A/N:
All those reviews make me so happy, you can't even imagine how giddy I am when I get a new alert. I'm so happy with the new followers I have for this story, and I can't thank the followers who have been following since the first chapter enough. This story is literally occupying 95% of my brain on daily basis, and I take pride in that xD So I actually proof-read this chapter twice, so hopefully no more grammatical and diction errors. I hope you enjoy this chapter!~
Physical Therapy: Day Twenty-Two
Lexie stared up at the ceiling of the guest room in the 'dream house'. Ever since her showdown with Mark in the elevator, Meredith had taken Lexie back home with her. As a matter of fact, for many nights after wards, Meredith stayed in the same room as Lexie – just waiting for her to wake up screaming in the middle of the night and soothing her back to sleep when she did. Each time that happened, Meredith's worry over Lexie's mental health would increase and whenever she'd try to bring it up, Lexie would say, "It's trauma. It will go away."
That didn't stop Meredith from confronting her though.
The same nightmare chased Lexie ever since that first night back at Mark's place. Taking her first steps, and then falling back into the whirlwind of injuries on her own. Lexie had tried to work her brain around it. She tried to even control it – at least, it said it worked in the many books she read about psych during her Harvard years, and she wasn't called Lexipedia for nothing. All the books said the subconscious could be controlled under training. That's why Lexie spent most of her days quietly in her room, until of course; the baby monitor announced that Zola was awake.
Meredith had taken her to the first physical therapy session together; however, to Lexie's surprise, Mark was there – waiting for her. Lexie couldn't bring herself to look at him and hold back her tears, so she apologized to Jared and called a cab to go back home on her own. Meredith was frightened when she heard that Lexie had done that – she'd yelled at her for such a long time before Lexie started laughing at the hissy fit Meredith threw at her. It was a new sensation to both of them, even after five years. It was new and they both liked it, having a sister.
Meredith walked in with two mugs of steaming tea and set them down on Lexie's nightstand before she held up one finger, "Wait a sec." She said as she rushed out of the room. Lexie lifted a brow as she sat up with a struggle – the lack of physical therapy numbing the little control she had on her legs. Lexie rested back against the pillows propped up against the headboard and grabbed her mug, sipping at the tea once and smiling at the taste of ginger in it.
Meredith came back in and she climbed onto the bed across from Lexie, crossing her legs beneath her as she held onto two packs. "Here, I got you this." Meredith offered one wrapped pack and Lexie laughed briefly, surprised, as she set her mug on the nightstand, "Mer, what is that?"
"Just open it." Meredith offered excitedly as she wriggled her brows and sat up straight. Lexie shook her head slowly as she unwrapped it and stared down at the red board, centered with the white patch and framed with the two circular pedals. On top of the white patch were the words, "Etch A Sketch!" Lexie exclaimed and laughed as she looked up at Meredith, who smiled broadly at her sister' s excitement.
"You said you were good at it and I thought I should get it to you. I was getting Zola something the other day and I saw it." Meredith explained with a brief smile as she shrugged before she unwrapped the second pack to hold up a small pink t-shirt, "I got this for Zozo. Read it!" Meredith said excitedly, and Lexie had to tear her eyes away from the Etch A Sketch to look at the shirt.
"World's Best Big Sister.." Lexie read out loud and frowned, "But Mer, Zola doesn't have any younger- Oh!" Lexie's eyes widened as she looked up at her sister, "You're- you're pregnant?!" Lexie exclaimed and Meredith shushed her before she nodded quickly, "It's only three weeks so I shouldn't go around announcing it but yeah." Meredith smiled broadly and leaned over so the sisters could hug it out, and Lexie grinned at Meredith. "Oh my god, it's the legendary McBaby." Lexie laughed and Meredith slapped her arm playfully as she folded the shirt neatly, "I'm telling Derek tonight." Meredith said with a smile.
"He'll be very happy. You two have wanted this for a very long time." Lexie agreed once and they exchanged smiles before Meredith took a deep breath and looked up at Lexie, "I also need to talk to you about something."
Lexie stared at Meredith and then looked down, setting the Etch A Sketch beside her on the bed before she looked up at Meredith again, "Yeah?"
Meredith sighed, "Lexie," She started and placed her hand over Lexie's knee, "You need to stop avoiding the physical therapy sessions. That can't be good for you. And those nightmares. Lexie, I'm beginning to think Mark was right when he made that appointment."
Lexie frowned as she stared at her sister, "Not you too." She groaned in complaint and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm fine. I am fine! I don't need a shrink."
"Trauma counselor." Meredith corrected and lifted a brow at her younger sister.
"Shrink!" Lexie let out an exasperated breath, "It's a shrink. You think I'm too fragile. I am not. I'm dealing. In my own way."
"Well, your own way will probably put you in a wheelchair forever, and not that I mind, Lexie – I don't. And really, if someone does, you shouldn't care. But you can't exactly be a surgeon if you're going to be in a wheelchair." Meredith explained rationally and crossed her arms over her chest too, mimicking Lexie's posture. "And you know as much as I do that this is what Mark meant by what he said. So you need to tell me what this whole attitude is about." Meredith chided and lifted a brow.
Lexie's eyes drifted to Meredith for a brief minute before she let out a sigh, and let her arms fall at her sides. "I probably won't walk." Lexie started, and when Meredith almost interrupted, Lexie scowled, then went on. "Mark and I, we talked about the wedding. When I told him I didn't want that wedding to happen unless I could walk down the aisle – I waited for him to say something." Lexie looked up at Meredith, "Something like, 'Well, I don't care if you walk or roll your way down that aisle, Little Grey, all I want to do is be married to you' – maybe not these words, but something like that, you know?"
When Lexie looked up at Meredith, she saw the slight compassion in her sister's eyes. Meredith moved to sit beside Lexie as she wrapped her arms around her, "Lexie, he won't leave you just because you can't walk. Look at all he's done for you so far. He calls Doctor Howe every day to ask whether you cancelled your sessions or not. He stops by the hospital just to ask me how you're doing. You can't possibly be convincing yourself that he'll leave you because you probably won't walk again." Meredith mused as she stroked her sister's hair back, "So tell me, what is it?"
Lexie remained silent. So what really was it?
Somehow, her brain interpreted it all for her – but the problem simply was that Lexie refused to admit it. But now she had to, or else she might lose her battles, her love, her life, "I.." She stared and breathed out heavily, "Those…nightmares." Lexie started and gulped, "I keep dreaming that my legs will break beneath me when I start walking." Lexie explained as she peered up at Meredith, "I'm scared, Meredith. I don't want to be a patient anymore. And I don't want Mark to see me…so scared. I don't want him to see me like this."
Meredith tilted her head, feeling touched at the confidant Lexie had found in her before she sighed and rubbed Lexie's back soothingly, "You need to consider the trauma counselor, Lexie." Meredith instructed briefly, "I can barely do anything about this. You hold the key to your life."
Lexie sighed and looked down, "I guess so. I'm still not sure."
"Take your time." Meredith answered quickly and smiled at her, "I am not rushing you. You know your time and you know what you have to do. You just have to dig in to find it."
"When have you become such a wise, old sage?" Lexie mocked once but her smile held the gratefulness she had for Meredith, before Meredith rolled her eyes. She looked over at the baby monitor on the night stand before she sank into the covers as Lexie did, "Come on, I'll stay beside you until you fall asleep. Try not to scream yourself awake as I tell my husband I'm pregnant, okay?" Meredith joked and flashed Lexie a playful grin.
Lexie tucked her hand beneath her head and laughed, "No promises, but I'll try." She answered with a smile before she closed her eyes, "Night, Mer."
"Good night, Lexie."
Lexie smiled once before she sighed and reached over to grab her Etch A Sketch from the night stand. She'd already started drawing something, something she wasn't sure of what it exactly was but she turned to lie on her stomach and propped a pillow beneath her torso so she could hold the Etch A Sketch and draw properly. Despite the fact that it had been a long while since Lexie used the Etch A Sketch, she still was a pro at it and if it were a profession, she'd make lots of cash.
When Lexie was done, she held the board away and let a huge sigh leave her lips. She'd drawn a perfectly healthy midsection of the right hemisphere of the brain. God, she missed surgery. She missed brains, and spines, and nerves – and tumors and aneurysms. It was sad, really, really sad.
Lexie wiped the Etch A Sketch and started drawing again. Something about the little utensil was just captivating. She couldn't let it down, and she simply enjoyed the fact that part of her was as artistic as she is smart.
Again, once she was done, Lexie tilted her head. Soon the picture came clear to her and Lexie sighed, dropping her head into the pillow to bury her face there. At this very moment, she loathed her very good talent at Etch A Sketch. Lexie peered up from the pillow again and stared at the white board, her eyes wandering over the contours and curves, around the crinkles and lines…around Marks face.
She missed him – but she was still scared. She was also lost. She told him to stay away from her, but at the same time she wanted him around. She wanted him to not see her like that, but couldn't bring herself to go to the sessions without him. She wanted to walk again. She wanted to be brand new for him, but she was terrified if it never worked. Lexie groaned and pressed her face into the pillow again. She just wanted Mark to be here. She could almost hear his voice.
Meredith took the rest of the day off after she pulled Lexie out of that elevator, and she took Lexie home, kindly asking Derek to take Zola from daycare on his way back. When Derek asked what was wrong with Lexie, Meredith waved it off, but Lexie could tell she'd probably mouthed to him that she would tell him later, but Lexie couldn't care less as she hid her face into her hands. Meredith wheeled her out towards the car and after some struggle; she helped her into the passenger seat and folded the wheel chair to put it in the trunk.
Because the 'dream house' wasn't prepped with a ramp for a handicapped person, getting Lexie up the porch stairs was such a challenge – but the sisters worked together and eventually, Meredith was sighing with relief as she locked the front door and then turned back to Lexie, placing her hands over her waist as she stared down at Lexie. The younger Grey peered up at her sister, before she exploded into tears, and Meredith sighed once, leaning down to wrap her arms around Lexie so the girl could cry onto her shoulder.
Meredith hadn't exactly seen what happened from the beginning, but before the elevator's doors opened, Meredith could hear them yelling at each other. However, she barely deciphered much but the fact that Mark had told Lexie that he couldn't look after her any more – or at least that was what she had gotten. Meredith refused to ask Lexie about it, at least not now. So she wheeled Lexie into the guest room beside the play room and gave her some of her clothes. She helped Lexie change and left the room for her.
Meredith sighed as she sat in the living room, pursing her lips as she waited for Derek to come home. When she glanced up at the clock, she realized it was still way too early – so she decided to busy herself in the kitchen, brush up on her barely ever good cooking skills. Meanwhile, Lexie sat in her wheelchair, her mind doing cartwheels with every word Mark had said, sending a pang to her chest. But not because of what he said, but because of the pain she saw in his eyes. She was hurting him. She didn't want to do that. Haven't those two suffered enough hurt in their lives?
Around eight, Derek was unlocking the door and walking in. For a minute, when Meredith ran to greet him but when she didn't see Zola, she almost freaked – but then she saw Mark walk in, holding her sleeping baby, pressing a light peck on her cheek as he stepped aside to allow Derek to close the door. Meredith narrowed her eyes at Mark, trying to remain silent as she stepped forward and held her arms out for the toddler. Mark slowly eased Zola into Meredith's arms, and Meredith shushed her slowly and hummed as the little girl stirred. She held up a finger for both men to wait for her right where they stood as she moved upstairs to change Zola out of her clothes and put her in her crib, then go right back down, glad they actually didn't go anywhere.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Meredith scowled at Mark, but Derek immediately stepped in. "Easy there, Meredith. Mark told me everything that happened. Including the stupid things he said, but you need to hear this out."
Meredith opened her mouth to blurt out something, but her voice never left her lips as she huffed once as she crossed her arms over her chest and moved to the living room. Lexie was still seated by the door when she heard Derek's arrival, and had almost gone out to greet him had it not been for her seeing Mark standing there. When they all gathered into the living room, Lexie slowly opened the door, sighing in relief when the hinges didn't creek as her hands wrapped around the wheels to push them forwards – that being a lot less quieter than using the built in motor in the wheel chair. Lexie stood behind the kitchenette. She was lying low, literally, so they couldn't see her but she could hear them.
"Last night," She heard Mark begin and she suppressed her sigh as she looked down, blocking out the miserable story of her nightmare and panic attack. She fast-forwarded her attention to what he said after, "Callie said that was common among patients who suffered from huge trauma. So did Howe, the physician. They know what they're doing. And you, you've seen Lexie at those group sessions after the shooting. She barely handled that. I don't want her hurting herself by believing she could make herself fine just by thinking it." Mark argued and Lexie frowned a she looked down.
"What does this have to do with what you said in the elevator?" Meredith demanded fiercely, and Lexie smiled at her sister's protectiveness.
"I made an appointment for her with a trauma counselor in psych. She freaked." Mark explained and Lexie could literally see him sigh. "I didn't mean it the way you heard it, Meredith." Mark protested helplessly, and Lexie frowned. She never heard Mark speak like that, with that tone.
For a moment, there was a long silence, and Lexie wished she could peek around and see their faces – but she couldn't risk getting exposed now.
"I want her to move on." Mark started, "She's hurting, Meredith, and if you can't see that then it's the damn Grey instability you have in you as well. When I said I couldn't do this anymore, I meant watching her do this to herself. You haven't been there. It's…I'm terrified of what it might do to her." Mark explained his voice almost desperate. "I didn't mean that I didn't want to take care of her anymore. There's nothing more I want to do than keep her happy, and she's not happy. So I'm doing what is best for her, and she can hate me for it. But she can't hate me for the wrong reasons."
And then it was quiet again – a long period of silence. "Look, just do me a favor and watch over her tonight?" Mark pleaded.
"Of course." Meredith answered immediately, "Of course I'll do that."
"Her physical therapy session starts at nine. And here's the appointment receipt. Meredith, talk to her. She'll listen to you." Mark muttered quietly and Lexie could hear paper crinkling before she heard a long sigh.
"I'll leave before she decides to come out." Mark answered quickly, as if responding to a silent look being sent to him. Lexie almost wheeled herself out from behind the kitchenette until she saw Mark being led by Derek to the door. She caught a glimpse of his face – so solemn, he seemed ages old with the amount of sadness he held in his eyes. Lexie couldn't believe she'd done this to him. She was going to go back tomorrow and apologize for freaking in the first place, but just when she saw how miserable she was making him.
"Lexie?" She heard Derek's voice and looked up as he stood in front of her. She opened her mouth to speak before she clamped it shut again and turned to retreat back into the guest room, locking herself in for the night.
"Lexie?"
Lexie sat up slowly when she heard the light knock on the door and Derek's voice from behind it. She smiled a little as her brother-in-law walked in, his McDreamy face was on. Oh boy.
"What are you doing?" Derek asked as his eyes fell on the Etch A Sketch. Lexie grabbed it quickly and wiped away the portrait of Mark she'd made before she tossed it aside and shook her head quickly. Derek lifted a brow before he crossed his arms over his chest, "Well, get dressed. I have a surprise for you."
"What is it?" Lexie asked curiously as she tilted her head when Derek started leaving.
He grinned at her as he started closing the door, "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you." And then he left.