Chapter Twenty-Three

Caliegh's POV

Gabby seemed to enjoy her clubbing last night; I however, was overcome with the horrid feeling of guilt swarming through me. It continued to make me feel upset and annoyed throughout the next day. I also was afraid to be with Gilbert. The kiss that I had given him just made me feel awkward, like something more was going to happen and he would decide to make his final move on me before we were eloping to Sweden.

The next afternoon, I decided that I needed some fun time, too. I deserved this, I was going through a lot! So I found Matthew as he was strolling down the hallway, then took him by the wrist and dragged him to the gardens outside.

"Kay, what are you…?" He questioned, widening his eyes behind his glasses. I glanced back at him, smiling.

"Just taking you to the gardens, dearie. Where we can just sit out there, surrounded by the flowers." In my head, it sounded a bit romantic. ..But that didn't matter, Matthew was my best friend.

"Isn't it getting too cold for that?" I shook my head slowly, motioning at my casual teal-colored sweatshirt and jeans, then at his similar attire. He looked down at his red sweatshirt with a white maple leaf and "CANADA" written on it, then back at me. "Okay, then…"

"And I'll keep you warm, anyway." I said, chuckling to myself, yet feeling the blush rise to my cheeks. I skipped down the stairs, Matthew following close behind. As we exited the building, my mood suddenly went back to its previous depressive state. My smile faded and was replaced with the lack of expression my face usually had. I led Matthew to a place in the garden, right in the center of an area where various colors of English daisies and snapdragons were planted for the cold weather. I sat down, pulling Matthew down next to me. Unfortunately, he noticed my strange sudden change of mood.

"Caliegh…is there something bothering you?" He said, leaning towards me slightly, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. At the moment there was a little debate going on through my head: Should I tell him or not? I mean, I haven't even told my own sister. Who was mytwin. With the same thought process as me (well, sort of).

I exhaled deeply, looking him straight in the eyes. "Yes." Well, no turning back now. "It's…Gilbert. You remember how he came to lunch late, yes? Well, he wasn't feeling good. And I have a feeling it's because of me. That's why I was so shocked to begin with when he came to breakfast, because I figured he didn't want to see me." Matthew's eyes widened.

"Why would you figure that?" I glanced away. Alright, I really didn't want to say this…I'm pretty sure my cheeks were flaming red. Then again, it really was cold out here. So that might've been a small factor. I moved closer to Matthew, close enough so that our shoulders were touching and I was pressed up against him.

"Matthew, I…" my voice was barely above a whisper. "I kissed him." I choked out. Matthew's shoulders fell, staring down at me in shock. Slowly, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and hugged me closer.

"Tell me everything that happened." He whispered.

"Okay…well, I had gone down to the music classroom to drop off a folder I had borrowed with music, but Mr. Edelstein wasn't there. So I had put the folder on his desk. But then Gilbert appeared, wrapping his arms around me from behind me and preventing me from moving. Then when I did manage to escape, to grabbed ahold of my wrists and pinned me against the wall. He mentioned that he was so alone and that's why he needed me, then I told him he had so many friends, and the whole atmosphere had changed. He let me go, but then I felt bad. So…I kissed him just before running away quickly." My voice started wavering like I was about to cry, but there was no way I was going to let that happen in front of Matthew.

"You know…he's depressed, Caliegh." He said, lightly rubbing my back. I paused.

"Like, clinically?" Matthew nodded slowly.

"He doesn't ever show it or tell people, though. He doesn't want people like you to be worried for him." People like me? I decided to let that slide for now.

"I...had no idea." I said after a moment of silence.

"Not many people know. I only know because, well, he's told me." I nodded, sighed, and then cuddled up to him. It was getting colder the longer we stayed out here, but that gave me a perfect excuse to be close to Matthew. For warmth, of course. He actually went along with it, hugging me closer than I was before. Ah, how I loved the smell of maple syrup…

Matthew ran his fingers through my hair like he always did when we were embracing, and I loved it. I wished he would keep doing it forever, and that time would stop turning so that we could stay like this forever. In each other's arms, in the garden…yes, I liked this.

….It almost reminded me of the times I spent with Lukas in the garden, by the tree, as he read Norse fairytales. They were dates, not friendly outings. And they were most definitely not something you would do with something you only felt friendship for. No, oh no.

The feeling you would need to be able to do something like this with someone would have to be more than friendship.

The feelings you would need….

Would be romantic feelings.

O~O~O~O~O~O

The next morning during breakfast, the first thing I immediately noticed was that Gabby and Alfred were, well, being all lovey-dovey. Usually they just joked around laughed with each other over the stupidest things, with the occasional fry-stealing bit during lunch or dinner. Today, however, Alfred had his arm around her shoulders and was feeding her mouthful after mouthful of cereal like she couldn't do that herself.

"Open up, Gabby!" Alfred had said, moving the spoon around in circle. Gabby laughed, opening her mouth and then closing it around the spoon. Alfred pulled the spoon out, letting her chew, grinning a cocky little smile that honestly made me want to smack it off his face.

"Mm, it's always better when it's being fed to you!" Gabby commented, resulting in both of them to burst out laughing. I stirred my cream of wheat around in my bowl, gazing at them through the corner of my eyes. They were not allowed to be so in love. After all, they weren't even in a relationship. So what was the point of being so romantic with each other?

Or maybe they weren't in love. They were just as close as me and Matthew. Best friends, right? Or perhaps Mattie and I were closer to each other than them….

Matthew slid onto the bench next to me with his daily breakfast of pancakes, with of course an amount of syrup that was much too large to even be healthy. I stared at the pancakes, then smiled up at him. He must've felt my gaze, because he looked up at me, also smiling. "Would you like some, Kay?" He said, motioning at his breakfast with his fork. I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Oh, no. That's your breakfast. This is mine." I pointed to bowl, taking a bite of the creamy breakfast food as if to prove my point. Matthew sliced one of the pancakes, then held it up on the fork. I raised my eyebrows. Wait a second…Wasn't I just criticizing Alfred and Gabby in my head for this exact same event? …Whatever, Matthew was different.

I shook my head, closing my mouth to avoid him feeding me. "Come on…You know that you want this." Matthew said, a hint of bemusement on his face. I shook my head, refusing the food from entering my mouth. Matthew cocked his head. "Did you hear that, Caliegh?"

"Hear wh-" He cut me off in my sentence by putting the fork in my mouth. My eyes widened, slowly chewing the sweet pancake. "Oh, I hate you, Matthew…" I said after I had swallowed.

From my peripheral vision, I saw Gabby feeding Alfred this time. Oh, no. They were not in love…like I said, they were just as close as Matthew and I. Matthew was laughing lightly, and he leaned into me, smiling. See, if we were in love, my heart would've been racing at his touch! …Oh wait. It was. My head began to spin, and I glanced over at Matthew, who was still smiling. Of course, his smile just made me feel all warm inside, causing me to smile myself.

Were we in love?