quickly adding now before i crash out from exhaustion. thank you for the comments, and just to let you guys know, i also have a twitter corruptedpov and a tumblr mcflycorruptedmypov if you don't have an account on here and you want to message me, or even if you want to get to know me a bit better xD
94 Harrys POV
Tom didn't exactly reply as to where the decorations were going, so instead, we put them up for him, leaving him to do the tree later, knowing how much he loved decorating the tree. "Tom, honey, are you going to eat dinner with us today? We're ordering a pizza, with all your favourite toppings if you're interested!" Danny asked, dropping back down on the floor next to Tom, hugging his knees. Tom shook his head and pulling his blanket around his shoulders more, still staring blankly at the floor.
"go on Tom, sit with us at least, we'll miss you otherwise! Come on, its just pizza, it'll be fun. Its one of our last days together before Christmas! And we're gunna miss you while we're away, so come and have dinner with us!" I encouraged, reaching out to hold his hand, but playing it off as resting a hand on Dougies knee when Tom moved his hand away. The door bell rung and broke our moment, so I got up for the pizza. Dougie came along behind me, keeping hold of one of my hands, squeezing almost painfully. "Dougs, calm down, its okay. We'll eat in the front room if we have to, it'll be okay, alright?" I promised, turning to him and giving him a hug, kissing his forehead gently. "I hope so, I'll miss him this Christmas, more than usual." Dougie sighed, squeezing me tightly. "we all will Dougs, but don't worry, we'll phone him up all the time. It'll be alright, I promise, it'll only be a week away, that I think we all need. Carries gunna be here, and if not, Toms going to Dannys, he'll be with someone all the time. Now come on, pizza here." I gave Dougie a quick kiss, cutting off the conversation off.
Opening the door, I found that it was the pizza delivery man we had been expecting, so I quickly paid him and took the pizza inside, dropping it and myself onto the floor in front of Tom and Danny. Of course, Danny picked up a slice, but he only really nibbled it, taking small sideways glances at Tom, who as per usual, just sat there, hugging his knees to his chest. "come on Tom, you've got to eating something, you haven't eaten properly in over a year. You've got to eat something now, or you'll end up in hospital again." I encouraged, eating another bite to show him it was okay. It did nothing, Tom still sat there, not even properly paying attention to anything I said. So, I gave up, and tried to get Danny to eat instead. He was slowly turning into Tom too, he had his hyper moments, and his normal moments, but the rest of the time he was acting so much like Tom it scared me.
95 Toms POV
I didn't eat a bit of pizza at all, I just watched everyone else eat, not feeling hungry yet. I still didn't deserve this nice food anyway, so I wasn't eating it, I was going to sit there and ignore the urge to run upstairs and rip my arms into shreds. "Tom, honey, we're gunna go home now, okay? We'll see you tomorrow, before we're going back home to see our families on Saturday, alright?" Danny spoke to me like I was stupid and needed to be talked through everything that was going to happen. It annoyed me no end, but I guess this is what I got for being me, so I just nodded slightly, telling him I had registered what he had said. "see you tomorrow Tom." Harry hugged my unresponsive body, Dougie flanking my other side, both of them kissing my cheeks, making me inwardly cringe.
I hated being touched this lovingly, like I was still actually wanted, I bet they all couldn't wait to get away from here, and leave me to my own devices, I bet Carrie wouldn't even call and would go out with her boyfriend instead. To be honest, I wouldn't mind that really, I would love to have a week to myself to do what I wanted to do and get some things straight in my head, get my emotional walls back up again, strengthen them. Also, it would mean I wouldn't have to find an excuse as to explain why I didn't want to eat my dinner, or why I wasn't exactly my normal happy self.
"bye Tom, I'll see you tomorrow, night." Danny knelt down, also kissing my cheek and hugging me, "its getting late honey, so just eat some pizza and go to bed, so you don't over sleep tomorrow." Danny whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead, then my temple, before getting up and leaving. I heard the door close and burst into tears, feeling him kiss me was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt, and I never ever wanted it to end. It took every ounce of my strength to not grab Danny and kiss him, hold onto his muscled body, tell him I loved him so much and I never wanted him to leave. But I couldn't, Danny didn't love me, and he never would, he was just pretending for me, so I could be happy, he was too kind to not do it. It was typical Danny, thinking about everyone before himself, making sure that everyone was happy, even that meant he wasn't happy. He was so perfect, and it killed me to know he was just doing this whole act for me because I was pathetic and special needs. I just wanted him to love me, like I loved him, with every bit of my body, completely unconditionally, maybe even irrationally.
I leapt feet when I heard my phone ring, emitting a small scream at the same time, shakily picking it up to see that it was Carrie ringing. Now, did I answer it or not? The phone was ringing and vibrating almost violently in my hand, and it scared me a little. It had been so long since a phone had rung around me that I wasn't sure how to handle this situation, did I answer and act normal? Or did I leave it and pretend I didn't hear it? Oh that was ridiculous, doing that would cause more panic than was necessary, I had to answer the phone! But, the whole thing scared me, what if Carrie shouted at me? Or what if it wasn't Carrie, and someone just had her phone?! What would I do then?!
I quickly pulled myself together, wiping my eyes and trying to stop snivelling like a baby, pushing all those stupid thoughts out of my mind, it was Carrie and it would be fine. "h-hello?" I answered the phone, cursing at myself when I stuttered. "hey, its Carrie, Danny told me to phone you to ask about our plans for Christmas?" Carrie explained, seemingly not having heard my stuttering. "yeah, I know, so, what are you doing?" I asked, still wiping away tears with my sleeve, putting the phone on speaker so I could hug my knees at the same time for comfort. "well, I was thinking that I could come round yours, or you could come to mine, and we could just hang out, be brother and sister. It'll be just like old times, just the two of us, the Fletcher kids, hanging out and acting like right girls watching chick flicks and Disney movies!" Carrie laughed a little, obviously not mentioning mum and dad. We had some problems as a family, my dad had walked out years ago, after having a nervous breakdown and deciding he couldn't cope with us anymore. My mum had never recovered, and now blamed me and Carrie for dads breakdown, refusing to speak to us at all. So now, me and Carrie relied on each other for family, and we were fine with that, we enjoyed our two person family, we did a better job of looking after each other than our parents ever did, and right now, it felt like I could trust her a little more than I could trust anyone else.
"well, you could come over to mine, that'll be good." I broke myself from my thinking, realising that it would be easier if she came here. She wouldn't let me leave for a whole week if I was at hers, if she was here, I could lie to her and say the guys were coming back a few days early, so she would leave and I would have that time to myself so everyone would actually enjoy their Christmas. "alright then, I'll come round yours. Which day do you want me round by?" Carrie sounded pretty excited, and I cursed her good acting skills, she was dreading this, I could tell. "erm, Christmas Eve? They guys are leaving on Harrys birthday, so, yeah, come round the day after." I lied, hoping she believed me. "alright, I'll be round by lunch time Christmas Eve!" Carrie was such a good little sister, pretending she actually wanted to be here instead of with her boyfriend, I loved her so much for it. "thanks, for coming round, it means a lot. Are we doing presents or not?" I asked, needing to know if I had to sneak out and get her something or not. "nah, we'll skip this year, I'm guessing you haven't had time to even think about presents, so we'll leave it this year. But, I can bring a turkey and some food, for some dinner if you want, we'll probably fail at cooking it, but it'll be a laugh! And if needs be, we'll make cookies and eat them instead!" Carrie laughed, and I smiled a little, knowing our cooking skills were mediocre at best. "yeah, alright then, bring some food round, we'll have a go and making something edible." I faked laughter, so it seemed like I was actually excited to see her. I did want to see her, but I didn't want to get in the way of anything else she was planning, and I didn't want to make her feel like she had to see me, I would have been fine on my own, but I did still sort-of want some company, at least for a couple of days.