quick notice, i might not be able to add tomorrow, because its my birthday today and i'm going up to London tomorrow to celebrate, but i'll try my best!

162 Toms POV

"Tom, listen to me, please. I want you to understand that I understand what you're going through, so you can talk to me about it." Danny sighed, still fighting against my struggling. I couldn't hear more lies, couldn't feel his comforting arms around me, I would start to believe him and I would end up in the same position as I was in a year ago. "let me go! I don't want to know!" I cried, writhing and fighting against his hands that were starting to pin me down against my bed. "Tom please. Just calm down, you'll know what I'm on about in a minute. Just listen to me for a minute." Danny moved so he was sitting on top of me, pinning my flailing arms against the bed.

I screamed loudly, trying to throw him off me, but he wouldn't budge, I was trapped against the bed, forced into listening to him. "please let me go, please, let me go. I'll do anything." I begged, just wanting him off of me, so he didn't have to feel how disgusting I was, or feel my cuts. "okay, I'll let you go if you promise to listen to me. You will understand in a minute what I'm on about, you might regret it, but I think it'll make things easier." Danny loosened his grip a little, I warily stopped fighting against him. Slowly, Danny let me go and got off of me, sitting next to me on the bed, reminding so much of when we had been together. We would sit on my bed for hours talking about nothing and everything at the same time, sometimes, I would cuddle up close to him and read to him, because Danny had said he loved it when I read because of the monsters I put on.

"get it over with then, what do you want to talk about?" I sat up and pulled my long sleeves down, hiding anything that I had inflicted on myself. "about this cutting you do. I want you to know that I understand, completely. More than anyone else round here, I understand what its like. So you can talk about it together, and get over it together." Danny sighed, putting his hand over my own, I pulled it away. "you can't understand." I mumbled, no-one could understand this, they couldn't understand the impulses that made my fingers twitch whenever I saw something sharp. I was desperate for a razor now, it had been three days since I had last felt the razors bite, and had resorted to playing guitar until my fingers bled. "I can, and I do understand. I understand almost completely, all the emotion to it, the need, everything." Danny scratched at his right arm, and it fell in.

"you don't...oh god, please don't tell me you do!" I whimpered, Danny could be self harming! He could not be like me like that! He couldn't be doing that, not Danny, not perfect Danny! "I'm sorry, I do." Danny rolled up his sleeve, undoing the old bit of cloth he had taken from one from my shirts from his wrist, revealing about 10 cuts. They were more jagged than mine, half were almost healed, others were fresh, worryingly fresh, and the remaining were just lines marking his freckly skin. "why? Why have you done this?! You're perfect, how could you do this to yourself?!" I started to cry, knowing those healed ones couldn't be more than a few months old. "it just, got too much, you know? It was too much to cope, nothing was in my control, and I need to control something." Danny sighed, looking ashamed of himself.

"what was too much? What was out of control?" I asked, having to sit on my hands so I didn't run my fingers over the evil lines. "everything. You had just come back and were so unresponsive, so ill and different. It killed me, I felt like it was all my fault, I needed to punish myself for it. I had to punish myself for failing you, unable to control anything around me, I'm so sorry. Hey, don't cry, please, you'll start me off." Danny noticed the tears running back my face, the guilt was too much. It was my fault this happened, it was all my fault. Danny started self harming because of me, because I came back and messed everything up, it was my fault these marks were on his arm. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Its all my fault, I did this to you, I'm so sorry! I never meant for this, never did I think you would do this." I apologised, shuffling away from him, realising how much I had poisoned him. If Dannys thoughts were anything like mine, he was infected by the thoughts of blood and tearing open skin, everything for him was self harm and how to hide it. I had poisoned him with this disease, without even realising, made him like me, which no-one should have ever had to experience.

163 Dannys POV

I realised as soon as I saw Toms tears that it was a bad idea to tell him about why I cut, because now he was blaming himself. "I'm so sorry! I never meant, I never thought you would, I'm just so sorry!" Tom cried, chest heaving with sobs. "its okay baby, its not like we meant for this to happen, was it? Come here, we'll get through this together, okay?" I went to put my arm around his shoulders. "no! Don't touch me!" Tom leapt back like I was infected with a deadly disease. "huh? Tom, its okay. I'll put this back on so you don't have to feel them." I put my cloth bracelet back on, covering the horrible things covering my wrist.

I went to hug him again and this Tom actually leapt off the bed, falling over and smacking against the floor hard, I actually heard his head crack against the floor. "whoa, be careful there! Are you alright?!" I scrambled down next to the blonde, worriedly running my hands through his hair to check for bumps. "y-yeah, I'm fine! No need to check if I'm fine! I'm fine, really!" Tom scrambled backwards, far away from my hands. I had dreaded this happening, Tom thinking that I was dirty now I had harmed myself like this. But I hadn't thought he would be like this, not even letting me touch him.

"Tom, let me look at your head, you hit it pretty hard. Thats gotta hurt, just let me check to see if you've actually left a mark." I had to back him into a corner again, forcing his head down so I could check for a lump, or worse a split open head. Tom had hit the floor so hard, I wouldn't have been surprised if he had seriously hurt himself like that. "get off! Get off! Stop touching me!" Tom cried, writhing until I held him still. "hey, calm down. Its alright. You're heads fine by the way, well physically anyway. I'm not too sure about what going on inside there though." I sighed, gently rubbing Toms shivering back with my left, uncut hand. "its not! Get off! You can't touch me!" Tom whimpered, trying a sudden spurt of wriggling to get free of my arms, it didn't work at all, I still kept hold of him tightly.

"why can't I touch you? I thought you would let me hold you now. I'm your boyfriend Tommy, I thought you would want to be held by me after all this." I ran my hand through Toms golden fringe, moving it from his watery eyes. "y-you can't! I-I'll make you worse! I-Its all my fault! I'm sorry, its all my fault!" Tom cried, tugging at his hair, finally leaning on me a little, though I didn't think he realised he was. "you won't make me worse baby, promise. Come here, with your help, I'm going to stop. We're going to stop together." I sighed, framing his wet face with my large hands, looking into his large, brown, scared eyes.