Song: "Who Knows?" Natasha Bedingfield
Story: Guardian Angel: The Return
Characters: Max and Nick
Listen to this song while reading. You can find it on playlist . com or you tube. To be read as a fanfic of Guardian Angel The Return.
The room was dim, except for the sparkly candles on the cake. One of the newest agents was having a birthday, and we were throwing a small celebration for her. She attempted to blow out her trick candles and laughed. The crowd offered encouragement, and eventually a small applause formed. The party was taking place in the HQ's bar, shut down and decorated for the understated event. The guests stood around in evening casual, holding flutes of creamy champagne. A myriad of small, low lights highlighted silver tinsel and the shiny black dance floor. I held a glass of red punch and watched the birthday girl in contentment. Soon it would be my birthday, and it would be nothing like this party. My dad was planning on making a huge fuss over me, as usual. I secretly wished I could never be the center of attention again. I just didn't find it fun.
Now that people were done singing happy birthday, and since the birthday girl had finally gotten all of her candles under control, the music started back up. It was a sassy, girly song, like most on the play list tonight. The birthday girl's favorites.
I'm in like with you Not in love with you quite yet My heart's beginning to Slightly overrule my head
One of my friends from the agency began talking to me. She was sweet, and I liked her. I felt kind of apathetic about her friendship, though, and right now, I just wished she would leave me alone. I preferred to be alone often. It made me feel…less alone. Nick's company was the only that I really connected with. Though I knew I didn't need to, I still felt guilty about that sometimes. Nick and I had been dating, I guess, these past three, almost four, years. Granted, it wasn't very much like a normal relationship. We were much more friends than we were romantic. Of course, I knew that Nick had feelings for me, I had begun to develop them for him, again. But it was too fast for me. Terry was still just as real to me as on the days when we had been together. Well, my memory of what he looked like and felt like had begun to fade, but the feelings I had for him back then were just as strong… I had to let Terry go.
Oh no, oh no My self control It won't hold up for very long Oh no, oh no You touch my soul I can't help falling too fast for you
My girlfriend eventually wandered away, unfazed by my usual polite and aloof conversation. There really was no one like Nick. He had been patient with me all these years. Not pushing himself on me…we still hadn't even kissed. I had to smile to myself, recalling that Terry hadn't been that patient. But it felt disloyal. I had loved Terry all my life, and it's not like we broke up. I knew I couldn't hold on to him forever, and I didn't want to. I wanted to have a normal life again. A normal life with Nick. I was done wishing for what couldn't be. Yet I didn't want to move ahead with Nick before my feelings for Terry were gone. I wanted to be fair to Nick. I didn't want our love to be tainted by a love for someone else. Can you hold on a bit Stop before we go 'cause I might need a moment And I wouldn't wanna spoil it
I didn't feel uncomfortable standing there myself, even though everyone else was talking or dancing. I liked to stand still and wait. I had grown comfortable with silence and aloneless. In a way, it had become an asset. I had become more comfortable with myself. Or I had just stopped caring about awkwardness or difficulty… My eyes caught Nick's and I smiled. He smiled back, raising his cup to me from across the room. He knew how to give me space, and he knew how to be there. He deserved someone who came alive in his arms. I didn't know if I would ever come alive again. But I wanted to. Who knows if I am ready or not Only time will tell Who knows if we are ready to make this something Who knows
After we looked at each other happily for a few moments, he made his way over. He looked amazing in all black, with his casual black linen jacket moving gracefully with his manly limbs.
"You look beautiful," he said warmly, and I felt pleased. I brushed one hand down my simple black dress. I wore eclectic, tribal jewelry given to me by Nick from his last trip. I liked the weight of it on my neck and wrists. Giving him a genuine smile, I spoke the truth. "I feel happy around you, Nick."
Maybe this is love But I haven't fallen in quite yet
His brown eyes lightened. Some of the seriousness lifted. I knew that he saw it as his purpose in life, and I told him every chance that I got. I wanted us both to believe that I was getting better. And I think I was. My heart felt open to him, but I wasn't sure in my mind if it was okay.
"Dance with me?" He offered, with no pressure. Oh no, oh no My self control It won't hold up for very long Oh no, oh no You touch my soul I can't help falling too fast for you
I longed for it like an alcoholic longs to drink. I wanted the release of being in his arms, of being held. I wanted to move around the floor, close to his body. To feel cared for. "Perhaps on a different song," I recommended, gently. My mood didn't match the singer's apparent confidence, even in her uncertainty. I needed something more easy on me to be able to interact with it.
Can you hold on a bit Stop before we go 'cause I might need a moment And I wouldn't wanna spoil it
"Of course, you just let me know," he said, not too seriously.
"Would you like to walk out onto the balcony?" I suggested, never liking to deny him.
"Gladly!" We strolled out onto the patio and enjoyed the fresh air whipping in gusts around us. I touched my undyed hair. I kept myself looking very nice, but I just didn't feel the need to express myself anymore. Nick was leaning on the railing, looking out across the grounds. I was so grateful for his lack of expectancy, but still, I wanted to give him something.
"Hey Nick?" Who knows if I am ready or not Only time will tell Who knows if we are ready to make this something Who knows Who knows
"Yes?" He turned casually and looked at me.
I smiled and leaned down next to him on the railing, holding my cup over the edge, my wrists crossed. "You're wonderful."
"I know," he responded, not with pride. He was used to me saying this sort of thing. It no longer got his hopes up. Can you hold on a bit Stop before we go 'cause I might need a moment And I wouldn't wanna spoil it
Shrieks of laughter sounded from inside as all the girls got on the dance floor and danced together…always producing funny results. I smiled quietly and looked down at my hands. Who knows if I am ready or not Only time will tell Who knows if we are ready to make this something
This was my life now. Nick finished the last sip from his glass and reached for mine, downing it.
"Heyyyyy," I laughed.
"I was thirsty," he shrugged.
I glanced away, too quickly. Who knows if I am ready or not Only time will tell Who knows if we are ready to make this something Who knows
Knowing, as he always knew, when he did something that reminded me of Terry, he gently placed a hand on my shoulder before leaving to throw the cups away. He returned and waited patiently by my side. He made some small talk, about upcoming missions, and made me laugh (which was the whole point) but then he fell silent. Who knows Maybe, maybe not Who knows Maybe, maybe not Who knows Maybe I will, maybe I won't Who knows
I watched the fireflies by the lake, enjoying the peace that cocooned me. Nick's hand reached out and slid in between mine, curling around one. We stood like that for a long time, holding hands, and watching the sparkling in the grass.