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The Trouble With Men Is

Chapter 5
... Their stupid Bro-Code!

...And the rest, they say, is history. Or in this case a total ass-whooping session.

"MERCY!"

"BEG ME!"

"PLEASE! MERCY!"

"Only if you tell me where Kiba and the rest of them are hiding!"

Sakura had Naruto pinned on the ground as she twisted his arm behind his back. Thank God for self-defense classes.

"I...I...I can't!" Naruto cried, "OW!"

Sakura pulled his arm further back, "Why can't you!" She demanded.

"Because..." he muttered something under his breath.

"What's that?" Sakura growled.

"Because... Bros before hos!"

"What?" Sakura fumed, getting angrier by the second. "Did you just call me a ho?"

"No! That's not what I meant! It's... it's in the code of Manhood! Part of the Bro code!" Naruto cried desperately, "If we break the code... we'll never get laid! Ever!"

Sakura gave a maniacal laugh, "Oh trust me Naruto, after I'm through with you, you won't even have the proper tools to get laid."

"Where's Naruto? Haven't seen him in a while. I thought he said he was coming right back?" Lee said, as his eyes were fixating on the TV screen, and his hands were preoccupied with a video game controller. "Didn't he say he was going to take a shit?"

"Who knows." Kiba replied, with the same glazed look as Lee. "He's probably trying and failing miserably in hitting on some poor girl."

"Do you think it's sad that there are hot drunk girls downstairs and we're up here playing a video game?" Lee wondered out loud.

"Nope, we wait till near the end of the party." Kiba said, "That's when they're past that fun-party-drunk stage and are in the feeling depressed-and-lonely-stage. Trust me, girls are super horny during that time."

"Nice to see you're keeping it classy." Neji said, as he stepped into the room.

"Neji!" Lee beamed, "Nice to see you here! Figured you'd be in the library or something."

"I was, until I received a very disjointed and threatening voicemail from our maid." He said, replaying the message for the guys.

"Neji! Where's- put that down you- Naruto! He is- seriously, if you don't put that down I'll shove it up your- loud smash- GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW! –crash- -crash- -crash- OW MY FOOT! I really hope –bam- you didn't have anything to do with –smash- this or I swear on my grave I will- THERE YOU ARE NARUTO! GET BACK HERE! –shit Sakura sorry, listen to me it wasn't all just me I- I'LL KILL YOU!-"

The voicemail clicked off.

"And that's all I got." Neji said putting his cell phone back into his pocket.

All the boys in the room, which consisted of Chouji, Lee, and Kiba looked at each other in fear.

"Oh... shit..." Kiba said shakily, "Naruto's dead."

"N-not just Naruto..." Lee said in an equally shaky voice, "We're all dead."

"W-what if Naruto gives away our location!" Chouji suddenly exclaimed in fear.

"No I don't think so." Kiba replied, grinning slightly, "I just taught him the Bro-Code yesterday. He thinks that if he breaks it, he's gonna get a never-going-to-get-laid curse put on him. You know he would never do anything to jeopardize his chances of that."

"We're safe." Lee sighed in relief, "Well, back to video games."

"KIBA! LEE! GET YOUR ASSES HERE NOW!" a voice bellowed as stomps were heard coming up the staircase.

"Shit!" Kiba cried, "That bastard ratted us out!"

"RUN!"

...And the rest, they say, is history. Or in this case a total ass-whooping session.

"I still can't feel my left arm."

"I still have nightmares about that night."

"I know what you mean... I can't sleep without locking my door."

Shikamaru sighed as he looked down at his four friends lying on the couch nursing their wounded ego. "You guys shouldn't have thrown that party."

"Shut up, Shikamaru." Naruto pouted, "See, this is why we don't tell you stuff anymore! You'll just rat us out!"

"Look who's talking? You filthy squealer!" Kiba retorted angrily, grabbing another icepack and putting it onto his bruised arms.

Chouji shook his head sadly, "Can't believe you squealed on us."

"She threatened to take away my manhood!" Naruto protested, "My family jewels were on the line!"

"Trust me, you wouldn't have lost anything noticeable or worth missing." Kiba snorted.

"Listen here you ass-wipe, I'm going to make it clear-" Naruto began angrily, getting up.

"-So what's this I hear about you guys getting owned by our maid?" A new person entered the room and into their conversation. He sat down next to Kiba on the couch and gave the four guys withering looks.

"Oh man, not you too Sasuke!" Lee said burying his head in shame. "Does everyone know of this?"

"Well, there were a couple of girls I passed by who didn't." Sasuke replied with a smirk, "But I made sure to fill them in."

"Bastard..." Kiba muttered under his breath.

At this moment, Sakura stomped into the room with a vacuum cleaner. She promptly ignored all them.

"Aw Sakura," Naruto whined, "It's been three days! Are you still mad at us?"

Sakura ignored him.

"Sakuuuuuuuu-raaaaaa!" Naruto whined even more, "We said we were soooooorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy! Plleeeeeeeeeeasssssssse forgive us!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Naruto, dragging out every single word you say isn't going to make me forgive you. It's only going to make me angrier."

"Why are you still mad at us?" Kiba asked, "We helped clean up everything afterwards."

"You really want to know why? You really want to know why?" Sakura glared daggers at the boys, who all shrunk back in fear.

"Hey Kiba..." Lee whispered to him, "Do...do we want to know? Is it worth our lives?"

Sakura continued angrily, "Well, because of all of you, I've probably been getting on average three hours of sleep every night because not only do I have to cook, I have to clean up after your huge mess!"

"Hey! We helped you!" Naruto protested.

"Naruto, shoving everything into one room does not count as cleaning up." Sakura said through clenched teeth. "Neither does throwing everything into our neighbors yard. Or anyone else's yard. Do you know how many complaints I've gotten over the past couple of days?"

They all stared at her blankly.

"On top of all that..." Sakura's face turned slightly red, "I have to go on a stupid date with some pompous ass!"

At this, everyone's attention perked up.

As if on cue, Jiraiya's face popped through the door, "Sakura? Are you... really going on a date? With who? Why? Am I- err- I mean are we not good enough for you?"

"What? Sakura!" Lee cried, looking wounded, "Why? Why must you break my heart like this?"

"Well, he was just so annoying and forceful and I was just so preoccupied with finding you guys that I just said whatever he wanted to hear to get him away. One thing led to another and I just... kind of agreed to a date this Saturday." She blushed and looked at her feet.

"Who is this guy?" Lee demanded, "How dare he be forceful with my lovely flower! I'll kick his ass!"

"His name's Hidan." Sakura muttered, turning a shade of red that wasn't even available in Crayola's brand new 200-crayon box set.

The guys all gaped at her.

Kiba snorted, "Still going to kick his ass Lee?"

"Yes!" Lee replied indignantly. However, there was a sliver of fear in his voice, "I'm not afraid of him!"

Sasuke smirked at Sakura; "Looks like you're going on a date with our starting quarterback."

And just like that, Sakura's life got so much more complicated- in more ways than she can imagine.

Finally the week was almost over. It was Friday morning and, like that first day, Sakura had biology with Professor Shizune in the morning.

She was dead tired. She had spent the majority of the past couple of days cleaning up after the "welcoming" party on Monday.

Despite all the drama throughout the week, the week seemed to have whizzed by. It's funny how quickly one gets accustomed to "crazy". All of Sakura's five senses seemed to have gotten used to the vulgar sights, sounds, and smells of the guys.

"Hmm... let's see... what happened this week?" Sakura's mind wandered from the lecture.

Tuesday: Naruto and Lee tried making Sakura "forgive-me" dinner. However, they only ended up burning the food and nearly taking half the kitchen with them. More work for Sakura.

Wednesday: The guys (consisting of Naruto, Lee, Kiba, Jiraiya, and Chouji) decided to have a milk-chugging contest. Three out of five of them ended up vomiting their guts out. Only one out of three of them made it to the bathroom on time. Even more work for Sakura.

Thursday: Revealed to them she was going on a date with Konoha's oh-so-special star quarterback. Naruto and Kiba tried to put hidden cameras into her room. She caught them and, again, gave them the beating of a lifetime. Naruto spent the night in the hospital with a minor concussion.

Friday: ... nothing yet. But Sakura was on guard. Too bad she was wary of the wrong people.

Sakura was sitting next to Hinata, who was a sweet, but dull, girl.

"Sakura! Hey Sakura!" A voice hissed at her. Sakura turned around to stare into the icy-blue eyes of her ex-best friend- Yamanaka, Ino.

"What do you want?" Sakura hissed back.

Ino smirked, and whispered, "I never knew you were into sloppy seconds."

Sakura frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know." Ino replied back, glaring daggers. "If you're trying to get back at me, it's not going to work. I don't know what rumors you heard, but I was the one who dumped him."

"What? Are you high?"

Ino looked dumbfound. "Wait- you mean you actually didn't know?"

"Know what?" Sakura was starting to get impatient.

"Oh... never mind then."

"No, tell me-"

"Ladies!" Shizune said as a marked whizzed past Sakura, barely missing her face.

"Eh, sorry professor Shizune." Sakura let out a nervous giggle, "It won't happen again."

Shizune glared at the two culprits, "It better not, or else I'll have to tell that orange-jumpsuit guy that there's openings in this class."

"Thanks a lot, Sakura," Ino whispered sarcastically through clenched teeth, "Getting me in trouble in the first week of classes!"

Sakura was about to retort back with something nasty, but decided against it as Shizune was still watching them out of the corner of her eye.

For the next two classes, Sakura could not concentrate. All she could think about was what Ino had said to her.

"What on Earth could that blonde bimbo be talking about?" Sakura thought to herself as she walked lazily to her last class.

"Hello there gorgeous," An arm suddenly went around her shoulder. "Miss me?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and pushed Hidan away. "Sorry, I have to run. I'm going to class."

"What class do you have now?"

"Advanced calculus." She replies stiffly.

"I'll walk you there." He grinned, placing his arm around her once more with more force this time, as if challenging her to push it away again.

Sakura's face flushed as onlookers gaped at them. Everyone seemed to know who this hotshot quarterback was.

"So you must be some quarterback." Sakura said with a hint of sarcasm. Luckily, Hidan did not catch on.

He smirked, "Oh yeah. Three years quarterback, three years champion."

"Swell..." Sakura muttered under her breath.

"You should come to our game next Saturday. Watch me kick some ass."

"I'll see." She replied curtly, "Anyways, I really have to tell you something about tomorrow. Something came up and I don't think I can-"

"Hiiiiiidaaaaan!" A feminine voice called out to him, interrupting Sakura's conversation, "Come grab lunch with us!"

A group of girls were calling him over. Sakura recognized one of the girls in the crowd as her housemate's "muse". Kin Tsuchi, was it? The girl seemed to have recognized Sakura too, as her jaw dropped in shock.

"I gotta run, but I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow night!" He gave her a wink before running to the girls. Before the crowd walked away, Sakura heard one of them say, "Hidan, who was that? Honestly, I'm really starting to question your tastes. Ever since that Ino..."

Sakura perked up when she heard Ino's name, but they were out of earshot.

"Damn it!" She cursed under her breath, "I always miss the good parts, or when they're about to get good!"

If only Sakura wasn't running on caffeine and three hours of sleep, she would've been able to easily connect the dots.

The clock chime snapped Sakura's mind back into reality as she dashed to calculus class.

She ended up getting there ten minutes early. But as usual, there were already people seated. She couldn't help but notice that the Sasuke-clone was always here before her, and always took the same spot in the back corner. However, she always took the same spot diagonally across from him.

Shikamaru gave her an acknowledging nod as she walked into class as she took the seat beside him. Out of all the guys in the house, Sakura felt the most comfortable with Shikamaru. The two of them seemed to have bonded through their shared calculus class... and Monday's events. But they don't really talk about that.

Now that she really thought about it, Shikamaru was the only one she felt any connection to. During the past week, she had barely seen Gaara, Shino, Sasuke, Sai, and Neji. She sees Gaara, Shino, Sasuke, and Neji during dinnertime, but they mostly kept to themselves. She probably saw Sasuke and Neji twice outside of dinner and classes. She hadn't seen Sai at all ever since that awkward encounter. Perhaps that was a good thing, considering the ruckus the rest of the guys, especially Naruto, was more than enough for her to handle.

"Say, Shikamaru?" Sakura wondered, "How come I never see so many of the guys?"

"Well... Neji's always at the library studying, and I think Sasuke's there as well. Shino spends most of his time here at the University in the biology department doing his internship. Gaara... I'm not sure. He has two siblings here, so I assume he spends most of his time with them. As for Sai... not a clue. That guy doesn't interact with us much."

"Does he talk to you guys at all?" Sakura asked.

"Eh, on the rare occasion he does talk to us, it's usually to insult our manhood." Shikamaru said sheepishly, "He loves talking about Naruto's penis, or rather, his lack of penis."

"I see... so they've always been like this."

"Don't take any of their behavior personally. This is just what our house has always been like. Frankly, I'm surprised you managed to last this long. The other maid actually had it easier than you did. She was here during summer, and most people go home during that time. She had yet to experience the beginning of the year where people barely have any work and everyone wants to party."

Sakura smiled, "Are you complimenting me, Mr. Nara?"

Shikamaru blushed and looked the other way, "Whatever. I'm just stating the facts."

Suddenly, a head plopped on her table, making Sakura yelp and lung back in her seat.

"Sorry there," The man grinned, with his long blonde hair covering half of his sinister smile, "Didn't mean to scare you, un."

"W-who are you?"

"How rude of me." He replied, "My name is Deidara, and that guy is Sasori. We're both in this class, un." He pointed to the red head sitting two desks away. The man merely gave her a disparaging nod and looked away.

The blonde's smile widened, showing a row of straight, white teeth. "So you're Hidan's new girlfriend, un?"

Sakura's temper immediately flared up, "I'm not his girlfriend! I only agreed to go on one stupid date with him! That does not make me his girlfriend!"

"Whoa there little lady! Calm down!" Deidara laughed, "I'm only stating the inevitable, un."

She continued to glare daggers at him. However, his twisted smile did not falter.

He bent down so his face was level was hers, and only inches apart. This scenario was all too familiar in Sakura's head as a wave of déjà vu washed over her.

"If it's any consolation. I'm giving you three weeks with the guy. That's three times the amount of time I gave the other girls before they got their asses dumped."

"Oh don't you worry." She replied coldly, "I don't plan on just being on notch on someone's best post."

The blonde laughed, "Oh, none of them plan it! It just happens."

This guy was seriously getting on Sakura's last nerve. She clenched her fists. It took all her willpower to stop herself from smacking this bastard across the face. How dare he degrade her like that!

Just then, Professor Yuhi entered the room, and most people began shifting back to their seats.

Deidara gave her a wink and whispered mockingly, "If you need a shoulder to cry on... you know where to find me, un" before returning to his seat next to the redhead.

What a way to end off the first week of classes.

If only she knew of the events that were about to unfold...

"Saaaaaaakuraaaa!" Naruto whined, "Why are you going on a date with this guy?"

"I told you a million times Naruto!" Sakura rolled her eyes, "Now leave me alone! I have to get ready."

Yes, she could've just gone wearing something sloppy and disorganized and completely turn him off. However, Sakura had too much womanly pride to ever let that happen. She picked out a nice outfit and put on a little bit of makeup.

As much as she dreaded the date, she couldn't help but feel a little bit of pride in herself. After all, she, this plain old Sakura, has managed to snag a date with the most eligible bachelor at Konoha University. That has got to count for something.

Besides, it's been a while since she'd been on a real date.

As for her living conditions, as bad as they seem now, this was still light years ahead of the hell she went through the previous year.

She was now waiting at the front door, with Naruto and Lee still trying to convince her not to go.

"You're breaking our hearts!" Lee cried, as he grabbed his chest, "You're wounding me!"

"Oh shut it, you drama queens." Sakura snapped, "And go back inside. I mean it."

Lee and Naruto pouted as they trudged, in defeat, back into the house. She heard them mutter under their breath, "What's so special about quarterback? I could totally be quarterback if I wanted to..."

Hidan's convertible strolled into their driveway at exactly seven. Not a minute too soon.

She entered the car, and the last thing she saw before it sped away was the image of Naruto and Lee's faces planted against the window, shaking their heads and yelling "no".

Sakura smiled slightly. As annoying Lee and Naruto were, they were very protective of her and it was kind of sweet.

"But honestly though," Sakura thought to herself, "What's the worst that could happen on a little date?"

Little did she know, she would totally regret those words the next day.

The morning after would be the trigger to the slow unraveling of the house... and it's members.

Hope you all enjoyed that! :)

I know it seems kind of slow right now, but bare with me! More juicy stuff will be coming your way very soon!

HALL OF FAME:
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Carsly- Itachi will showing up sooner than you think ;)
xSushiixCooki3zx – So far Shika is my favorite too! I figured poor Sakura needed someone to depend on and talk to… or else she'd actually go insane!
Kayou-chan
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YoU aRe GoNnA hAvE tOo GuEsS
Lady Sakura of the Uchihas
MissN567
twistedsmiles
DevilToBeLoved
This Fairytale is for Real
satoruharunobit- Don't worry… Gaara will be showing up very soon! :)

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OnlyTheGoodDieYoung