So it's been way more than the three or so chapters I said were left already. I'm a horrible estimator. We're near the end, that's about all I can guarantee. I'll let you know when we're at the very last chapter. ;)
Betad by the lovely Michelle Renker Rhodes.
Most characters belong to S. Meyer. Major plot line belongs to J. Austen. The rest is the side of me that lives for romantic heroes. :)
A&A Ch. 33 (P&P Ch. 58)
After spending the day with Emmett, Jasper and Alice, they all drove to Seattle together, where Edward dropped the three others off at the airport before driving Bella back to school. He'd take a cab to the airport after dropping her off.
The entire day, Edward had kept Bella's hand safely tucked within his own, even while driving, as if he were still a bit wary of letting her go. Bella held on to him tightly, giving him the reassurance they both still needed.
Light, cheerful conversation filled the car for the first half of the ride, both occupants flying high at the fact that they finally knew where they stood with each other, and that it was in such a great place. But Bella, ever curious, eventually brought the conversation around to those subjects that still puzzled her.
"So I suppose your Aunt paid you a visit in the early hours of the morning?"
Edward sneered in disgust. "Yes, with a seriously scandalous story to tell, full of intrigue, lust, deceit and a woman so hungry for money and power that she'd sunk her claws into me and refused to let go. It was quite the tale," he chuckled.
But Bella couldn't help the way her face flamed with embarrassment and turned her gaze to the passenger window so that Edward couldn't see her flushed cheeks.
"Hey," he said softly, reading her body language despite her attempt to avoid his gaze. He squeezed her hand within his own, lacing their fingers together tightly. The warmth it spread throughout Bella's body was amazing, and she soon turned her eyes back in his direction. He glanced over at her quickly, his emerald gaze alive and full of the type of bliss one only feels when deeply in love.
"I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hateful my aunt must've been. She was way out of line, and trust me, I told her so, but you know I never believed any of what she said, not even for a second, don't you?"
Bella smiled tenderly, her eyes on his gorgeous profile: wild, bronze hair, a straight, perfect nose, full, soft lips and a stubbly jaw so square you could take a ruler to it.
"If anything," he continued, "my aunt's visit taught me to hope that perhaps you did feel something beyond simple gratitude towards me."
"Oh?" Bella grinned. "And why was that?" She could see the right side of his mouth crook up in a wry grin of its own.
"Well, because I knew you well enough to know that if you didn't have any feelings for me whatsoever, you would've had no problem letting my aunt know."
Bella blushed again at how well he did know her, but this time she laughed out loud.
"Yeah, you're right about that. After insulting you to your face so thoroughly a couple of months back, you knew I'd have no problem insulting you to your family."
"What did you say to me that day that I didn't deserve?" He was still grinning, but Bella could hear the tone of remorse in his voice. "Yes, the things you accused me of were based on mistakes and misunderstandings, but the way I acted with you…" – he shook his head, no longer grinning, but rather sneering at the windshield – "I deserved much worse than the things you said to me. It was unforgivable, and every time I think about it I feel completely disgusted at myself."
This time, it was Bella's turn to give Edward's hand a squeeze.
"Let's not argue about who shared the bigger slice of blame for the way things ended that day," she said softly. "If you look at it closely, we both acted like jerks, but I should hope we've improved since then."
Edward laughed again, though Bella could still sense the self-reproach he was inflicting upon himself.
"I can't forgive myself so easily, Bella. When I remember the things I said to you, the way I acted…" – he shook his head back and forth as if to dispel the memory – "I remember exactly what you said to me too: "had you behaved more like a man with true and sincere feelings instead of like an arrogant, conceited, self-absorbed, fool."
"Please don't repeat those words," Bella pleaded, dropping her eyes to her lap.
Edward ran his thumb back and forth over the top of Bella's hand, caressing her tenderly.
"Why not? They were the truth. You have no idea how much those words have haunted me for the past couple of months – though to be honest it took some time before I was reasonable enough to acknowledge how true they were."
"I certainly didn't intend for them to make such a strong impression on you. I had no idea you'd feel them so deeply."
He snorted. "I'm sure you didn't. You thought me incapable of feeling real and true love towards you; I know you did. I'll never forget the look on your face when you told me that there were no pretty words I could've whispered to you that would've ever tempted you."
"Please, please, stop!" Bella begged. "You have no idea how ashamed I am of the things I said to you that day."
She hadn't realized that they'd arrived at her small apartment until Edward put the car on park. With a soft smile, he angled his body completely sideways and took her in his arms, holding her tightly against him and engulfing her with the love she could feel emanating from him. The darkness outside, as well as the light tint of the windows shielded them somewhat from curious eyes.
"Don't be ashamed, Baby," he murmured gently in her ear. "Yes, all those things were hard to hear, but they were also necessary. They made me realize my mistakes, and so I wrote you that letter, hoping I could do a better job through writing than I'd done through talking."
"You did," Bella admitted with a snort against his neck.
He pulled her away. "Did I?" he whispered, searching her eyes. "Did it make you think better of me? Did you believe what I wrote?"
She cupped his jaw, and he momentarily closed his eyes at her searing touch.
"It was a…difficult letter to read, because it not only opened up my eyes about the type of man you really were, but also about the type of person I'd really been as well. From the very beginning, I'd been the arrogant, prejudiced one, all because of a few words I heard you say, which hadn't been meant for my ears anyway."
"You did hear what I said at the Founder's Day Ball," Edward grimaced guiltily.
Bella smiled playfully. "Yes, I heard."
"You know I didn't mean that, don't you?"
She looked down again. "It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself on that point. If at the time, you didn't find me pretty, then that was certainly your prerogative. I'm sure that opinion has changed now anyway," she teased him.
She felt his thumb on her chin, and then slowly, he lifted her head up to meet his gaze.
"I always found you beautiful, Bella." His eyes shone with sincerity. "I was just…I'd gotten an email from Rosalie that day, and though she'd been getting better by then, she still had some difficult days and that happened to be one of them. She sounded so depressed in her email, and I was upset at myself for not being there for her and…" – he sighed – "I suppose it all just put me in a bad mood. I didn't want to go to the party that day because I knew I'd be bad company, but at the same time, Jasper was looking forward to it, and he's always been there for me, so I wanted to be there for him. I'd say it probably would've been better had I not gone, but then I may never have met you…"
"You should've put that in the letter, too," Bella teased him, seeing that he needed to be teased at the moment.
He chuckled. "I suppose I should've." With a sigh, he added, "I knew the things I wrote in that letter would upset you, but I had to tell you, though now I hope you've destroyed it."
"Why?" Bella asked, cocking her head sideways.
Edward smirked. "There are parts of that letter that I fear may make you hate me if you ever read it again."
"Like what?" she wondered.
"Like the beginning and some parts in the middle. And one or two sentences towards the end."
Bella laughed. "I assure you, there's absolutely nothing in that letter that could ever make me hate you. But if it makes you feel better, I'll destroy it. Though I will miss my very first love letter from you," she shrugged.
"Love letter?" He drew in closer to her, backing her up against the seat while his palms rested on either side of it, caging her in and holding her gaze intently. "That was hardly a love letter, Bella."
The velvet quality of his voice, the way he looked at her, gentle yet predatory all at once, made her heart do flips in her chest.
"I thought it was a love letter," she managed to pout right before his soft lips found hers. He kissed her tenderly, alternating between sucking her pouting bottom lip then the top into his mouth. She closed her eyes and parted her lips, but his slid to the edge of her mouth, running small, open-mouthed kisses all along her jaw and then trailing down to her neck, and all the while she couldn't even close her mouth, her breaths escaping in ragged exhalations. His hands remained on either side of her, holding her prisoner while she arched and squirmed in her seat under him.
When his mouth reached her ear, he nibbled on her lobe, making her moan while her eyes rolled to the back of her head.
"You like love letters, Bella?" he breathed, kissing the spot just behind her ear while Bella gripped tightly to the edges of the seat around her. "I'll write you a love letter every day. Every single day until I have you in New York with me."
"Oh? So when I'm in New York you'll have no need to write me love letters anymore?" Bella joked, trying to ground herself, but she was losing that battle quickly. Her breathing had become labored and erratic, her entire frame shaking from sensory overload; his words, his mouth on all the sensitive spots around her neck, his proximity, even the awareness of his hands so close yet not quite touching her were making her insane. She'd never in her life imagined feeling this way.
He stopped kissing her and locked his darkened eyes on hers once more. "When I have you in New York, I won't have to write you to tell you that I love you. I'll show you how much I love you."
She may have whimpered; she wasn't really sure, and she didn't have time to figure it out before he captured her mouth with his, pushing her further into the seat; his lips, his tongue, the soft sounds he made deep in his throat drowned out everything else around them until nothing else existed in Bella's world.
He pulled away with a deep gasp, as if he'd just realized how deeply he was kissing her in a parked car, and then grinned at her sheepishly. She cupped his cheek again, so unbelievably full of bliss.
He covered her hand with his. Both Edward and Bella knew that there time together was quickly coming to a close.
"We've wasted so much time," Edward said suddenly, almost as if he could read her mind.
They had wasted time in the past few months, even in the past few weeks. Yet though the separation would be painful for both, they knew it would only be temporary. And though the words hadn't actually been spoken yet, both knew they were far beyond simple dating.
"We have," Bella agreed. "But let's not think about that anymore. Let's not think about the time we've wasted misunderstanding each other or the letter and the bitter feelings you think you may have expressed in it. The feelings of those two people who misunderstood each other are now so different from what they were then that it doesn't make sense to remember any of that. I have a philosophy I like to live by: Think of the past only as its remembrance gives you happiness."
Edward smiled and put his lips on hers quickly yet softly before pulling away to look at her again.
"You've always been such a good, kind and generous person, Bella, even despite all your teasing; that's one of the things I first loved about you. But it's not that easy for me to forget the past, and I don't think I should." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly. "I've been selfish my entire life, in my actions if not in my thoughts. When I was a kid, I was taught what it meant to do the right thing, but I wasn't taught how to actually act on that. I grew up only caring for myself and my close friends and family, thinking that we were better and that the rest of the world should be grateful if I ever gave them any of my attention." His forehead was suddenly marred with lines of pain. "This is the type of man I'd become, and this is the type of man I may have remained if it hadn't been for you, my beautiful, sweet Bella. You thanked me earlier, yet you have no idea how much I owe you. You taught me a lesson; a hard one to learn, yes, but an important one."
"What did I teach you?" Bella asked breathlessly, almost overcome with emotion.
Edward dropped his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. "You taught me to let go of my arrogance. When I came to you in Madrona, I had no doubt that you'd accept me, but you showed me how useless all my pretenses were when it came to impressing a woman worth impressing."
Bella smiled, the admittance of his conceit lightening the moment somewhat. "So you were that sure I'd simply say yes to you?"
Edward snorted, touching his nose to hers. "Yes, I was. All those times at Netherfield, those heated exchanges we shared - I thought you were flirting with me. And when you stayed behind in Leah and Jake's house that day in Madrona, I thought it was because you were expecting me; waiting for me to make a move."
Bella couldn't help but burst out laughing, and Edward chuckled along with her.
"I'm sorry if I led you on in any way," she said through her remaining snickers, "but I didn't do it on purpose, I swear. Sometimes I say and do things without realizing. God," she shook her head, "I can only imagine how much you must've hated me after that night."
He pulled away from her then, cradling her face in his hands. "You didn't lead me on; I simply saw what I wanted to see. And as for hating you, I could never hate you, Bella. Yes, I'll admit I was…angry at first, but that anger was soon directed at myself for the epic way I'd screwed everything up."
He kissed her yet again, another soft, sweet and light kiss. She looked up at him through her lashes, taking his hands in hers and resting them between them.
"I'm almost scared to ask what you were thinking when you first saw me at your Vineyard. Were you upset?"
"Of course not. I was surprised."
"You couldn't have been more surprised than I was, especially when you were so gracious towards me. My conscience told me that I didn't deserve your attentiveness, and I've got to admit that I was shocked by how friendly you were."
Edward dropped his hands to Bella's waist and then pulled her with him as he moved back to his driver's seat, leaning back into it so that Bella now hovered over him, her palms against his chest as she tried to hold herself up. When Edward pulled her hands away, her chest fell quickly over his, making her gasp.
He smirked at the expression on her face and laced their hands together at their sides.
"We've been apart for way too long. I need you as close to me as possible."
Bella could do nothing more than nod.
"When I first saw you at Pemberley, my initial intention was to show you in every way possible that I wanted more than anything to put those last few weeks behind us. I wanted you to forgive me, to change your bad opinion of me by showing you that I'd tried to correct those flaws in my character that you'd pointed out."
"Is that all you wanted to do?" Bella asked with an impish grin.
Edward reached up and pulled a few strands of her hair away from her face, tucking them behind her ear and then letting his fingers linger back there, ghosting them around the soft skin under her earlobe.
"That was my initial intention," he repeated, watching the movement of his fingers. But then his eyes moved to her mouth. "How soon other intentions may have made their way to the forefront I can't be sure, but I believe it was within five minutes of seeing you."
She chuckled yet again. She'd never imagined Edward would have the power to make her laugh so much; to make her heart soar so high. This time, it was she that dropped her mouth to his, tasting his sweet lips thoroughly before parting them with her tongue. In the tight, semi-private confines of the car, it was hard to get as close to one another as both may have liked, but Bella could feel Edward's strength and passion, and it was a glorious feeling. She gripped and held on to his hair while they kissed, and he held her close to him with his arms wrapped around her waist. Both were panting heavily when they broke apart.
"I have to go," she said sadly.
"I know," he answered just as forlornly. "When can I see you again, Bella? The holidays are over, and it'll be hard for me to get away now, but I can manage a couple of long weekends, and please, please, please don't protest if I offer to bring you down to New York for long weekends whenever you can get away."
She smiled sheepishly and gave him an embarrassed kiss, but then she realized that she simply couldn't feel guilty about accepting his generosity; not when she loved him so much and knew he loved her back just as wildly.
"I won't protest. Whenever either one of us has the time, I want to see you. Either you come over here, or I'll go over there, whichever way works out better at the time."
His ensuing grin lit up his entire face. "Rosalie is going to be thrilled when I tell her about us, and when I tell her you'll be coming down for a visit as soon as you can."
Bella's happiness increased all the more at the thought of the sweet girl, who'd become so dear to her in such a short time. They'd definitely be great friends now, and perhaps someday…her stomach did a hopeful somersault though she didn't dare allow herself to finish that thought completely.
"As a matter of fact," Edward continued, "she's instructed me not to bother coming home unless I've got good news to report."
"Has she?" Bella chortled. "Did she know why you came to Seattle in the first place?" Bella asked, much more solemnly.
Edward nodded. "I'm not sure what it is that you said to her in the short time you spent together, but when I told her what had happened with Mike and Jessica, I was afraid of how she'd react." Bella held her breath waiting. "But she was fine, Bella. I'd decided to come looking for Mike and Jess even before I left you in that hotel room, and when I spoke to Rose about it, she was much stronger than I'd expected her to be. She told me that it was definitely the right thing to do, and that if we needed her to, she'd go public with what he'd done to her as well. The foundation we established was actually her idea, set up from both of our funds. I think it's…healing for her."
Bella felt tears sting her eyes at the bravery and heart on Edward's younger sister, and couldn't help hoping that someday, maybe someday, Jess and Lauren would show a fraction of that heart. She could barely utter a few words to Edward, asking him to please express her thanks to Rose, but then had to abandon the subject because it was still too fresh and raw in her heart to dwell on.
She sighed, trying to recall the elation she'd felt up until a few seconds ago, and when she brought her eyes to Edward once more, it wasn't hard to do.
Nevertheless, she really did have to go, and Edward had a flight to catch. She reminded him of these facts.
"Alright, alright," he sighed, and when she raised herself off of him, he let her go begrudgingly. He told her to hold on, and she waited while he stepped out of the car and moved to her side, opening her door for her like a perfect gentleman, something she'd never experienced before. But just as with everything she'd found out about who the real Edward Cullen was, she loved it.
He took her bag and walked her to her door, and there they hugged and kissed one more time. But this time, when Edward pulled away from her, he seemed nervous and anxious again, and Bella could only assume it was because of their impending separation.
"What is it?" she asked him, never again wanting to simply assume when it came to their relationship.
Edward drew in a few shaky breaths, glaring at the ground between them, but when he met her eyes, they were bright and sparkling, and full of hope.
"I love you," he said simply.
She smiled tenderly and cupped his cheek. "I love you too, Edward."
"There's one last thing I'd like to clear up."
"Okay," she said slowly.
"What I said, or should I say what I implied early today, when I kissed you in front of your house despite what you said your mother would do, I meant that completely."
Bella frowned. It had been a wonderful day, but it had also been a long one for her. She hadn't really slept at all in almost twenty four hours, since Senator De Volturi's visit. Usually sharp and quick, her tired brain was working slower than usual.
Edward sighed, smirking teasingly. "Bella Swan, when you're done with school here, when you come live in New York, I don't want you to live with Alice and Emmett."
Something was tickling at the edges of her mind, a slow understanding of his words, but Edward continued without giving her the extra time she may have needed to figure out his meaning on her own.
He wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her in closer.
"When you come live in New York next summer, I want you to come there as my wife."
A/N: Thoughts?
So yeah, in modernizing P&P, I've kept some things similar, changed some things. Hope you guys are enjoying. :)
Twitter: PattyRosa817
Link to 'Stories by PattyRose' is on my profile page.