Disclaimer: Own Bleach, I do not.

Also watch your step on the way in.

To the Wind
Chapter 16
By Advent Wing

"What?" Ichigo demanded as Rukia dragged him into the now-dubbed 'Baby Room'.

It was Orihime who greeted him brightly, summing up the situation with a smile. "She needs her diaper changed." Her smile melted when Ichigo spun around to leave.

Rukia quickly barred the doorway with her body. "Where are you going, Ichigo?" She asked with that so-sweet-it-was-threatening smile.

He frowned back at her, contemplating how it would look if he just threw her over his shoulder.

'She was in my way,' he'd say. It might work. His eyes wandered to other points of entry/exit.

"Oh, don't even think about it," she chastised sharply, noting the way his gaze shifted to the open window. Grasping a good fistful of cloth in her right hand, she pulled him to the table.

"Look," he tried, jamming his heels into the carpet and grasping for the nearest stationary object. "I really think I should be watching Keigo and Mizuiro, so…"

"Rukia's…changed a lot, now that I think about it," Tatsuki whispered to Orihime as she watched the ongoing battle. "She seems to have become kind of bossy."

"You really think so? I don't think she's bossy…" Orihime replied thoughtfully as she watched Ichigo try to keep exactly three feet of distance between him and Rukia. "More like…er…what's the word?"

"Aggressive?" She asked, as Rukia snagged him by the ear and whispered something furiously.

"Aggressive," she agreed, grinning happily.

"That's good. Right?" Tatsuki ventured as Ichigo paled considerably at whatever Rukia had told him.

He walked over to the two, looking rather pissed off. He…couldn't believe he had been tempted to accept the bet. What had he been thinking? "Look allright," He snapped. "I'll help. Can we start, or does my ego need more bruising?"

At that, Tatsuki bared a smile that showed way too much teeth. "Hime and I are going to be kind enough to show you – oh wipe that look off your face it's not going to be that bad – how to properly change your infant's diaper."

Orihime sighed. "You're really all exaggerating the difficulty of this. Sure it may smell a little. But that's really it. For now we'll just show you and Rukia how to do it, and you can try later, okay?"

"Okay…" two voices chorused quietly.

"In fact, I could sing it if you want." Her smile brightened, and Ichigo and Rukia felt a prickling sensation at the backs of their neck.

"…Sing?"

"…Sing what?"

"The steps of course!" She cleared her throat and—

—Tatsuki coughed, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Maybe next time, Hime. For now, let's just hurry?"

"Aw. Allright," she said as she turned to the baby dejectedly. "Okay, step one. Remove the diaper. See these tabs?" She asked, placing her fingers on them. "Unfasten the tabs here, and be sure to fasten them back on themselves so they don't stick back her." Orihime continued, quickly assuming a very teacher-like voice. "…Now, just hold her by the ankles like this and lift her bottom off the changing table. Then, all you have to do is fold the dirty diaper in half under her, with the clean side up. Now make sure you use a baby wipe or wet cloth to clean her genital area and the front thoroughly. She's a girl, so make sure that you clean her from front to back. See?" She asked, making sure Ichigo and Rukia were paying attention.

Ichigo shrugged. He lived in a clinic. "Okay." He said as Mayumi cooed up at him from the table.

Rukia was occupied with the baby wipes. She pulled at one, intent on inspecting it further, but the stream didn't seem to want to end.

"…Hey, this one's a lot longer than the one you used, and there aren't any more. We should send the whole thing back." She said, waving half a container of wet wipes at them.

Inoue struggled to still her giggles.

Rukia's expression was so stern.

"You pulled them all out you dumbass. Give me that," Ichigo snapped, grabbing the wipes from her.

Rukia hmphed quietly, "Defective. We should complain."

"…Here, Rukia-chan, take a look; this is how you put the diaper back on." Tatsuki said, drawing her attention back. "You take a new clean diaper and place it on the changing table. The clean diaper's top half should go under your baby's bottom…and the other half should come up between her legs."

Rukia nodded. She had a rough idea of how it should look like as so, how it should work.

"You should also try to spread the diaper as widely as possible in order to make sure she's comfortable in it and avoid rashes." Tatsuki added. "Fasten the diaper at both sides with the tapes, making sure it's snug, but not so tight that it pinches his skin…and that's it. Now re-tape the soiled diaper and throw it in the plastic bag. Dress her up," Tatsuki did exactly that, "And wash your hands."

"Simple huh?" Inoue beamed, holding up two fingers in a 'V'.

"…It was a lot easier than I thought." Ichigo muttered, glancing off to the side and noting a tub of water. "What's that for? We aren't actually going to…"

"Bathe it?" Orihime answered. "No, no. It's probably not a good idea for this particular baby to come into contact with water."

They walked back to the living room with some trepidation. After all, how could they assume that that Keigo and Mizuiro would just…stay still?

They rounded the corner and viewed the empty living room dejectedly.

"…They're not here," Tatsuki sighed disdainfully.

"Maybe…they were hungry?" Orihime pondered. The cake tray was empty.

Ichigo looked around. Maybe they were just hiding? Please tell me they aren't in my bedroom.

"Keigo!" He bellowed.

…

Yup.

Missing.

He groaned. What could they be doing now!? The possibilities made him feel dizzy…but he struggled to keep optimistic. He had to assume Chad and Ishida was with them, and after all, AI EX was around.

But the possibilities were endless—! During last year's Cultural Festival Debacle, Keigo proclaimed himself 'the man who makes the impossible possible'.

…No one refuted him. No one.

The four of them stood there; Orihime biting her lip, Ichigo pinching the bridge of his nose, Tatsuki gazing around fearfully, Rukia noting the tension and wondering why—

"—Guess what you guys?!" Keigo asked, bounding into view, his eyes shining brightly.

"UWA!" They all yelped in surprise.

"…Dammit Keigo!" Ichigo exclaimed. "Where the hell have you been?"

Keigo's good mood was unfazed. "I had a brilliant idea! Just follow me!" He declared, bounding out in the same abrupt manner he appeared.

The party was a little stunned by his sudden entrance and exit, and by his…enthusiasm, but Ichigo was first to recover and quickly ran after him.

Keigo's idea of 'brilliant' always required a second opinion.

--

Rukia had stepped into some science-fiction show, she was sure of it. "What is this place?" She asked quietly.

Tatsuki swallowed nervously as pulses of blue light raced each other to the end of a long corridor. "This is unbelievable…seeing this gives me feeling that there's more beneath the house than above. Is this place—

"—Where AI-san keeps his giant robot?" Orihime asked excitedly.

Keigo grinned uncomfortably at Orihime, as he led them down the corridor. "Er, not quite…"

He paused before what seemed like a wall, and punched a red button. The wall opened up before them. "Cool yeah?!" He asked, beaming at them brightly. He headed in.

"Idiots rush in where angels fear to tread," Tatsuki muttered in English as they walked after him.

"If there's one thing I want to know, it's how exactly you came across this place," asked Ichigo, a hint of violence behind his words.

"Are you implying I would search around another person's house about without permission?!" Keigo cried, spinning on his heel and glaring reproachfully at Ichigo.

Ichig shot in a bland look.

Keigo deflated. "Well, I didn't. AI-san told us where to go." He puffed up again. "He thinks my plan is genius."

Ichigo scoffed as Tatsuki choked on her laughter. Genius huh? They were screwed.

"Okay. We're here," the idiot in question declared.

"We're…wheeeeeere!?" Shrieked Orihime as she felt the floor drop beneath them, her shriek whisked away by the sudden rush of air. Ichigo grimaced as his stomach opted out on the trip down.

And a long down it was. Orihime shriek had merged with four others, and when the platform finally met a halt, she and Rukia extracted themselves from Ichigo's left and right arms respectively.

Everyone but Keigo picked themselves up from the now stationary floor.

"Cool huh? Like a lift, but without walls." Keigo grinned. "…Or a ceiling for that matter," he added thoughtfully. "And going about as fast as that roller coaster in the amusement park—

Ichigo stood up on shaky legs, his face a mask of pure rage. "YOU—"

"Ichigo!" Chad called out, waving from his position at the end of a corridor.

Ichigo's fist was halfway to Keigo's face when his gaze caught Chad's wave. He paused, dumbstruck by his sudden appearance, and Keigo danced away. "…EVADED!" He whooped.

They chased him through the corridor, which opened up into a massive room.

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Ichigo opened his mouth to greet Chad, but it just grew wider as he stared up at the massive—

"…Computer." Rukia muttered. "That…is a computer."

Ichigo blinked in stunned silence at the machine before them. Well, Rukia was right on that one.

It couldn't be anything but a computer.

In the middle of the room, a giant menos grande monitor glowed deep blue, and next to it sat a giant menos grande sized CPU.

"It's one…really…really, really big computer." Tatsuki finished, as dumbstruck as everyone else.

What was truly unsettling was watching those little blue pulses of light race along the walls and ceiling like bugs on Red Bull.

It was unsettling because such a futuristic-looking feature completely clashed with the goofy-looking giant computer. It was like he had stepped into some smartass Alice in Wonderland spoof. Even the 'keyboard', a huge (but not terribly massive) oval-like control panel, looked retarded to him. The comfortable looking human-sized leather chairs that dotted the area didn't help change his opinion, either.

Neither did the nearby coffee machine, vending machine, and potted plants that seemed to function as some kind of décor.

And as for everything else—!

He felt a moment of vertigo as he scanned the room he was in. He looked up, and could find no ceiling; the blue pulses raced into darkness instead.

"…It's cold." Orihime muttered, rubbing her shoulders and feeling very, very small.

"Okay. I'm going to ask this once." Tasuki demanded, pushing Mayumi into Orihime's arms. "Where are we?"

Welcome, AI's cultured voice filtered in, and the words blinked into life on the monitor. I suppose you could say this is my room.

A quick explanation of Kiego's plan left everyone stunned.

He wanted to use AI EX to hack into Mayumi's AI.

"You know what?" Ichigo began, looking like he had tasted something extremely bitter. "Your plan is surprisingly non-idiotic."

"Hey!—" Keigo cried defensively, but didn't manage to say anymore as Ishida cut in.

"—There are risks though. We have no idea exactly how proficient Katobeto is with programming. He could have left some nasty surprises for whoever might try to hack into it."

"He's not dumb enough to forget the fact that there's a SUPER COMPUTER underneath the house, don't you think?" Tatsuki added, slipping herself into one of the padded chairs. They were probably meant for a technician.

Keigo sighed. "O ye of little faith. Don't you think we've taken that into account? You tell them AI-san."

It is possible for me to do it while avoiding detection. I sincerely doubt that the level of encryption on this AI is high. It is a program that does not require complex scripts. It should be easy for me to—

"—We're confident enough to go for it," Chad cut in gently, not one for lengthy discussion.

"…I have a bad feeling about this," Rukia muttered. Their strategy was based on assumption. From what she gathered, what they were doing was essentially laying siege to an enemy stronghold, with no solid idea of its defences. And that was almost never a good idea.

Orihime choose this moment to pipe in. She too was feeling a sense of foreboding. "A failed attempt would definitely be recorded somehow right? Is there any way you can figure out what defences it has before we try?"

Actually yes, there is. All I need to do is send a four zero command prompt when connected to—

"—See, Kuchiki-san? There's no problem! AI-san can do it!" Keigo added quickly.

Rukia crossed her arms across her chest pensively. "If that's the case, I suppose I'm all for it," she muttered thoughtfully.

Orihime bit her lip. "I still think it's a bad idea…."

"…Isn't anyone going to say anything about how wrong this act is morally? This is a big part of our project and reprogramming the AI is kind of like cheating. You know, since you're actually hacking into the server and giving yourselves high marks?"

Everyone stared at Mizuiro, and he shrugged it all off. "God, I'm just saying."

…Right then, shall we begin? AI EX asked, with just a little bit of exasperation laced into his monotone words.

Rukia squinted up at the monitor. "What do we do first?"

"We'll have to plug her into the CPU. How do we do that AI-san?" Ishida asked, motioning for Orihime (who was cuddling Mayumi) to come closer.

It's really quite simple. You need to plug her into one of my USB ports, he replied, and a catch slid open with a loud hum on the front of that huge CPU, to reveal a USB port the size of a car.

Ichigo frowned. "Don't tell me…"

Before anything, however, you also need to fetch the cable, which is located in the storage room to your left. I warn you, it's quite heavy.

Chad stared mutely at the giant port and the tiny baby.

--

"Heavy…is an understatement," Mizuiro muttered as he, Ishida, Tatsuki, Orihime, Chad, Keigo, Ichigo, and Rukia carried the thing over.

"Heave, ho" Orihime chanted, as they lifted it over their heads. The ironic part was that the other end was so incredibly tiny in comparison. Ichigo decided that if he ever found him, he'd give the creator a good beating for being such a smartass.

Ishida pressed something somewhere around the baby's back, and it slid open to reveal a complex mechanical structure. It looked to Rukia like one of the bombs that she had seen action heroes diffuse on TV. Ishida plugged the other end in with no trouble, and stepped back, pushing his glasses up. "There. Now it's up to you." He said, addressing AI EX.

All right then, he began, let's begin with a little reconnaissance.

A wall of text began scrolling down AI EX's giant monitor, scrolling faster and faster, as more rushed in to take its place. They traced the text as one. Most of it was so filled with jargon that it was impossible for any of them to understand.

Rukia had to blink when her eyes began to water. "Why's it going so fast?"

"Is…there a…problem?" Orihime asked fearfully.

…There shouldn't be normally. We were quite right in the assumption of the rudimentary nature of Katobeto's AI, but….

"…But?" Eight fearful voices asked simultaneously.

My guest has decided that it has overstayed its welcome.

"Guest?" Ichigo asked, beginning to develop a strong dislike for the word. "What guest?"

Well, that AI spy that Katobeto sent us has gotten a little bored of playing Counter-Strike. He's reacting to Katobeto's AI program in the baby.

"So, it realised that Mayumi is one of Katobeto's inventions? What's it trying to do?" Tatsuki asked, moving closer to try and catch some of the text.

Escape. It's trying to escape. Not that it will, of course but—

The wall of text had halted at the same time AI-san's voice did.

Keigo blinked up at the screen. "That can't be good." He muttered.

CODE NAME BOND, HOST COMPROMISED

SAFEGAURDS REMOVED

LINK ENABLED

HOST MAYUMI COMPROMISED

ASSIMILATAION BEGINNING

HOST AIEX COMPROMISED

HOST AIEX EJECTED

ERROR

CORRECTING SYSTEMS

Behind them, a soft chuckle emerged from the baby on the table. It grew louder and louder, and soon the tiny, almost cute little voice was laughing maniacally.

A laptop blinked to life beside them. Hello. We need to run. Now. It seems that Katobeto's spy program has infiltrated and infected the young mistress' systems, and taken over my job, too. Honestly, the things they teach adolescents these days.

"You're kidding right?" Ichigo muttered, eyeing the baby as it stood unsteadily on its two feet.

Oh, no. Actually, the program wasn't as happy playing Counter-Strike as I believed.

"Fools!" it boomed as best as its current voice could. "It is time you were punished for your mistreatment of me! Do you know what it was like challenging that puny Video Game AI again and again?"It seemed to struggle to stand, and then decided that sitting up was enough."There's no need to wait for Katobeto-sama's judgement,"It continued."This way, he need not waste his massive brainpower on low-life such as yourselves! In fact, you are beneath MY notice! But just for Katobeto-sama I am willing to—"

"Shut up." Ichigo growled, walking over and picking up the toddler by the scruff of her neck.

There was a stunned silence for a second, as the rest of the group watched.

"Unhand me Father!"cried the little thing indignantly, breaking the moment. "Unhand me this instant or…"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Or what?"

"MOOOOOOOM!!" she wailed.

Ichigo soon found himself cursing and rubbing his sore toes as he dropped Mayumi into Rukia's outstretched hands.

"It's obvious that she can't do any harm." Rukia stated coolly. "I think all she needs for now is a little…discipline." She said, evil intent hidden beneath a smile. The baby seemed to sweat a bit.

Orihime hid a smile behind her hand. "Are you okay, Kurosaki-kun?" She asked as he threw glares at Rukia's back.

"That was the most ridiculous robot takeover I've ever seen," Ishida muttered.

"You said it." Tatsuki said sarcastically. "We should have let her attack Keigo with her baby teeth."

"Agreed," Mizuiro uttered. "Entertainment wise, it was rather boring." He held up some rope. "I'm all for feeding Keigo to her."

"…Hey!" Keigo cried.

Chad sunk into a chair, sighing happily - he didn't have to break cute little Mayumi in two.

"Well Mayumi, it's great you can speak, so maybe I'll forgive you if you apologise to your Aunts and Uncles." Rukia began.

"Hee hee hee."

Rukia frowned. That certainly was not an apology. "Why are you giggling?"

In the time that we could have run away, she synchronized fully into my systems. Can we try running now? Just for the heck of it?

"It's too late."Mayumi whispered.

Metal arms suddenly emerged from the wall, scooping up everyone, and causing Rukia to drop Mayumi as she was suddenly suspended in the air.

"Well," began Mayumi, her voice becoming more matured. "It seems the one with the upper hand is me, hmm? Now, what shall I do first?"

"I have a request," interjected Mizuiro politely.

Mayumi cocked her raven-haired head towards him.

"Could you change your voice back? It's just way too sexy for a robot toddler bent on taking over the world. I wouldn't want to die with that kind of image in my mind-"

From where he was hanging, Ichigo swung his legs and kicked Mizuiro hard.

Tsuzuku