xxPUDDxx - its okay, i had the exam hell last month, i understand how bad it is! good luck with them!
112 Dougies POV
As Fletch waffled on about 'getting back into the music business with a bang' as he put it, I ran a hand through Harrys hair, subtly checking for injury. Luckily, he let me, just continued to sit on his stool and squeeze my hip, telling me he was fine silently. "so, none of you have any ideas at all for a new single?" Fletch sighed, giving up all a withering look, "Tom, your usually good with this, can you think of a song that would be good?" he turned to the quiet blonde, who was the only one who was paying any attention. "I, er, no. I'm getting a drink." Tom quickly answered and fled from the room, I think it was apparent to us all that he wasn't getting a drink. He had been looking a little panicky and emotional before he left, I could only hope he had gone to another room to calm himself down, and not running away.
"I better go follow him, so he doesn't get lost." Danny sighed, slowly shuffling towards the door with a pain filled whimper. I could tell his little talk with Tom hadn't gone so well, and now he was suffering on the inside. "no need Danny, I've got a guard to follow him round, we all know he won't get 'lost' by accident, don't we?" Fletch stopped him, confusing the three of us. "but, I thought you trusted Tom?" Danny asked, falling onto the sofa, on the exact spot Tom had sat on. "I'm not stupid boys, I don't 100% trust Tom yet. I know you locked him into his house, as he couldn't get out today or yesterday. I've organised to have a guard looking out for him whenever we go out, just in case. He's been given strict orders to keep Tom from running off at all costs." Fletch smiled, and I could feel us all relax, at least that one thing we wouldn't have to worry about.
The sound of footsteps alerted us to stop talking about that subject, and soon a guard pulled Tom in, holding onto his shoulder tightly. The guard was tall, and muscular, with short, spiked, brownish blonde hair, and blue eyes. "found him sitting by the door sir, thought you would want him back." His voice was slightly accented, American, I think. "thank you Paul. Right, guys, this is Paul, he is going to be keeping an eye on you when we go out, along with our usual guards." Fletch explained, giving us that look that meant 'this is Toms guard'. To be honest, Tom didn't look all too happy about having Pauls hand on him, or having him drag him places either. "we'll be fine from here Paul, you can go now." Fletch prompted after a few minutes, Paul let go, nodded to us, and walked out, though I suspected he wasn't going to be that far away.
"got your drink then Tom?" Fletch questioned, crossing his arms and putting on that face that really did say 'try and lie to me'. "yeah, I got my drink. Any decisions been made yet?" Tom snapped from annoyance back to happy go lucky again, how he did it I would never know. "no, we're still going though debates. Looks like we need a brand new song, have any?" Fletch sighed, he was the only one who was actually managing to talk to Tom, the rest of us still a bit too freaked out about his sudden personality changes to even try.
113 Toms POV
Eventually, we decided to try and finish up a few of the songs me and Danny had written recently, and see what one would be best to use. Then, we were luckily sent home, Paul ended up in the minivan with us too, sitting by the door and keeping a watchful eye on me constantly. I had felt all the guards keeping an eye on me when I had 'gone to get a drink' (more like sat in the toilet, pulling myself together, so I didn't panic). I had wanted to panic because Fletch had turned to me to give him an answer on what song to use. I couldn't make that decision, I would get it wrong, and we would never regain any of our credibility, or our fans. It would be impossible to forgive myself if that ever happened, so it was best if I just stayed out of it.
Behind me, I could hear Danny talking to Harry and Dougie about the new single, and getting back to work, they sounded so excited, so happy, it warmed my heart up a little. I had made the right choice, for once, I had made the right choice. Though, I did noticed that I wasn't being included in this conversation, I hadn't been included in any all day, apart from when Danny had tried to be nice earlier, now he seemed to have given up too. Fletch was the only one who spoke to me kindly, like I mattered, Paul had just growled at me and everyone else pretended like I wasn't even there. To them, I seemed invisible, and it hurt. It hurt a lot to know that they had just given up trying, though I couldn't really blame them. I had an inability to make good, nice conversation, or decisions, or anything really. Maybe it was best to ignore me.
"home! Right, we're going back to ours for a bit, what are you two doing?" Harry asked, finally looking at me. I just shrugged, I was probably going to sit in my thoroughly locked house and wallow in my own self misery, or try and make a happy song. Doing that was going to be near impossible, but I would try, not sure if it would actually work or not. "I'm going to do some song writing. We need a new song anyway." Danny sighed, waiting for Paul to open to door, then getting out, practically running into his house. I followed suit, whimpering loudly as Paul sent me a glare, before running into my house and slamming the door. He hadn't known me for more than a few hours and he already hated me. He just glared at me constantly, warning me to not provoke him. I had seen that look 100 times before, the look of hate, the look that clearly said 'step a toe out of line and you will be sorry'. We had never had any mean guards like this before, why did I all of a sudden have one who seemed to hate me already?
I jumped with a scream when the door knocked so suddenly it shattered my thoughts completely. Slowly, I opened the door a few inches and peered round, seeing Harry and Dougie. "hey, do you wanna come round ours? Maybe watch a film or something? We've neglected you for a while." Dougie asked, that guilty look he always had when he realised he had done something wrong filling his face. "n-no, I'm fine." I shook my head, knowing they really didn't want me in their house, wasting space. "you sure? Cause you can if you want, we'll make a night of it, get Dan round as well and have a sleepover type thing. Just like old times." Harry encouraged, I shook my head again. They felt guilty for ignoring me earlier and felt sorry for me because I was in the house on my own. I was fine, really, I was. I liked being on my own, I liked to be alone with my (dark, horrible, self depreciating but true) thoughts. "really, I'm fine. Go have fun yourselves, I'm going to head to bed anyway. I'll be fine." Even I surprised myself with such a long response, but I had to get used to it, I couldn't do a Dougie and give 1 word answers. It was fine for him to do it, he was the shy, cute one, who could get away with it. I was the 'leader' of this group, the sensible one, who knew the ins and outs of everything going on, I had to be more responsive.
"alright then, we'll leave the door unlocked, so just come round if you change your mind. The doors always open mate." Dougie sighed, turning to leave. I closed the door, counted the footsteps walking away, and cried. I wanted to go round, I wanted to spend time with the people I loved the most, I wanted to be happy. But if I was happy, no-one else was, which wasn't fair, I had to suffer to let them be happy, and it stung. I hated it, I hated feeling like this, I hated being in this life, I hated being me. I couldn't stand being me anymore, I hated me, I had to change myself, improve myself, make myself worthwhile of being here.