Chapter 15

Orihime lounged around in her own personal, cozy recliner, compliments of another drooling fan that couldn't keep his grubby paws to himself. Anybody who was prone to big-breasted women like herself wanted to cop a feel of the goods going up for auction.

It was just human nature, or man's nature, since the majority that had fallen for her endowments were all male. There was the occasional lesbian, but they lingered towards the back row, unwilling to compete with some of the more vicious bidders that were piled one on top of the other at the bottom of the platform, their jaws hanging like ghoulish zombies, their eyes wide and glassy.

Their arms went flailing whenever Orihime went over to the side of the stage just to please some poor sobbing soul. She had been snagged once or twice, but I, the great Kevvy, intervened just in time to save the day from some tragedy or another occurring under my reign.

The day was going quite well. The only person that could possibly ruin it...was Mayuri.

I look over at the stiff evil genius, who insists of late on being called a scientist and not the designation I'd given him: Mr-Stick-Up-His-Ass. He'd already gone at lengths to refuse all offers promised to him.

He was rude and incorrigible, and he was, very frankly, making this game an absolute bore.

So far I'm sure he'd turned down most of the bids on his person just because he didn't want to hear them.

Now he was inspecting his nails and making it appear rather as though he was very absorbed in it.

S.R.457: "I bid for Mayuri all specimens to test on from the Naruto, Bleach, and One Piece series, and the Hogyoku."

"Interesting," Mayuri says. I blink in only partial intrigue. This was a response, something he hadn't given to the other proposals. He must be interested.

I mean, who could turn down the infamous Hogyoku, the tool with which Aizen had plotted to bring about mass destruction. Not to mention a plethora of other-worldly specimens.

"Can give Hollow/Soul Reaper powers plz?"

"In due time..Maybe some proper language skills can be arranged, as well. I don't understand this human code you use over your internet." Mayuri slides his left hand into his sleeve and pulls out a nail file, with which he uses to go to work on his one, bizzarely long fingernail.

Seconds later, Mangareader125 slams into the auction house. The reader has a beef with Mayuri, apparantly for holding him and Kaien plushy hostage in his lab. Mayuri being Mayuri, he, of course, denied all involvement.

For the time being, I go backstage to assume responsibility of the newcomer going on the block...leaving the children to play.

Once the havoc has been reduced to a simmer, Mangareader125 composes himself to a more civil behavior and redirects his attention to Orihime.

"Miss. Orihime...though I don't think I have a chance now with the awesome bids for your affections...can we at least be friends? Please?"

Mangareader125 masters the greatest puppy dog eyes in history.

"I even baked you a cake with Ichigo and you on top of it (with Orihime wearing a prom dress and Ichigo a tuxedo). I hope you like it." Mangareader gives a friendly smile.

Compelled by the temptation of Mangareader's puppy dog expression and sugary goodness, Orihime flies across the stage and glomps the reader.

"Of course we can be friends!" she cries, pressing the poor fan into her cleavage. "And we can get matching code rings so we can talk in a language only we understand! Oh, and a super secret club with a super secret password! Exclusive memberships!"

"Orihime, you're getting carried away!" Tatsuki yells from somewhere in the crowd.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Orihime giggles and gives Mangareader125 some room to breathe.

ImSeriousBro: "Hey, Mayuri...I can't believe I'm going to try 'n win you."

"...Doesn't even take me seriously..." Mayuri says audibly.

"But anyways, I'll give you a whole new constructed lab, fit with the latest technology, Arrancar to dissect- shit, I'll try 'n get you whoever you want to dissect...uhuhuh...And I'll buy you pictures of clowns so you won't feel bad about your current face."

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Mayuri screeches, his eyeballs bulging. "WHAT PART OF MY FACE EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLES A CLOWN, YOU-"

Somebody in the crowd hurls an aluminum can at Mayuri's head, silencing him.

"By the way, just because I'm a girl doesn't mean you'll be able to boss me around like you do Nemu. I'll eat your face if you do. ADIOS."

Mayuri huffs heavily, attention diverted for the moment. He goes to scan the crowd for the fan who threw the aluminum can at him, so that he may cause bodily harm.

I walk out from backstage with a length of chain in my hand trailing behind me. Attached to it is the villain of the Hell Verse, Kokuto.

He is shackled by metal cuffs around his neck, wrists, and ankles. The chain I'm holding has a number of leads on it attached to the manacles so that he's forced to follow close behind.

He doesn't really seem fazed by the restraints and blinks sleepily as he walks onto the stage, groggy after being awakened from the deepest below ground prison in Hell.

"KOKUTO, YOU'RE SO SEXY!" a rabid fangirl screams, flinging herself at the bottom of the stage.

Kokuto's expression clears up at the exclamation and he gives a rugged smile at all the women swooning over him. "Didn't know you had such an avid fanbase," I murmur, keeping an eye out for those who might pole-vault onto the stage and charge us.

He shrugs. "What can I say...chicks dig the bad guys."

Saria19: "I offer the full use of all results of my imagination to be used as test subjects for Mayuri!"

In an instant, Saria makes a clone of Ichigo in bankai mode appear. Rabid fangirls start screaming and haul ass onto the stage so that they may rape him.

"And as I am quite insane as well as imaginative, such figures would usually be more powerful (and submissive) than their originals!"

Mayuri looks over the audience with a very chagrined look, honing in on his assailant.

"Where would the fun be in that?" Mayuri asks boredly. "This world would be a better place indeed if I could manifest the machinations of my mind."

"It would be a sick place indeed," I mutter.

Mayuri fluidly pulls a dartgun out of his sleeve. A dartgun which I had not permitted him to have on his person.

But the damage was done. He shot one of the bidders in the ass with a long needle dipped in a paralytic drug. The guy went down...and he didn't get back up.

"Success," Mayuri says.

Meanwhile, I try to reign in the mayhem onstage as the fangirls take full advantage of clone Ichigo, who's screaming is proof of the fact he's not a happy camper. Shredded clothing flies everywhere and I issue a set of orders to my guardsmen, who immediately go to work.

"I'VE DECIDED!" Orihime shouts over the pandemonium. I just give her a wild-eyed look.

"NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME, ORIHIME!" I bellow.

Mayuri is now in the audience "modifying" the guy who threw the aluminum can at his very valuable head, clone Ichigo is still being violated even as my backup picks up one fangirl after the other and tosses her below the stage. More follow the craze and some lesbians nab Orihime, causing her to shriek and wave her arms frenetically at me.

The movement grabs my attention and I hastily employ the use of two tranq guns.

Both administer an immediate sedative to the women and men who were trying to grab Orihime and snatch her away to lands unknown. She smiles at me appreciately and uses a Santen Kesshun to repel the fangirls raping clone Ichigo so that Saria may take him home.

"I apologize for the trouble," I say to Saria19. "For compensation, here's a legit pass to do anything illegal you want for 24 hours." I secretively pass the permit to her along with a bag of goodies and flash clone Ichigo a blinding smile.

Orihime flings the confetti into the air for me with a big smile on her face as I rush over to announce her new owner. "CONGRATS, KUROSAKICRYSTAL18! YOU'VE JUST WON ORIHIME!"

Mayuri crawls back up onto the platform, now done with turning his victim into some freakshow fiasco.

He stands up and pats his uniform down with his hands to get rid of any unwanted debris, but does not give me any indication that he, too, wants to leave. To bide his time he goes over to accommodate Devil'sEyeAlchemist13, who wants to give Mayuri Fullbring specimens.

My assistants lead Orihime away, but as she's being toted offstage she looks over her shoulder past the musclemen's huge biceps at Mangareader125.

"Thank you for the cake!" she yells, lifting her cake into the air for show.

I don't notice the moment of sweet affection.

AmberlinEve had tossed me a life-sized Kaien pillow, and I was now rolling around on the floor with it.

"KYYYAAAA!"

"I LOVE YOU READERS! YOU'RE SO FREAKIN' AWESOME!"

To be continued...

People keep asking me whether their character is going on auction. EVERY character in Bleach will have a chance to go on the block, especially if they are popular characters.

Next chappy, Kokuto, Renji and Starrk will be going on bid! I'm mixing it up a bit this time. Mayuri is still on bid because he likes to keep the suspense going for some reason. And he's just a very difficult individual.

AmberlinEve: I will love my pillow until the end of time...Or at least until I wear the stuffing out.

As for the rest of your readers: bid, bid, bid. I already have plenty of bids in advance for Renji, so whoever's batshit insane for him and hasn't placed a bid, you better hop to it.

Thanks for all the love from my readers! I love all the Kaien memorabilia.

Mayuri: They're just trying to bribe you out of bidding on Shiba.

Kevvy: Aw, that's okay. When it comes time for Kaien to rise on the block, I will leave my fair share of blood on the wall...

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No seriously. I'll kill you all.

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"Was she serious just now?" a member of the audience asks.