***MY FRIEND WROTE, THIS CAPTRE, THANK S SIAN ILY 3 3***
It was morning.
Kelsier woke up and stertched his arms like an olympic swimmer in the sun. Like a REALLY HOT OLympic Swimmer. Expect he wasnt in the sun because he was sleeping under Kaladin's bed!
"I'll explain the situation again in my head in case anyone is listening in my brain or in the fourth wall and doesn't no whats up!" he said outside his brain- with his mouth.
Well, I am sleeping under Kaladins bed.
So h got up and was happy sad like he needed a breakfast smoothie but ran out of strawberries because all the strawberries grew in those shell things and they didn't actually exist here anyway. What a bummer. Strawberrries are a vrey cool breakfast food. So anyway he rolld out under the bed and the sun was shining on him PARTICULARLY HARD becuase the sun is a recogniser of true man beauty and wanted even people who think they can't see shadowy things (like my mum) can se his GLORY. He flicked his hair in a fabulous way like "Hey sun, thanks for the vitamon D!" You know the one. Where the last bit is all fast or normal speed but at the start the hair is moving in slow motion? Yeah that one.
Anyway so Kaladin was in the kitchen wear he belongs and Kelsier was also in the kitchen because even though Dalinar is super cool and recognises Kaladins skills at protection and also his disarming handsomeness Kalababe's room was, metaphysically, only one big room with lots of stuff around the walls.
he said "Kaladin, I am having fun going to sit under bridges with strong drinks (wink wink, keeping it PG IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) and talking about our tragic pasts, but I need to feel the sun and wind on my haunches! You feel me?
Kaladin was in a pickle! He really liked Kelsier staying at under his bed! But he decided to play it super cool and maybe a little bit sneaky like a LAWYER and not a SURGON?! He's such a babe and a good actor so he could basically be pretending whenever he operates on a sick person and no one would even know. I bet they wouldnt even die because he's so convincing they would believe themselves into betterness.
"Well um do you even think I dont know what you mean? he said with his eyes full directionless emotion. " Do you think Im SUPEr happy about this? I mean, do you realise how hard it is to sleep with your radiating ergotism slipping up through my mattress? REALY HARD! FYI its like sleeping on top of a fairy party where they're dancing so hard theyre fairy dust is getting everywhere and coming upwards through my mattress!"
nailed it. He quickly thought.
See, Kaladin was using the tricky strategy of reverse physiology where he said the opposite of wat he meant in a vrey tricky way so Kelsier would be like "Oh yeah, you are not exploiting me for personal reasons but are also doing this for not personal reasons that I probably don't understand!" HE hoped he's said his words in a tricky enough way. Theres a lot of syntax involved and you can never really tell with syntax. I dont know about you but Kelsier was VERY impressed by such a dapper use of syntax so he was convinced.
"Anyway, tell me about your dictators again?"
"I already told you sily billy that Dalinar is super nice and also SUPER ATTRACTIVE in like an older gentleman way like if I was a girl I would nver say no to that man like I actually sometimes think Navani is VERY lucky but in a professional way or something like that. Anyway he's my boss babe and I love him with my whole spear. Lets talk about your past more. With an egregious face like that you musta driven them babes WILDE."
"Haha, you whack honky! There was truly only one babe for me and we called her Mare. That wasn't her name, she just lookd like a horse. Don't tell her about that, shed be mad."
"How could I tell her that, you goose!"
"O I forgot to say that I am not alive!"
Kalababe was DEVASTATED!
"Whn did you die!? When I wasn't looking!? Another person I couln't PROTECT!" and he was going to go and be al glowy and depressed probably in a pit or Chasm but Kelsie grabbed his gorgeously muscled forearm that is like marble given the kiss of warmth and softness by a beneficial goddess who was like "daymn look at that statue I gotta get me some motion shots of that booty" and made him a real boy. An what I just said is also what Kelsie thought, so its obviously a pretty strong feeling you get when you touch that walking miracle of a SEXY HUNK.
"Nuuu, babes chill out! I was dead- wait for it- get this- THE WHOLE TIEMM!?"
KALADINS FACE WAS LIKE WAAAAHT?! AM I BEING PUNKED RIGHT NOW!
'Yeah man iunno I woke up here. also, I have a cult following on my planet and i guess their prayers givee me a piece of their souls everytime they pray to me and give me PHYSICALITY! So I can smash windows and sleep and have smoothies.
Kaladins eyes were shining and possibly with tears of joy as he looked at the hunka spunk across from him with the sexiest hawk features ever like he could totally win 'Eyrie's Top Model' if hawks understood cameras and modelling and it existed. Kaladin let out a high pitched squeal and then yelled out "NOW I HAVE TWO SPREN FREINDS!"\
And he let Syl out of her cage and they had a big hug like frinds even though its a bit sad that if you cant see spren then it looks like Kaladin has two big armfuls of air and not beauty and also friendship. The Kaladin dragged Kelsie around the camps and showed him to all his spren friends and was VERY HAPPY! Because spren are what make Kaladin HAPPY!