xxPUDDxx - well, we'll see what Danny does to make Tom feel better about this...
144 Toms POV
I was pleading Danny to not tell anyone about this, I couldn't have anyone know about this, they would worry about me more. They would fake sympathy and treat me like I was fragile, like I would crack under pressure and slit my wrists. I wanted to slit my wrists, but I couldn't, now Danny was going to keep an even closer eye on me, I hated that idea. "I won't tell anyone. We'll keep it between us." Danny sighed, his eyes trained at my arm, like it was actually going to drop off or something. "thank you... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for worrying you like this." I whispered, feeling my guilt build up inside me when I realised I had dumped yet another problem on someone else, I should have kept them to myself. "its okay, its good that I know now. We can get you help now, so you don't do this anymore, its not healthy." Danny gave me a concerned look that made my skin crawl, I hated the idea that he was looking after me. It made me want to cut more, as punishment for doing this to him yet again, making it look like I was helpless and attention seeking. Everyone knows what they say about self harmers, they do it to attention seek, but that wasn't the reason I did it, though no-one would believe me.
"I don't need help, I'm fine." I shook my head, yanking my arms away from his large hands and pulling my sleeves down. "no, you need help, badly. Its dangerous, doing this. You can't carry on like this, you'll kill yourself one day! We don't have to go to anyone professional if you don't want to, you can talk to me, I'll listen to you. I'll always listen to you." Danny smiled a bit, stroking my hair gently. "I don't need help, and I'm burdening you." I moved my head away from his hand, refusing to look at him. "you're not, I want to help you. I'm your boyfriend, I'll listen to anything and everything you have to say. Don't think you're burdening me, cause you're not. I'll feel better knowing you're talking to someone instead of bottling it up and taking it out like this." Danny argued softly, pulling my face back to face him.
"I will burden you, I don't want to talk about it. Its nothing." I still refused to look at him, terrified he would see the pain in my eyes, how much this hurt. It killed me to do this to myself, and deep down I hated myself even more for doing this to myself, making myself even more ugly. I couldn't burden Danny with my knowledge of my ugliness, he would find out about everything eventually, and just give up and chuck me into some mental institution. I wasn't crazy, I just saw things more clearly than others did.
"you need to talk about it, you'll explode if you don't. I'll understand more than most, it won't be a burden." Danny pleaded some more, keeping a hand on my now covered arm. "you won't understand, its impossible to understand." I shook my head, sighing when his hand moved away from my arm. He was already giving up, like I knew he would. "you would be surprised. Look, we'll talk more in the morning, lets get you cleaned up and into bed." Danny gave up, standing up and getting a flannel wet, starting to wipe away the blood from my arm.
"let me do it, I can do it." I grabbed it off him, wiping away the blood roughly, revealing the other healing gashes on my arm, not wanting his soft hands looking after me in the exact way I knew he would. Like I was fragile porcelain, he was already treating me like I was breakable and about to explode with the slightest touch, and I hated it, I didn't want that, I wanted to be treated for exactly what I was, a disgusting thing that everyone actually hated. At least I wouldn't be lied to that way, which would be nice for once in life.
I got handed bandages so I wrapped the wounds in the white gauze, going to the wardrobe to change my shirt. "I'll stay in here, I'm not leaving you alone." Danny got into my bed, leaving me to stand there awkwardly. I still didn't sleep in my bed, it had been months since I had slept in my bed, and I wasn't about to start now. "I'm not sleepy." I lied, standing defiantly in the doorway to my walk in wardrobe...which was admittedly empty since I got rid of all my childish tshirts. "liar, don't make this harder than needed, just get into bed, okay? If you're not sleepy, then we can talk more about this. Either way, just get into bed." Danny warned, giving me the look he had never given me before, the 'just do it before I force you' look. "fine, but I'm not talking." I growled, getting in on the edge of the bed, not facing Danny at all, glaring at the wall instead.
A hand placed itself on my hip, pulling me backwards, before the warm arms I had longed for wrapped around my body. I resisted telling him to f*ck off, to not touch me and just shuffled so he wasn't holding me anymore. "I don't want to be held okay? Just, leave me alone." I lied, and went to sleep, trying my hardest to ignore the urge to jump into Dannys strong arms and never leave ever again.
145 Dougies POV
I groaned when sunlight hit my eyes painfully, waking me up. "Harry, we need better curtains." I moaned, turning over, cuddling into his warmth. "I know, give me a minute...thats better." Harry pulled the duvet over heads, blocking out the offending light, squeezing me close. "much better, should we get up or just lay here?" I asked, not wanting to move, but knowing we had to see Tom and Danny today, to make sure Fletchs glared words hadn't effected Tom that much. They worried me, god knows what they did to Tom.
"we better get up, give me a minute to wake up though." Harry sighed, opening his eyes to stare into mine, his hand gently running up and down my side. We laid there for another 10 minutes, silently cuddling each other, before finally rolling out of bed. I didn't want to, I wanted to stay in bed, and pretend that everything was okay, that the past 18 months hadn't happened. But unfortunately, the past 18 months had happened, and now we were stuck in an awful situation, hoping that getting back to work would help Tom come back to us.
Getting round to Toms, we found both the blonde himself and Danny still in bed, though they weren't hugging. Tom was right on the edge of the bed, barely still on the bed anymore, curled up in a ball. Danny was on the other side, right arm around himself, left arm reaching out across the white bed sheets, fingers centimetres away from Toms back, like he wanted to hold him but couldn't. "what happened last night then?" I whispered, going to shake Tom awake. "Tom, time to wake up! You're going to fall out in a minute!" I joked, pushing the blonde onto his back, continuing to shake him.
Tom groaned and waved his hand like it would get rid of me. "come on sleepy! Time to wake up!" I laughed, I must admit that he looked kind of cute as he laid like this. "be careful with him! Please don't shake him too hard." Danny pleaded, looking at Tom with an almost scared expression. "why?" Harry asked, Danny paled. "I-I promised to not tell, just be careful, he's not exactly... it doesn't matter." Danny got off the bed, slumping out of the room, looking like he was about to cry. "I'll sort this out, just wake up Tom okay?" Harry ran out after him.
Looking at Toms sleeping form, I wondered what had happened to him. "what have you done now?" I sighed, biting on my lip. "right come on, wake up time! Come on Tom, we're recording today!" I shook him some more, finally rousing him. "huh?" Tom mumbled, throwing his right arm over his eyes. "time to get up Tom, we're recording today, so no need to get really dressed up, and you need to take your lyric book." I smiled, sitting down on the bed next to him. "right, how long until we go?" Tom sighed, sitting up and yawning. "about an hour, so no need to hurry." I answered, thankful for a semi normal conversation. It would have been normal if Tom was looking at me. But at least I got a conversation with him, and that was something.