xxPUDDxx - Dougie's staying out of it for a while :)

200 Dougies POV

I was staying out of this, not wanting to get in the way of the argument I think we were winning. Fletch didn't have much to go on apart from his own opinion, so it was easier for us because we had actual evidence, to back up our side. "no Fletch! You don't know how much we're all going through! You have no idea how much Tom is going through, whats going on in his head, we do, and its not pretty at all! Trust me, he would never try and attention seek, ever! Its more a coping mechanism, to what you're putting us through! Tom can't properly cope with all this without a break! Just let us have today to ourselves, he's ill! The concussion is hitting him badly because he isn't resting! So let us rest, just for today!" Danny looked more emotional than angry now, just thinking about the marks on Toms arm (which I still hadn't seen) was making him so upset.

"how ill is he then?" Fletch seemed to finally become concerned. "he's tired all the time, has a permanent headache, feels so sick he doesn't eat. This morning I found him in the bathroom, after having thrown up during the night. And his leg is killing him, walking around like we do is hurting his leg more than healing it. He needs rest, just for a while." Danny explained, eyes turning huge with his pleading. "oh, really? You sure you're not over exaggerating." Fletch seemed to back down more. "we're not. Tom is honestly like that, you can't expect him to rehearse and things while having a banging headache, feeling like he's going to be sick. Just let him rest, just for today and stop piling pressure onto him constantly. You'll make him crack under pressure, he can't handle the pressure you're putting on him." Danny pleaded, relaxing as Fletch deflated.

"fine, you can have the day off, but, try and come up with a set list today, so you're ready for tomorrow. I'll take off some of the pressure, just, make sure he's rested and ready to rehearse tomorrow!" Fletch turned and left, as soon as the door closed, we all relaxed. "thank god for that." Harry sighed, squeezing my side gently. "I better go give the cost is clear, and get Tom back into bed, so he can rest. I don't want him throwing up again." Danny went to move. "so you weren't lying?" I asked, he shook his head.

"no, he's actually been sick. Even though he hasn't eaten anything for days." Danny whimpered and shuffled upstairs, we followed along behind, for a bit of support, because he was so worried about Tom. We walked straight into Carries room, hearing Paramores 'Pressure' even louder. The Fletcher siblings were sat on Carries bed, both still in their pyjamas, talking. Somehow, Carrie had managed to get Tom to help her straighten her hair, he was actually doing most of the straightening! I felt guilty for thinking that Tom must have been ill for actually straightening someones hair.

"coast is clear guys, Fletch has gone. We've managed to wrangle the day off." Harry explained, stopping Carries talking. "awesome! Day of curling up on the sofa and watching films it is! You and me are having a girly day!" Carrie laughed, starting to plait her hair as Tom finished straightening it.

201 Toms POV

Carrie made me help her put her hair into pig tails, and made me sit still while letting her straighten my own hair. I didn't want to sit there, I wanted to move and get away from her and her hands. I didn't want her touching me, being touched was awful, I hated being touched like this. It was so tempting to move, let the straighteners burn me, but it would have been on my face, which would be noticeable, I was already getting too much attention at the moment as it was.

"so, what do you want to do today? We can have a total all out girly fest today, just like we used to! We're already doing each others hair, but we can watch films and sing and play games too if you want!" Carrie was grinning widely at me, putting my hair through more of the tempting straightners. If I had been left alone with them, I would have burnt myself by now, it had been days since my last cut, my arms were itching madly. I needed release now, and no-one was giving me the chance. "hey, come on Tom, what do you want to do today? Its your day off, we can kick the others out and spend the day together, having a relaxing day to ourselves! We can do anything you want, its your choice, so, whats it to be?" Carrie was still smiling, but on the inside, I was panicking. I didn't want to do anything, I wanted to curl up on the floor and stay there, why couldn't I? I didn't want to waste my sisters day, or anyone elses, I couldn't choose what we were going to do either. It would be the wrong thing, I always chose the wrong thing, I couldn't just dictate the day and make her miserable, could I?

"I-I, I don't want to do anything." I whispered bravely, trying to keep quiet, not wanting to annoy her too much. "well, why not?" Carrie asked, turning my head so she could straighten the back of my hair. I realised we were using her straighteners, great, now my disgusting hair was on her stuff. "I-I feel ill." I answered even more quietly, barely even saying it. I just couldn't put myself through a day with my sister watching films and things knowing that it was a waste of her day. Carrie could go out and be with people her own age instead, she would have more fun with her boyfriend and her friends than with me, I would just mess everything up again like I did at last year.

Flashback 10th October 2010

I ran through the streets until I found Carries house, knocking desperately on the door. "hey watch it! Oh Tom, whats the matter?" Carrie opened the door, her face turning from angry to emotionless as she realised it was me by the door. "police, so close, to the police." I heaved, I had been so close to getting caught, I couldn't risk getting caught, it would ruin everything. "right, okay. Get in then." Carrie sighed, pulling me in by my arm. She led me to the sofa, where she made me sit down. "I'm sorry, I just, didn't know where else to go." I apologised, feeling genuinely guilty for turning up. I knew that I had promised to never bother anyone ever again, but I still went to Carries house, just to keep sane, even though I knew I was annoying her so much by doing this.

"its okay, I like knowing that you're still safe." Carrie smiled, pulling out her phone. She was in one of her best dresses, like she was going out somewhere. "where you about to go out? Cause I can go, I just needed cover for 5 minutes, that was all." I lied, as soon as I left here I was going to have to run like hell to somewhere else, hoping to god I wouldn't be caught. "nah, stay, its fine. I was just going to go out with Charlie, we can reschedule." Carrie shook her head, the coin dropped inside my head, it was her and her boyfriends anniversary today. "no, no I'll go. You go out with Charlie, and have fun. I won't bother you again." I stood back up again, ready to leave.

"no! Don't go! Stay, please Tom, stay! I am begging you, its been weeks since I last heard from you! Stay, please!" Carrie begged, pushing me back onto the sofa. "you sure?" I asked, Carrie nodded. "stay, please. Have a shower, have some dinner and sleep in the guest bedroom, for as long as you want." Carrie pleaded, I gave in, just like always. "okay, I'll stay the night if you insist. But, please, go out with Charlie, have some fun like any other teenager in love." I turned to pleading, I couldn't just stay here and expect Carrie to stay with me, especially on her and her boyfriends anniversary. "Tom, I can reschedule with Charlie to any day of the week. And I never know when you're coming round, I'll stay with you, okay?" Carrie shook her head, phoning her boyfriend and explaining the situation.

We stayed in for the rest of the night, I managed to have a shower and some dinner, and got to have a huge hole in my tshirt sewn up as well, which was nice, and I almost managed to fool myself into believing that this was like any other year. But always, in the back of my mind, I knew that I was wasting Carries time, she could have been with her boyfriend, laughing, joking, being in love like she was supposed to be. I had just barged in and ruined her whole evening, like I was an obligation to look after. I couldn't sleep that night because of the guilt filling up inside me, I was awake all night, trying to go to sleep and not have guilt filled dreams. Even at breakfast, I was just so guilty I could barely eat, knowing I should have been getting going now.

"I'm going to go, I'm sorry again, for wasting your evening. Thanks for letting me stay." I managed a smile and headed towards the door, just as the doorbell rung. "it was no problem, wanna still go out the front door?" Carrie asked, I shook my head. "I'll wait until whoever it is has gone." I ran and hid on the balcony, seeing that it was Danny, Harry and Dougie who had turned up! Sh*t! That was it, I leapt over the railing and ran, all the way back to my car, hoping to god they hadn't seen me and Carrie wouldn't tell them I had been at hers all night.

Flashback end

I always messed up with Carrie, always. I always wasted her time, made her spend time with me, made her look after me on occasion too. This year had shown how much I relied on her, she was the girl I had run to every time something went wrong, she had fed me and given me a bed to stay in when it was cold, even let me use her shower. And in return, I did nothing for her, at all, I felt so guilty, having never realised how much I had wound her up and never thanked her. I hadn't thanked one single person for trying to look after me, even though I didn't need it, I just took all I could then over dramatised everything. Fletch was right, I was a drama queen, I had to man up and learn to actually be nice to other people, starting with not wasting their time.