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The Trouble With Men Is

Chapter 8
...They Don't Have Boundaries!

"So pretty much you took off your clothes, tucked your willy between your legs and ran around the house singing Gloria Estefan's 'I Will Survive'."

...Shorts.

In the span of time that she had to think about the consequences of either choices (which was about a total of maybe fifteen seconds), she decided on the lesser of two evils. I mean, really. Think about it. If she picked her top, they would never let her hear the end of it. These boys would've seen as a sex object for the rest of her life. Also, she would probably have an even harder time getting them to stare nine inches higher. But if she chose to reveal her shorts, they would be so traumatized that they'd probably chug back a bottle of vodka and forget the entire night ever happened.

She slipped off her shorts and stared around. She could feel her face slowly starting to burn as the boys gaped at her.

She shuffled nervously in her seat and began to slowly regret her decision. She didn't want to them hit on her, but she didn't want them to be repulsed by her either. Besides, her granny-panties weren't that bad. Sure, they were a little high waisted, and yes, they were a little frayed around the edges, and the little white hearts on them were faded and weren't exactly white anymore, but did they really have to be so judgmental and silent?

"Yeah!" Kiba said, breaking the silence, "We got a chick to take off her panties!"

"Dumbass, she only took off her shorts." Naruto retorted.

"Not when I tell this story tomorrow at baseball practice." Kiba grinned.

Sakura felt even more self-conscious. She folded her legs up and wrapped her arms tightly around them.

"Awww Sakura," Lee said, "Don't be embarrassed. I think your 1950s panties are endearing. Shows what a classy and old-fashioned lady you are."

"Lee, she just stripped down to her underwear in front of ten guys. I don't think classy is the right word here." Neji rolled his eyes.

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Game over. I'm done here. I'm just gonna go to my room and pretend this never happened."

Before any of them could say anything, she grabbed her clothes and scurried out of the room. Partly because she was embarrassed, and partly because she didn't want them to see her cry.

It was around nine at night and Sakura was in her room trying to concentrate on her math assignment. She kept thinking back to that horrendous makes-me-want-to-rip-my-own-guts-out night of strip poker. Sakura was running scenarios over and over again in her head on how the situation might have been different, and how badly she wished it were.

The past couple of days were a nightmare. Sakura was so embarrassed she actually started to shift her sleep schedule so she could clean at hours when she could best avoid them.

She wasn't even she why she was so humiliated. It's not like she was sexually attracted to any of them. The reason why she chose to take off her shorts was because of her fear of them being sexually attracted to her. So why did she regret her choice so much? She was usually good at putting up with men. In fact, they were one of the few things she felt she could deal with.

Maybe it's because it has just been so long since a guy paid attention to her personality rather than her physical assets...

Or maybe she was just getting her period. Who knows?

Sakura took a deep breath and said firmly to herself, "This is just a job. You are only in it for the money, not to make friends with a bunch of unruly orangutans. You only need be at it until you save enough money. That's all your in this for."

A knock on her door snapped her out of her fierce monologue, and she cautiously called out, "Who is it?"

"Um..." a timid voice said, "It's um... me."

"Dumbass! She asked for your name!" another voice said. Sakura recognized it as Kiba's.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, and to her surprise... her entire house was standing there... even Jiraiya. Seriously, doesn't that man have a life?

"Yes?" Sakura said suspiciously, with her head only peeking out the door. "What would you boys... and man... like?"

All of them shuffled around nervously, before Naruto finally stepped up with a big gift-wrapped package in his hand.

"As a house, we decided to give you a little thank you present. For all your hard work." Naruto said proudly. "Well that and... other stuff."

"Yeah! Jiraiya chipped in too!" Lee added.

"I'm still confused on how he got in on this plan." Sasuke said, shifting his weight against the wall, with a bored, haughty expression on his face.

"It was his idea." Kiba muttered.

"Yeah, we were just planning on getting her a gift card, but Jiraiya said gift cards are for lazy bastards who will never get laid." Naruto explained.

"That old pervert just wanted an excuse to creep on under aged girls." Kiba grinned.

"Can we just give her the present already. I do have a rather busy schedule." Neji said impatiently.

"Okay okay." Naruto grumbled, handing over the huge box to Sakura. "It's for you." He grinned. "I hope you enjoy it."

"I... I don't know what to say." Sakura stuttered, "It's... wow... I mean- I'm just so... shocked and touched and I-"

"Shut up and open the damn thing." Shikamaru said, "And then see if you're still thankful."

"Oh I'm sure I'll love it, "Sakura said as she gently tore the big bow off and began to unwrap the gift. "Besides, with presents, it's always the thought that counts and I'm sure-"

She broke off as she finally got the box open. She gaped at the contents of the package.

"Well? Do you like?" Lee beamed, "We spent hours picking out all that stuff. Well, me, Kiba, Naruto and Jiraiya. Chouji came along too, but he got caught by security trying to steal a bag of cheetos."

"Ya, I'm surprised they didn't catch Jiraiya trying to sneak into the women's bathroom." Chouji said bitterly. "But the second I reach for a bag, they're on me like spring break bitches on laxatives."

"Jiraiya, were you by the women's bathroom handing out tampons again?" Neji asked.

"You'd be surprised at the amount of women who aren't prepared for chasing the cotton mouse." Jiraiya grinned. "And sometimes the women are so thankful they're not afraid to give a little... something something... if you know what I mean."

"You are disgusting." Sasuke said.

Jiraiya merely puffed up his chest, "A real man is not afraid to brave the red sea!"

"Yeah right." Naruto snorted, "Last time you got laid was when Sakura's granny pants was created, the 1950s."

"Anyways, so what do you think of our gift?" Kiba said excitedly, "I think you should wear it while cleaning. And maybe next time we'll get you a little feather duster..."

As Kiba droned on about his fantasies, Sakura was at a loss for words. That was probably a good thing. If she had been paying attention and listening to what they've been saying... the Jiraiya conversation probably would've scarred her for life.

However, on to more serious matters. Just what was she going to do with a huge box of designer lingerie?

Morning Biology really was going to be the death of Haruno, Sakura. She could barely keep her eyes as the rest of the class came bustling in. Unfortunately for Sakura, Yamanaka, Ino decided to sit right beside her.

"So Sakura, how are you?" Ino asked cheerfully.

"Tired, sleep-deprived and exhausted. Seriously, I don't know how I'm going to-"

"Okay, I asked how you were, not your life story." Ino cut her off impatiently. "So... how did it go?"

"How did what go?" Sakura frowned.

"Duh... your date!"

The question caught Sakura off guard, "Oh my date? With Hidan?"

That whole dramatic story seemed like a million light years ago. She had been so busy lately that she barely saw him or anyone as a matter of fact, with the exception of her housemates.

Ino nodded. "Come on, don't keep all the juicy details to yourself!"

"I feel like I'm back in high school..." Sakura muttered to herself.

"Well, you're not. So spill." Ino demanded.

Before Sakura could lie and make up something that didn't involve strippers or passing out and being carried to a stranger's bed, Professor Shizune came in and saved the day.

"Hello class," She said, linking her laptop to the projection screen. Today we'll be talking about the Okazaki fragments and how they form during the DNA replication phase. I can assure you one hundred percent that this topic will be on the exam in December so I suggest all of you pay very close attention."

"Sakura you didn't-" Ino began.

"I'll tell you some other time." Sakura cut her off, "We should pay attention. You heard Professor Shizune. It's an important topic."

Ino muttered something unpleasant under her breath, but she stopped pestering Sakura.

Even after being warned of the importance of the lecture, Sakura was unable to concentrate. Random thoughts kept bouncing around in her head. Hidan... Itachi... Sasuke... Uchiha... Naruto's orange jumpsuit... wait a minute. Back track! Uchiha, Itachi and Uchiha, Sasuke. They have the same last name!

"No!" Sakura gasped, out loud.

Shizune stopped mid sentence and stared coldly at Sakura.

"Yes? You have something you would like to say?"

Sakura's face burned as she felt the eyes of the entire class on her. Well, she had two options: she could tell the entire class that she finally discovered the link between the guy she lives with and the guy whose bed she passed out in after a horrendous date which resulted in her getting hammered out of her mind and not remembering anything. Or... she could just lie.

So naturally, Sakura chose to lie.

"I mean... I just cannot believe that the Okazaki fragments are... real. I mean... I always thought they were just made up by you know... scientists. Kind of like the whole 'Pluto's not a planet thing' that's going on right now." Sakura stuttered, earning snickers from the class.

"Uh... Pluto isn't a planet." A classmate sitting near the front piped up.

Sakura nodded slowly, "... right."

Shizune stared at her for a couple of seconds, before continuing on with the lecture. However, Sakura's heart was still pounding hard.

"Oh God, oh God." She thought as she tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for class to end so she could drive off to the middle of a desert and scream her lungs out. "What the hell did I get myself into?"

"I officially love Women's Studies!" Naruto declared as he strolled into the room.

"Okay, which one of you gave Naruto pot and alcohol again?" Shikamaru said.

"What? What are you guys talking about?" Naruto asked.

The people in the room, which consisted of Neji, Chouji, Lee and Shikamaru, all tried to stifle their laughter.

"Seriously guys! Tell me!" Naruto whined.

"Alright fine." Lee chortled, "Last time you got simultaneously high and drunk, you were convinced you were a, as you put it, 'woman, trapped in a man's body'."

"And... And..." Chouji continued, trying to hold in his laughter, "You kept insisting that wearing clothes –burst of laughter- only stifled and oppressed – more laughter- your 'inner beauty'."

"So pretty much you took off your clothes, tucked your willy between your legs and ran around the house singing Gloria Estefan's 'I Will Survive'." Shikamaru finished.

Naruto's face burned like a tomato, "Liars! It never happened!"

Lee, Chouji and Shikamaru were on the floor laughing. Even Neji couldn't keep his regular composure and he let out a rare chuckle.

"That's not even the best part!" Lee cried, tears streaming down his face. "You- you- you then went up to Sasuke... and just grabbed him and planted the biggest smooch on the poor bastard."

"Man the look on his face..." Shikamaru was shaking from laughter; "It took five of us to hold him down keep him from beating the shit out of you."

"Yeah, and the rest were trying to hold you back from planting another kiss on him." Lee choked.

Naruto's color was past red and becoming magenta. "It- It- never happened! I don't believe you!"

"Doesn't Kiba have a recording of this some where?" Neji asked.

"Yeah, he did," Chouji said, "But Sasuke got a hold of the tape and completely destroyed it."

"But word on the street is that Kiba has a back up somewhere." Lee grinned.

"Damn it! Where is that son of a bitch?" Naruto growled, balling up his fists.

The guys look around the room as if expecting Kiba to suddenly jump up from under the couch.

"Yeah where is Kiba?" Chouji frowned, "He's usually always here."

"Could he possibly be, God forbids, at class?" Lee gasped. The five of them exchanged dark looks.

"... Nah! He's probably off goofing around somewhere." Lee said, and the rest of them nodded in agreement.

"What is that guy even in anyways?" Neji asked.

Chouji, Shikamaru, Lee and Naruto looked at each other.

"I want to say it has something to do with processing..." Chouji said slowly.

"That's not even a real class!" Naruto said.

"Yeah," Chouji snorted sarcastically, "And Women's Studies is?"

"It is!" Naruto protested, "You actually don't know how-"

"Shut up woman and go make me a sandwich." Kiba said, strolling into the room.

"Where were you?" Shikamaru asked.

"Oh you know... around." Kiba winked at them.

"What the hell were you doing at a strip club at one in the afternoon?" said Lee.

"Hey!" Kiba said reproachfully, chucking a pillow at Lee, "Frisky Friday's isn't until Friday. And today, is clearly Monday." He sat down on the couch beside Neji, "Though I really could've used a good break today, you know, with all the stress of killing zombies on my Xbox all weekend and all."

"I don't know how you manage with such a busy schedule." Neji's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"What are you doing down here with us lowly, simple folks anyways?" Kiba asked.

Neji shrugged his shoulders, "I usually have biology class at this time, but I'm four lectures ahead. I thought I'd entertain myself by watching you buffoons act like idiots."

"Ah, such a charmer, you." Shikamaru said dryly, "Keep talking like that and Naruto's gonna want to kiss you too."

"I'll kill him before he does." Neji said, getting up. "Well, it's almost time for class. See you losers later."

The rest of the gang muttered half-hearted goodbyes. As they heard the door shut and Neji's footsteps fade out on the driveway, Kiba suddenly perked up.

"Okay, now that the prick is gone I can tell you guys where I really was." Kiba said excitedly.

"You mean you actually weren't at the strip joint?" Naruto blinked.

"Dude, what did I just say about Frisky Fridays?"

"Oh... right. Continue."

"I was on a lunch date..." Kiba paused a moment for effect. "... With Neji's sister!"

The guys frowned slightly, as if deep in thought.

"Neji doesn't have a sister." Lee finally said.

"Well then who's the cute girl with the pale eyes and long hair that looks like a female version of him?"

"That's his cousin." Shikamaru corrected.

"Meh," Kiba said, leaning back against the sofa, "Cousin... sister... to-mae-to... to-mah-to..."

"More like... cousin... sister... getting the cold shoulder... or getting your ass handed to you." Chouji corrected him.

"Hey! There's no rule of cousins being off-limits." Kiba protested.

"Yes, but it's highly frowned upon." Lee said.

Shikamaru shook his head, "Man, I'd never get involved with any of the guys' relatives; distant or close. Way too troublesome."

"I don't know... I think it depends on the circumstances." Naruto said, "It's all like... one big math equation."

"What?" The guys all stared at him blankly.

"Well, I figure would you could do is weigh the negatives and positives of the girl against the negatives and positives of the guy." Naruto said, "Personally, I think Hinata's worth it. She's as cute as a button. Though I do think she has some self-esteem issues, which is probably due to our oppressed society that smothers and forces females to conform to fit certain gender roles. Did you know that even now, men, on average, are still making more money than women on the same job? Of course, there's also the fact that woman are more judged appearance-wise than men are, which also has devastating effects on a woman's self esteem..." Naruto trailed off as the guys were all staring at him, agape.

The guys continued to stare at him, completely speechless. Chouji even stopped eating.

"Excuse me," Naruto whispered awkwardly, getting up from his seat on the carpet and slipping quietly out of the room, "I'm gonna go locate my testicles."

"He probably misplaced them while he was doing a rendition of 'It's Raining Men'." Lee finally said, trying to break the silence.

The guys now began staring at Lee.

"Too soon?" Lee said.

"Yeah."

After class, before Ino could interrogate her again, Sakura booked it home as fast as she could.

She usually stayed on campus during her lunch break, but she realized she had left her math notebook at home. Besides, she was curious to see what the guys were up to.

Ever since the incident where they bought her a couple hundred dollars worth of lingerie, she didn't really feel the need to avoid them so much anymore. Though when she first saw her present, she didn't know whether to feel insulted or flattered. It also didn't help that they decided to leave personalized notes for her.

"I know you're poor. Being poor sucks. My dad said to be nice to poor people, so they don't rob you blind, and screw your wife behind your back and then she'll leave you because apparently you never 'filled her' the way Brian does."

"If you were my bitch, I'd buy you sexy lingerie all day, err' day ;) know what I'm saying hookah?"

"They're forcing me to write this. Just wanted to let you know I had nothing to do with the selection of the gift. The only thing I provided was twenty dollars."

"Girl, if you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be a Big Mac. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I'm not trying to say you're fat. Oh God, I really shouldn't have written this message in pen. Please don't tell anyone about this note. I'll pay you. Oh God, I'm so lonely."

"Sexy, lemme rain all over dat fine ass of yours and then I'll-"

That was around the time she stopped reading the messages and threw them all in the trash. She was afraid if she read another one she'd have to kill , she could not deny, they had pretty darn good taste. They bought her a damn good variety too. There were lacy ones, red, green, stripes, polka dots. Lets just say it was enough lingerie to last her two lifetimes.

She entered the house, and to her surprise, all was quiet; something she was definitely not used to. She peeked into the living room, and noticed that the salsa stains on the couch were still fresh. She rolled her eyes, "I guess I just missed them. Lucky me."

She began wiping the spills of pop and salsa and god knows what when a voice suddenly interrupted her cleaning. A female voice.

"Are you sure there's no one here?" The voice whispered. It sounded familiar, but Sakura couldn't quite place it. She carefully moved to a spot behind the door so she could hear the voice better.

"Yeah, don't worry." A male voice replied. Sakura immediately recognized it as Shikamaru's. "This is usually Lee's bedtime. Kiba's probably in his room jerking off, and the rest are all on campus. The only one that knows is Chouji and don't worry, he won't tell anyone. Oh, and Naruto's MIA, probably dead in a ditch somewhere."

"So... where are we gonna do this?" The female voice said seductively.

"Where would you like to?"

"How about the living room. It's pretty spacious in there and the couch is pretty comfy."

Sakura's brain began to scream at the top of its lungs. "Oh God, please don't come in here. Please, please, please don't."

"Nah, the boys spilled salsa and pop all over it. It'll be nasty. How about my room? I cleaned it just for you." Shikamaru said.

"How sweet." The female whispered dryly.

She heard their footsteps moving up the stairs and she took a deep sigh. However, in her moment of relief, she accidentally shifted all her weight against the door, and BAM... the door slammed shut... and echoed throughout the entire house.

Shit.

How kind of Fate. Just when she thought she was in the clear, that cocky bastard decided to give her a big "fuck you".

I know a lot of you wanted Sakura to take her top off... but don't worry, there will be plenty of opportunities for the boys to ogle her in the future. ;)

Who do you guys think Shikamaru's secret woman is? Cookie to those who get it right! :D

Thanks to all those who reviewed! :)

Also: if you get a chance, please check out www[.]thestoryofallofus[.]tumblr[.]com
You won't be disappointed! :)

Till next time,
OnlyTheGoodDieYoung