Disclaimer: No, I don't own Bleach.
A/N:
Ichigo and Rukia. I still love them. After all these years I still love them.
A lot happened to me, and one large part of it is a serious, complicated medical condition. It's not fatal but it is serious and complicated and it's been having its way with me for years.
That's not an excuse. That's just a reason.
It shouldn't have mattered. I may have been dealing with that but what really happened, the core of it, was that somewhere along the line, I got lost. Completely, fully, lost. I should have kept writing.
And then before I knew it, Bleach was ending.
I can only apologize, and hope that it's enough.
So why am I doing this, almost 10 years later?
If I could be a little arrogant, this is for the people still waiting for an ending ;_; If I can be a little selfish, this is for me and my useless DNA. And if I can take the high ground for a bit, this is for Ichigo and Rukia.
This is the ending I wrote many years ago. I'm leaving it as it is, so I don't infect it with anything I may have picked up over the past 7 years.
It was really just a little more. Why didn't I just post it? I wonder. I guess I thought it wouldn't be good enough.
Now I realize as long as I can see those two smiling in my mind, I'm sure I did okay. So that's what I'm going with: For the love of Ichiruki.
The most important part is getting the message across, and I'll be focusing on that when I write. I'm really rusty and no where near whatever I was 7 years ago so there's no way it could be better.
But these are the two remaining chapters of To the Wind.
I'll also scanlate some ichiruki doujin I bought to try and remove some of my bad karma, you'll be able to find it on the ichiruki Live Journal.
Ichigo and Rukia. I still love them. After all these years I still love them.
Do you?
To the Wind
Chapter 19
By Advent Wing
"Get it?" Tatsuki said.
"Give me a minute." Keigo said.
"You need a minute to process what I said?"
"Yes." He paused. "So, tomorrow is the day."
"Yeah." Tatsuki answered with a sigh. Tomorrow was when they came to school, and talked about the results of their Home Economics project. "Which is why tonight is the last chance. You know, I don't know exactly what Katobeto-san was trying to do when he put Ichigo and Rukia in that crazy house."
"Do we need to question the actions of a mad scientist?" Keigo said. "They do what mad scientists do. The more important question is what we gained from the whole experience."
Tatsuki's lips quirked like she'd tasted something sour. So this was what agreeing with Keigo was like. "Right I supposed." Ugh. "Matchmaking. Right now, that's what's important. Not figuring out what Katobeto wanted. A crazy Home Economics teacher wanting to find out what it would be like if Ichigo and Rukia were in a state-of-the-art house alone is something pretty self-explanatory."
"Matchmaking huh?" Keigo mused thoughtfully.
"Yes." Tatsuki had her arms crossed over her chest. "Right now it's all about matchmaking."
"But, um…you know, welllllll…."
"Spit it out." She mumbled.
He spoke slowly so she'd understand. "…They're, well, already, y'know, married."
Tatsuki nearly tripped and fell over.
"They're not married! They aren't even going out! This project is for school, remember!"
Keigo blinked at her. "Oh." He said, seemingly having trouble processing this information.
Tatsuki slapped her head. What a Keigo-like thought process. Simple, yet cutting.
"Yeah. Matchmaking. So we're doing this because Rukia wants to confess to him."
Keigo frowned. "…Ehhhh? That so…"
"…What?"
"No, it's just…well…."
"Don't tell me something like 'Oh they aren't going out, so Rukia's free.' "
Keigo froze for a second, and then turned to her, abashed. "But you know, you ever wonder why they aren't going out?"
"What do you mean? It's obvious right? Rukia's not sure he feels the same way."
"But you know, it just doesn't make sense. They're crazy about each other, so—
"What're they up to?" Ichigo asked suspiciously.
Tatsuki and Keigo made an odd pair.
Mizuiro shrugged. "No idea. But they make an odd pair."
"Right?" Ichigo said.
He wandered over to Rukia.
"Hey, you okay?"
She didn't respond.
"Heyyy."
He looked up, wondering if there would be stars.
"We're here." Ichigo said, piercing whatever fog was clouding her mind.
Rukia blinked up and past him. Her steps faltered. "Wow."
The large stone square in front of the shrine was packed with rows upon rows of stalls. Their vivid colours and lively keepers, the lanterns strung high and the rumble of the crowd – this energy….
It could only be a festival.
She felt her chest tighten at the sight. "It's…huge."
Tatsuki pinched her forehead in a very Ichigo-like way.
"It's not hard to understand."
"Well excuse me for not understanding."
Tatsuki rubbed her forehead.
What was the problem?
It had seemed so easy to understand.
Ichigo…was scared.
"Ichigo is scared." She said, surprised. "They're both scared but Ichigo is really scared."
"And that's the part I don't understand," Keigo said. "Why is he scared?"
Tatsuki's gaze softened.
Some people got it, and some people didn't. And there was the trouble.
People can be scared.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Ichigo could stand to be a little like you."
Ishida could have told them that.
Kurosaki Ichigo wasn't like this.
He was different – a bit of an idiot, the way he dealt with problems were just so incredibly straight-forward. It made him seem…a little invincible. Almost like Superman, more like an animal who kept running, keep moving, no matter what.
…This is what Ishida believed. But now he realized…that that side of him was a front – he'd seen what everyone else had seen.
He felt a little cheated. He wanted to reject it. If the mighty Kurosaki Ichigo had a weak side he rarely showed to other people, then it was possible everyone had a weak side they rarely showed to other people.
…And that would mean it was possible Ishida Uryuu was the same.
"Wow Ishida! You're really good."
"Please, spare me," the shopkeeper said as Ishida knocked over yet another prize at one of the many shooting game stalls at the festival.
"Hm."
The shopkeeper looked up with hope.
"Could I have that one next?" Orihime pointed.
"Noooooooooo…." The shopkeeper moaned.
Rukia felt pretty miserable.
The whole plan was being ruined because she couldn't come out with her feelings.
I should…just relax…and have fun being with him. She sighed. …Isn't that what it was all about anyway?
This date thing.
Two kids ran ahead of them, jostling them out of the way. They shouted an apology that was lost in the collection of voices. "There's…a lot of people." She said quietly.
"Soul Society doesn't have festivals?" He asked as they walked past the entrance.
"No."
"No?"
Not in The Court of Pure Souls - and never in the Rokungai she had lived in.
—Nothing like this.
Ichigo scratched his cheek thoughtfully. "But you seem to know a lot about them. You ever been to one?"
"No…" her voice was distant now, almost misty in nature.
Ichigo didn't get it, and turned round to glare at her over his shoulder. "You have to live before you die and become a Shinigami right? So why-
—She wasn't following him anymore.
"Rukia?"
Her blue eyes glassy with thought, she stood staring at the large gate, as the crowd flowed around her.
Ichigo froze, this sade expression of hers turning his insides to ice. His reaction was silly, but swift - he stomped forward and grabbed her hand in his roughly. "Stay close."
"Wha?" she tried as she was dragged down the aisle. "Slow down!" she snapped, her sandals catching as she failed to keep up with his long strides.
"Hey!" snapped a festival-goer, nearly dropping his food as Ichigo shouldered past him roughly.
Rukia grimaced apologetically, and then glared resolutely at Ichigo.
"I said, slow down!" Digging her heels into the smooth tiled floor, their arms went taut.
The idea of their grip snapping suddenly dominated all thought. Eyes widened, they both took a hasty, stumbling, step towards each other.
Ichigo and Rukia blinked into each other's eyes at the sudden proximity.
Ichigo averted his gaze. "…Sorry." He muttered, leading the way again, but slower.
She felt her spirits rise - he didn't let go.
"…And we lost them." Tatsuki sighed and Orihime giggled. "It's for the best."
"You're really into this now, huh?"
Tatsuki's expression froze and she pinked. "Well, yes." She huffed. "Don't you get that feeling when you talk to Rukia?"
"…Feeling? What feeling?"
"Like…I don't know. Like she could use a hand. Or two."
"A hand? You mean like you want to help her?" Orihime lifted a finger to her chin. "Yeah. Kind of. But you also get the feeling…like…I don't know." Orihime snapped. "Ah. When she needs it,"
"—she wouldn't ask." Tatsuki finished, slouching in her chair.
"Yeah...but you know what?"
"What?"
"I don't think she really needs us there…"
Tatsuki blinked up at her. "What do you mean?"
Orihime shrugged. How could she put it in words? She closed her eyes.
She had been watching them – and not the way Tatsuki had.
"Hime?"
She opened them again. "The rest will take care of itself."
Tatsuki eyed her best friend. "…Is that so?"
Orihime beamed back at her. "Think about it for a while."
Tatsuki chewed the inside of her cheek gently, and turned her gaze upwards. "…The rest…huh?"
"You'll get it."
"Hmm. The chances of bumping into them now are pretty low. We can't find them and getting them alone was the plan anyway. Let's regroup with the others at the river? I'll give Keigo a call."
"Sure."
Orihime felt lighter. Just put them together - the rest will take care of itself.
She blinked. "…How come you have Keigo's number?"
"…Is there a problem with having Keigo's number?"
"It's odd."
"So, this is cotton candy." Rukia said, recognizing the treat.
"Yes." Ichigo said, shoving the pink blob at her.
"…You won't be having one?"
"…We've had this conversation before." He said, shoving the thing at her. "I don't like this stuff."
Rukia felt a smile creep onto her face, and hid it as best she could. "You know…I can't be sure it's safe. Maybe you should try it first."
"…What?"
"It could provoke a Shinigami Allergy."
His gaze narrowed at that. "That was weak." He thrust it into her hands.
"Just try it." She said, pushing the pink blob into his face.
"No." He snapped, catching what sounded like an amused giggle from some eavesdropper. He turned to glare at that person instinctively.
Said eavesdropper turned to the guy at her side. "Can you buy me some cotton candy?"
"Wha? Pay for it yourself."
"How cold!" the girl snapped. "And it's been so long since we've been on a-
-Try it." Rukia said simply, bringing his gaze back to her face.
"No."
"Try it."
"No!" he snapped, stomping off.
He felt his discomfort grow as he caught the irritation in her gaze.
She ate it quietly.
"It's good."
When the crowd thinned to next to no one, a finger touched her cheek quickly and she turned to watch Ichigo eat the bit of cotton candy he had removed.
"…Hm." He muttered, fighting down his embarrassment. "Let's try something chocolate next."
"…Sure." Rukia muttered as they continued on. She found herself looking around for something to divert her mind with. "That place looks popular."
"It's a shooting gallery. I'm no good at it. You want something shot, call Ishida."
"Hm." Rukia murmured, her tone noncommittal as she ate into her candy treat.
"While we're at it," he muttered, letting the train run, "it was pretty odd of them to just ditch us like that."
"Hm." The crowd wasn't as thick as it was when they entered. Her hand felt odd, restless – she guessed she really wanted him to grab it again. She bit fiercely into the candy, down to the wood. She was getting rather tired of this. There had to be a way to deal with this…restlessness….
"It's damn weird actually. Leaving the two of us-
He blinked as Rukia grabbed his hand, at the same time the word date resounded like a chorus in his head.
"A-a-are you going to get going or what?" Rukia snapped, as she turned away from the enlightened look in his eyes. Letting go, her hand feeling even more alien than before, she marched ahead. "…That stall looks interesting enough."
This is…a date.
"Uh…right."
Ichigo was pretty bad company for the next few minutes as he coordinated this newly acquired fact with everything that had happened previously.
"They'll probably be waiting for us at the river."
"The river is where you watch the fireworks?"
"Yeah…"
"Hey," Ichigo said, eying the way some crates led to the roof of the shrine. "I have a pretty good idea."
"No." Rukia said succinctly, but Ichigo had already vaulted up to the first crate in the pyramid.
"Ichigo!" she hissed.
"Relax will you?"
In one soundless leap, she had jumped to the crate he was on.
"Careful!" Ichigo warned.
The pyramid rocked, and they clutched each other for support.
When it settled, she pulled away, her face flushing as she struggled to beat out the feeling of being in his arms.
"There's a problem with your plan!" she snapped.
"Yeah?"
"You can't jump that high in human form!" she said, pointing to the lip of the tiled roof.
"No…" He mused. "But you can. Gimme me a hand when you're up there, and it won't be a problem."
"No."
"Look, the fireworks'll be starting soon. If it's too easy to be seen up there, we'll just go down alright?"
She glared up at his obstinate expression with one of her own…and then sighed. "Okay," she said…
…and the roof turned out to be perfect. Seated on the second tier, they were practically invisible, hidden under the shadow of the third. Still, it being the roof….
Ichigo rolled open the mat they were going to use for the grass. "Use this."
"How chivalrous."
"Bite me. I'm worried they'll charge us if you ruin the kimono."
And then the sky lit up.
Bam, went one. Ba-Bam.
Whatever retort Rukia was about to throw out was silenced by the explosion of sound and colour.
"Not bad," she whispered as Ichigo found himself feeling for the mat so he could sit too.
"Yeah…" As much as he hated to admit it, he never tired of fireworks. He glanced discreetly as Rukia, and a thought embedded itself in his head.
"They have fireworks in…" he swallowed the name of the place he hadn't had trouble saying before.
There was so much about this girl he didn't know. The place she came from felt like a hovering axe rather than a name at the tip of his tongue.
"Soul Society?" she whispered, the light casting a glow on her upturned face.
Ba-Bam.
"Yes…" She nodded absently. "They have…fireworks."
He wondered if he should speak the question that had been tearing at him. He struggled with it for a while, but then something gave way. "Do you miss it?" he asked roughly.
"Miss…?"
"Soul Society."
She turned to Ichigo, her gaze probing.
Bam.
He felt his heart speed up and turned away from those eyes. It was a simple question. It didn't mean anything. Why was he so worked up over this?
But he desperately wanted to know the answer.
"Not really."
"Not…" What the hell kind of answer is that?! "…Right." He leashed his temper, but it was easy. He just had to look at her….
Bam.
"I love you."
Pah-bam.
"Who knows how long?" she asked lightly. "I don't even know when it started."
"You…?" he managed.
She nodded curtly, fighting down the rising terror that soaked her lungs. "Kidding." Her gaze dropped as she turned away. "That was what your culture calls a confession right? I-
He pulled her chin to lock her gaze with his, and any attempt to u-turn was erased from her head.
"…I love you," she whispered, her jack-hammering heart pounding faster than any moment in her long life. "I tried hard not to…but living with you, this week, together…I…I couldn't help it." She gasped as the hands tightened around her.
Wait. Screamed something inside him, a command he never obeyed when it involved his body and always obeyed when it involved his heart. He removed his grip on her finger by finger…even getting his hands to drop took a moment.
Wait!
So now what? He asked himself quietly, and had enough sense not to voice it out. "…What do you mean by 'you tried not to'?"
She didn't answer, but that was answer enough. His voice came out rough. "Hey…if we…"
She echoed. "If we…"
"…If we were together…" whispered he.
"If we were together…" whispered she.
Rukia felt her vision blur, and Ichigo felt his chest tighten and they both thought—
—If we were together, I could relive that day. The day I found a dead body was lighter than a broken heart.
And this was the problem that Tatsuki and Keigo had found.
The fear.
"…I understand," she started, hearing her wounded resolve through her shaky voice. "…I understand," she repeated.
Don't let it end like this. "Don't you see?" she tried again. "I understand…" Don't let it—
"—Then…" Ichigo began, taking a ragged breath "…I need to know why…are you asking this? Because I…"
Ichigo really likes you.
Not enough.
"You…don't want to do this." Rukia said. "Do you?"
"I-"
I'm at my limit already. "…It's fine." She said, and she felt odd – her voice sounded like it didn't belong to her.
"N…no what…what I'm saying is-
"It's fine!"
Ichigo stared at her, his thoughts so badly mangled. "No Rukia, listen, I-
She shook her head from side to side violently, eyes squeezed shut.
A tear struck Ichigo's cheek, and the voices died.
When Rukia opened her eyes again, her vision was blurry with tears. She scrubbed them away. "I'll…" She wanted to say 'I'll be back.' "
"I understand," she whispered instead.
He called her name as she stood. "Where are you…going? Hey…where…."
She stepped from the edge, her yukata flapping, sandals impacting softly on the ground below.
Everything he wanted to say – all his wishes, all his feelings, everything that had been built on and grown since the moment he met her - he tried putting it all into one, final, desperate plea. "I don't care!" he screamed savagely. "Just come back!"
But Rukia didn't hear him.
I'm using a gigai after all, was the odd thought that crossed her mind as her sandals pounded upon the forests behind the shrine…that and memories that were now excruciatingly painful. She squeezed her eyes shut involuntary, stumbled upon an exposed root and hit the ground hard.
She understood…or thought she did – did she anymore, really? She shouldn't have run. The tree branches arced over her form like in sympathy, but she clasped her hands to her shivering forearms anyway as she stumbled away form the light and noise of the festival.
Tsuzuku