Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Cindi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy", and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Though I am probably the first person to put those 4 things in the same story…
A/N: I won't post these at the beginning any more. But HERE YOU GO! Sorry for the long wait! 2 years is ridiculous, even for me! Thanks to Teufel1987 for betaing for me! So without further ado...
The Grand Finale
Harry marched across the atrium of the Ministry of Magic. His gait was quick due to the stares and whispers of the few people in the room. He had decided to go to work early due to another Skeeter article about him in the Prophet that morning. He knew it was going to cause a ruckus and he didn't want to deal with the large crowd of people that was usually in the Ministry at his usual time.
He jumped in the lift as the doors were closing and poked the number of his floor. The stony look on his face kept the other occupants of the lift silent on their way up. When he reached his floor he had taken no more than five steps onto the level before he heard his name called out.
"Potter, my office, now!" called Robards from across the room. Harry sighed. Marco Toselli, a senior Auror that disliked him, snorted under his breath as Harry walked past his desk. Ellen and Marie, the other two Aurors that were on duty gave him sympathetic looks but kept silent, working on their shift end reports.
Harry entered Robards' office and shut the door with an audible click.
"Have a seat," his boss said ominously. Harry sat and waited for several agonizingly long seconds until his boss threw the newspaper onto the desk in front of Harry. Still nothing was said. Another thirty seconds went by in silence as Harry tried to keep all emotion from his face.
The article was about the situation that had happened in Diagon Alley the day before with the kid who mouthed off to Ginny and tried to steal Weasley Wheezes merchandise. Skeeter had made him out to be an Auror trainee that was hopped up on power and lording it over the 'common folk'. She'd also made the situation seem as if he were trying to parent or punish other people's children and by having "The Great Harry Potter" shame young, impressionable children. It was also highlighted in the article that he was clearly abusing his Auror status, which had been handed to him on a platter, reminding everyone that he had gotten the job without any NEWTs.
It was a fairly harsh article but at first Harry didn't think much of it. It was just Skeeter up to her old shenanigans. He would have simply shrugged it off until Hermione had pointed out that not only did Skeeter make Harry look bad, again, but it would reflect badly on the Auror department and George's shop. Both of which was not something he should ignore.
So before leaving the house, Harry sent a letter to the Prophet demanding a retraction. His arrival at the Ministry showed him there were at least a few people that had not liked the image of him that had been painted. Several people stared at him warily, while one person rolled their eyes at him and scoffed. Luckily, he'd come into the office early enough that there were very few people in the atrium at that time.
"'Are the Auror Corps so desperately in need of new recruits,'" Robards began reading, "'That they need a child who hasn't finished school and has no NEWT scores to prove that he is capable of this once prestigious job? Is the fact that he was handed a job,where most people can't even get past the application process, going to his head and making him arrogant? Is Harry Potter being allowed by his superiors to abuse his position just because he was The Chosen One?'" Robards finished. He looked up at Harry with a deep frown and stared, waiting for Harry to say something.
"I already sent the paper a letter demanding a retraction, sir," he simply said.
"Good start," Robards sighed. "Why don't you tell me exactly what happened."
Harry spent the next few minutes explaining the prank on George and the sale, how he'd caught the kid about to steal from the shop and verbally assaulting the clerk behind the counter, and how he'd handled the kid.
"The whole situation took only a few minutes and was done. It was not some big spectacle in the streets like Skeeter made it out to be. I wasn't screaming, though I did tell the kid he was banned from the store. I did have to restrain him from punching me, but I was in the mother's sight when this happened, and all I did was stop his fist mid-punch and held it there a few seconds until the mother came over. My wand certainly never left my holster and there were absolutely no spells cast on anyone. In fact, if the kid showed up tomorrow at the shop, there's nothing actually stopping him from entering and buying something. It was an empty threat," Harry explained.
"Are there any witnesses?" asked Robards.
"The mother of the boy, Ginny and Ron Weasley, the other girl working, Verity, and maybe a few people on the street. But I have no names for anyone but the Weasleys and shop worker," Harry replied with a shrug.
"Very well," said the older man. He then spent the next five minutes reaming Harry out for getting bad press for the Auror Corps and the DMLE. Harry tried to explain that he couldn't do anything about Rita Skeeter and Robards simply said, "Find a lawyer and sue her arse for slander or libel, something… anything if you have to. Demand that she not be allowed to write about you. I don't care what you do, but deal with it as soon as possible. Any more bad press and you're getting suspended for a week with no pay. Got it?"
Harry sighed.
"Yes, sir," he replied solemnly.
"Now get to your training," Robards said. Harry stood up and exited the office. He still had a half an hour before training would start so he found a seat in the office to wait.
"Wow, you're still able to sit. I would have thought Robards would have chewed your arse so bad you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week!" said Ellen Hardcastle. She had a wide, lopsided grin on her small, pixyish face. Ellen was in her mid-twenties and had gone underground during the war, due to her Muggle Born status. She'd only been an Auror for four years before Dumbledore died, but it had an effect on her. Those few years leading up to the war were some of the worst years anyone had seen in at least a decade and it had caused her to harden herself against the brutality of it all. She was one of the younger Aurors in the office, but by far one of the more ruthless. The only other Auror worse that her was Marco.
"I seriously don't know what I'm going to do about Skeeter," Harry replied shaking his head."She's like the most irritating thorn in my side ever. Beside ol' Tommy at least."
"Did you 'ear she's coming out wiz a new biography about zomeone?" Marie asked. Ellen glanced up from her report with wide eyes.
"Really?" she asked scornfully. Marie nodded while Harry rolled his eyes. He never was a fan of gossip. Marie however was very fond of the whole business. If someone had a secret, Marie was usually sniffing around. It was probably the reason she was so good at undercover missions. Unfortunately, because of her French accent, she wasn't sent out undercover very often.
"Who's the unfortunate bastard she's going to ruin this time?" he asked with a scoff.
"No one knows. Ze publishers are being very 'ush,'ush about it all. My guess eez that it's Voldemor'," Marie said.
"You really think she's write a biography about Voldemort?" Ellen asked. She thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. "It would certainly make a shit ton of money," she said.
"Or it would completely flop," Harry replied."People are still too afraid of saying his name, heaven forbid they have an entire book about him in their households. Unless she writes You-Know-Who or He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named every time she has to refer to him," he added with a grin.
"Holy hyphens batman. I shudder at the thought," Ellen replied with a laugh. Harry barked out a laugh as well, while Marie just gave them both strange looks.
"Well, as long as it isn't about me, I don't really care," Harry said as he rubbed his face. He could tell it was going to be a long day.
"So how was your shifts last night?" he asked the girls.
"Mon dieu! It was 'orrible!" Marie replied with wide, horrified eyes.
"Yep. Absolutely, terrifyingly, bloody awful," Ellen reiterated with a shudder. To Harry's questioning look, she lowered her voice and explained.
"You know we aren't supposed to fill in you newbies with current cases, but…this is getting ridiculous. So far in the last two months three more children have gone missing. As always, none of the cases are related, or at least if they are we haven't found the relation yet. But last night…it was just…" She paused to bite her lip and glance around the room.
"A young woman, pregnant, about two weeks short of her due date was murdered," she whispered.
Harry gasped. He couldn't imagine what that woman's family must be going through. "That's…that's…" he stammered. Ellen nodded while Marie swiped her misting eyes.
"It gets worse," Marie said with a sniffle.
"The baby was…taken," Ellen said slowly. "Cut from the mother's body."
Harry's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "What? Who the hell would do something like that?!" he exclaimed. Ellen flapped her hands while she shushed him quickly.
"We aren't sure. We're assuming ze child is still alive, because…well, 'oo would do zat to a person and zen kill ze baby? But since we're assuming ze baby eez still living, zen that makes four missing children in three months," said Marie quietly.
"There were not many clues left at the scene. Actually, we're thinking it was a portkeyed body dump. There was a—" Ellen stopped when a hand landed on her shoulder. The three looked up at Marco who was glaring at Harry.
"Hardcastle, you know rookies aren't to be briefed on current investigations. If I catch you doing it again, you'll be written up. You and the rookie." He gave her a menacing glare and she briefly rolled her eyes in response."Potter, you know the rules. Now get to class and maybe these two could attempt to finish their reports before their next shift begins this evening," Marco said as he released Ellen's shoulder from his grip. Marie nodded quickly and turned back to her desk where she took up a quill and bent over the parchment in front of her. Ellen shook her head as she gave Harry an apologetic shrug.
"Sorry, mate," she said softly. He gave her a quick half smile and shrugged back before standing up and stretching. A trip to the loo before class was in order.
"See you later, ladies," he said waving at them both. They both waved their quills at him in a silent gesture of goodbye as he walked away feeling deeply troubled.
When lunch time rolled around, Harry was getting fed up with his fellow trainees teasing him about being yelled at. Harry was sure Marco was the one who had told everyone about Harry's 'meeting' with Robards that morning. For some reason the older Auror disliked Harry. Marco was the afternoon instructor and taught most of the physical aspects of duelling and hand to hand combat. He reminded Harry of an army drill sergeant from old movies he'd watched at Mrs. Figg's house. He'd also been a Hit Wizard years before he became an Auror. He was the closest thing to being Mad-Eye Moody's best friend, though neither wizard would ever have admitted to having a 'best friend'.
The day Harry had come home as one giant bruise, was because of Marco's insistence of using Harry for every demo and using full strength spells on the younger man. Needless to say, Harry wouldn't put it past Marco to tell everyone about the Golden Boy being yelled at.
So for lunch time, Harry decided against going with the other trainees to the Staff Canteen and simply found a secluded corner of the office with an empty desk and called Kreacher to him. Kreacher brought him a couple sandwiches and a crisp Butterbeer for lunch which Harry truly enjoyed. As he guzzled the last few mouthfuls of the golden liquid, a paper airplane memo flew across the room to him. He opened it and read the one line.
Mr. Harry Potter has mail in his employee post box.
Harry was slightly baffled by this. He'd never really received post in his employee post box. Fan mail sent to the Ministry for Harry, was forwarded to his home once it was searched and scanned, and if another Ministry worker needed him they simply sent him a flying memo.
He stood up and left the office quickly and headed down to the mail office on the second level of the building. He opened his box and found a single letter. He pulled it out and scanned it quickly before closing the box and heading back to the lift. Once he arrived back at the empty desk he opened the letter and saw it was from the Prophet.
Dear Mr. Potter,
We are sorry to inform you that a retraction cannot be made without further proof that the incident in question was falsely reported. If you would consent to an interview, a second article can be printed with your side of the story. Please reply back soon with your decision.
Regards,
Barnabas Cuffe
Editor in Chief
Daily Prophet
Harry groaned and balled the note up in his fist. He just knew the reporter they'd have interview him. He wasn't sure what to do at this point so he decided to visit Arthur. As he headed down to the older man's new office, he passed several other Ministry employees who gave him looks ranging from happy hellos, to confused gazes, and one particularly angry woman gave him a very hostile stare. He jumped in the lift once more and found himself face to face with Arthur.
"Harry! What a pleasant surprise. How are you today?" he asked.
"Actually, Arthur, could we have a chat in your office possibly? I need some advice," Harry replied softly. The balding red head nodded sagely and the two exited the lift on Arthur's level.
Once the door to his office clicked shut, Harry sighed deeply and flopped into the extra chair. Arthur's new office was substantially larger than his last one in the Misuse department.
"So Harry, what can I help you with, my boy?" Arthur asked with a soft smile. Harry sighed.
"Did you read the Prophet this morning, sir?" he asked. Arthur nodded. "I just don't know what to do about Skeeter!" Harry burst out. "If she keeps writing bad things about me, people are going to turn on me again. I've already gotten those looks again today, not to mention Robards chewed my arse as soon as I got here this morning. Just now I got this letter saying that they won't post a retraction unless I do an interview for them! I can only assume that they're going to insist it be with Skeeter herself, the mad cow. I'm just so frustrated!
"George sent me a letter this morning saying I should do something because he's going to get bad press for the shop and Hermione pointed out that if I didn't do something it would all backfire and just keep getting worse! Robards told me that if I get the Auror Corps any more bad press I would be suspended with no pay for a week!" Harry stopped talking only to realize that at some point he'd stood up and begun pacing. He turned to face his surrogate father.
"Arthur, what should I do?" he asked. With his arms up and his fingers tangled in his hair he looked quite distressed to the older man.
Arthur sighed and smiled. "Harry, take a seat, and a deep breath. Did you bring the letter from the Prophet with you?" Harry nodded and handed the crumpled parchment over the desk. He read the short missive and sat silently for a moment.
"Harry, they never said or implied that the interview had to be with Skeeter. You could spin this in your favour and tell them in your reply that you will consent to an interview but only with a reporter of your choice," Arthur finished.
"But I don't know any other reporters," Harry said. Suddenly he perked up. "No, wait…actually I do know one."
Harry explained that several days before he'd met a young reporter from Witch Weekly, Wanda Ellington. She's mentioned that she had several reporter friends who disliked Rita Skeeter as well.
"I know she works for Witch Weekly, but maybe she could interview me," Harry said hopefully.
"That sounds like a good plan. Now, Harry," Arthur paused. "There's one other thing I would like to suggest. I'm not sure if anyone has ever suggested this to you in the past, but you may want to get a publicist."
Harry sat silently waiting for Arthur to smile and say he was joking. When the older man stayed silent, Harry realized he was serious.
"A publicist?" he chuckled lightly."Really? Wouldn't that be a little…ridiculous?" Harry asked.
"Actually, no. In your case, Harry I think it would be incredibly beneficial. A publicist works to get you the best media coverage possible. They help deal with negative press, deal with interview requests, and even sometimes deal with legal issues like finding a lawyer, or setting up meetings for you. I considered mentioning it to you in your fifth year when you were getting all those articles written about you, but then the incident with the snake happened and it completely slipped my mind. By the time I remembered, you were in your sixth year and weren't dealing with all that nonsense anymore. Another positive thing about having a publicist would be that media outlets would be forced to have to work with whoever you hire. As long as you stay out of trouble, no more bad press," Arthur finished.
Harry considered it for a moment, but the idea seemed a little too like Lockhart for his comfort.
"I'll think about it, Arthur," Harry said with a frown.
"I made a list of some publicists I've heard about. These are their names and owl addresses. If you do decide to hire someone, interview them all and only hire the one you feel most comfortable with," Arthur handed him a slip of parchment that had three names on it and Harry folded it before putting it in his pocket.
"I best be getting back to training, thank you Arthur. I'm going to send a quick owl to Ms. Ellington though. See you later tonight," Harry said as he stood up. Arthur said goodbye and the two went their separate ways.
Harry ran down to the owlry and grabbed a piece of parchment and a Self-Inking Quill from the stack of spare writing supplies.
Dear Ms. Ellington,
I hope you don't mind me asking you this, but I'm having a bit of a dilemma. Could we possibly meet at the Leaky Cauldron this afternoon around 4:30? I need some advice and you are the only one I know who might be able to help you're unable to meet at that time, please let me know of a more convenient time for you.
Regards,
Harry Potter
Harry sent the note off with a Ministry Owl before running back to class. He barely made it in time, thankfully, as the afternoon classes were being covered by Marco and Harry didn't want to anger the brutish older man again.
As soon as training was over for the day, Harry jumped up and bolted out of the door. The three and a half hours he'd had to spend sitting in a room with Marco making snide comments about Harry and how he wondered if Wonder Boy was up to being a real Auror or just in it for the extra fame he'd receive, had grated on Harry's nerves. He was lucky he'd held his temper in check for the whole afternoon. A few years earlier and he'd have probably screwed over his career by blowing up at his superior. He still felt like he may have burst a blood vessel or two holding in his retorts all afternoon.
He knew what Marco's problem was. Marco was obviously one of the few people who thought Harry didn't deserve to be an Auror and had the job handed to him on a silver platter. His opinion was that since everyone else had to get their NEWTs and pass the extensive training process, Harry should have had to also. Harry wasn't going to begrudge the old man his views; he just wished Marco would back off a little bit.
Luckily, Harry's anger at the article and being singled out helped him during their combat drills when Marco, once again, picked Harry as target practice. Harry's spells were stronger and had a more solid, visible effect when they struck the targets, his shields were almost impenetrable, and he refused to let anyone to win during the hand to hand sparring matches. Marco may not have complimented Harry as the lesson ended, but his silence on the matter gave Harry a brief moment of pride.
As Harry headed down the hall to the locker rooms a memo flew up to him giving him the same message he'd received at lunch. He had post in his mail box. Harry quickly changed into his street clothes and locked his storage unit before running down to the second level. He pulled another letter out of his box and opened it to read right there.
Mr. Potter,
I will be at the Leaky Cauldron at 4:30 today. I look forward to meeting with you.
Wanda Ellington
Witch Weekly
Harry, smiling at something finally going right for the day, slipped the note into his pocket and shut his box before heading to the Atrium. He decided to travel via Floo to the Cauldron and arrived fifteen minutes early. Tom directed him to a private room in the back where Harry spent the next several minutes spelling the room to prevent an Animagus from eavesdropping. When Wanda arrived, the two ordered Butterbeers from Tom and they sat down to chat.
"So Harry, I'm going to assume this meeting has something to do with the article dearest Rita wrote about you this morning?" Wanda asked. Harry rolled his eyes.
"Yes. The dung beetle has struck once again. Only this time it's having more of a reaction amongst the public. My boss berated me for getting such bad press and threatened to suspend me if I get any more negative stuff written about me and the Aurors. Not to mention that bloody Quick-Quotes Quill has gotten a little to eccentric and has embellished a bit too much.
"Half of what was in that rag wasn't even true. I'm half considering suing them for writing lies. I should, I just don't want to deal with a lawsuit. So I asked them to print a retraction and they sent me this," he said as he handed her the letter.
As she read her eyebrows rose higher and higher. "Hmm," she mumbled as she re-read the letter again. "Are you asking me to do the interview, Harry? Because, unfortunately, I can't write for the Prophet."
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, his stomach dropping.
"Well, I currently have a contract with Witch Weekly," she explained. "They pay me very well to write exclusively for them and if I were to publish something elsewhere they could drop me and I'd lose my job." Harry sighed. "I could however give you the name of someone I know and respect who does work for the Prophet," she added with a smirk.
"Really? That would be awesome," Harry said with an excited smile.
"Well, I trust him completely, but there is one downside," Wanda said with a laugh. Harry held his breath. "He'll probably want a signed photo of you. He likes to collect autographs of famous people." Harry breathed. He could do that. Anything to get the Prophet to retract what they published. She gave him the contact information for a Lonnie Sidner.
Once they were finished with business, the two sat and talked for a short while getting to know one another.
"You know, I mentioned to Ginny that I had met you and she told me she loves your column," Harry said before sipping his Butterbeer.
"Is that so? Does that mean that you both would consent to an interview with me?" she replied with a smirk.
"Well," Harry chuckled. "I'll run it by Ginny, but I don't really think there is much to tell about our relationship at the moment. So, we'll see."
She snapped her fingers and muttered, "Shucks," before laughing loudly.
Once they'd both finished their drinks they parted ways. Harry thanked her for the other reporter's name before saying goodbye. He was excited to get to the Burrow for the Prank War Finale feast as James had started calling it. He Apparated home to change his clothes and then practically ran to the kitchen to Floo to the Weasley's home.
When he arrived he found Molly, Lily, Andromeda, and Fleur in the kitchen working on supper. Lily was up to her elbows in dough so she simply waved hello to him, but Molly, who was working on dicing carrots, turned and gave him a tight hug. Harry hugged back as he said hello to the others in the room. He kept quiet about how her wand was painfully poking him in the back of the neck.
"Hello, Harry dear. The other kids are outside, why don't you head on out there now. Dinner won't be for another hour or so," Molly said as she smoothed his hair down. He smiled and looked at Andromeda.
"Where's Teddy?" he asked.
"Upstairs," she said with a smile. "Napping on Ginny's bed. He'll be up soon I think. I'll let you know when you can come in and see him." Harry nodded and as he passed his mum, he gave her a quick one sided hug hello.
He headed towards the door and bumped into Arthur, who was attempting to levitate a snack towards him from around the corner. Harry laughed silently once he was outside as soon as he heard Molly shouting at her husband about waiting like a grown man for his supper.
He walked over to the group of his team mates and sat down in the circle between Ginny and Ron. She instantly grabbed his hand and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. In the centre of their circle was a book and a Muggle-style notebook he recognized as their groups prank notebook.
"So, what are you guys planning?" he asked.
"Well, we still aren't being allowed to see the scoreboard, but from our personal tally we're tied eleven to eleven. I figure the War isn't over until the Board is revealed so we still have time to rack up a few more scores. We have to assume that the other team will do the same, so I've devised a plan," George said deviously.
Harry remembered that only a few weeks before his birthday, George had been fairly melancholy still. It was surprising what a few weeks could do for a person. George was almost acting like his old self again, planning pranks, making mischief, and wreaking general mayhem. Harry was incredibly happy to see that glint his friends eye once more that meant that someone, somewhere should be very worried. He was also exceptionally happy that look wasn't directed towards him.
George sat and explained what he wanted them to do to Arthur's shed. For several long minutes they brainstormed different bad smelling liquids. Because they could only come up with a mediocre sized list, they decided that good smelling liquids would be okay as well.
"I still think you're being unfair to dad. He could have banned you yesterday from finishing the competition. Pranking him is the last thing you should be doing," Ginny said.
"Ginny. My dear, favourite sister," George started. "Don't think of it as pranking dad, think of it as pranking our competitors. If we want to win, we have to continue as if yesterday's… disagreement hadn't have happened. Tomorrow, any bad feelings will be taken care of, apologies will be made and explanations will be given. In short, tomorrow is the day for a conscience. Today, however, is the day to win this war!" George said, emphasizing his point by raising his voice. "Now, dad knew what he was doing when he agreed to let me continue. He knew that by allowing me to finish this, he was still a target. He's also only been pranked only a few times and most of those were group pranks. He has to be singled out a little bit. We wouldn't want him to think we went easy on him."
Harry chuckled under his breath. George did have a point. Ginny sighed and shrugged in compliance. She rubbed the back of Harry's hand and he squeezed hers back to comfort her. They shared a quick smile before George launched into who had to do which parts of the plan. For another ten minutes the quintet planned and giggled.
They also decided on a couple of smaller easy pranks to do through the night. Harry reached over for the notebook to point out a flaw in one of the plans, but found his hand locked in Ginny's grip.
"Gin, I love holding hands with you but could you let go for just a moment?" he asked with a chuckle.
"Um, I'm not holding on. You can let go at any time, Harry," she replied. The two stared at each other and then suddenly began a tug of war, trying to pull their hands apart. It was as if their hands were glued together with a Permanent Sticking charm.
A few moments went by before George decided to try and help them. He was about to try pulling the two apart himself when Hermione reached over and tried to slap his hand away from Harry and Ginny's fist. By doing this, Hermione's hand made contact with George's and they found themselves also stuck together.
Ron stood by helplessly as Hermione attempted to spell hers and George's hands apart. After a few minutes he remembered George's confession from two nights before of once having a crush on Hermione and he grew impatient.
"Let me try," he said as he aimed his wand at their fists.
"Wait, Ron, no!" Hermione tried to stop him, but he aimed his wand anyway. George reached over to pluck Ron's wand out of his hand and their fingers brushed, locking their skin together.
"Now, look what you did!" Ron said angrily.
"She told you not to do anything, prat! How about you try and listen for once?" George responded, just as angry. "This," he waved their conjoined hands at the younger man. "Is your fault now."
"My fault!?" Ron exploded.
"Okay stop!" Harry shouted at them all. Ron, fuming, went silent. "We need to figure this out. If they don't see us like this, do you think it counts against us?" he asked.
"We can't know that until the Board is revealed," George said.
"Who do you think did this one?" Ginny asked.
"Who were you all in contact with?" asked Harry. "I only saw the mums, Fleur, and Andy in the kitchen. Though I did bump into your dad on my way out," he finished thoughtfully. "But he seemed too interested in grabbing a snack from the kitchen."
"Well, George, Ron, and I had breakfast with mum and dad this morning before he left for work. Plus, Bill, Sirius, and James were all here when we got home from the shop. The only one we haven't had contact with today has been Percy," Ginny said quickly. "And don't be fooled, dad is pretty good at seeming like he's oblivious to the world around him, but actually very aware of his surroundings."
"So, aside from Percy, it could have been anyone?" Ron said. "That's helpful," he muttered sarcastically.
"Ron, if you don't have anything productive to say, please don't act like a git right now. We're trying to figure this out calmly. Your snarky remarks aren't helping," Ginny said scathingly.
"Hermione," Harry started. She looked up from her wand, which had been weaving about their hands continuously for the last several minutes, and stared at him. "Can you figure this out? Do you recognize the spell?" he asked.
"I've never seen or heard of this spell before. But I have worked out that it is a time release spell. It will wear off, eventually, but my guess is, not until the Board is revealed. It really is well thought out," she replied. George scoffed but didn't comment.
They stood in silence for a few minutes thinking to themselves.
"Well," Harry began. "We still have four wands available. We just have to make sure we don't touch anyone else tonight."
"And occasionally try and let go. It wouldn't do well to assume that the spell is still going and sit holding hands for hours longer than we have too," Hermione pointed out.
"What if I have to use the loo?" George asked. Both his hands were being held by someone.
No one spoke for a few moments. "I really…don't know, George," Harry said with an apologetic shrug. "Hold it I guess?"
"Damn right you're going to hold it," Ron muttered. George glared at him while Hermione turned pink.
At that moment, Harry heard someone calling for him from the house. He and Ginny shared a look and they both stood up.
"Look, you guys go do the shed spells quickly while we go inside. Try not to kill each other, please?" said Harry.
He and Ginny walked back to the house in silence. When they entered Harry saw Andromeda holding Teddy and the little boy, still slightly sleepy, saw Harry and held out his arms to be picked up. Harry briefly considered that the baby could get stuck to him if they touched, but figured if he did, the original caster of the spell might have to undo it to remove Teddy eventually.
"Hey there bug!" he said as he stepped up to Andromeda."How was your nap? Did you sleep well in your Auntie Ginny's bed? Come here, little man," Harry said with a warm smile. Andromeda placed the baby in Harry's arm, giving him a strange look for dragging Ginny across the room by her hand. Harry struggled to hold the wiggly baby, even pulling his and Ginny's joined fist up to try and use it to readjust the baby.
Teddy squirmed suddenly and Harry nearly dropped the boy. Ginny and Harry both gasped.
"Harry, let go of Ginny and hold him properly," Andromeda said with a frown.
"I can't let go of Ginny. Our hands are spelled together. Here, take him so I don't drop him," Harry said stiffly. They sat and made funny faces and silly noises with Teddy for several minutes but because Teddy was still sleepy after his nap and would only giggle a couple times. They were soon bored with trying to entertain the child so Ginny suggested they head back outside to find their team mates.
George, Ron, and Hermione were standing on the far side of the shed, next to the small open window. Ron and Hermione were standing with their wands inside the window, while George gave them both ideas. As Ginny and Harry walked up next to the group, they could see a floating list in front of George of all the scents they'd already used. They watched for several minutes, Ginny giving an idea here and there while Harry tried to come up with a scent that hadn't been used yet.
"Nail polish remover," he said suddenly. Hermione giggled.
"How would you know what that smells like, Harry?" she asked as she created another bubble.
"Aunt Petunia," was the simple reply.
"Oh! Cat wee!" Ginny said. She started giggling.
"For someone who didn't think this was a good idea, you sure have given us some potent smells," George said with a chuckle.
"I didn't say it was a bad idea. Just that I didn't think we should do it to dad. But considering this whole hand holding thing was probably dad, I've changed my mind," she said wryly.
They spent another ten minutes creating new scents, the worst of the bunch being rotted cabbage juice and the cat urine. Harry double checked the trigger spell on the door before they all walked back to the tree they had been sitting under. They chatted about Harry's negative publicity for a short while and his plan to do an interview. They all laughed at the idea of Harry doing an interview with Wanda about his and Ginny's relationship.
The conversation turned darker when he told them of the woman who'd been murdered the night before.
"I have a bad feeling about this, you guys. Ellen mentioned that we have three missing children cases from the last couple months as well, though none of them have any commonalities that have been found. And it absolutely sucks that I can't learn anything about these cases because I'm just a bloody rookie," Harry finished as he ripped a handful of grass out of the ground.
When they saw the men coming outside with the tables a couple minutes later, Ginny jumped up, almost ripping Harry's arm out of its socket and pulled him quickly across the lawn.
"I want to do Table Wars!" she said loudly. Bill grinned.
"You're on, firecracker! Pick a table, any table," he replied. Everyone gathered around to watch Ginny's first time directing a table in the family's most favourite tradition. She surprised everyone by lasting a good ten minutes against her oldest sibling, and the co-creator of the Table Wars, and finally beating him by knocking his table into the field across the yard.
"YES!" she cried as Bill swore. He gave his little sister an impressed look.
"You know, Ginny, you are the first one to beat me on their first try," he said. She beamed at him and swung her and Harry's arms back and forth happily. Hermione, Ron, and George all came over to congratulate Ginny on her win.
"Awesome job, sis," George said with a smile. Hermione simply smiled at her.
Ron, in the middle of telling Ginny how spectacular she'd been, slapped his sister on the back. When he went to pull his hand away he found it stuck to her skin.
"Ron!" she yelled as she twisted away from her brother. Unfortunately, this only served to pull Ron, and in extension George and Hermione, towards her. "Ow!" she cried.
"Well, don't bloody well try pulling away like that!" Ron said.
"Why'd you have to slap my back? Why couldn't you just say 'Good job' like George did?" Ginny grumbled.
"Why are you complaining? You still have the use of one of your hands," Ron said grumpily.
Just then, Molly, Lily, Fleur, and Minerva, who had come for the Finale reveal, all came outside hovering platters and tureens of food and pitchers of juice, water, and Butterbeer.
Andromeda followed carrying Teddy and hovering a baby chair.
"ARGH!" Ron bellowed causing the others to jump at the sudden sound. "And now I can't eat!" Ron cried.
"Why can't you eat?" asked Bill. Everyone was taking their seats and staring at the younger team. "And why are you all holding hands?" he added.
"Obviously they were pranked," Percy said with a smile as he walked up to the tables. Everyone sat down, leaving a five person gap for Team Toddler.
"Yeah, and we would appreciate it if whoever did this prank would lift it so we can all eat, please?" Ron said dramatically.
All the adults smiled or chuckled but remained silent. Ron glared around the table at the older team.
"Fine. You can just enjoy your feast and watch us starve," he remarked. "I hope you enjoy it, cause as soon as I'm free, you will rue the day you messed with my supper."
This statement made everyone, even Ron's fellow team mates, burst out laughing. Once everyone settled down Harry, Ginny, and Hermione agreed to wait until the spell wore off and then they'd all eat.
"So, Harry did you get a hold of that reporter you mentioned earlier today?" Arthur asked from across the table. Ears perked up along the table and everyone turned to hear what he'd say.
"Yes. She said that she's contracted with Witch Weekly and can't publish anything in another publication, but she did give me the name of a friend of hers that works at the Prophet. His name is Lonnie Sidner," he replied.
"Oh! I know Lonnie, we went to school together!" Molly exclaimed. "He was in Hufflepuff, though I do think he would have done well in Slytherin as well. We get together once in a while and have tea and catch up."
"Why do you need a reporter?" asked Andromeda.
Harry explained the Prophet article from that morning that was full of lies and exaggerations and that the Prophet wouldn't print a retraction without proof that the statements made were lies. Since the people involved didn't share their names with Harry at the time, he had no way of contacting them now. So his only witnesses were Verity, who hadn't even really seen the incident, and two people who were basically family members, which meant that he had no way of proving his 'innocence.' His only other option given to him was to do an interview for them which would be printed instead of a retraction.
"It was Arthur that pointed out to me that they never specified with whom the interview would be held, so I sent a letter to Wanda Ellington. She writes the relationship column for Witch Weekly. I met her one day in the lift at work. She seemed like a decent human being so I decided to ask her for help. She met me after work at the Cauldron and gave me Lonnie's name," he finished.
"Well, Harry dear, if you'd like, you can host Lonnie here at the Burrow for an interview. He's been here before in the past so you both should feel comfortable enough," Molly offered. Harry thanked her and said he would make the offer when he wrote the letter to Lonnie.
"If he agrees to do it here, I can always poke my head in and give him my thoughts on the whole ordeal. As the owner of the shop at least," George said.
"We could both give our point of views and what we saw. I could tell him about how the kid was being a total git to me and was about to try and steal from us. You were doing your job, as an Auror and as a part owner of the shop," Ginny said with a nod of her head for emphasis.
"Thanks guys. I'm sure that will help a lot," Harry said, smiling.
Conversation continued for a while. Harry and Ginny spoke briefly about a possible interview in the future with Wanda as a thank you for helping Harry. Harry also mentioned the idea of getting a publicist.
"Actually, Harry that is a great idea! Most people with a modicum of fame get someone to help them out with these things. I'm surprised I didn't think of it before. I remember hearing Lockhart mention his publicist a few times. It really would be the smart thing to do," said Hermione.
"I don't know. It just seems like something a famous person has to do." Ron opened his mouth to comment, but Harry continued before he could speak. "AND I know that I am technically famous, but I don't feel like a famous person. Getting a publicist would be like…admitting that I need someone's help to be famous. It's just such a Lockhart thing to do," he finished.
"But Harry, you don't have to do everything alone. Having someone to help you out will prevent things like this from happening. In the end, you have more time, you don't have to worry about Rita as much, and you have the freedom to do what you want without the press jumping on your back every time you make a small mistake," Ginny said softly. "I think this might be a good idea."
"Look, I'll think about it, but I still am not comfortable with the idea of—" Harry cut off his speech when music started blaring across the lawn.
Everyone started looking around trying to figure out where the music was coming from, but before anyone could speak, Arthur stood up quickly and stepped from the ground, to his chair, and then on to the table. In a puff of smoke his outfit changed to black army boots, black leather pants, a see through mesh t-shirt, leather studded wrist bands on both wrists, and a black fedora on his head.
He took a step forward and Molly, thinking quickly, waved her wand and most of the food in front of Arthur floated off the table and out behind them all as if an invisible arm swept the table clear and it all stopped mid-air. Lily, who had started taking pictures almost immediately with the camera she brought with for the night, laughed as she caught the next several minutes as photographic evidence.
"I'm too sexy for my love. Too sexy for my love. Love's going to leave me," Arthur started singing. Everyone stared, mouths agape as Arthur strutted down the table, swinging his hips to the song, while he belted out the lyrics.
"I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt,So sexy it hurts!" he sang as he ripped the mesh shirt down the front and let it hang, exposing his chest. Molly was beet red from laughing uncontrollably.
"I am a model, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk! Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah! I do my little turn on the catwalk." Arthur walked up and down the table, sashaying his hips,waving his arms up in the air, and blowing kisses to the women around the table. As soon as the shock wore off everyone was laughing and cheering at the as the eldest Weasley made more daring moves.
"And I'm too sexy for my hat! Too sexy for my hat! What do you think about that?" he sang as he flipped the fedora off his head and plopped it onto Sirius' head. Sirius grinned and tilted the hat at an angle, leaving it on his head.
Arthur stopped in front of Minerva, who was already blushing at the gyrating dance moves Arthur had been displaying before he started thrusting his hips towards her causing her to blush even deeper.
"I'm too sexy for my cat! Too sexy for my cat! Poor pussy, poor pussy cat!" he crooned to his former professor. She was laughing hard enough to have tears pouring down her bright red cheeks.
"I am a model, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk! Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah! I shake my little tush on the catwalk," Arthur shook his bum in Molly's face to everyone's delight and Molly's surprise. Fleur giggled madly when Arthur caught her eye and winked.
"I'm too sexy for my love. Too sexy for my love. Love's going to leave me! And I'm too sexy for this song." Arthur's big finish was to suddenly kick a bowl of salad down the table as the music abruptly ended. Another puff of smoke and he was back in his standard light blue-grey robes.
He stood staring at everyone who was cheering wildly and clapping, or in the case of the five kids, waving their conjoined hands in the air or banging the table. Not sure what to do in this situation, he chuckled and gave a quick bow before stepping off the table and taking his seat once more.
Everyone sat and laughed for several minutes sharing their favourite moments of Arthur's dance with each other. George and Bill started belting out lyrics to the other's amusement.
"Hey dad, nice moves! Where'd you learn to dance like that?" George hollered.
As everyone was finally calming down, Ron asked to no one in particular, "So, who did this prank?"
No one answered, but confused looks from everyone made the question suddenly very compelling. Before anyone could really get into figuring it out, another tune started. Everyone started glancing around the table to see who the next victim was when the puff of smoke showed up at the end of the table where Hermione had once been sitting. When the smoke cleared she was standing on the table and her appearance made everyone's jaw drop.
She was wearing a metallic blue-grey dress with a fitted bodice and skinny straps. The skirt of the dress came down to her knees and had several, very colourful and bold patterned fabrics that puffed out to show each layer. A wide, black belt was at her waist, stylishly ripped neon pink fishnet tights covered her legs, and bright purple sneakers were on her feet. Her ears, neck, wrists, and ankles were festooned with so many brightly coloured bangles, baubles, chains, and coils it was hard to tell where her body was under all that eye catching madness. In addition to the bracelets and bangles on her wrists, she was wearing one bright yellow, fingerless leather glove on her right hand.
Her clothing was eye catching, but her makeup and hair were downright shocking for the normally modestly dressed girl. Her bright coloured hair was sunshine yellow in the front for her fringe and the rest of her hair was Chudley Cannon orange. It was very puffy looking and stood about six inches away from her actual skull and all of it was pulled to the left side of her head and held there with brightly coloured clothespins instead of hair clips. The right side of her head was shaved in a very short checkerboard pattern.
Her makeup consisted of bright purple, metallic lipstick with a vertical pink slash going from under her nose to the edge of her chin on the left side of her mouth. She had bright blue and pink eye shadow in a honeycomb pattern, with a blue streak going straight up through her eyebrow to her forehead on her left eye. Harsh blush lines were the final effect, giving her a sharp looking face.
Hermione's appearance was so absurd and wild that everyone forgot there was music playing for several seconds. As soon as she opened her mouth though, George, Ron, Ginny, and Harry were grinning ear to ear. A flash went off and Lily once again began taking pictures.
"I come home in the morning light. My mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones! And girls they want to have fu-un. O-oh girls just want to have fun!" Hermione sang in a high pitched nasally voice. Harry was laughing hysterically because he recognized the song lyrics. Ginny and Fleur cheered loudly at the feminine declaration.
Hermione strutted down the table. Along the way she twirled, causing her skirts to splay out showing the many various colours of her underskirts.
"The phone rings in the middle of the night, my father yells what you gonna do with your life? Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one! But girls they want to have fun!" Hermione skipped back and forth down the table, occasionally stopping in front of one of the women and repeating the 'Fun' declaration. Each time she did this, the woman in front of her loudly sang the line with her.
"Some boys take a beautiful girl, and hide her away from the rest of the world. I want to be the one to walk in the sun! Oh girls they want to have fun!" Hermione sang this line as she flung her head back, her arms up, and kicked her leg out in front of her. She landed crouched down on one knee, bounced a couple times before springing into the air and landing on both feet.
For her finale, she twirled a couple times and flailed her arms about in a wild manner singing, "Oh girls just want to have fun, They want to have fun, They want to have fun!"
She stopped in front of her seat at the table and a puff of smoke rendered her back to her original appearance. She froze and, her eyes wide, she gasped.
"Who did this to me?" she asked in shock.
"Hey! We're free!" Ron shouted as he pulled his hand from George's and the other one off Ginny's shoulder. He reached up and helped Hermione off the table giving her a hug when she was back on solid ground.
Before anyone could speak, another song began. Completely unable to stop themselves, Ron, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, and George all climbed up on the table. They stood in alternating boy-girl order. Five puffs of smoke came and gone leaving the five teens dressed in chain mail headgear withhelmets that covered their heads, noses, and necks. Silvery grey body leotards covered with white tunics that had a black chevron on the front. Each teen had a pair of silver gloves on as well, and a fake sword hanging at their hips.
A perky tune was playing in the background. No one saw James' sudden realization at what the song was and his head swivelling in someone's direction. They were too focused on the teens linking arms and forming a high kick line to the beat of the song.
"We're Knights of the Round Table, We dance when ere we're able! We do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccable," they began singing as they kicked their legs up high.
Sirius and Bill were unable to contain their glee and were clapping their hands in time to the music and throwing food at the teens seeing if they could get the timing right to have the person's foot kick the food and fling it into the air. Teddy was giggling at the sight of Harry dancing in front of him, Andromeda was having a hard time breathing she was laughing so hard.
"We dine well here in Camelot, We eat ham and jam and spam a lot!" They sang as someone kicked a whole potato down the table to land on Molly's plate. This caused Molly to start shaking even harder. She and Lily were both laughing so hard, no sound was escaping. Though Lily was still snapping photos constantly.
"We're Knights of the Round Table! Our shows are formidable. But many times, we're given rhymes, that are quite unsingable." Arthur and Percy, the two more reserved Weasley's had resorted to holding each other up while guffawing loudly.
"We're Opera mad in Camelot, We sing from the diaphragmalooooot," the group sang dragging out the word 'lot' for several seconds. They stopped kicking and Ron, Harry, and George jumped up, while Ginny and Hermione bent over. As soon as the boys landed, the girls jumped while the boys bent over. They alternated this move several times before turning and grabbing each other's waists and stomped their feet. When they turned back to face the crowed they swung their arms back and forth in time to the music and then finally went back to the kick line.
"In war we're tough and able, Quite indefatigable. Between our quests we sequin vests, And impersonate Clark Gable. It's a busy life in Camelot,"
The kick line stopped and Harry, who was standing in the middle of the five kids, stepped forward bringing his hand up to his chest.
"I have to push the pram a lot," he sang in a deep, slow voice. As soon as he finished the last line he stepped back and the five kids finished with a couple more kicks, a few spins, and some jumping. Finally, on the last note of the music, the five dropped to their knee and spread their arms wide and bowed to the audience in front of them.
They sat there on the table for several moments catching their breath and waiting for the puff that would remove the costumes.
"No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place," Lily said before laughing loudly.
"You! I know this was you! Cheater!" James said loudly, pointing at his wife.
The kids, still on the table, stood up and stared at Lily, waiting for her denial.
"Get down off the table, sit down, and I'll explain," Lily said to the kids.
So the five jumped down, still in costume and sat at the table. However, as soon as everyone sat down, the plates or bowls in front of the two groups vomited any food it contained into its user's face and lap. So now, everyone but the older women, Fleur, and Teddy were covered in various food particles and gravy. Harry, James, Percy, and Arthur all wiped the sauces off their glasses and turned to look at Lily who was no longer at the table.
They found she was standing with Molly, Andromeda, Fleur, and Minerva next to the score board. Fleur reached up and pulled the sheet off the board revealing the final scores.
Under the Toddler's team box was a big number eleven. Since Arthur had not discovered his bubble filled shed yet, their last prank had failed. Under the Old Fart's score box was the number seven.
The big surprise was the new group that had been added to the board. The Pranking Queens had scored a twelve and thus had won the Prank War.
A/N: If anyone is interested, there will be a link in my Profile page to my LiveJournal account where I discuss my life for the last two years. I lost my mom and my niece, had my own medical issues, and started graduate school...Too much to get into here.
The hand holding prank was given to me by whispered touches, so thank you very much for that idea! I thought it was pretty good.
I've been trying to stay away from Pop culture references in this story, but I love singing pranks so I had to include these. Hopefully the site won't delete my story for it. I did make sure the songs were from the appropriate dates and not after 1995 I think. I do explain how the Pranking Queens picked the songs in the next chapter though. I'm also posting some photos on my Live Journal that I used for Hermione's the outfits used in the final prank. There will be a link on my Profile page.
Please review! I know it was a long time between posts, BUT THE STORY IS FINISHED! Finally! Surprise will finally be over by chapter 73. Please let me know what you thought of the chapters!
It's my birthday today! This was a Birthday present for my B-day from me to you all! Reviews would be awesome presents from you all... ;)