thank you all so much for your comments!
xxPUDDxx - thank you! we'll have to wait and see if Tom comes back soon or not ;) (awesome name by the way) :)
Neon Douche - thank you, and I'm not going to stop any time soon, don't worry! :)
GalaxyDefender23 - I could never kill off Tom, I may torture him over and over, but I could never kill him off, I love him far too much! I've actually already written this whole fic, and have started work on the sequel. I finished posting it on the official boards and decided to try it out here, so its all finished and ready to be posted! :)
26 Dannys POV
Every day passing made me more depressed, knowing that Tom was suicidal and out there on his own was killing me on the inside. I know that Carrie said he wasn't suicidal, but I thought she was lying to me to protect the both of us. I didn't know who I was angrier at, myself, for not actually paying attention to Toms weird behaviour, or Tom himself for not telling me. He should have told me what was up with him! Why didn't he tell me?! And why didn't I ask him more times what was up, or go home with him that day? Why didn't I go home with him and stop him from going anywhere until he told me what was happening?!
"argh!" I put my face in my hands, pulling my hair in frustration. I tugged particularly hard on a curl, pain shooting through my head, giving me a split second of relief. But it was gone too soon, so I tugged again, getting that relief again. Was this what Tom felt when he cut himself? Because if this was the relief he got I could see why he did it. I wondered, what would happen if I did it, got a razor blade and cut across my wrist, just once, what would happen? As quick as possible, I scrambled up and grabbed the packet of razor from the sink, wanting to see if this stopped the 1001 thoughts running through my crowded head. All of them revolved around Tom, all my regrets, everything we did together, whether or not he was still alive, and if we could ever be the same again.
"just once, thats it, just the once. Just to see." I muttered, putting the blade to my wrist. "Danny no!" Harry ran in and grabbed the blade off me, breaking me from my thoughts. "what the hell did you think you were doing? F*cking hell Dan, do you really think cutting yourself is a good idea?" Harry made me look at him, and I realised what I was about to do. "no, sorry, I just... want it to stop." I sniffed, hesitantly moving in for a hug. "want what to stop?" Dougie asked, squeezing himself between us. "all the thoughts in my head. Just, worrying about Tom, and all the regret, and the good times, and everything to do with him." I explained, finding a bit of comfort from being held by the two boys.
"oh Danny, come on, cutting isn't the way to go about getting rid of them. Talk to us, don't turn to self harm." Harry sighed, squeezing the both of us. "fine, but, how am I supposed to get rid of these thoughts in my head? Its just everything, I need him back. Its his 25th in 2 days, and I don't know if I'm going to cope through it, knowing he should be here, with us. He should spend his birthday laughing and joking with us, eating cake and watching Star Wars, not hiding god knows where, and I know he is gunna cry all day. With no-one to hug him, and tell him that he is loved." I whimpered at the thought, thinking of Tom, sitting in his car, sobbing on his own was one of the most heart breaking scenes ever. Especially now he had turned to self harm, there was no doubt he was going to hurt himself, and the thought killed me.
27 Dougies POV
Now that Danny had said it, I realised it was nearly Toms birthday, and it made me want to find him even more. He needed to feel loved, to have a happy birthday, so he didn't try to kill himself. I hoped to god he wouldn't try to kill himself from the depression he had caused himself. I hated thinking that this was all his fault, because it really was his fault, if he hadn't run off, he wouldn't feel like he did, because we would be telling him that we loved him.
"we'll find him soon Danny, and we'll celebrate his birthday together. It may be a bit late, but we'll make him feel loved, and we'll give him that birthday he deserves." Harry promised, stroking our sides. "are you sure about that? Cause I really want to give the best, on his actual birthday, and tell him that I love him." Danny sighed, fiddling with his fingers. "well then, text him on his birthday, tell him that, and tell him to come home. Tom will probably get it, and he'll know." Harry suggested, making Danny smile a bit.
2 days later was of course Toms birthday, and Danny ended up actually going out and buying Tom a present, just in case. He got him a Star Wars blanket, and when you put it in the dark, the light sabres would glow. "Tom will like that, cause he loves Star Wars, and thinks the monsters in the dark are going to get him, so if it glows, he's not going to be hurt by them." He explained, taking a picture and sending it to Tom also typing a huge long paragraph to him, telling him how much he was missed and loved.