Chapter 17
Thanks: To all my readers, I'm truly grateful for the support of this story. I wasn't ever really sure if this fic would work because it's never been done before, but you have all showed such great enthusiasm, and it's really made this Auction come alive.
Thanks for the smiles, guys.
Hopefully, many more chapters to come. :) :) :) :)
After reigning myself in from my brief fling of insanity...Well, okay, I won't even exaggerate there. It wasn't nearly brief. In fact, it took an insanely long back-and-forth tug-of-war between Renji, my bodyguards and Sakura Schiffer to finally pry my fingers from Kaien's gloriously hot bod.
When I'd finally been doped up on enough sedatives to kill a horse, I slept like the dead for several weeks.
My studio went silent, my bidders having emptied out of the place long ago. Gone, probably, to stalk Fanfiction for mentally deflowering M rated fics featuring Renji or Starrk.
Just to get some practice before they did the actual thing on the two hunky men, when they were swept away by some exotic fangirl...or fanboy. Because hey, fanboys can be just as psychotic about this stuff as the next guy...or girl.
Anyway, skipping the threatricalities...me being drugged into coma basically leaves the Auction without a host. So let us enter the surprise host!
The spotlight turns on, lighting up one lonely area on the stage. It moves quickly over the empty floor and passes over someone, zooming by them. It swivels back...and...
HEEEEERE'S KISUKE URAHARA!
He chuckles nervously and waves. "H-hi, everyone. Kevvy is out right now, so I'm going to be hosting this chapter." He beams at everybody, causing fangirls to launch into high-pitched squeals of delight at the sight of their favorite shopkeeper.
Kisuke then whips out a big-ass roll of paper and unfurls it so that it unrolls down to his feet, over the stage, and onto the head of an audience-member. He looks it over quizzically and his jaw drops when he reads the very long bill Renji has been wracking up in pizza delivery.
Apparantly that's all he's been doing since I've gone...
However, before he can address this matter to said lieutenant, a pained howling alerts him.
"NOOOOOOOOOO! I wanted Mayuri! Damn it! ...Oh well..." The crowd begins to distinctly edge away from the distraught S.R.457, allowing Urahara to get a good look at him.
"Aw. Don't cry," Urahara says, lips pushing up into a supportive smile. "Trust me, Kurotsuchi's the last guy you want under the same roof with you. He can get real moody. You want someone with a more positive outlook on life. Like me!" He floats his arms through the air in one cheerful gesture, lifting himself up onto the tips of his toes.
Renji, who is sitting nearby on a Lazy-Boy recliner he'd bought, lifts one brow as he looks over his swimsuit edition magazine at Kisuke. "You sound like your advertising yourself," he grumbles.
"Com'on, Renji! Don't be so gloomy," Kisuke admonishes with a smile, as bright and sunny as ever.
Renji gives a ragged sigh and pushes himself up out of the chair, working out the stiffness in his arms and legs.
Kokuto, who has taken up residence on the edge of the stage, is settling into the attention he's been getting since dawn. Numerous foot massages, all from his masochistic fangirls who are basking in the sound of his rough voice. They hang on to just about every word he says.
Kisuke feels sort of bad for them, the way Kokuto half ignores them. But they seem to be enjoying it, so he figures they like all the teasing. It makes him more mysterious...and alluring.
Starrk has woken up since Kevvy's departure and is making the most of it sampling all the different pillows the girls offer him to determine which one is best. He really seems to like lying down...a lot. At the foot of the stage, Sakura Schiffer is back and flailing her arms.
"Starrk-sama! Pretty please come home with Sakura-chan! Sakura lives in the country! It's awfully quiet! Nobody will bother juw!" Starrk blinks, looking down at her.
He remembers her.
He might have been half-asleep or dreaming, but he was sure she had told him she would let him sleep for as long as he wanted.
"Oh, yeah. Hey," he says, his wavy hair falling across his piercing blue eyes as he waves to Sakura, who has just gotten through threatening potential Kaien-rapists...with cows.
"I didn't know cows eat people," Renji says cluelessly. "Are they like that in the world of the living?"
"No, of course not Abarai-kun! It was a joke," Urahara informs him, eyes bright from under the rim of his bucket hat.
Mangareader: "For Starrk, I bid the world's softest bed, with the world's softest pillows, with sheets of Egyptian cotton and a wolf print blanket. While I am at it, I will also include a barrier to keep out Lilinette when you sleep (unless you decide to bring it down) and if that isn't enough then I will also include a room that will let you sleep as much as you like where a day of sleep in that room would only be an hour in real time out here...My requests aren't that troublesome other than just being friends and hanging out or doing something every now and then."
Starrk looks intrigued. He lies down on his stomach and crosses his arms one over the other right at the edge of the stage. Girls continue to fawn, leaning up to touch and feel.
"Egyptian cotton, eh? You're a man of good taste. Expensive. I don't often get to enjoy the finer things with Lilinette constantly nagging me," he says, voice low and liquid smooth.
"I HEARD THAT, STARRK!" Lilinette screeches, waving her fist and jumping up and down somewhere in the throng. "YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURS, JUST YOU WAIT! I HOPE SOME FANGIRL GETS HER HANDS ON YOU AND TIES YOU UP IN HER BASEMENT TO DEFLOWER YOU...ONE PETAL AT A TIME!"
Renji suddenly looks queasy. "Y...you don't think that will happen...do you?" he whispers worriedly over to Kisuke. Hat-and-clogs just shrugs in his usual carefree manner.
"I guess. Kevvy said there are some people to watch out for." Renji shudders visibly.
Animekisses: "Glad to see you enjoyed your cutout Kevvy! I have a whole room of Kaien merch just for you."
Kisuke whips out his fan from his sleeve stylishly. "That's really nice of you. I'm sure Kevvy is grateful. She even sleep-talks about how much she loves it." he says.
"Moving on, I'm not sure what else to bid for Starrk. Regardless of who he picks, as long as he's happy and goes to a good home, that's all that matters. But it'd be cool if I could steal a kiss from him too. Okay, it's kinda my goal to kiss all my favorite male characters. Even if it kills me (which it probably will because of rabid fan girls)." The psychotic people start screaming to emphasize their point.
One girl with pigtails even whips out a flail. It looks...deadly.
Starrk turns his ruggedly handsome face to get a good look at Animekisses. His eyes have this almost come-hither expression that gets the fangirls in an uproar. They start pawing for him at the bottom of the stage. Kisuke sighs, waving his fan to stir up a good breeze. Things are heating up a bit in the studio.
"As for Renji, I MADE YOU BLUSH! YAY!" Renji starts to turn red again at the memory.
"Kaien...Oh lord, bringing him out to show was a bad idea. I'll be hiding in the corner if anyone needs me, I'm not getting involved with that one."
"Yeah. It sure put Kevvy out of commission for awhile," Kisuke agrees.
"I BID CHAPPY FOR RENJI!" Rukia shouts, her head bobbing into sight at the edge of the stage as she jumps up and down. Her hand waves around wildly to catch her friend's attention.
Renji blinks.
Forgotten 64: "Renji! My offer: I'll help you beat your captain if you go out with me? Even though your captain is awesome!"
"He's not that great," Renji grumbles, then does a complete double-take. "Wait, you mean go with you, right? Not go "out"...as in a date..." The crimson-haired lieutenant falters, going silent.
Kisuke chuckles, enjoying Renji's discomfort as he becomes noticeably nervous and starts fidgeting.
"C'mon, Abarai-kun. You have to get used to this. After all, there are many girls here who would like to do a lot worse," he teases.
Renji freezes. "Worse?"
"WE WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU, RENJI!" a school-girl squeals. Other lewd comments get thrown into the mix...which makes it worse.
Voltaire Rousseau throws a truckload of yummy, delicious taiyaki into the pile of bids...with information needed to surpass Byakuya Kuchiki. Said captain then entertains Voltaire from the crowd as she whispers to him about what a lovely, noble man he is. Flattery gets people everywhere.
"Renji, I LOVE YOU! Whatever you want, YOU'LL GET! I have tons of sake!"
"But we all know you're second-best to captain Kuchiki," Kisuke says a little too cheerfully to Renji, who clenches his jaw angrily. A dark aura descends over him. A vein throbs dangerously at his temple.
"Damn you..." he grinds out, raising a threatening fist to the jovial shopkeeper.
Saria19: "Why thank you for the pass." Saria then proceeds to steal Starrk using the pass.
The fangirls cry in distraught, lunging as he vanishes into a puff of smoke.
"I got a wonderful quiet room filled with soft pillows waiting for him at home!"
Starrk's worshippers begin going bat-shit crazy, overturning the studio in search of him.
Renji points a finger at Kisuke as he just stands there, watching the entire spectacle.
"AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING?" he shrieks. "SARIA JUST KIDNAPPED STARRK AND EVERYBODY'S GOING INSANE!"
Kisuke just shrugs, peering out mysteriously from under the rim of his hat, and says, "Crowd-control wasn't in my contract."
To be continued...
A/N: To any questions concerning the matter, yes, Urahara is going on bid next chapter, so if this got you going, than feel free to bust out any bids you want to put out there.
My mind checked out for a little bit and I wanted something new, so I decided to host this chapter with Kisuke this one time.
By the way, a question for you all: Would anyone like to see Narunosuke on the block? :}
Everything was quiet. The fangirls had poured out of the studio in waves, going on a homicidal rampage in search of Starrk. Kokuto had been left behind to sit there on the edge of the stage.
He really didn't understand why everyone had gone off like that. The pass was legit for only 24 hours. Starrk would be back after Saria was done doing..whatever it is she was doing to him.
But there was one thing that bothered him more than the chaos the crowd stirred.
"Why has no one bidded on me?" he mumbles to himself.