A/N- A little bit of Kate's memories on meeting and marrying Josh. Also a little explanation as to why Josh acted like he did. Of course, it's all made up so definitely a little bit of creative liberty here. Thank you for all the reviews and favorites. They mean the world to me...
Kate replayed the events of the doctor's visit that night and couldn't stop the smile that seemed to be permanently attached to her face. She smiled when she smiled during her visit that day. She hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary during the visit. However, because of her accident, Doctor Taylor wanted to perform an ultrasound.
When the nurse wheeled the machine into the room, she laid down on the exam table. Castle took her hand and she smiled at him.
When the doctor turned on the ultrasound machine the room got very quiet. Then, the doctor asked, "Would you like to see your baby?"
Kate could only nod and watched as the doctor turned the machine around. She heard Castle gasp and he squeezed her hand tightly. She looked over at him and he was wiping his eyes with his free hand. She turned back to the screen and smiled when she saw the baby moving.
She was disappointed when the doctor turned off the machine and the screen went dark. Castle leaned down and kissed her so very softly and whispered, "Thank you."
Kate could only nod. He helped her up and then she kissed him again. Then she told him, "Thank you for being here."
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."
Looking into his eyes in the exam room, Kate could tell that he was being completely honest with her. The love she saw in his eyes had never been more apparent to her. It took her breath away and made her love him that much more.
The doctor handed her a few pictures and told Kate that he wanted to see her in a month. When she got out to Castle's car, she looked at the ultrasound pictures and took a deep breath. Then, Kate turned to him, handed him a picture and said, "For you."
Castle swallowed the lump in his throat and swallowed hard, "Thank you..."
Kate could only nod and smile at him.
Sitting in bed, she looked at the tiny baby in the picture. Her baby... She heard a knock on the door and she called out, "Come in!"
She saw Castle peeking his head in and he asked, "Can I come in?"
Smiling, she said, "Of course."
He saw the ultrasound pictures on her bed and he smiled, "You can't stop looking at the baby either."
Shaking her head, she whispered, "No. He's so tiny. Beautiful."
"You want a boy?"
She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't care either way, but I don't want to call the baby it."
He knew what she meant. He couldn't stop thinking about this tiny little person that she carried inside her. Before he saw the ultrasound today, he had been in love with the baby, but seeing it on the screen and hearing the baby's heartbeat had only magnified those feelings. He was even more in love with this baby. It suddenly became very real.
"Alexis is calling the baby peanut."
Kate smiled, "You showed her the pictures?"
Nodding, Castle said, "She saw me putting it in a picture frame."
Her heart skipped a beat when he said that. He was so very invested in this relationship. She was seeing that now. She could see how much he loved this baby. She whispered, "Thank you."
Castle smiled and asked, "For what?"
"For being here for us."
He smiled, "Always."
Then he leaned forward and kissed her softly. He smiled and asked, "I want to..."
She smiled, "What?"
"Lay down..."
She looked at him and then did as he asked. She closed her eyes and then felt his hands roaming over her body. She then felt him raising her shirt. Then, she felt him place a feather light kiss on her stomach. Then he whispered, "I love you little one. You are such a lucky baby. You have the most wonderful mommy in the whole world. I'm going to try and be the best daddy I can be."
Kate felt tears pricking at her eyes. She let her hand run through his hair and then she felt him lower her shirt. He stood up and leaned down to kiss her softly. She put her good hand on his cheek and whispered, "You are such a wonderful human being Richard Castle..."
All Castle could do was nod and then whisper, "Good night Kate."
"Night Castle."
She watched as he closed the door and then she squealed like a teenage girl. How she wished that she could have turned back time and done things differently. She would have changed so many things. Kate remembered back to her time with Josh. When she first met him, she had been looking for love and thought she had found it in him. She wished that she had known the heartbreak that was waiting for her.
Flashback
They were introduced by one of Kate's roommates from college. Rebecca had told her that Josh was perfect for her. Handsome, rich and very successful. The perfect combination.
When Kate saw him, she couldn't have agreed more. He took her out to fancy dinners and showered her with expensive gifts. He'd asked her to marry him after knowing each other for only a few months. She'd had doubts about marrying him.
So, she went to talk to Castle. Hoping that he would give her some sort of sign that he wanted her to say no. To tell her that he loved her. That he thought they could have a future together. All he had done was wish her luck and kiss her cheek. It had devastated her., but she accepted Josh's proposal the next day.
After that, their working relationship had been somewhat strained. They fought more. They were as in sync as they had been before. There was an undercurrent of tension in their relationship.
The night Kate got married, Castle showed up at the wedding. He hadn't smiled. He had simply attended the wedding. Then, while the rest of their friends attended the reception, Castle had left. She wondered where he had gone to, but had never asked him.
Before the wedding, Josh had been open to the idea of maybe having kids one day. She wasn't sure exactly when that changed, but one day, Josh came home and announced that he was never going to have children. Kate had asked him what was wrong, but he refused to answer. Refused to discuss the subject any further.
After that, she noticed little changes in Josh's attitude towards children. When they would go out to a restaurant and a baby would cry, he would get a look on his face and would mutter under his breath. She'd heard it once and he was asking why someone couldn't shut that kid up.
The change in his attitude confused her. Until she showed up at his office one day. When she talked to his nurse, they told her that he was no longer taking children for patients. That the practice was going to adults only. When Kate had asked why, the nurse told her, "He lost a patient and it killed him."
She tried to talk to him that night, but he refused. Saying that there was nothing to talk about. That they were never going to have children and that was the end of the discussion.
Shortly afterwards, she found out that she was pregnant. Maybe if she had gotten pregnant before Josh lost his patient he wouldn't have gotten so upset at her pregnancy. She would never now...
Flashback Ends
Kate wiped at a tear and wondered how different her life would be if she would never have married Josh. If she could have done it over, she wouldn't have married him. She was at a desperate time in her life when she met him. She'd decided that she could settle for him. If only to have someone to come home to at night. Someone to have things to do with on holidays. She had been so wrong to use him like that. She knew that now. If only she could go back and change things.
Although she wasn't sure how much she would change things. Because this baby was bringing her and Castle closer together and she found that she really liked it.
Over the next few weeks, they grew even closer to each other. Castle would come into the bedroom to say goodnight to her every night. He would lean down and kiss her stomach, telling the baby goodnight, before he kissed her.
There had been times when she wanted to take it to the next level, but whenever she had tried, he would tell her that they needed to wait until she was divorced and free to love him fully. She understood, but it frustrated her to no end. Her divorce would be final the week she got her cast off. It seemed as if her life was finally falling into place.
She was nearly 18 weeks pregnant when the cast came off of her arm. Over the past few days, she had felt the baby moving. At first, it had felt like gas bubbles moving around inside her, but when it didn't stop, she realized what it was. It was proof that her baby was growing and healthy. She'd called Castle into the bedroom and smiled at the look on his face. He'd leaned over and kissed her and then whispered, "I wish I could feel it. I wish I could feel our baby move."
Kate had gasped and looked into his eyes. Then she whispered, "I love you. So very, very much. You are a wonderful and remarkable man Richard Castle. To love a baby that isn't biologically yours. You are an extraordinary man."
Then she kissed him harder and he whispered, "I wish this baby was mine."
Kate whispered, "This baby is yours in every way that counts. In every way that matters."
They kissed again then Castle whispered, "Good night Kate."
Kate went to bed that night extremely frustrated, but happier than she had been in a long, long time. Part of her wished that he would take her to bed, but another part was glad that he was an honorable and good man. She had a hard time getting to sleep. She was too excited about her divorce being finalized the next day. Six weeks ago she had been devastated at the thought of a divorce. Now, she was able to look at a divorce as a good thing. A chance to start her life over with a man that she loved. A man that loved a baby that wasn't his. That meant everything to her and she loved him even more for that...