Chapter 4: Divorce and More Loss
I was in utter and complete shock. How was this happening? Was this my fault because if I hadn't been sick we would've never been here and she wouldn't have met Phillip? These questions just kept playing over and over in my mind, while she just continued to look at me and kept on talking.
"I also told Charlie that you are going to stay here with me because this is where your doctor is and you belong with your mother." She says still watching my face.
She continues, "And he agrees with me that this is what is best for you. When you heal up some and the doctor gives you the okay to travel, you will be able to go and visit your father every summer and some holidays. And he will always be welcome to come and see you whenever he wants."
I was just sitting there thinking to myself, "Wait, What? Did my life just do a 360 on me or is this a really bad nightmare? A side effect from the medicines maybe?" How could they just decide all of this without talking to me first? I may be only 7 years old, but I am very mature for my age and I think older than I am. And my dad, how could he just agree to all of this and let us go, let me go, just like that?
I felt hurt, confused, angry, and betrayed by the people I loved and trusted the most. I didn't want to be with either of them. All I could do was just stare at my mom and cry (which got my heart rate up again and I had to be sedated). When I came around, my mom wasn't in the room but my dad was there. He was sitting in the chair next to my bed, holding my hand and staring at me.
"Bells," he said, "Are you really awake now?" I guess there had been some false alarms.
"Yeah," I said groggy, "Where's mom?" He looked down so I couldn't see the pain in his face but I could hear it in his voice.
"She is at the house with Phillip." He says.
"So, it wasn't a nightmare?" I say. "Y'all are really getting a divorce?" I said calmly.
"Yeah, it would appear so, Bells." He says quietly. I can see he is hurting and it makes me hurt as well. I don't want him to hurt, he deserves better than this, better than her.
"Dad, this is not right. I don't want to stay here. I'm your Baby Bell Bell. Please let me come home with you? I don't want to be with mom and Phillip." I could hardly speak for the tears.
He gets up out of the chair and sits on the bed to hug me and tells me, "Bells, it's best this way for now because Dr. McMahon is here and this is where you need to be. I will come and see you and then when you are better you can come and stay with me during the summer as long as you like and then we have holidays as well." Now he was crying.
"I love you so much dad." I say through my tears and blubbering, holding on to him for dear life.
He holds me tighter and says, "I love you to Bells, more than my own life."
We just sat like that holding each other, crying for I don't know how long. He rubbed my head and I fell asleep in his arms lying on his chest. I was jostled awake by him getting up.
"Where are you going, dad?" I asked.
"I'm flying back to Forks tonight but I will be back real soon to see you." He tells me.
He kisses me on the forehead, tells me he loves me, and walks out the door. Out of my life.
"I love you too, dad." I whispered but he was already gone.