A/N So I wasn't planning on continuing this story but quite a few people followed it so thanks for that. I decided that it would be fun to write some more break up angst.
I stood in a corner, drink in my hand, the wine tasted bitter in my mouth but it was something to do. Everyone else was merry, the music was playing, people were dancing and an air of joy seemed to descend over Skyhold. I hated every minute of it but I felt obliged to attend because the music would fill the whole of Skyhold so it wasn't like I could escape into the fade. I let my thoughts drift to a memory of a nice quiet corner of the fade.
I remembered one occasion where I'd shared it with her. It was by a memory of a waterfall mixed with the recollection of a long forgotten library. He'd read to her while she rested her head on her lap. I'd stroke her hair as I spoke words that I thought I'd never be able to share with my kind again. I heard her laugh in the here and now; I raised my head to see her. She was more beautiful than ever, she had gone to the effort of weaving flowers, lavender and daisies into her hair. The effect was magical, the moonlight illuminating her freckled skin, highlighting her muscles as she danced, the soft breeze blowing her white dress. I looked away quickly, praying for the strength to endure this torture.
"How are you, my dear" a voice rang out in, it's cadence perfectly polished after years of study, yet it somehow managed to convey her deep disrespect at the same time. It was an art I had once mastered but had little use for it recently. Vivienne was of course dressed splendidly in gold and she'd bought a new hat for the occasion.
I debated whether to answer, I was hoping that my silence and demeanour would be enough to put of anyone who wished to talk to me. I'd become very good at making myself as unappealing as possible and my dissatisfaction was plain. But Vivienne clearly wanted something and she wouldn't leave till she'd got it and while I could gain a small measure of satisfaction in leaving the party and leaving her dissatisfied. That would involve leaving, not being able to sleep, thinking about Tauriel, if I did sleep I'd be beset by desire demons with her face which was not what I needed, it was simply not worth the effort. "I'm well, Vivienne." I replied which was perfectly true in the physical sense.
"It is splendid to have a party even though this does come quite below my usual standards; I believe in these trying times, we must all make exceptions." Vivienne said grandly.
I sipped my drink before speaking again "I am sorry that the end of the world has been so vexing."
"Don't be, adversity must be endured to ensure stability." She assured me sweetly, I couldn't help grimacing as she spoke. "Besides I believe that a little adversity brings out the best in people, we wouldn't have an inquisitor without it."
"I dare say you are right" If she was trying to bait me she wouldn't succeed, I will conquer my feelings and focus on what I must do.
"Naturally, she looks divine doesn't she?"
"I hadn't noticed" I lied.
Vivienne laughed "Of course, how could something as mundane as beauty compare to the majesty of the fade."
I didn't like being mocked especially by her but maybe this was all she wanted to jab me with a few insults until she found an opportunity to pursue something more worthwhile. She carried on "Maybe that is what's been distracting you of late."
"I've been distracted by the fact that we're being pursued by an enemy that cannot die that wants to become a God" I informed her my voice encrusted with bitterness "I'm sorry if that makes me a bad party guest, I'll have to be put on the blacklist."
Vivienne smiled coldly "You already are but there are still some bridges, you have not quite burnt despite your determination" she turned to face Tauriel; I didn't follow her gaze, looking at the ground in an arrogant show of petulance. "Love is strange, it is not easily put out and squashed, it will continue to smoulder with little to feed or sustain it."
"I suppose you are right" I replied coolly.
"Love is a great asset especially in trying times" Vivienne noted "It is strange to see it thrown away."
Solas looked at her; she was gazing at him, her eyes trained to pick out any bit of body language, facial, expression, vocal inflection. She wanted to know why I'd rejected her not because she cared for either of ours well being. But because only a fool would destroy a connection to the most powerful woman in the world. Vivienne for all her remarks knew I wasn't a fool. She didn't understand and this vexed her not that she'd ever express it. Despite her lack of a mask, her emotions were perfectly concealed.
I allowed myself a genuine smile at her vexation "Love is more than an asset but I'm not sure I should expect you to understand."
Vivienne frowned for a second "Believe me, you understand nothing about me." but soon her smile was back upon her face and she went off into the crowd, realising that she was not going to get what she wanted. I could understand the feeling; she went to a Duke of someplace and asked him to dance. My smile faded quickly after her departure as I realised it was highly unlikely that anyone would talk to me again. My glass was also empty which meant I had little to do but stand there and watch everyone else have fun.
She'd stopped dancing. She was eating a strawberry, her tongue playing with its delicate skin. Her smile as she bit into its flesh was exquisite. He could see the juice redden her lip as the juice escaped from its cage. I couldn't help but think of her mouth. The way it would often frustrate me when we had an argument. The way it would soften and curve as we laughed together. The way she kissed me, full of longing and love, which I had not known for a long time. What had I done to deserve access to her? I looked at the ground, wishing that a fade rift would open up and take me away. It would be best for everyone. I had to see this through to the end after all it was my fault.
"Hello" she said
I was started by her arrival; I shook nervously, my mind desperately seeking an excuse to leave. "Do you want one?" she asked, holding my gaze with her eyes that seemed to be made of nature, large and uncompromising.
"What?" I asked confused.
She giggled "The strawberries, I saw you looking at them."
"I shouldn't" I blushed, How did she make me feel this way like a love sick boy rather than someone who was twice her age and should know better "It would be…"
She smiled, her mouth taking on a mischievous curve as her delicate fingers picked a strawberry. "If you want one, you should take one." She lifted it to my lips; the smell was beguiling sweet and sharp. My mouth opened to respond but instead of speaking, I bit into her offering. The taste was sumptuous; it filled my mouth with pleasure. Her fingers were in my mouth, tasting her flesh again felt like being in a desert and finding an oasis. She slowly removed her fingers, now stained red thanks to me. She looked at me those eyes were daring me to take what I wanted. I stepped forward, from a distance she was compelling but closer she was a revelation. Her eyes a potent mixture of green and scarlet, glistening with their own internal light. I stepped closer, my lips brushing hers. It was so simple and natural and I'd been denied so long.
A wash of guilt came over me, I shouldn't be doing this. It wasn't right; I'd already indulged myself far more than I should have. I had to stop this. I must travel this path alone. How could I subject her to what I must do? It wasn't right, she was innocent. She'd had her whole life in front of her.
"I'm sorry." I said, I turned away and ran, I could her crying behind me but I couldn't see those tears again. I had to leave, go anywhere. Where could I go? She wouldn't be there.
A/N Got to admit I do like writing Vivienne, I think she's a really fascinating character and I quite enjoyed pairing her with Solas in this chapter. Also my Lavellan is just a glutton for punishment at this point. Then again I think all of us Solasmancers are. Still waiting on that DLC.