Author's Note: The reviews are just awesome, thank you!
This chapter is shorter than the others but I felt it had reached its natural end. More coming!
They lied in bed together as the sun rose. Sleep had alluded them both but there were no words left to say. Tony held Ziva in his arms never losing touch for one moment through the night.
Ziva took in his scent, the feel of him holding her, the sound of his heart. She didn't want to forget, not one moment, not one detail - she did not want to forget. Her mind recalled so many images from their past.
From the moment she asked him if he was having phone sex? To looking down her shirt as she diffused a bomb. She saw his silly face crouched by her desk and remembered him touching her cheek when Franks died.
She'd been scared of Tony this last year; scared of what there was or was not between them. There had always been so much emotion bottled up and letting it out... for such a long time she thought it would never happen. He had told her - nothing should happen between them because of rule 12; he said it to her in Paris.
Maybe he had been right, maybe Gibbs was right to have that damn rule. But when you feel something for someone and when you are with them every day; when you share things you do not share with anyone else - how can you help falling a bit in love with them? But she did not think he was this in love with her - not the way he looks at her now...at least not then.
She did her best - her utmost best - to quell her feelings, to accept that Tony would never want her the way she wanted him. She pushed him away when her father died because of her own fear - fear of taking comfort in him, of letting him be there for her as a friend when she wanted so much more. He had told her that they should not because of rule 12 - he broke rule 12 for EJ not her - how was she supposed to know he felt this way? He hid it from her until Brazil.
But he does love her, he does want her and she feels it so deeply now. If only Jenny had not asked him to date Benoit; if only they'd written after Jenny died, if only she'd said no to Michael, if only he had not put rule 12 between them, if only she had not answered Ray's call, if only she had let him in when her father died...they might of had more time.
She wanted to stay, wanted to stay here nestled in his arms. This time she was not prepared to die. She wanted to see Tony reflected in their children's eyes, she wanted to hold his hand when she felt lonely, she wanted to buy him funnel cake and tease him about his hair. She wanted to be selfish and have him for all the days she had left to live.
She could tell him about Cortez, about what she had to do and Ziva knew he would follow her - he would work with her until the deed was done. But so many things could go wrong, she could die and he could see it, they could both die - but her true selfishness; her true reason for not including him was simply because she could not bear the thought of him dying and her living.
By leaving him behind he would have a chance to move on if something did happen to her. Eight days...no nine with Brazil. That is all they have as a couple. But she wished there could be one more day - just one more day every day.
Tony turned her in bed as the tears streamed down her face. He kissed her softly, gently, told her he loved her in those kisses. The emotion between them could no longer be contained. Their tears mingled on her cheek and they held on to each other, cherished each other and faced parting from each other.
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