A/N: Hello lovely readers! I know this story probably has not met your expectations because it hasn't had a lot of action yet, and for that I apologize. I would really appreciate if you would continue to give this story a chance.

Chapter 4

Four years ago:

Hermione stared at the desolation around her as everyone chatted around with each other. She squeezed Ron's hand as he leaned in to kiss her.

"Can't believe we actually did it," he said, glancing back at his family and Harry. Hermione knew he wanted to be there with the rest of the Weaselys, but she just wanted to be alone. Or at least just sit here with Ron.

She wanted to soak in what they'd done. She wanted to mourn for the people they'd lost before immediately starting to rebuild. Hermione childishly wished life had a pause button.

However, Ron was less interested in the destruction around them and was ready to start anew only minutes after Harry had broken the Elder Wand. Hermione was not yet ready. She felt the damage the war had caused reverberating within her bones every time she looked at the damaged castle walls and the bodies of the dead.

She swallowed back bile as Ron helped her get up and they walked to the rest of the Weaselys while her heart crumbled along with the castle.

Hermione swallowed her coffee and relaxed into the sofa when there was a sudden POP! She screamed and jumped up, and suddenly her scalding coffee had spilled on her jeans. "Hermione, relax it's just me." Hermione took a deep breath to calm her speeding heart, giving Ron a cold look.

"Look what you did," she said sourly glaring at her new outfit that had a coffee stain on it.

"I thought you knew I was coming." He said taking out his wand. "Here, I'll clean it off for you."

"No!" she exclaimed, stepping away from Ron. "I'll take care of it." She said setting her cup down and heading for the washing machine in the other room. She added her newly stained pants to the washer and grabbed a fresh pair. There was a slight burn on her thigh and Hermione reached for her wand to heal herself. At first, it did not heal and Hermione could feel herself growing nervous.

"I don't know why you still use that thing," Ron's voice came from the other side of the door.

Hermione frowned and tried the incantation again. It was weak, but the skin grew pink and the burn faded. "Use what thing?" Hermione asked, coming out of her room and picking up her coffee mug once again.

"That clothes washer." Ron said, grabbing a snack from the fridge.

"I like my washing machine; it makes this place feel like home. What's wrong with it?"

Ron shrugged. "You have magic, why don't you just use that?"

Hermione opened her mouth but did not find anything to answer with. She had not told Ron her recent feelings about anything because lately all it did was lead to an argument. It wasn't that Ron didn't listen – it was that he did not understand. He saw the world in black in white; he did not understand Hermione's uneasiness with magic. He just brushed it off and said she would get over her anxiety if she stopped thinking about it too much.

And Hermione had tried – oh how she had tried to make the feeling go away but it would not leave her. "It doesn't matter, let's just go. Don't forget the present." She said, holding onto Ron's arm as he apparated them. Her stomach flipped as the world swirled around them and she felt a wave of nausea hit her as they landed solidly.

She let go of Ron as he went to talk to someone. "Hold on to this for a second," he said, handing Hermione the present and giving her a kiss on the cheek, somehow missing the sudden paleness in Hermione's face. She leaned against the wall to calm her racing heart.

"Hermione!" Harry said, creeping out from the shadows.

Hermione looked at her friend up and down, judging he'd already gone a quarter through the vodka bottle on the table. It was how he coped with the after effects of war. Hermione had wanted to lean on Harry for help with her dark thoughts because Ron never understood, but once Harry had found the silence that alcohol provided - he was hooked. And unfortunately, he had a taste for the strong drinks.

He enveloped her in a hug and Hermione grimaced. "How do you expect to get Ginny back when you're wasted all the time?" Hermione asked when he pulled away.

Harry shrugged with a goofy smile. "She's made it clear she wants nothing to do with me." He said. "Nothing to do except move on I suppose."

"Harry, you were planning to propose to her two months ago. How can you just-"

"Places everyone!" George Weasely yelled suddenly.

"Let's continue this later," Harry whispered, running to hide behind a curtain.

Hermione sighed and ducked by a couch with Ron. They heard some jingling as Ginny opened the door. When she reached for the lights they flipped themselves on and everyone sprang out yelling "Surprise!" as balloons danced around Ginny.

The youngest Weasely was momentarily shocked and then laughed as everyone began to envelop her in a hug. "What's all this about?" she laughed.

"Congratulations on officially becoming a Chaser for the Greengale Norwhales!" Her mother said giving her another hug.

"Oh, thank you, all of you!" Ginny said as everyone handed her presents.

When Harry came up to her he smiled as he handed her a present and a bouquet of roses. "I still happen to remember that violets are your favorite." He whispered as she gazed at him distastefully.

"Thank you," she said eventually and Harry slinked away, grabbing his bottle of vodka and heading to the roof. Hermione watched the whole interaction and did not miss when Ginny's eyes followed Harry when he went upstairs. Hermione knew that despite their arguments, Harry and Ginny would be back together by the end of the night. That's just how they were.

Hermione sighed looking at Ron. Their relationship was nothing like that. It seemed like they did not know where each other stood or where they wanted to go. Ron flitted around to different things – back to school, then professional quidditch, then helping George in his shop, and now he wanted to help in the Ministry. Hermione urged him to choose one thing but he never would.

After the war, he felt like the world was his and he was not going to waste one more minute being strapped down to a life he did not enjoy. Hermione however, wanted to settle on one definite job, yet everything felt hollow. She did not feel like she belonged anywhere.

Later that night she tossed around in her bed, dreaming of a horrible future. It was always the same dream: she was back at the castle and the fight was still going on. Except instead of fighting Voldemort, everyone was fighting Hermione.

She yelled at the people – her friends – to stop fighting her and when someone did, she fired a spell at them that killed him. Hermione screamed in horror as they advanced on her – their eyes cold and unforgiving. "Please," she begged. "Give me one more chance. I – I'm not doing this; my magic-"

"You want us to believe something else is controlling you?" Ron hissed angrily at her. "You killed my brother!"

"No!" Hermione yelled, begging for someone to understand her. "It wasn't me! I would never-" She started to defend herself but ghostly images of several people flew in front of her, clouding her vision. "Leave me alone!" Hermione shrieked at the pale faces.

"Your magic is cruel." A ghostly image of Tonks hissed at her. "You're going to kill all those people." Lavendar said in a sad voice, her neck open from a wound.

"I – I would never hurt anyone!" she exclaimed, feeling a wall of the castle suddenly strike her back.

"There is nowhere for you to go." Harry said suddenly appearing. There were hundreds of people behind him, all of their wands pointed at Hermione. "You're dead, Voldemort."

"No – Harry! Harry stop! It's me! Can't you see it's me?" Hermione asked, tears blurring her vision. The dream would always end like this: Hermione crying and begging the others not to hurt her, but then a green light would flash and- "No!" Hermione exclaimed sitting up in bed. She was shaking. As she noticed her surroundings, she sighed and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. She hated that dream but it seemed like it would never end.

It came back almost every day just as fierce. And it made Hermione nervous about using her magic. What if one day she did something wrong? What if her magic actually hurt someone one day?

These thoughts would fly around her head as she went through a normal day with minimum sleep. She tried every remedy she could to get rid of the nightmares but they were persistent and left her with a feeling of dread every time. "You know they are just dreams right, 'Mione?" Ron would yawn, stroking her hair.

Sometimes when Hermione let Ron stay overnight it kept the dreams at bay – but one day she was thrashing violently in her dreams and when she awoke she found that her hands were tied and she was magically held in place by a spell. "Ron? Ron!" she called out seeing the state of her bedroom. Several things had been knocked off her dresser, there were dents in the wall and she could feel bruising on her body. But no Ron. "Is anyone there!"

There was a mumble from down the hall and finally Ron appeared, tentatively entering the room. "Hermione?" He was smiling but his face had several scratches and it seemed a rather large chunk of his hair was missing.

Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes at the sight of him. "Did I do this?" she whispered, realizing the reason she was being restrained. "Ron I'm so sorry. I didn't –"

"It's okay," he said suddenly undoing the spell binding her. He quickly enveloped her into a hug but Hermione pulled away.

"What happened? I did this didn't I?" Guilt flooded her and she felt the dream come back to her. "Ron I'm so sorry-"

"You were having a nightmare." Ron said softly, pulling her back into his warm embrace. "You didn't know what you were doing."

"But I still did it." She said sniffling.

Ron sighed, not knowing how to comfort her just yet. He was a bit shaken up himself. "Why don't we clean this place up? And have some breakfast? Oh, and here." Ron said, handing Hermione her wand. "I – um I took it away just in case – you know…"

"Just in case I tried to hit you with a curse." Hermione finished somberly, staring forlornly at her wand. There was an awkward beat of silence for a minute because neither of them knew what to say. Eventually, Ron convinced Hermione to go see someone and actually talk about her nightmares but Hermione was reluctant. She wasn't sure talking to someone was the answer.

Unfortunately, the more she refused it, the more Ron avoided her. But Hermione did not blame him. She would not want to be near someone who had such violent nightmares either.

One day, after a particularly vicious nightmare Hermione awoke and almost broker her wand out of frustration. She cried herself back to sleep out of exhaustion but when she woke up in the afternoon, she knew what she had to do. She stared at her washing machine and got an idea to leave her wand behind and pack several things.

After making sure she had the necessities she left a note – in case anyone would look for her. For one week she wandered around aimlessly. She stayed at night in her parents' house and noticed that the dreams did not come back. She could sleep peacefully away from the wizarding world. So for another two weeks she stayed at her parents' house until Ron and Harry apparated there.

They immediately enveloped her in a hug when they saw her, but she wanted to run away. She missed her best friends but she did not miss magic and the dread it caused her. "I was just taking a bit of a vacation." Hermione said vaguely when they questioned her.

"Without telling anyone?" Ron asked incredulously.

Hermione shrugged. "I left a note didn't I?"

"With no mention of when you were coming back!" Ron exclaimed. "No mention of how to contact you! Do you know how worried I was?"

"When were you planning to come back?" Harry asked.

Hermione shrugged again. She wasn't happy with life – she needed something to do and she had a life with Ron but she could not go back to the wizarding world – she could not. Harry and Ron left eventually but never got a proper response out of Hermione to any question. She seemed hollow and her demeanor had definitely changed but they thought if they gave her some space she would come back to the right mind. They thought she would come home eventually.

However, the next time Hermione contacted them, she had a drastic idea in mind that was far from what Ron and Harry wanted.

"There you two are." Hermione smiled.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, eyeing the packed up furniture and clothes. "Hermione-"

"I need you two as witnesses." She said, saying an incantation that made her wand glow.

"Hermione, don't do anything irrational."

"I'm leaving." She said suddenly, putting her wand down and linking hands with Harry and Ron.

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I'll explain when we're done. I, Hermione Jean –"

But Ron and Harry abruptly let go of her hands. "Hermione you can't just leave!"

"I was hoping this wouldn't turn in to an argument," she sighed.

"How could you – What has gotten into you?" Ron sputtered.

"You thought we would be okay with you leaving?" Harry questioned in a hollow voice.

Hermione shrugged. Ginny had recently convinced Harry to stop drinking his problems away and Ron had been working in George's shop for three months straight now. Their lives were solidifying when Hermione's was spiraling into despair. She needed to get away and solve her problems on her own. Without magic. "I think you two will be fine without me."

"That's not the point, you can't just go!"

"Why not?" Hermione thundered finally. "I'm a grown woman and I've made my choice. I want to leave."

Ron looked up at the sky as if a solution to their problem would drop down. "Hermione, calm down." Harry said. "What do you mean leave? Are you planning on moving out or-"

Hermione looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I promise I'll explain everything if you two will just be witnesses to this spell. Please," she said, gazing at her two best friends with puppy eyes. "I really need this." Reluctantly the two men linked hands with her and stayed patient through the incantation. "I, Hermione Jean Granger hereby renounce my magic." She felt her two friends tugging on her hands but now that the incantation had been recited, there was no getting out of this. "I realize that my wand will no longer respond to my commands and that I will not be able to use it ever again. I am aware of the several consequences of this decision and I plan to uphold this oath."

Hermione gasped as the magic coursing through her seemed to drain out of every pore. She kneeled down to the floor as Harry and Ron finally let go. She vaguely heard their voices calling out to her but the world was so dizzy and she was barely aware of her own limbs. There was a roaring in her ears and then – silence.

When she was able to open her eyes again, a wave of nausea hit her. She turned to her side and vomited on the carpet.

"Here," Ron said gruffly while Harry held her hair away from her face. Hermione wiped her mouth and gratefully accepted the glass of water. After a long moment of silence she looked up. Ron had a sad, disappointed look in his eyes and Harry looked pityingly at her. It made her even more nauseous.

"What were you thinking?" Harry questioned. "Hermione – your magic courses through your veins you can't-"

"I did, Harry. I'll show you." She reached out to pick up her wand but it burned her. With a yelp, Hermione released the wand. She had expected to feel a weight lift from her shoulders, but now she felt even emptier. But this was what she wanted; she was sure of it. "Can you two please keep my wand in a safe place?" Hermione asked, standing up.

Harry looked at Ron angrily as the latter simply pocketed the wand without argument. "Why are you doing this?"

"I don't want to have magic anymore. It's too – I just don't feel comfortable with it anymore." She said, straightening her shoulders.

"You're not comfortable with it?" Harry repeated, the pity in his eyes replaced by confusion. "Hermione you were born to be a witch, you-"

"Well, maybe I don't want to! No one ever asked me whether or not I wanted to be a witch. It was just another responsibility; another burden I had to bear. I'll be happier without it." She snapped. Harry stared at her as if she had gone mad but Ron's sad look did not change. "Magic – I don't feel safe using it anymore."

"Is this about the nightmares?" Ron asked in an almost annoyed voice. "I told you to talk to people about it! You can't just run away-"

"I did talk to people! I talked to you two." Hermione exclaimed, feeling tears prick her eyes. She did not want to leave her friends on a sour note and she certainly did not want to relive the feelings of self-hatred. But it looked like luck was not on her side at that moment.

"Oh, so this is my fault?" Ron asked, turning away.

"I'm not saying that, but you sure as hell never helped me sort it out."

Harry intervened between the two before they said anything worse. "Hermione, we tried to help-"

"Oh, like talking to me while being drunk as a dog helped. And Ron over here never even tried to understand. He just waved it away like, because it wasn't his problem it wasn't worth discussing in detail." There was a heavy beat of silence in the air and the two men shifted away from Hermione as if she had physically lashed out at them. Inside she felt horrible, but she knew yelling was the only way to keep them from trying to make her stay. She couldn't stay. "I have to go." She said finally. She could feel the two looking at her as she reached for her bags but no one said anything. "I'll write to you all. And I'll be fine." She closed the apartment door quietly and walked alone to the nearest hotel.

This chapter was a bit heartwrenching for me to write, because it was so sad. But in between the sadness I've tried to add the other characters' story as well... did that help?