty and lusty eagerness they truly felt.

The two boys disregarded the initial hesitation and dove in for more kissing, which grew in roughness each time they came back. Each kiss seemed to heat up, and increase their desire for more… It wasn't long before Mathias was leaning his ripped upper body against Lukas's much leaner one, leading him against the bed. Everything- time, virtues, needs, other people- was forgotten, everything but that burning sensation in their hearts and the pits of their stomachs…

It would have paid for them to keep track of the time. To realize that they had skipped dinnertime without word to anyone. Because their moment of granted forbidden desires came to a crashing halt with the opening of a door.

Gabby's POV

Caliegh was seriously starting to get on my nerves. She's never really been a show-off (on purpose, at least), though she always gave off this cocky little vibe of perfection. Lately, however, she's just been down. Skeptical. Irritated. Annoying.

Leave it to sweet ol' Matthew to be her pick-me-up. Since Lukie was MIA at dinner (so was Mathias, which was really making me twitchy), she returned to the BTT's table and struck up a conversation with Mattie. They caught up on everything they'd missed since Caliegh started dating Lukas, and I realized with a pang that Matthew really relied on my sister's friendship. I hope she realized that.

I guess I was relieved to see my twin smiling sincerely again. At the same time, I knew it wouldn't last, so I'd have to hit the nail on the head here. Resolve the problem at its core. So, on the way up to our dormitory, I got straight to the point. "Do you still convinced our boyfriends are cheating on us?"

My heart gave a little pang of guilt as the blissful smile that had been present since dinner vanished without a trace. Why would I feel bad about causing my sister pain when I act like I hate her, you ask? Well, the key word there is "act." She's my twin; I love that bitch. "…Yes," she answered flatly.

I let out a heavy sigh. I saw that reply coming, so why did it peeve me? "Look. We NEED to get this whole thing cleared up. They're roomies, right? I say we march right up to their dorm, and see if they're there. Maybe they went to bed way early, or Lukas is pummeling Mathias again, or they're doing homework, or they're sick. If they ain't there, then we'll figure that out when we get there."

Caliegh rolled her eyes in annoyance, either at my use of the word "ain't" or my hasty plan in general. I could tell she had a lot of responses at ready, but she settled with: "How do you even know what room is theirs?"

A light blush rose to my cheeks; I wasn't about to reveal that Mathias and I had experienced a little make out session in his dorm. "Mathias… told me. Now come on." Before Caliegh could protest, I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her the rest of the way up the stairs.

That brat dug her heels into the carpet as I made to turn right toward the boys' dorms as opposed to left for the girls'. "Do you realize what you're doing? Those are the boys' dorms! What if we get caught?"

I was so not in the mood for a lecture from her. "Do you want to find out if our boyfriends are gay or not?" Caliegh froze on the spot, then slackened. She allowed me to drag her the rest of the way to dorm 203.

Knocking probably would have been the right thing to do, but if Lukas and Mathias were doing anything suspicious, that'd give them a chance to recover and act natural. So, I twisted at the doorknob; good. Unlocked. My heart was hammering now, my palms sweating slightly, and I don't even know why. I expected to swing open the door and see two guys- our two guys- fast asleep, or sitting up coughing, or slaving over homework.

What I actually came across was the last thing I would have contently predicted.

Have I mentioned how much I love yaoi? Because God, I love yaoi. I can stay up all night re-watching Junjou Romantica and R-rated OVAs and reading boy x boy slash fan fictions. I can't explain my love for it; I just do. I love it more than straight love or lesbian love combined. That does not, under any circumstances, mean I would be glad to see some hot boy-on-boy action between a guy and my boyfriend.

But that's what I found.

If it was anyone besides my and my sister's boyfriends, I would have had to choke back a squeal of delight. In this case, however, the only sound I had to restrain was one of utter terror. Lukas was lying down on his bed- or Mathias's, I don't care nor do I give a damn- with Mathias straddling his hips, the Norwegian's pale hands practically clawing at my boyfriend's face while Mathias had one beneath Lukas's back, and the other slid under his shoulders: a position he had held me in multiple times before.

"Holy. Shit," I murmured. Yeah, there was a countless array of more intelligent responses I could have utilized, but it's hard to think straight when your heart is shattering to a billion pieces.

Mathias sprung upright like a dog who'd been whistled at; Lukas was more dazed, slowly bringing his hands back down to rest on the bed. "Gabby! U-uh, hey, babe! I can explain!"

"Yeah, so can I. You've been lying to me this whole time," I spat. My tone of voice was a pretty weird one: I was aiming for bitterness, yet there were tiny little tears welling up in my eyes, the realization that I'd been in denial this whole time and actually did share Caliegh's state of panic dawned on me, and somewhere deep inside I couldn't deny that these two men were pretty damn adorable together.

"Not lying to you, just… Keeping secrets!" Mathias sputtered, as if that would help his cause. I think I heard Lukas muttered something similar to "Idiot."

I clenched my fists, blinking quickly and drawing in a deep breath. "Well it's time to get everything out in the open, I'd say. Are you gonna be honest with me?" Mathias nodded his head multiple times; for once, his aura of stupidity wasn't adorable. "Then… Do you actually love me?"

"Ja, Gabby. Ja, I do! You're an awesome chick." That made a minuscule smile form at the corners of my mouth, despite the throbbing in my chest. "But, I've known Lukie since we were kiddos, and I realized at a really bad time how much I love him. And I love you more like a uh, sister. A cousin, maybe."

Well at least it wasn't all a total lie. Call me crazy, but for whatever reason, that tiny smile on my face just kept growing. Whether it was faked or real, I can't honestly say. "Can we still be friends?" I asked weakly. Mathias looked oddly relieved.

"Uh huh! Ja, we can totally be friends… So you're, not mad?"

There was a pretty tense silence for a moment. "…Nah. You didn't wanna hurt me by breaking up with me, right?"

Mathias blinked. "Ja, that's, exactly it." Something tells me that wasn't exactly it, but I like to believe it was.

I must really be crazy, because not only was my smile continuing to gradually grow, I also let out a short laugh. "Besides, you two are way better for each other. I should've expected this," I said as much to myself as to Mathias.

The next silence was more awkward than anything. "…So… See you later, buddy?"

Never would I have imagined how much it would hurt to be called "buddy" instead of "babe." Still, I nodded and started backing toward the door. "See ya, pal," I choked out. Nonetheless, I was still smiling. I decided a handshake would just be stupid, and a hug would be too dangerous, so after one final glance into those beautiful blue eyes of his, I turned on my heel and sped into the hall without even noticing my sister.

I admit, my insecurities really helped soften the blow. I was fortunate to have been with such a phenomenal guy for more than a couple days, let alone the months Mathias and I had lasted. I never believed I'd end up in a real relationship; I always expected to be used, or dated insincerely. The closest I'd ever come to having a boyfriend was when I'd had a gigantic crush on my best guy friend, who came out as bi to me. Of course, I was totally accepting of this… But I was scared. What if he accepted when I asked me out, just to use me as a cover for his gay side? Ever since, I'd kind of given up on being serious about guys.

As I wandered back up to my dorm, almost tripping up every other stair, my smile had not yet faded. Instead, it was growing shaky, and tears were blinding my vision. I really had loved Mathias, and I was stupid to think for one second that he returned the feeling. I wouldn't allow myself to be injured by this; I had to be strong and get the hell over it. Because of this, I never even acknowledged that the moment I sat on my bed, I began to sob.