*tumbleweed* :/
210 Toms POV
I held back a loud whimper as the toast was put in front of me, it looked so tempting, but I couldn't! I couldn't go near that, how could I go near that? It was so nice and good, how could something like me eat that? I didn't deserve it, I had done nothing to deserve eating this! But I needed it, so my headache didn't get worse, and so I could concentrate better, which I needed the most, my head was having a war with itself already, I wanted to cry. "come on, eat up before it gets cold." Danny encouraged, running his hands through my hair.
"I, er, I'm not hungry." I shook my head, looking away from the toast and Danny, I couldn't do this. "you said that earlier, but you need it. You'll thank me later." Danny pushed the plate closer, the smell hitting my nose. I could smell the butter and the marmite, it smelled so good! But no, I had eaten last night, I wouldn't eat anymore until this evening, when there were more scraps. Last nights pizza crusts would be enough for today, I was sure, they would keep me going, right? "no, I've already had something, I-I don't need anymore." I managed to get up, standing on my own two feet, not paying attention to the throbbing in my leg. It was finally calming down now, but it still hurt just enough to be able keep my need for self harm away. "you sure? Look, do you want me to turn around or something? Will that make it easier?" Danny held onto my hands, his own soft and warm against my cold and unworthy hands. I nodded slowly and took my hands away from his, feeling unworthy of holding his hands, wondering if I could get away with hiding it somewhere.
But luckily, I didn't have to think about that, because as soon as Danny finished walking out, the door opened, revealing Harry and Dougie. "right, whose ready for some rehearsals?" Fletch followed them inside, rubbing his hands together. "er, yeah, I guess." I shrugged, grabbing my crutches. "yeah, we're ready." Danny nodded, coming back inside, grabbing my guitar case as well as his own, dumping them in the minivan before getting in next to me. "so are we feeling better today?" Fletch asked me condescendingly, giving me a look with the same sort of tone. "yeah, loads." I sighed, just to keep him happy. My heart was still pounding at the thought that I almost had to eat something then, and that I was going to be shouted at even more now that we were going to be practising and I wasn't very good. "good, now do we have a set list or do we have to sort that out too?" Fletch turned to everyone now, stopping with the condescending.
"we have half of one we think, we have a few ideas at the least." Harry answered, giving Dougie a beaming smile, Dougie blushed. "well, there's a start, now we must have this sorted by the end of today, alright? Then we can start practising, and then maybe we might be ready for the concert." Fletch sighed, rubbing his temples in worry. "yeah, we will, don't worry." Danny nodded, holding my hand gently, refusing to let me go, no matter how much I tugged at my hand.
All too quickly, we arrived at the studio, and were starting to get a set list going. We had 15 songs in the list, most of which were from our older albums, and a few from our newer ones we had just written. Then, we started playing, and it was all going well until we got to my parts where I had to sing. I was all over the place, singing out of tune, the wrong lyrics, coming in at the wrong place. "Tom, will you concentrate! You're messing this up!" Fletch shouted at me half way through Star Girl. "I-I'm sorry, I'm trying." I stuttered, feeling my arms itch. "well try harder." Fletch growled, before answering the phone as it started to ring.
"I'm sorry." I felt my bottom lip quivering, it just hurt. The noise caused by Harrys drums thumped in my head every single time he hit something, making my headache worse, I felt sick and dizzy too, my fingers were stumbling over the chords, I couldn't concentrate on anything. I felt so pathetic, so useless, I wanted to cut, badly. "wanna take a break honey? Rest your head a little?" Danny asked, running a hand over my arm. "no, I'm fine. I can carry on." I shook my head, I had to carry on, I had to be perfect, I wouldn't be perfect if I took breaks every time I did something wrong. "you sure? Cause we won't mind, we could all actually do with a break." Harry stood up, shoved his drum sticks in his pockets and grabbed Dougies hand. "no, I don't need any time. You can break, I'm gunna carry on, I need it." I couldn't even look up anymore, I was just staring at their feet, concentrating on the boys trainers. Dougie had on blue Vans, Harry had white DC trainers, and Danny had black boots. "alright then, we'll have lunch break then. See you in about half an hour?" Danny gave in, kissing my head and ruffling my hair, and walked out. I waited for everyone to leave, before I started to cry, trying to carry on playing. I failed even more than I already was, feeling so worthless I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
211 Harrys POV
Danny sat and worried the whole way through lunch, he was actually shaking, not able to eat. He was so worried, he didn't want to leave Tom on his own at all. "I can't leave him, not for long. He'll do something!" Danny rocked back and forth on his chair, whimpering loudly. "Dan, we don't know that. Tom could be just fine, sitting calmly and practising!" I tried to come up with something reasonable to calm Danny down, it didn't work. "its Tom we're on about here! He won't be fine, he's never fine! You didn't see, you didn't see his lip wobbling, he's gunna cry at the least! Its not his fault he's having problems singing, he can't concentrate with his headache! Its Fletchs fault for shouting at him!" Danny tugged at his hair viciously, I could see this spiralling down hill so quickly from here.
"Danny, if you're really that worried, go back. Go talk to Tom, make him feel better, encourage him a little. I'm sure you'll be able to give him some support." I suggested, Danny ran back to the studio before I had even finished. "Harry, how do we know Toms going to be okay?" Dougie whispered, a very worrying shade of pale. "I don't, but we can hope, can't we? There's nothing much in that room that Tom can hurt himself with, is there? He'll most probably be fine, and if not, we can take him home and calm him down. Maybe prepare him a little for the stress, and decide whether we can do this concert or not. Thats all we can do really." I held onto his hand and kissed his hair. "okay, but how do we do that?" Dougie asked, gripping onto my arms. "erm, I don't actually know, but we'll come up with something, alright? Now how about going back to see if we can help before more panic rises." I got up and helped Dougie up, keeping my arm firmly around Dougies small waist the whole way back to the studio.
What we found wasn't really too bad to be honest. Tom and Danny were sat on the sofa Tom had been sitting on, Dannys arms around his shaking shoulders. There were barely concealed tears on Toms face, but he was holding them in at the moment, I felt so sorry for him. He was trying his hardest, only to have Fletch shout at him constantly, like nothing had happened this year and Tom had just suddenly forgotten everything. "don't listen to Fletch baby, he's being an ar*ehole, he doesn't know what he's on about." Danny whispered gently, slipping his hand into Toms, stopping him from trying to carry on playing. Tom had been trying to play still, but had failed, his shaking hands unable to stay on the chords. "Fletch doesn't understand whats up right now, ignore him. We've got a week, it'll be alright." I bent to Toms level, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"he's right, I'm sorry, I'll try harder." Tom whispered, wiping his eyes. "you don't have to try harder, you're doing the best you can, you can't do anymore than that. We don't blame you at all, we understand how hard it is to concentrate with a concussion, especially after it being so long since we've played these songs as a band." Danny shook his head, trying to squeeze Toms shoulders more, it wasn't happening. Tom wouldn't let him pull his body closer, just continued to sniff back tears, staring at our shoes, he wouldn't even look up anymore.