That I loved you.

It kept her distracted for a while, believe that. It might have even had her back-tracking everything between them for a few days. But Jessica was an even bigger distraction.

It was somewhat a repetition of what happened between her and Olivia, and Amanda hated herself for it. She hated lying to herself about how she felt for Olivia, and she hated herself even more for doing the same to Jessica.

This is the last time we do this

Every time either she or Jessica said, they both knew it was a lie. They found their way back to each within no time. A comparison between her feelings for Olivia, and whatever was happening with her and the new ME, showed major differences.

Amanda loved Olivia. She however did not love Jessica. For Amanda, it was hard coming to terms with this. It had nothing to do with Jessica - she had done nothing wrong, quite the opposite. Honestly, Amanda was distraught and she had no idea how to fix the problems. There was only one person Amanda knew she could go to. Someone who would infinitely have the answers she needed. She sat at a table by herself, worried. Bouncing her legs, she looked outside again for the 9th time that minute.

Amanda made sure to chose a coffee shop a far distance away from the ME's office AND the precinct, keeping the chances of running into either of her "problems" very slim. The old round table she sat at held two coffee's - one for her and one for her consultant.

Just as she was about to call and make sue their plans were still on, he slipped into the seat in front of her.

"Any reason you made me haul my ass to this stuck up coffee shop at 9am on my one day off this week." Fin said, good-heartedly with a smile on his face. As always.

Amanda smiled. "Sorry." She slid one of coffee's to him

"Don't be." Taking a sip of the coffee, he looked at her. "What's up?"

"Um," The younger detective had no idea where to start. "I have a problem that I don't know how to fix."

He looked at her concerned. "You aren't gambling again are you."

She shook her head. "No. It's not that. I kind of sleep with both Olivia and the new ME."

Fin's expression said nothing, something else that was always usual for him. "Who first?"

"Olivia twice, and Jessica 3 times. In that order." She felt utterly ashamed at herself.

"Want to explain to me how that managed to happen?" Fin wasn't going to express his opinions. He learned from past situations that solved absolutely nothing. So, Amanda spent the next 10 minutes explaining what had been going on the past few weeks. At the end of it, she realized how much shit she had to fix. And none of it would be easy. Not at all.

"Why don't you just break it off with both of them? Eventually you'd fix what happened between you and the Sargent, but Avana is only substituting for Melinda for a while." It was the most simplest solution he could come up with.

"Olivia said she loved me." Amanda looked towards Fin. An employee of the cafe came over with a refill of their coffee.

"Oh, I see." On the inside, Fin was smiling. For two reasons: 1. he was happy to hear that Olivia was trusting her heart to someone again after numerous people had broken it. 2. Melinda now owed him 20 dollars. Alex owed him 50.

The three had known something was going on between the other three women. Alex swore that Amanda would be the one to cave into Olivia, and Melinda said that Amanda would eventually end up being with Jessica. Both were wrong. So now they had to pay the piper.

"Do you love her?" He asked.

Sighing, Amanda ran her fingers through her hair. "It's - complicated." Amanda couldn't possibly think of loving anyone. Anyone she merely thought of loving, always stabbed her in her back. She loved her sister. Once, long before she came and ruined everything. She loved someone back in Atlanta only to find out they hadn't cared about her at all. She might have even loved her mother. Might have.

You're an idiot. You know that right?, she thought to herself.

Why did she have to tell her she loved her? How would that fix anything? Sitting inside her apartment the following night, Olivia Benson opened her freshly purchased red wine bottle. Amanda had taken a personal day, and Olivia knew exactly why. It was quite obvious that Amanda did not love her. At this stage in her life, Olivia was convinced that no one could love her.

Haden fucked her over. Cassidy was a one time mistake that came back for round two. Elliot fucked her over also.

She could not possibly say that Amanda fucked her over as well. She understood what Amanda was doing; protecting both their careers. But imagining this blowing up in their faces if they didn't figure it out sooner or later, that made Olivia wonder if it was worth it.

Eventually, the entire precinct would figure it - and that would do neither of them good. Their screaming match in the cribs yesterday got the attention of Amaro - who oh-so-concernedly wanted to know what was going on with Amanda. He may or may-not have asked if she was gambling again, and Olivia quickly shut him down immediately going to the blonde's defense without a second of hesitation.

Just as she was about to take of sip of her wine and finish reading the book she had meant to start months ago, a knock at her door pulled her off her couch.

Sighing, Olivia didn't bother looking through the peephole in her apartment door, unlocking the numerous chains on the door.

She felt the wind knocked out of her, her face losing it's features of stone. The brunette fixed that, re-hardening her face hoping to intimidate the person on the other side.

"Amanda."

"I think we need to talk."

Olivia scoffed. "You are the last person I want to talk to. And I kinda got the sense you weren't interested in talking to me either?" Amanda stood on the other side, her hands shoved into the front pockets of her jeans - this was the most casual Olivia had ever seen her. Truth be honest, she would have kissed Amanda right there if there hadn't been an obvious elephant in the room.

The Georgian detective looked down, suddenly fascinated by her shoes. "Olivia, I realize that you don't want to talk to me, but we need to figure this out sooner or later. And I'd prefer it to be sooner."

Benson didn't even blink. "Or you could go back to screwing the ME." She stared hard at Amanda. "Since that seems to be a very good solution in your head."

Amanda's head shot up. "Who the hell told you about that?"

"You just did. I had my...suspicions." Olivia knew she was being harsh, she could tell the blonde was genuinely trying to fix things.

"Liv, I want to fix this. Please."

Sighing, the brunette opened her apartment door, letting the blonde inside. "You have two minutes. Start."

look I actually updated on time