A/N Some fluffy goodness... LOL!
After tucking Alexis into bed that night, Castle went into his office. He told Kate that he was going to try and work on a chapter of his latest novel. He promised that he would come to bed soon.
Kate had fallen asleep, but she woke at around three in the morning. Her hand searched for him in their bed, but her hand only touched the cold sheet. She knew that he hadn't come to bed. So, she wandered into his office in search of him.
When she opened the door, she heard the sound of him snoring softly. She expected to see him sleeping in his chair. However, what she saw instead broke her heart. He was laying on the couch in his office. A pillow was bunched up under his head and he was covered with a blanket. It was obvious to her that he hadn't done any writing. He had simply used that as an excuse to not come to bed with her.
She felt a sob leave her and she hurried out before he realized that she'd seen him. She walked out into the kitchen and stood by the window overlooking the street below. She felt the tears fall from her eyes silently. She didn't even bother to try and wipe them away. She simply let them flow freely. She wondered if this was how their marriage would end. If she had ruined everything because of her inability to change.
He'd forgiven her numerous times in the past. She had taken his huge heart for granted. She'd always assumed that he would continue to forgive her. Just like he had before. Maybe he finally realized that she was still the same selfish person she had always been. Maybe she had only thought that her walls had come down. Maybe they had only lowered for awhile. Only to come back stronger and harder than before.
She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear him sneak up behind her. She felt his arms wrap around her and hold her tight. That was when she nearly crumbled to the ground. She loved him more than she'd ever love anyone before. She knew that if he left her, she wouldn't survive. She could lose anything else, but losing him would kill her.
Kate finally whispered, "I'm so sorry Castle. I know you don't want to hear that, but I am so sorry. If I could go back..."
She felt him sigh and then he kissed the top of her head. He simply breathed in her scent. It was so uniquely her. A mix of a million things that all added up to one. Kate. He would know that scent anywhere. The scent that was uniquely her. He finally whispered, "I love you Kate. I'm still incredibly angry..."
"Castle..."
"Shush.. Let me finish..." He felt her nod and he continued, "But I love you enough to work on making things right again."
"I want that also. I.."
That was when he silenced her with a kiss. It started out soft. Then, she felt his tongue begging for entrance. She opened her lips and his tongue invaded her mouth. He deepened the kiss and she moaned softly. She was constantly surprised by the feelings this man brought out in her. He stirred feelings deep inside her. He made her feel alive. Made her believe that she deserved the love he felt for her.
He stopped kissing her and turned her around. She was expecting him to kiss her again, but he didn't. He simply stared deep into her eyes. Almost like he was looking into her soul. He walked her over to the couch and sat her down. Then he knelt down in front of her.
Kate let her hands run through his hair. He pushed up her shirt and kissed her stomach softly. Then, he rested his head there. It took her a few moments, but she felt moisture on her stomach. That was when she realized that he was crying. The man who always tried to put on a happy face for her. The man who always appeared strong. The man who was her rock. Even when times got tough. He. Was. Crying.
She looked down at him and she felt her heart breaking in two. She had done this to him. She had broken his spirit. She had made him doubt her feelings for not only him, but his little girl. She pushed him away gently and she saw the look of hurt on his face. Taking his hand, she led him to their bedroom. Then she climbed into bed beside him and whispered, "I love you. I did this to you. I will understand if you don't love me anymore. If you want to leave me. I don't deserve you or your love. I..."
That was when he silenced her with another soft kiss. He nipped at her bottom lip and she moaned softly. Then he told her, "I don't deserve you." When she tried to interrupt, he kissed her again. He whispered, "You don't deserve me, but somehow we make it work."
She pressed her forehead against his and she smiled sadly. She finally whispered, "How could you love me? All I do is hurt you. It's like a train wreck. I can see it happening. Almost like it's in slow motion, but I'm powerless to stop it. Are you sure you want me to raise your daughter?"
Castle shook his head and whispered, "Our daughter. Soon to be our daughters."
Kate smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. Then she whispered, "This is so hard."
"Love always is, but it's worth it. It's so very worth it. We are going to fight, but just remember, I love you and I always will."
"Even if I hurt you?"
Castle nodded, "Yes. I should have explained my motives behind wanting you to adopt Alexis better. It isn't to take Meredith's place. Because Meredith never had a place in her life. She never wanted a baby. She only viewed Alexis as a means to an end."
"What end is that?"
Castle laughed harshly and whispered, "Money from me. She knew that if she stayed with me, regardless of how terrible she was with Alexis, she would always have money."
"What changed?"
She did. Or I did. Or maybe we never really changed. Maybe we just figured out what had always been there. Meredith was and always will be a money hungry bitch. She has a beautiful daughter, but she doesn't care. She's more interested in her career than in raising a daughter. I want Alexis to be loved. Really and truly loved. She loves you Kate and she knows that you love her."
"I do. I can't explain it, but I can't imagine my life without either of you in it. I'm tired of always hurting you with the words I speak. I want to bask in your love and attention. I don't want to hurt you or Alexis. I..."
He kissed her softly on her head and whispered, "It's how you are. I..."
"I need to change. For you and for Alexis. I..."
Castle shook his head and told her, "No. We don't want you to change. Just don't run. Don't panic. Lets agree to work things out. Talk things out. All night if we need to. Cara told me something earlier."
Kate smiled and pressed a kiss to his neck. Then she whispered, "What was that?"
"She said that we should never go to bed angry."
"That's very good advice. Very good advice indeed."
He smiled and they held each other in silence. When she woke the following morning, it was to an empty bed. She wondered if she had imagined what happened the night before. Then she heard it. She heard the sound of a little girls laughter from somewhere in the loft. She put her hand on her stomach and whispered to her unborn daughter, "You are such a lucky baby. You're going to be raised in a house full of love and laughter."
She swore that he little girl was a genius already. Because she felt a tiny thump from her daughter. Then she whispered, "You have the best daddy and big sister in the world. They love us so much. I can't wait to meet you. The only regret I have is that you won't look like your daddy. But he's going to love you anyway. He already does. You should see the way his eyes light up when he talks to you. He's loved you from the day he knew about you. We are going to love him Lillian. Love him so very much. He's a special man and I can only hope that you find a man like him one day sweetheart."
Kate closed her eyes and tried to blink away the tears that threatened to spill over. She whispered softly, "I can't wait to meet you. To see how beautiful you are going to be. Daddy says that you're going to be a little beauty. That you're going to look just like me."
She heard Castle laugh and tell her, "She's already wrapped around my little finger and she isn't even here yet."
"You're in so much trouble."
Castle laughed, "I know. Our next baby has to be a boy. I'm seriously outnumbered here. We need some more testosterone in this house."
Kate smiled at his words. Especially when he said that their next baby has to be a boy. He wanted to have more children with her. Maybe she hadn't ruined everything for them. There was hope for them yet. She whispered, "I..."
Before she could say anything else, they heard Alexis calling for him, "Daddy! The eggs are ready!"
She laughed and asked, "You're making breakfast?"
He nodded, "I figured that you would be hungry. It was supposed to be a surprise, but hearing you talk to her... Sexy..."
He couldn't seem to wipe the smile off of his face. He sat down on the bed and she stood up. He pushed her shirt up and kissed her stomach softly and whispered, "Daddy can't wait to meet you either..."
He kissed her stomach again and felt her hands in his hair. He looked up at her and smiled. Then she said, "I'm starving daddy."
He stood and kissed her softly, "Lets get you some food then mommy."
Castle took her hand and led her to the kitchen. When they walked into the kitchen, Kate couldn't help but laugh at the sight that awaited her. Alexis was standing in the middle of the kitchen. She wore a chefs hat and a tiny apron. She had smudges of flour on her face and it looked like she had egg in her hair.
She sat down at the kitchen table and Alexis brought her a glass of juice and then she turned to get a glass of milk. She looked so adorable and Kate smiled and read her apron. It was a miniature version of the one that she'd seen Castle wear. It said, "Kiss The Cook."
When Alexis came back to her, she kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "I love you Alexis."
The little girl beamed, "I love you to mommy."
Castle watched the exchange between them with a smile on his face. He wasn't sure how Kate did it, but she always put a smile on his little girls face. That was something that he would always be thankful for.
Alexis served Kate's breakfast and then they sat down with her. Then, Alexis got a look on her face and said, "I' forgot something!"
Then she bolted up from the table and ran upstairs to her bedroom. Castle and Kate looked at each other. Kate raised her eyebrows and Castle shook his head and told her, "I have no idea what she's doing."
Alexis came running back into the kitchen and held out a box to Kate.
That was when Castle remembered the box. He hadn't known what was inside. His mother had taken Alexis shopping one day and she had refused to let him see it. Telling him that it was for her mommy.
She was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. She was practically vibrating. Castle laughed when Alexis said, "Open it mommy!"
Kate laughed and looked at the pretty pink paper. It had pictures of tiny little baby angels on it. It was precious and she hated to open it. She heard Alexis sigh and she laughed. Then she opened it very carefully. Careful to not ruin the paper.
She saw a white jewelry box. She lifted the lid and gasped at the sight that awaited her. It was a silver charm shaped like a peapod. It held three peas. A big green one. A medium sized one. And a small one. Each one had an initial carved into it. It was attached to a silver necklace. She couldn't speak. All she could do was swallow hard and look at Alexis.
Alexis told her, "The big one is for you mommy. The middle one is me and the baby one is for Lilly. The best part is that we can always get more. If you and daddy have more babies..."
Tears sprang to her eyes and she put the box on the table. She pulled Alexis into her arms and hugged her tightly. She heard Alexis ask, "Do you like it mommy?"
She nodded and whispered, "Yes sweetpea. I love it. Why did you choose peas?"
Alexis smiled brightly, "Because you are always calling me sweetpea."
Kate smiled and caught Castle's eyes. They were bright and shiny from tears. He couldn't have spoken at that moment. Even if he had wanted to. This was a moment between Kate and Alexis. It was something special to see and he knew that he would remember it forever...