HelR - :(

xxPUDDxx - thanks! :)

68 Dougies POV

Danny came downstairs for breakfast, but Tom stayed where he was, continuing to play like we weren't even there. I noticed he had his earphones in his ears, and that was probably why he couldn't hear us. "give me a minute, I think I know why Tom isn't responding." I broke away from the brunettes, going back to Tom. Carefully, I knelt down in front of him, reaching over to his Ipod, pausing the song playing, 'Angels Cry' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. "hey, breakfast is ready, gunna come down and eat, or stay up here and play?" I asked softly, taking the earphones out of his ears, wrapping them around his Ipod.

Tom didn't reply, just moved his guitar and pulled his knees to his chest, looking at some spot at the bottom of the wall on his right. "hey, come on, its Doug, you can talk to me. Don't shut us out, we're here for you okay, we're not mad at you for running off. It was your decision, and we're gunna put it behind us and move on. So, come on, come downstairs and eat some breakfast before you starve and end up in hospital again." I whispered, seeing his bottom lip start to quiver. "hey, don't cry, please, don't cry. I know, its scary, its been a year, but nothing has changed, nothing at all. We're still your best friends, and Danny is still going to be your boyfriend, the minute your ready. We're going to stand by you, and its going to be okay, every things going to be alright. Theres nothing to worry about, and nothing to cry over, its going to be alright Tom, believe me, it'll get better." I could feel that lump in my throat forming as I saw my best friend literally biting back tears, and I didn't even know why. I could only guess why he was crying, and the things I was coming up with weren't exactly pleasant.

I tried for at least half an hour to get Tom responding in anyway, but he never did, he basically just ignored me, holding in tears. "okay, I'm going to leave you on your own for a while, alright? We'll be back up later, if you need us, we'll be downstairs. And if we're not, we're at one of our houses, so just phone us." I sighed, giving up. Tom never liked crying in front of anyone, and preferred to cry alone, so I figured that if we left him alone, he would let out his tears, feel better and finally say something. I got up and went downstairs, flopping onto Harrys lap, sighing. "no luck?" he asked, I shook my head. "didn't even look up from the wall, looks ready to cry too. And Danny before you even think about going up, I said we are going to leave him alone for a while, so we are going to leave him alone, alright? So he can cry, you know Tom hates crying in front of people, leave him alone for a while. We'll hear him moving about if he moves, so it'll be fine." I warned, seeing Danny start to stand up.

69 Toms POV

The minute I heard the footsteps on the stairs stop, I started to cry, feeling so annoying and d*mn pathetic. All it took was a friend being kind to me to start me crying, this wasn't fair, and it wasn't fun either. I thought I was going to be left alone now, not have people coming round and trying to talk to me, like I was actually wanted still. I knew I wasn't wanted, it was obvious, and I hated myself for not having the strength to get my fat arse off the floor and getting out of here.

Tears were silently rolling down my face, blurring my vision so much I couldn't even see the pictures all over the wall. The wall in front of me was covered in pictures of us, during what I had thought was the happiest years of our lives, turns out they were the happiest years of my life. Everyone was just pretending for my sake, just like they were now, I should just get out of here now, save some time for everyone else. There was a window in here, I could easily climb out of it, but that would have meant jumping off and probably killing myself. There would be no point in that, someone would have to clean up what was left of me off the pavement, and I didn't want to scare the neighbours, cause them unnecessary fright.

I wanted to get out of the house, but I knew, deep down, I wasn't going to manage it, someone would catch me before I got anywhere. And I didn't want anyone to have to struggle with me while I begged to be let go of, or have to touch me anymore. No-one should have to touch me, talk to me, and generally have to think about me, I wasn't worth it, I was just...there. All I ever did was make people pretend to like me, because they felt sorry for me, because I was pathetic. I must give off 'help me, I'm hopeless' vibes or something, because all people ever did was look after me when I didn't need it. I didn't need to be looked after, cared for, I would be happy enough on my own, like I was now. Everyone just needed to back off, I wasn't some fragile little baby, I was a 26 year old man, who could look after himself.

I cried for over an hour before someone remembered I was up here. This time, it was Danny who came up, asking if I was feeling alright now. 'of course, I'm fan-f*cking-tastic, I'm not crying or anything, because your too kind for your own good' was the reply I wanted to say, but I refused to let my mouth work. What was the point of talking anymore? Whatever I said was going to be argued with, and I was going to be told complete lies, there was just no point anymore. "Tom, you can answer me, I'm here if and when you need to talk. Come on, just say hi, or something, please. I'm worried about you, no-one should be on their own, and after being on your own for a year, you need some company. Surely you need to talk about something?" Danny pleaded, my heart was screaming to me to say 'I love you, I've missed you, please tell me you haven't ever lied when you said you loved me' while my head was screaming back to keep my big mouth shut, he'll go away soon. As long as I stayed silent, he would go away and leave me alone, and maybe go have some fun, like any other 26 year old.

"you don't have to tell me anything about this past year, you can tell me about Star Wars again...or Back To The Future, or the latest Disney movie. You've missed a few of them now, and I've bought all of the DVDs for you, so you can catch up with them. We can talk about that too, we can talk about anything, anything at all. So, out with it, Disney movies!" Danny smiled, I think, I couldn't even look at him. I felt so guilty for making him sit here, trying to force a conversation that would bore him to death. It was all I ever talked about before, Star Wars, Disney, Back To The Future and Harry Potter, with occasional discussions about space, none of which he was interested in. He was never interested in any of them, but listened anyway, for me, and then went out and bought the films I missed, so I didn't even have to wait for them. Here we go again, I wanted to cry again, cry and scream and cut my arms to shreds, punish myself for doing this to him all this time. "okay, not any of those then...it was your birthday a few months ago, and I got you a present, do you want it? Cause I can bring it round tomorrow, its all wrapped up and everything, even though you already know what it is. We can have a celebration, like we usually do, and it can be any theme you want, including Christmas, we'll put the tree up and everything!" Danny suggested, seriously, was he trying to make me feel guilty?!

The guilt got worse, and I wanted to tear myself apart for making him waste his day on me on a day that really should not have been worried about. What would have made me happy was if he just went away and spent some time with his real lovers, not me, who didn't deserve any of his time. I didn't even deserve being looked at by Danny, who was special, in so many ways, let alone have him waste his time and money on me. How the hell he was still here and trying with me was nothing less than a miracle, because I must have been annoying him by now, if not getting him really angry. I just wished he would show his real feelings instead, and not trying to make me happy all the time, like I said, he was way too nice to be with me, and deserved the best.