Chapter 19
It is dawn and things are getting into full swing. I yawn, and one of my staff hands me my cup of morning joe.
Urahara is perched on the arm of the recliner while I occupy the one next to him. Kokuto sits sandwiched in-between, half-asleep and rubbing his eyes. I stand up and hand him my mug, ready to begin business. He murmurs a groggy thank you and takes it.
"Go ahead," I say thickly, "it's got some kick to it." Kokuto shrugs and guzzles a big mouthful just as I add, "It's laced with adrenaline."
He chokes at the last bit. I laugh, walking away.
Audience members begin to bustle as a very rumpled-looking Starrk is guided onstage by my assistant. He looks rested compared to the rest of us, who are all bleary from rising so early.
Renji looks like hell warmed over. His uniform is torn in places from the rather savage tickle war that had taken place last chapter. He's lost his hair band and his thick mane has fallen down over his eyes and cascaded down his back in a wild mess.
Because Kokuto had stolen his Lazy-Boy, he'd been forced to sleep on the floor, which clearly has left him worse for wear.
He groans, sitting up and glowering at me as he works out the kinks in his stiff muscles.
My make-up crew stands by, waiting for my signal. I give it, and they immediately begin to go over Starrk with a fine-tooth comb, de-wrinkling his clothes, grooming his hair, and basically making him look like a sex god for the lucky sucker who gets to cart him away.
Anime-Kisses: "You're back, Kevvy! Woot! Party time! Haha, I'm so glad you encourage my unhealthy desire to kiss every male in Bleach. You're a true friend, Kevvy; brings a tear to my eye. :')"
I curtsy, and somewhere nearby Renji shrieks girlishly as the make-up team tackles him brutally. Apparantly, they are offended by his disheveled appearance.
Urahara watches in fascination, his eyes widening when they whip out some very dangerous-looking straightening irons. "Ah, to be beautiful is to suffer immensely," I sigh dramatically.
"Starrk, regardless of where you end up, you're always welcomed at my house. :) Come and visit sometime. Plenty of pillows for ya!"
Starrk flashes Anime-kisses a mellow smile and waves. Everyone sucks in a deep breath. Chad brings me the fated envelope. I take it from him and peel it open as an epic drum roll begins.
"Though I do wish I could split Starrk into several parts and give him away, I don't think he would be quite as appealing. So it comes down to this...The final choice," I declare. "CONGRATS, MANGAREADER125! You have won Starrk!"
Hat-'n-clogs goes insane with the confetti cannon, dispensing so much of it that it falls in dense waves over the audience and makes visibility almost zero. Renji splutters as it gets into his mouth, and the make-up crew scrambles to shield him so they can finish beautifying him.
Some of the audience members begin throwing a confetti-ball fight for sheer fun. Others who are just arriving on the scene join in. Among them is Super Saiyan Hollow, who frantically runs up out of nowhere.
"Am I too late to bid? I hope not."
"Nope! In fact, you're just in time for the madness," I comment, brushing confetti out of my hair.
"Anyways, I'd like to bid on Kokuto. I'll offer you freedom from Hell, of course, and freedom to do as you please. You will not be tied down to me. Also, I will bring your sister back to life and allow you to spend all your time with her."
After all this time, after all the silent treatments and odd mood swings, NOW Kokuto looks interested.
"It's about time!" he exclaims, and chugs the rest of his coffee. He throws the mug across the room, and one of the fangirls executes a perfect flying leap to catch it.
Saiyan Hollow takes a seat in the audience, effectively playing the part of mysterious newcomer.
Renji nearly hits the ceiling at the sight of the airborne fangirl. He tries to vault backward, but ends up jumping into a hot straightening iron hovering too close to his face.
A heart-rending scream rips through the air as Renji's flies across stage, his scaulded cheek plain for all to see, his arms pinwheeling.
The make-up team wails at their ruined creation.
"Ew," I say, wincing at the lieutenant's distress. His screams are abruptly cut off when one of my employees shoots him with a tranq gun.
Unfortunately, Renji happens to be too close to the edge of the stage, and he falls off, breaking his neck. The crowd gasps in horror, falling silent.
"It's alright, everybody. He can be revived," Urahara assures them. A collective sigh of relief fills the air.
MehLikey: "Hmm. This isn't actually a bid, but I am very curious about this. Kevvy, Kaien isn't alive anymore, Kaien was absorbed (is that right?) by Aaroniero. And if Aaroniero hides away from the light he can put on a Kaien facade."
"Heheh. Kaien facade," I laugh to myself.
"Sooo...Does that mean that when you say you're getting Kaien, you actually just want Aaroniero when he's inside away from the light?"
I automatically deadpan. "Hell...to the no," I say. "That guy's got problems. Aaroniero is an entirely separate character and when he is auctioned off, he will be displayed as his fish-tank face self, not my beloved Kaien. I want THE Kaien, not a lava lamp with a tentacle fetish that wears Michael Jackson's white glove who thinks he can be as hot as Kaien."
I take a deep breath.
Kisuke stares. "Are you done?"
"Yes." I go over and toss myself into my accumulated pile of Kaien plushies and other paraphernalia.
Anime-Kisses: "Not much more I have to offer Kisuke, but I'll just put it out there that he would have the most fun with me. Because I'm the coolest. A queen some would say. Remember that, Kisuke."
"I don't doubt that," Kisuke chuckles, fanning himself lightly. He sits back on Renji's recliner as the make-up crew prepares his manicure and pedicure. Another woman applies a greenish facial mask.
"I'm rather enjoying this pampering," he remarks, eating one of the cucumber slices placed over his eyes.
"Kokuto, stop being a sulking blob, it'll give you wrinkles. Don't ruin that perfect face. Seriously. I mean DAYUUMMM SON!" Kokuto stares, eyes wide. "What'd I do?"
"She thinks you're hot," I point out. He nods slowly, still a bit confused. "Oh."
Anime-kisses coughs. "Sorry, I can't help myself."
"Thanks for putting my eye back in, Chad! I won't bid on you, but I definitely have to give you a hug, you doll you!" Anime-kisses beams, and Chad, who's been a statue through all the craziness, gives a soft grunt. He hangs off to the side, still as unassuming as ever.
Shades-Soul: "Renji!"
A hush descends...A cricket chirps.
"Renji's dead," I supply. Everyone gasps as if it's news to them, eyes big with mock horror.
"Temporarily," I add, and they all dissolve into muttered conversation again.
"My second favorite male character, I offer to you all of your paperwork that your captain assigns you to do. I also promise to help you surpass your captain someday, though I can't promise it will be soon. I also want you to know that you can have whatever you want, be it a house, car, money, food, etc."
"A way out of here," I snicker, imagining that is just what Renji would say.
"You name it, you can have it. I will protect you from fan-girls. Honestly, I am a tomboy who wants to be your friend and earn your respect because you're one kick-ass fighter."
"Flattery gets you everywhere," Kisuke says, devouring his other cucumber slice and offering his hand to the nail technician, who begins to file away. Giggling alerts them to sudden danger, and the make-up crew parts just as Sakura Schiffer tackles Kisuke in his chair and hugs him.
"OMJ, thank juw, Kisuke-san! Sakura is gonna keeps this hat ferevers!"
Kisuke looks at her in surprise and smiles softly. "Well you came out of nowhere," he chuckles, glomping her back with enthusiasm. Just as spontaneously, Sakura jumps up, now completely serious, and points dramatically at Renji...err...Renji's corpse. "Sakura talks in third person cuz she wanna!"
"Wow, you certainly showed that dead body who's boss," I cackle.
Sakura holds up a sign that says Sakura loves juw, Kevvy and Starrk-sama. "Oh, yeah, and Sakura would love for Narunosuke to go up for bid!" She jumps up and down and begins fangirl squealing.
"Narunosuke is another of Sakura's favz!"
"Then so it shall be," I announce, and Narunosuke is ushered onstage. He looks a bit nervous...not that anyone can blame him, because now the fangirls are frothing at the mouth from the sight of his scantly-clothed body.
Chirpy Hitomi-chan is back and rearing to tear into Renji...or in this case, Renji's corpse.
"Yo! Happy to see me again? I'm here with more bids to improve your life scenario!"
"His life scenario is deceased," I tell her.
Kisuke shoos the make-up team away as they finish up wiping off the facial cream and hurries over to talk business with Hitomi-chan, who is apologizing to Kokuto for calling him a git earlier.
He seems to be taking it well and isn't as sullen as he was in the last chapter. In fact, everybody is in a pretty relaxed mood.
I sigh, and take a confetti-ball to the head from someone in the audience.
Total confetti chaos begins.
To be continued...
A/N: Next chapter, Renji and Kokuto's owners will be decided... Last-minute bids are welcome. Characters available for bidding next chappy are Chad, Narunosuke and Kisuke.
Go crazy, please. :)
Thanks go out to all of my readers and bidders, especially Anime-kisses, who's sticking around to glomp all the men of Bleach. Your continued involvement with the Auction makes things as crazy fun as ever. :) Until next chapter, signing off...