Disclaimer and notes: Don't sue! I'm merely using the Bleach characters as a source of entertainment. Besides, you don't see them outwardly complaining, do you :P About being a source of entertainment, I mean.

To the Wind
Chapter 4
By AdventWing

"Hey, Ichigo."

"…Yeah?"

"Shouldn't we be preparing for our 'guests'?" Rukia asked, saying 'guests' the way one mentions a disease.

"…Probably."

Rukia sat up and studied him for a moment. "What are you doing?"

"I'm preparing." He said flippantly.

She cocked an eyebrow. "With a pen and paper?"

"It's a list of people who might 'volunteer' to act as guests and the steps we take to minimize damage."

She didn't get it. "Damage to what? None of them are especially violent…" She paused. "Except for your friend, Tatsuki-san, but she has a good head on her shoulders—"

"I meant the damage to my pride."

"Riiiiight…" She grinned, flopping down next to him to see the list. It was extensive. "Wait, Ichigo, not ALL of them are coming…"

"…Oh yeah."

Rukia rolled her eyes. Someone's paranoid…

"Hey. Alex. Who's coming?"

It's AI EX, Sir.

"Right, so how many are coming?"

I was not informed.

Ichigo smiled. "Great! When they get here, we can say that we didn't know how many were coming, and send them on their merry way!"

If I may say so, I noted Katobeto-sensei's number when he called earlier. Would it be useful?

"…Very useful, Alex," he ground out.

AI EX, Sir.

-----

"Hello? Katobeto-yarou?" Rukia kicked him. "Ow…good afternoon, Katobeto-sensei. I have a few enquiries about the guests that are arriving tonight. Like what? Maybe you could start with how many are coming?" If I know their numbers, I won't run out of ammo. Tell me, should I use piercing, or scatter rounds, you vampire? "Oh? Oh…okay. You only allowed…six?" He struggled to keep the strain out of his voice. On his list, six names were circled with red marker.

And they were:

Asano, Keigo

Kojima, Mizuiro

Tatsuki, Arisawa

Inuoe, Orihime

Sado, Yatsutora

Ishida, Uryuu

BASTARD! He allowed the people he KNEW would get on my case!

"Hmm? Oh, no. There's no problem…" Rukia observed the twitch in his jaw.

"Okay, thank you. Good…what?"

Rukia paled at his expression. Was something wrong?

"I assumed that…no, I didn't…."

"Yes, we'll be prepared."

-click-

"Well?" Rukia demanded. "What did he say?"

"Six. Count on them to be these people." He said gruffly, tossing the list to her.

"…This may be a problem."

"You think?"

"Well, I'm open to suggestions. Food first right?" She sat next to him. "What are we going to feed them?"

"What were you going to make, anyway?" He asked, remembering that she said she'd cook tonight. Rukia glanced away.

"It's a surprise, and anyway, there's no way it's fit for nine people. I'll cook it tomorrow."

I have a suggestion.

You're full of suggestions… "Yeah?"

Allow me to prepare the menu. Ichigo glanced up suspiciously. "What'll it be like?"

Western.

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "That may be a good idea. I bet Katobeto-yarou will be impressed…"

And if I may say so, Sir, the kitchen is well equipped to produce a full-course meal. You will have to buy the meat, though.

Rukia blinked. "Western?"

-----

"I don't know…"

"Relax, Alex knows what he's doing. You're cooking right?"

It's AI EX, Sir. And yes, if I may brag, this house was invented for this purpose: To entertain guests.

"Besides, you haven't tried western yet. Yuzu's a bit of a traditionalist, because that's all she remembers Mom making."

"Hmmm. Okay. All that's left is to set the dining room and—"

"—Prepare a plan to keep them from wrecking our house."

Rukia's eyes widened. 'Our' house?

"…What?" He asked, catching her stunned expression.

She smiled a bit, brushing past him. "No problem. We take on Hollows," she said swiftly. "We can take on six students and an evil Home Ec teacher."

-----

"Okay, Tatsuki?"

Rukia slapped a hand to her cheek. "Ara! Tatsuki-san! It was completely my idea! I assumed that since Ichigo was failing the subject badly-"

"Good enough. Do you really need to the cheek thing? …Asano?"

She had to roll her eyes at this. "No, Ichigo has been the perfect gentleman and would not dream of compromising my-"

"Okay. Mizuiro?"

"Simply nod and shake my head, don't speak to him, always look for another conversation right?" she sighed. "Is he really that big of a womaniser…?"

"Yes. He is. You handle them, I'll handle the other three, and we'll take on Katobeto-yarou together."

She cracked her knuckles. "Sounds like a plan…hey…I just thought of something…"

"Yeah?"

"What do we wear?"

-----

Crap, I know I have a collared shirt somewhere…

"Hey, Ichigo, what's this? I don't feel it's appropriate for…"

He flushed."N-night! That's sleep-wear."

Rukia glanced at the flimsy clothing. "How the heck is this supposed to keep ANYONE warm?" She went back into the walk-in closet.

…She better NOT wear that anytime this week…

"Ichigo? There are male shirts here too, you know. Why not check to see if any of them fit?"

"…Why not? I don't have a single collared shirt here."

"Hey, try this one," she suggested.

Well, I do have one good shirt... He thought back to the flamboyantly pink shirt his dad gave him. I REFUSE TO WEAR-

He glanced at the shirt she held out. "Rukia, this is pink!" He sputtered. And not just any pink. Soft pink. And...was that lace?

"So? I've seen your father wear something like this. And I've seen many men wear...such a delicate colour. Is it not the fashion?"

He tossed it away. "Not MINE."

She shrugged. "Then, is this better?" She asked, passing him a chequered one.

"Ah, well…I guess. Not bad." For someone who's never seen clothes like these until now, she can pick good shirts…"Anyway, this is the only time you'll see me dressed like this. How about you?"

"I was thinking of this…but then I thought it wouldn't fit with our dinner." She held up a black kimono with white butterfly patterns.

Ichigo stared. Yeah. She'd look good with that on… He coughed. "Well, maybe some other time. There has to be something else though…"

"How about this?" It was a simple white dress with a little lace. She frowned. "It's a little…

Sweet? "…It'll do. We're running out of time anyway."

She nodded. "Okay."

-----

"KONBANWA!"

Ichigo and Rukia sweat a little. Their guests looked daunting.

Orihime (oblivious as always) was with Tatsuki (who was grinning that 'we're-in-public-I-want-to-kill-you-later grin', Ishida was standing a little further back, looking a little irritated. Chad was with Asano (whom Ichigo hoped did not bear a grudge over that pizza incident) and Kojima. Katobeto seemed the leader of this motley group, and he grinned good-naturedly.

Yeah right. He's probably noting our every move down in that psychotic mind of his…

Rukia smiled winningly. "Please, please, come on in. Our home is yours!"

Ichigo, feeling Rukia discreetly nudge him, chipped in. "Dining room is this way."

Rukia stifled a sigh of relief. He was going the right way.

"Woa! What a house!" Kojima commented.

Chad grunted an affirmative.

"It has one heck of a security system too." Asano added, glancing sideways at Ichigo. Ichigo winced. He DID bear a grudge at being flung 10 meters away.

"Everything is state-of-the-art. A multi million-dollar house. It's only their first day, but Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san seem to handle it well." Katobeto smiled.

They let out a simultaneous twitch. He didn't know about the blackout.

"Aha, true." She said nervously. "Here we are."

"Western? Ichigo, I thought you couldn't cook? Did Kuchiki-san do this?" Tatsuki asked, awed at the spread.

Rukia shook her head. "Well…we had help."

Good evening, honoured guests. I am AI EX, Madame and Master's butler.

Orihime's eyes grew big and shiny with excitement. "WAI! You guys get an AI! Tell me," she said running up to the couple. "Does he get angst and complain about serving humans, or does he laugh for no apparent reason? …Or…no…does he have a giant robot body, 1000 metres below the house?" She stared unflinchingly into their blank expressions. "Silly me, I should ask AI-san. AI-san, do you—"

Tatsuki reeled her back in. "Yes, yes." She muttered. "I'll deal with her." Ishida looked on, amused.

Searching for an appropriate answer, and finding none, he changed the subject.

…If you all will take your seats, Madame, Master, and I will serve the appetizer.

-----

As a participant in this exercise, you may ask, "Katobeto-sensei, what is the point of inviting all the close friends of subject one and two?"

And Katobeto-sensei would answer, "In my studies as an evil Director of Home Economics, I have discovered some VERY important facts."

"Fact one is that even teachers of the subject tend to take things easy on the students, because Home Economics is not considered a core subject. It is an 'addition', something required to make students more rounded," he would say.

"Fact two is that in reality, the home is where some of the most stressful events take place. To better emulate that, I have decided to 'stress-out' my two subjects as much as possible. My findings at the end of this week will be of great use in my quest to make Home Ec a core subject."

A thought will occur to you. "How much stress will you apply? What if they snap?

Katobeto will now grin.

And you may know think: Whoa boy. This guy needs a jacket, and a reservation for a room with padded walls. I need out before we get arrested.

You'd be right.

"So, Ichigo, how are the sleeping arrangements in this house?"

Well, as Madame and Master intend to best replicate married life, they have—

"—This is good chicken." Cut in Chad. Ichigo sent a glance of thanks.

Orihime nodded happily. "It's incredible!"

Ichigo smiled nervously. "Alex here did all of the work."

AI EX, Sir.

Tatsuki winced. "Sorry about Ichigo, AI-san."

Kojima added, "He has a problem with names."

I have noticed.

"Still…it's incredible that you two can stay here." Ishida said, talking for the first time. "You two have responsibilities…" Rukia and Ichigo glared at him. "…At school." He finished, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Well, it all goes into their grade. I'm sure that it has been, educational…so far. You two have done the report for yesterday, yes?" They nodded vigorously. He grinned, bordering on sinister. "…Don't forget…"

Kojima laughed. "But Ichigo, you, of all people…"

Tatsuki frowned disapprovingly. "I wondered what girl would take him. I can't believe you duped—"

Rukia glared at them, her gaze cold. "It was my idea. Ichigo has been more than gentlemanly to me." She blinked. Oops. She called him by his first name.

Tatsuki's jaw dropped, and she turned to stare at Ichigo. "We're going to have a talk about hitting on relatively new students, Ichigo…"

In comparison, Kojima and Asano's jaw seemed to be permanently detached.

Rukia paled. This is bad.

Ichigo growled. "What part of 'Nothing's Happening', don't you two understand?"

Shall I serve desert?

-----

"Whew. Fantastic meal, AI-san, Ichigo, Kuchiki-san." Murmurs of agreement filled the table.

Katobeto grinned. "Attention. Everyone. I've brought an offering of sorts to our two newlyweds." Ichigo and Rukia frowned at the term. "AI-san, would you please direct me to the sake cups?"

Tatsuki stared like Katobeto had a cow on his head. "We've got eight minors here…"

Katobeto just laughed dismissively. "Don't worry about that, just trying to make the situation as realistic as possible."

Ichigo growled. Right, you screwball. I don't even WANT to know what you'll do when we're drunk. I'm staying freaking sober.

Rukia smiled. "Ah sake. I'll help with the cups, Katobeto-sensei." Finally something familiar!

Kojima and Asano couldn't believe their luck.

Shall we adjourn to the lounge?

Ichigo leaned to whisper to Rukia. "Which way is that?"

-----

Orihime let out an exclamation of awe. "It's great…"

Ichigo blinked. He'd never been here.

Asano and Kojima flopped on the couch, sighing contentedly. "This is the life…" They glared at Ichigo. "We're so jealous!"

Tatsuki turned on the plasma TV. "Woa! You have cable!" Ishida, unable to hide his interest, gravitated towards the TV.

Chad looked at Ichigo. "You okay?"

Ichigo looked up, startled. "Yeah I'm fine. I just hope things don't get any worse."

Chad looked at the group and sighed. "Stay sober, Ichigo. I'll do the same."

"…Can't believe that a TEACHER would—"

"Heeeeeeere's the sake!" Katobeto slurred, apparently already drunk.

Ichigo stared at him dispassionately. I'm reporting this asshole.

Rukia put bottles on the table, and set out cups. When she began to pour, however, Katobeto stopped her.

"No, no, dear." He said, pouring for everyone and handing her a cup. "This is a toast to our lab rats—I mean, Pioneers! To Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san! Kanpai!" he cheered good-naturedly.

"KANPAI!" The guests echoed.

Things went downhill from there.

-----

"And then, hic, when Ichigo got his ass handed to him…he asked the teacher, Sir, why does Tatsuki-chan keep beating me? And the sensei said, Well, if you would STOP crying after the first god damn hit..." Tatsuki laughed at the memory.

Orihime and Ishida was her rapt audience. "And then? What did the Ichigo do?" She asked giggling, her face red.

Asano and Kojima were prancing around the room to a music video on TV. Chad had even joined in to make sure they didn't hurt themselves.

And Rukia!

"Okay, how many have you had?" He asked angrily.

Rukia smiled drunkenly. "Um. That one." She said pointing to a bottle. "And…" her eyes unfocused. "That one…" she pointed to another. "...and that one...and that—"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" He snapped. She recoiled at his volume level.

"Cheh." He muttered, glancing at her despondent look. "All right, I'm sorry." She brightened considerably. "But seriously, don't you know your limits…?"

Katobeto interrupted, very much sober. "Oh, I think she does. But you see, this sake here is special, because it contains a larger percentage of alcohol than normal. My special order brew."

Ichigo growled, grabbing a fistful of Katobeto's shirt. "…Why you manipulating…"

"Please! Kurosaki-kun! I'm surprised you aren't drunk yourself…you are a careful drinker!"

Ichigo released him. To be honest, he did feel a little…tipsy. He felt two lithe arms encircle his neck from behind. One of them was holding a sake cup.

"Neeeeeeeeh…Ichigo…" Rukia drawled. "I think…that this dinner was a suc-hic-cess."

He flushed at the proximity. "Damnit!" He cursed. Who would have thought that Rukia would be such a cuddly drunk!

Katobeto observed him carefully. "I hope you have read the rules, Kurosaki-kun. The last rule is no se—"

"Whee! A pool!"

Actually Inoue-san that is a pool 'table'. But we do have a swimming pool on the premises.

"AI-saaaaaaaaan! I want to see your giant robot! Hic."

"Oi, Orihime! How many times to I have to tell you…what do I tell you, 'hime?" Tatsuki asked.

"I can't believe our friend is married..." Asano sighed.

"…Kind of makes you...think about what you're doing with your life…" Kojima muttered.

Great. Of COURSE two idiots would get deeply philosophical when they were drunk. It wasn't possible for then to become MORE stupid.

Asano lit up. "Let's sing for Ichigo!"

Kojima nodded. "Yeah! One, two…"

"OH, FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELL—"

Or not.

"I HAVE A ANNOUCEMENT." Ishida suddenly said, standing tall and proud on a table. He pushed his glasses up a bit. "I like…sake." He slipped and fell off the table.

…

"…I'm gonna go help Ishaaaaa-kun." Orihime said, ambling to the fallen Quincy.

Tatsuki nodded absently. "Don't forget what I always tell you."

…Kurosaki-san.

"What, Alex…?" He asked, trying to get Rukia from using a pool stick as a Soul-Cutter sword. She laughed giddily.

AI EX, Sir.

"…Right, right." He pulled the stick away for the fifth time.

I suggest we end the festivities. It is close to midnight. Might they have class tomorrow?

He blinked, forgetting Rukia's wildly flailing arms. "…Yeah. They do." He said, glaring at Katobeto, who was jotting something down in a notebook.

Then it is an EXCELLENT excuse, if I may say so, Sir.

Ichigo glanced around. Orihime was on the floor, crawling around and going 'Ishaaaa-kuuuun', Ishida, yes you heard right, Ishida Uryuu was so drunk he couldn't seem to find his way out from under the table, Tatsuki herself had forgotten where and apparently who she was...or maybe she just didn't care, and Chad, Asano, and Kojima where still doing their inane dance!

He glared at Rukia. "You're completely reliable. When you're not DRUNK! How could you leave me like this!"

Rukia giggled. "But I'm right heeeeeeere…" She said, intent on attaching herself to Ichigo's waist.

Sir?

"…Let's do this."

-----

Clean up was not as hard as it seemed. With Katobeto and a more or less sober Chad, all Ichigo had to do was kick them out and put Rukia to bed.

No, it was not cleaning up that was hard.

"Heeeeeey…Ichi…where did everyone go…?"

"Home." He said, scooping her up into his arms.

"Hmmmm…are we going home…?"

"For all intents and purposes, this IS our home."

She smiled softly. "OUR home. Ichigo…you said it again…"

He nearly tripped. "W-what?"

"I heard you, you said 'our' home." She snuggled into his chest. "I like that…"

He cocked his head to the side. I…I guess I did… "Well, don't get comfortable, we're here."

Not bothering to turn on the lights, he placed her on the bed and tried to put the covers over her. She kept kicking them off. Sighing, he pulled away, coming to a halt however when she felt her suddenly attach herself to his waist. Again. "Where are you going Ichigo…?"

"Downstairs. The couches seemed mighty comfortable."

"No…" she slurred. "…We had a deal…"

"…It probably won't be permanent." The deal? Or him being on the couch? He tried to pull away but the feeling of her lips brushing lightly against his ear stopped him like only the impact from a moving car could. Oh shit…

"Don't you want to stay…?" She murmured, nipping his ear lobe…suggestively? He felt something click up there

He pushed her away quickly, and was shocked to find her Persian blue eyes beginning to shine with unshed tears. "Rukia…?"

"…It's this false body…this gigai. But even if I weren't in it, you wouldn't even think about—" Her eyes widened, as Ichigo impulsively pushed his lips up against hers. But it was brief, too brief. She felt herself lean forward as he pulled away.

She stared at him questioningly, her eyes cloudy with emotion. "…You were going to cry." He explained, just as shocked at what he had just done. Who was he explaining to? Her? Himself? Does it matter? I can see her smile coming back…

"Thank you…" she buried her face in his shoulder.

"You won't thank me if you remember tomorrow. You're drunk now, but I wasn't." If you remember, I'm D-E-A-D…but I probably deserve it for taking advantage of you.

She smiled, her gaze hazy. "You'd be surprised…hic." She settled down and closed her eyes.

"Okay, sleep time." He said.

She hugged him tighter. "Until I sleep then…"

He frowned. "You ARE asleep."

She yawned. "No…"

"Yes…"

"No…"

"Yes…"

He heard her breaths become even, and smiled. "Well. Power of suggestion." And now that it was time, he was loathe to leave. He was in deep. Really deep. He sighed as he traced her jaw line, leaning down to kiss her forehead in good night…

"…Kaien-dono…"

Ichigo froze. Who?

"Kaien-dono…"

"Rukia…?" You've got to be kidding me… He checked to see if she was asleep. Could…this guy….

"You shouldn't do that…call me by my first name…"

She…

"I've always wanted to tell you that…before…but I can't now…can I?"

…was asleep….

He disentangled himself, and grabbed a pillow. With care, he slipped the covers on her, and this time, she didn't kick them off.

"Because Kaien-dono is…"

The door closed behind him with a satisfying little click. Rukia's home isn't here. He leaned against it, shutting his eyes, a lack of sensation making an interesting contrast to the emotion swirling within. I knew that. Her home is somewhere else…with somebody else.

Who the hell am I but the person who robbed her of all that?

Tsuzuku

-Bows- Sumimasen.

Ara, Look at Ichigo go awaaaaaaay…

But seriously, is that guy going to be okay? XD

I think re-uploading two chapters a night is okay, right? Right? I mean I can't help but go through every one again, and make little tweaks here and there, and…

Ahem. Well, see you again.