To Be a Bird of Prey

Origins

II. The Coveted

Chapter Eight

Sara paced a short line next to her bike, against which Helena was leaning, as they waited for her father. Felicity had gotten a hold of him, while his fellow officers were still rounding up the robbers left for them, and related that he'd said to be there shortly.

In truth, Sara was approaching something that felt distinctly like nervousness – not unlike the kind she'd felt a lifetime ago, when introducing her few boyfriends to her father, knowing he wouldn't approve.

Not unlike what she used to feel back then either, was the familiar, defiant desire to also defend her choices to her father. Always the rebel.

Helena didn't say much, just waited with her arms banded across her chest, and Sara knew she hadn't particularly enjoyed tonight's developments; she would probably enjoy them even less in a few minutes.

Or seconds.

Sara turned to the sound of approaching steps; her father was coming their way, still in his officer's uniform, and the first words out of his mouth were, "She's the one who came here with you?"

"Dad – "

"Hello, Detective," Helena piped in, drumming her fingers through the air in a small wave. "Oh, wait," she added, "it's just 'Officer' now, isn't it?"

Sara closed her eyes, pulling in a deep breath; when she opened them, it was to the image of her father clenching his jaw, before he turned his sour expression on her. "You're friends with her?"

"Yes, Dad, look – "

"D'you even know who she is? What she's done?"

"Better than you do," Helena commented dryly.

"Oh yeah?" her father challenged. "'Cause I heard Frank Bertinelli's dead. Did you tell her about how you murdered your old man?"

Sara hung her head. She counted her breaths – one, two, three – before she looked to Helena, whose own eyes were firmly on her, as she knew they would be; slowly, she shook her head.

Anyone else wouldn't have noticed, the slight thinning of Helena's mouth and the way her eyes flashed with hurt; Sara did, though.

Still, Helena played along. "I don't ask about where she got all the black leather, and she doesn't ask about my father."

As far as lies went, Sara thought, it was a pretty big one on all counts.

Her father let out a small scoff, rolling his eyes. Before he could think of another unflattering comment, Sara asked, "So, how's everything at the bank?"

The complete change in directory earned her a long, scrutinizing look, but eventually, her father was sighing, as he said, "We rounded up all the perps, you made that pretty easy for us. The hostages are pretty shaken up, but...they're okay otherwise." He pursed his lips there, then added, "I take it you worked with Ms. Smoak on this one?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah," she said with a slight smile. "She's really good at this sort of thing."

"Ah well, she's had a lot of practice. Speaking of that" – he spared Helena a sidelong glance – "you officially filling the Arrow's shoes now? 'Cause we really could use more of your help around here, baby."

She wanted to. To stay, to work with Felicity, to have a team of her own; she just wasn't sure Helena shared even a fraction of her enthusiasm. She liked justice, Sara knew that. Just not the kind that came with playing by other people's rules.

"Hey."

Felicity spun her chair around, a grin on her face as she commented, "Well, would you look at that – you actually used the door to get in."

Sara returned the smile, though hers was more on the half-hearted side. "You don't have any windows around here," she said. "Kinda forced my hand in the matter."

"Sorry to cramp on your style," Felicity offered her apologies, opening her palm so Sara could drop the two earpieces she held into her hand. As she turned back to stash them back in their box, she asked, "So, where's Helena?"

Sara blew out a deep, long breath. "She, uh...walked home, so to speak. Didn't really want to be around me for a while," she said, shrugging. "So I came here to return both of those" – she gestured towards the open box – "and give her a little time to herself."

Felicity frowned. "That sounds like you had a fight."

"Not in so many words," Sara muttered. "I just...haven't been the best partner tonight."

"Why? Because you told her not to kill people?"

Sara shook her head. "It's not what I told her, so much as how I did it – and why," she said. "And, Felicity, the killing, it's – " She sighed. "She's not Oliver, or Diggle – and neither am I. We're not like your old team."

"I know that."

The words earned her a long, studying look, and she were being honest, it was making her squirm a little. Finally, Sara simply asked, "Do you?"

Felicity looked away. "I did get a little...carried away, for a moment there," she admitted quietly. "It's just – " She shrugged. "I've missed it, you know? My team."

Sara nodded, and Felicity knew she understood. "And it's the only team I've ever had," she added, "so I guess I kinda...wanted to have it back." But that wasn't happening. Not anytime soon. "She wasn't wrong, though – Helena, I mean," she whispered, the tip of her finger tracing along the lid of the little blue box that held the earpieces she had customized herself – for her team. "When she said she was only here because Oliver abandoned us. Because he did." She blew out a breath. "And I know it's not because he doesn't care, or – actually, it's probably because he cares too much, so getting as far away from us as he can makes sense in his head."

"Ollie's problem was never that he didn't love people," Sara said. "It's that he doesn't really know what to do with it."

"Yeah," Felicity agreed. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is," she reiterated, "Helena's not my favorite person, but she did make that one good point. And, I'm not too proud to admit that she's not terrible at...you know, 'playing hero' – nearly choking bad guys to death aside. I mean, we did end up saving the day – or night, as it were."

That did make Sara smile just the tiniest bit. "Yeah, we did," she said softly. "Well, I'm...gonna go. Talk to Helena. Do you need a ride to Digg's?"

Felicity shook her head. "Nah. And not just because the ride over here was like, the fifteen most terrifying minutes of my life – note to self: bikes aren't my thing."

"Okay," Sara said, smiling a little wider. "See you around, then. Goodnight."

"Night."

Felicity watched her go, spinning her chair around a few times in the ensuing silence; she took it all in one more time, eyes lingering on a different detail on each spin. The salmon ladder, the paper targets in the corner, the neatly labeled firepower on the shelves, the paper targets in the other corner, the servers, the hood, the training dummies, the monitors, the green-tipped arrows; the compound bow.

She wanted a moment longer down here, just to herself. To say goodbye.

When Sara dropped onto the floor of the Clocktower, it was to the sight of Helena in her workout gear, pounding furiously at the boxing bag they'd snatched from a sporting goods store.

She knew her entrance had been noted, though Helena made no move to acknowledge it, so Sara took a moment to take off her mask and wig, and think of the words she wanted to say. In the end, all that she managed was, "I'm sorry."

There was a beat before Helena paused in her punches and whirled around, a little red in the face; Sara couldn't tell how much of it was from exertion, and how much of it was from anger.

"Sorry? For what?" Helena demanded. "Being ashamed of me?"

"I'm not," Sara told her, blowing out a breath. "Helena, I'm not ashamed of you."

"Really? Because tonight, I got to be the crazy psycho killer while you washed your hands clean just so you could keep on being Felicity Smoak's number one girlfriend, and" – she let out a dry chuckle " – that whole 'no killing' thing is just so great, considering how Oliver did things when she first joined him, but that's not even the best part – no, the best part was me spinning some lie to your father just so you wouldn't have to admit that you helped me kill mine!"

"Helena, I – "

"Why do you even keep me around? Because you told me," she raised her voice, "before we came here, you told me that you wouldn't leave me to the wolves, and right now, it feels like that's exactly what you're doing!"

Sometimes, Sara thought, there was an odd sort of innocence to the way that Helena's heart was built; it was black-and-white, love-and-hate, and a lost look in her eyes that belonged more on a little girl than the woman they called The Huntress.

She reminded her of someone else in that way. Someone else she'd left behind and betrayed.

"I don't have a very good track record," Sara eventually said, quietly, "when it comes to hurting and betraying those I care for."

Helena sniffed. "Yeah, well, I don't have a good track record when it comes to getting betrayed by those I care for."

She turned away after that, expelling a ragged breath as she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. Sara looked away, to the big glass clock face and the city lights that flickered beyond it.

"My father saw me kill someone, last time I was here," she found herself saying. "I told you Al-Owal was dead before, and the thing is, I'm the one who killed him – right here, actually. My father was here, and...he saw me break his neck. And I was" – she shook her head " – so ashamed, I couldn't even look at him. But then he, uh – he told me that it didn't matter, because I'd become a killer to survive and that was all that mattered to him, that I was still alive." She could feel the sting of tears creeping at the corners of her eyes, and gritted her teeth against it. "And it's – it's the truth, I became a killer to stay alive, but it's not...as simple as that. So, what I helped you do, find your father so you could kill him, that's not something my dad would – " She gulped. "I don't think he'd understand that. I couldn't have him know about it. And I'm sorry that I threw you under the bus to keep it from him."

She drew a deep breath before blinking her tears away and turning her eyes away from the clock face; Helena was watching her over her shoulder, kneading her arms with her hands while chewing on her lip. Eventually, she prompted, "And Felicity?"

"Felicity," Sara let out on a chuckle, shaking her head a little. "I like her," she said. "I like the way she thinks. I like working with her."

"And you don't want to shut the door on the Dream Team that's never going to happen," Helena guessed, not a little bitterly.

She wasn't wrong. "I wouldn't say that," Sara hedged. "I think you're growing on her."

Helena huffed. "Well, it's not mutual."

"Really?" Sara challenged. "You weren't even a little bit impressed by how she ran the mission tonight?"

The only answer she got was a glare on Helena's part.

Sara cracked a small smile, but reined in on it as she added, "Whether that comes to something or not, I came here with you." She took a few cautious steps forward, until she could lightly rest her hand on Helena's arm. "And I'm sorry about tonight. But I'm not ashamed of you. You're my partner."

Helena turned, letting Sara's hand fall down over her crossed arms as she faced her; her eyes were big and blue and sad, and her mouth was set in what Sara thought might be a little pout.

"I can't be hurt again," she said.

Sara nodded. "I know."

"You're the first person I...starting trusting, in a long time," Helena went on. "After Oliver. He was the last person I trusted and that...didn't end well. So I can't have that happen again, I just – I can't."

"Okay," Sara said softly, debating for a moment before she brought her other hand up and began to pull Helena in for a tentative hug. She was almost surprised that Helena went willingly, wrapping her arms around her.

Sara smoothed one hand over the back of Helena's head, and held on tight.

This, Felicity thought, was exactly what she'd expected to find when she finally made it back to the apartment: Diggle seated on the couch, with a beer in his hand and a very judgmental look on his face.

"So," he clucked his tongue, "I take it that was you?"

Felicity bit her lip. "Well," she said, making her way over to the couch and plopping down on it, "one third of it was me."

John looked her up and down, then took a swig of his beer. "People are speculating about The Huntress being back in town left and right," he commented. "Some of the hostages recognized her, apparently."

Felicity only nodded; she'd known as much.

"Meanwhile, I was just surprised that no one was getting wheeled out in a body bag with an arrow sticking out of them."

"Well, one of the bad guys came close," Felicity admitted. "But you know, other than that, it wasn't all that bad."

Diggle's response was a very wry look.

"Like yeah, sure, she's really, really mean," Felicity went on, "but it...could've been worse."

"Yes, let's just be happy that it didn't go as badly as it could have," Diggle deadpanned.

She scrunched her nose. "I knew you wouldn't be happy about this."

"Felicity." He sighed. "This isn't about how I feel about it, it's about what we talked about – you know, you just wanting to get back to what we used to do without thinking it through?"

"Yeah, I know," she whispered. "And I did have a moment there, where I sort of cast her and Sara as you and Oliver, but – "

"Wait, I was Helena in this scenario?"

"Not the point, Digg," she said.

He grumbled about it a little, then asked, "So, what is the point?"

"The point is," she reiterated, "I kind of tried to make it the same, you know? Like it was our team getting back together." She shrugged. "But that's not happening. Our team bit the dust."

"Yeah," John agreed quietly.

"And that's what it is," she went on, "but the three of us still did a decent job. And I liked being back in the proverbial saddle either way. It was good – I mean, Helena kinda hates me, and I kinda hate her, but other than that, it was good."

"So, you gonna push for this?" he prompted. "Starling's new crime-fighting team?"

"I don't know," she said. "Maybe? I mean, Sara and Helena, they're already a team – and I know that because they do that thing where they have long conversations with their eyes, and excelling at silent communication is the number one indicator of team-ness." She dropped her eyes to her hands, where she'd curled them in her lap. "Like it was for the three of us."

A moment later, Diggle covered her hands with his own. "I miss it, too, Felicity."

She knew he did. He'd locked up the foundry and hadn't been back since, and he went completely still whenever the news reported a hold-up, or a serial killing, or a rise in drug activity, like he was locking himself in place so he wouldn't rush out to save the day. Because they didn't do that anymore.

He was quitting cold turkey.

And she couldn't bring herself to do the same.

"Yeah," she said. "And you know, I can't just…kick back and not do it anymore, because it was my thing, it was – being down in that dingy, dank basement was my thing." She shrugged. "So maybe, now that Sara and Helena seem to be sticking around, I'll get to butt in on their thing. When they need tech-support."

"You'd never be just tech-support, Felicity," John told her warmly. He waited a beat, then added, "But I guess there's no place for me on that hypothetical team."

"Digg..."

"No, it's okay," he assured her. "I wouldn't want it even if it were on the table. You've got your new thing that you're looking into, and I should...start looking into mine." He clucked his tongue. "Gotta move forward."

"Bodyguard duty not doing it for you anymore?"

"It never did, you know that," he said, smiling when she nodded. "Doing what we did with Oliver, it felt like the first really good thing I did since coming home. And now that it's gone, well...I need to find something else. Can't ever be just a good ol' civilian again." He gave her a knowing look, adding, "Neither of us can."

"So...anything in particular you've been considering?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll give Lyla a call...see if A.R.G.U.S. is hiring former soldiers who used to moonlight for a vigilante."

Felicity pursed her lips. "Isn't A.R.G.U.S. kinda shady, though?"

"Well, we operated in the gray, too, didn't we?" he countered, to which she had to concede. "But we'll see," he added, then bumped her shoulder. "I'll always be around if you need me, though."

She grinned, snuggling against him in response; she'd always be there if he called, too, and he knew that. John Diggle was her bestie until the end of time.

They sat in silence, with her head on his shoulder, until he asked, "So, how's your wrist after tonight?"

She dropped her eyes to the wrist in question, rotating in on instinct and cringing as she did so. John shook his head at her. "I'll get you something for that."

There was no point in arguing with him so she didn't protest when he got up, letting her head roll against the back of the couch.

This was bound to happen sooner or later, she thought. They'd both been suspended in motion after the train wreck that was Oliver leaving, and now, they were finally moving again – and there was no going back, not for them.

She wasn't sure if moving forward really would include a new team; the idea was still tempting, and it didn't sound half-as-bad as it used to – especially if she considered tonight's mission as a trial run. There'd been a bump – or a choke, as it were – but she did have to admit that the road to her old team had been paved with many a bump, too; she could adapt. Provided that she was offered a membership card approved by both founding parties, of course.

She'd spent nearly an hour in the foundry earlier, spin-spin-spinning in her chair, and letting go of her old home. And by the end of it, moving on seemed just a little bit easier.

And the bottom line was, Team Arrow was gone. That clubhouse wasn't rising from the ashes again. But maybe there could be another one popping up in its stead. Team 'Little Bird, Trigger-Happy Ex-Mob Princess and Never-Just-Tech-Support Hacker'.

Or something.

Next Installment: The City Down Below