"Oh no, no, no," he declares. "I am the Esapada's best. I am the strongest. People should be bidding their virginity for ME, DAMMIT! NOT GRIMMJOW! HE'S INFERIOR TO ME! HE'S LOWER-RANKED!" Nnoitora stomps his foot—clad in what, upon further inspection, were elf shoes—voice rising a couple of octaves on every single "I" as he sweeps on with his tantrum.
I sigh as the tirade is punctuated with a fiery, "THE FUCK!" to which I react by throwing my shoe at his head.
Ever since the Quinto Espada had awoken from his chloroform-induced choma, he'd done nothing but complain—not to say there isn't much to gripe about when one is roused from the dead with a huge migraine. But still, he can be a bit more grateful. Hovering in the afterlife isn't exactly the greatest past-time.
ZangetsuJakes: "Thanks for letting me bid, Kevvy! I promise I won't bash anyone! I'm nice! Really!"
"I'm assured by that," I say, sighing and closing my eyes for a brief rest from the havoc resulting out of the corner of my peripherial vision. Grimmjow is now effectively displaying his dominance in a cat-fight with Nnoitora, who is doing a good show of handing his ass to the Sexta.
"It's good to see people are being nice." I exhale heavily. "There's so much violence these days. Maybe putting two men in the same room together wasn't such a good idea." A horrendous crash from behind me confirms that my worry was indeed reasonable.
Chairs go hurtling through the air followed by an array of people who were unfortunate enough to be bystanders to this spectacle. A few were, regrettably, injured. To top that, ZangetsuJakes' bid was drowned out by all the racket, further pissing me off. A vein throbs at my temple.
"HEY! KEEP IT DOWN! I'M DISCUSSING IMPORTANT BUSINESS!" I howl, jaw clenched.
I flick my wrist, summoning help on stand-by to go get the information I needed.
twijazluver: "For Nnoitora...M'kay, I bid 100 female servants that are barely dressed who will do anything (ANYTHING)-"
"Oooo, emphasis on "anything"," I say, waggling my eyebrows as Nnoitora whoops and hollars in the background.
"-he wants, the power to never, EVER lose in a fight, my best friend Christine as his personal slave, and all of Hueco Mundo.
I think I have a good chance of getting Nnoitora...No one else wants him..."
"WHAT?!" Nnoitora howls, doing a complete turn-around. "THE FUCK?!"
"Here we go again," I grumble as the tooth-pick thin Espada begins to throw himself this way and that in a diatribe of outrage at the gall some people had.
"NOTHING WILL SWAY ME! NOTHING!" He waves his fist at nothing in particular—the heavens, perhaps, most likely—his hair swinging over his shoulders with his erratic movements. He continues to preach regardless of the fact no one is listening.
"I'LL SHOW ALL OF YOU! I... AM... THE BEST!"
Grimmjow rolled his eyes, quickly tiring of all the melodrama. He was just a cosmic milisecond from hitching himself to some poor sucker and driving this thing home. He couldn't stand a minute more of all this madness. It was agonizing. He was appalled that weird-haired hostess hadn't flung herself into the path of an oncoming train yet. The woman must have some brass balls to stand this kind of pandemonium.
"That I do," I mumble, reclining in a nearby lawn chair situated on the edge of the platform.
"Stop that," Grimmjow growls.
"Stop what?" I say innocently, looking at him with a dull expression.
"Reading my mind."
"But it's so fun," I state. He flops back down onto the stage floor and picks at the space between two floorboards, mildly—and morbidly—hoping there will be some mass explosion and they would all die in it.
xJ11Cx: "I don't like Grimmjow. But I love to make people disappointed. So I bid on Grimmjow."
"Wow," I say softly, "that's...mean."
"Nope, that's thinking like an Espada," Grimmjow tells me.
"I bet the Hogyoku. The real one. Don't let anyone tell you different. It will allow him to become the most powerful Espada ever, and not only defeat Ichigo, but bring back Aizen and kill him again. And take all the virginities he wants. It's messed up, but he won't care."
"Hah!" Grimmjow exclaims, listlessly tracing a pattern on the hardwood floorboards. "Why would I want the Hogyoku?! It's a piece o' shit in my hands. Ichigo and I had our fight. And Aizen's in fucking prison for 20,000 years until he's a rotten corpse. I have no worries.
But I will take the virgins!" He grins insanely, showing off his pearly whites.
misuto58: "I offer Grimmjow the world to rule. He can beat up Aizen as much as he wants; Aizen will also be his butler and will tell him how freaking cool he is. I will help him rule the Soul Society and Hueco Mundo. All the money he wants and bad-ass sexy clothes he wants. Also, Aizen will be in a maid outfit forever!"
Grimmjow begins laughing his ass off of that. "I LIKE THAT! THAT'S FUCKIN' PRICELESS!"
"Could we tone the language down to PG-13?" I grind out, seething.
"Yeah, tone the language down, you son of a bi-" Nnoitora begins mockingly, and is knocked off his feet as Grimmjow barrels into him.
ValentineRevenge: "For Nnoitora: I'm bidding (for starters) 1,000 pairs of home made socks. Cause we all know how hard it is to find socks for someone with feet that size."
"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Grimmjow howls, laughing his ass off as Nnoitora looks down at his feet in dismay.
"THE HELL?! MY FEET AREN'T BIG!" he cries, flailing. "They're just an unusual size!"
"It's the same thing!" Grimmjow exclaims, flopping around the ground and holding his sides.
"Besides making his socks, I promise him he will not be subject to any spoons/sattelite dishes. He will also not have to be subjected to raving, rabid fangirls. In fact, he will be treated with the upmost respect, including all of the residents of Shrimpville (my own little country I made up!), who will bow down to him, cowering in fear whenever he gets pissed."
"SHRIMPVILLE!?" Noitora raves in the background. "IS THAT S'PPOSED TO BOOST MY SELF-ESTEEM OR SOMETHING?"
"He will also be treated fairly similar to a king, and be fed the best that can be cooked! Also, the roofs will be tall enough, so his head/hood doesn't scrap against it. (come on, you gotta know that with that hood, he has to be easily 8 feet fall, maybe more)."
"NOT TRUE!" he bellows.
"Plus...this is the killer right here...As much porn as his perverted self could ever want."
"I'll take that," Grimmjow says offhandedly.
"IT WAS FOR ME!"
"So?" comes the growl. Noitora sucker-punches Grimmjow in the face, sending him hurtling from his high-and-mighty pedestal.
Mangareader: "To Kevvy Talks: I bid the Kaien plushy I just made to get Mayuri kicked out of the auction house and never to be put on the betting table. (who would want an S&M pervert)."
"IT MUST BE AN EXACT LIKENESS!" I bellow, pointing my forefinger heavenward. I then proceed to turn into my dark corner of gloom and twiddle my thumbs. "But I'd rather have the too-hot-to-be-legal photos," I mumble. A random assistant who I'm not acquainted with goes over to receive the rest of the bid Mangareader posted for Grimmjow while said Sexta pounces on the chance to milk the bidder for everything.
"And I'll add incriminating photos, that are 100% real, that Mr. Emo is really a lap dog and the spoon is a wimp..."
"You don't say? And these photos really are authentic..." Grimmjow says in a low voice, interested.
Nnoitora comes over to see what the hubbub is, just in time to hear Mangareader address him, "To the spoon: I don't like you so I won't bid on you, short and sweet and to the point..."
"WHAAAT?!" Nnoitora fumes, balling his hands into fists. "Wh-Wha-Why you-" He chockes off the profanity bubbling up inside him and flips Grimmjow off as he snickers. "SHOVE IT, GRIMMJOW!"
I exhale heavily, rubbing my temples at the excessive use of derogatory words.
Anime-Kisses: "Good to see Rukia went to a good home!"
"Oh, hi, Anime-Kisses!" I declare, waving. "I hope Jushiro's doing good in your care!"
"I'm not sure if Momo counts as a minor character, but in case she does, I'd like to make a request for her to go on bid."
"Momo is not a minor character. Characters that weren't necessarily involved in major plot points or made rare appearances are considered minor characters. Ashido, Hisana, Chizuru, Keigo and Ochi are such examples."
"For Grimmjow: Give him the collector's edition "Neko-Chappy" so he can understand the amazing-ness of Chappy!"
"OH GOD NO!" Grimmjow howls. He kicks some unidentified object, sending it hurtling into the audience. It hits some poor guy in the face, breaking his nose. Later, we would find out he sold the item on eBay and got tons of cash for it.
"THAT'S IT, NO MORE. NU-UH! NO WAY! I'M DONE!" He waves me off as he stalks off to the far corner of the stage to contemplate his options.
Nnoitora blows into a fit when Anime-Kisses asks if she can throw blunt and sometimes sharp objects at him, to which I naturally say "okay"...because I'm getting a Kaien bobble-head as a reward. Yay me. :)
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! DON'T I GET EVEN AN INCH OF KINDNESS?!" Nnoitora explodes, looking around for something to tear up. Luckily, I'd child-proofed everything there and all the chairs were bolted to the floor, so when Nnoitora comes over to rip my seat out from under me, it won't budge.
"Nice try," I state, glaring down at him. Nnoitora then proceedes to expend himself through verbal abuse, directed at practically everyone present.
Then he gets pissed off when Babbit2 and ninjdo come along to give their bids to Grimmjow, leaving him alone in the background.
BLEACHFMARxJ Freak: "I do have an account but can't login. Anyways I will give/do whatever Grimmjow wants because he is very sexy."
Grimmjow says nothing, but flashes me and Nnoitora a shit-eating grin.
Noitora storms off stage.
I yawn.
Grimmjow cackles, surrounded by his fan-girls...and virgins.
A/N: NOTICE: If your bids do not come up in a chapter or parts were purposely omitted, it was probably because they had too much content. I DO acknowledge them, I just can't always put everything up because the chapter would end up unnecessarily long. Your chances of getting a character aren't lessened in the slightest.
LadyOfSlytherin101: I'm terribly sorry you were late to getting Ukitake. My sentiments also go out to everybody else who was too late to secure a bid for their desired character.
Though this is not a Q&A, I am willing to answer questions in the emboldened section at the end of each chapter I post or via PM.
If anyone has a problem understanding something or wants to ask something concerning the Auction, you can do so in your bids.
Concerning a question I received about Nel: I did the auction with Hollow Ichigo and Ichigo as separate people because they are separate personalities. I felt there would be a conflict of interests if I put them up as both one person.
Nel is just one person, child or woman, so she will be bid on as both her toddler and grown self. Rukia and Dark Rukia are separate.
SilverEternity: DAMN that bid was LONG. But you definitely secured a place for yourself to get Grimmjow. Next chapter, Grimmjow will choose his master. Remember, bid again if you aren't happy with your offer, have fun, and enjoy the awesome-ness that is the Auction.
Thanks go out to all my readers!
I shut up now.
P.S.: Zangetsu-Jakes, I got your bid. Don't worry. Grimmjow and Noitora will be extensively punished.
"WHAT?!" they bellow.
P.P.S: I know they have filthy potty-mouths. That will also be dealt with.
Screams are heard from the background.