And now for a small word from our host...
Wow, guys, I'm so sorry about not updating last week, but school got in the way! Thankfully, I managed to put some time away to write this chapter, so. here. we. go!
HOLY COW, 219 REVIEWS! (starts typing faster)
You know, I think the most awesome thing about winning a character, is that you get to rub people's faces in it. Got a beef with someone? Just whip out Grimmjow (or any character to speak of) and say, "You wanna piece of this?"
Haha. Right now, that's what it's like to flash Chad. He's the perfect crowd control. No one tries to get up in his business because, well, he's freakin' hulking. And really tall.
So when people start going batshit over Toshiro's arrival, Chad has to go around throwing piles of fangirls over his shoulder to try and clear a clean path to the stage.
Good news is no one was seriously injured. And the fangirls got a ride on Chad, which kept them amused long enough to rush Toshiro towards safety.
The captain must not be a stranger to this degree of madness, because he looks very calm. In fact, despite all the hand-grabbing and lewd gestures, he appears to be handling everything quite well.
Of course, that could be because I had tipped him off. I hadn't wanted Toshiro to go in blind (lest he get mauled), so instead of kidnapping him, I had allowed him time to come in on his own after explaining the whole situation. Really, the whole reason he hadn't come in sooner was so he could see our agreement pull through.
Toshiro wouldn't have come to the Auction freely unless I had put a large amount of money towards his squad.
The little extortionist...
He hadn't been pleased about going. But then, I couldn't blame him.
He was leaving his squad in the care of his lieutenant while he was absent. He probably feared his entire division would crumble to the ground.
Luckily, he's approaching this thing with a little dignity, and he isn't sulking like some people do (Mayuri). It might just be a trick of the light, but I swear I see the corners of his lips quirk when someone screams, "I LOVE YOU, CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA!"
A very well-endowed girl draped over Chad's broad shoulder lifts her head and waves wildly, her breasts on the verge of spilling out of her top.
Toshiro visibly loses his bearings and nearly trips on the stairs on his way up to the stage.
I pretend not to notice and go over to meet him, amusement written all over my face.
"Wow, that was pretty crazy, huh?" I say cheerfully, whacking him over the back so hard he nearly falls over.
"Watch it," he snaps, and I lift my hands up in surrender. Kisuke sits nearby, oblivious to everything going on as he mulls over his confetti cannon. "If only I could fix the gauge so it dispenses less confetti," he mumbles to himself.
blankNblank: "I offer Toshiro me, as a lieutenant, that will do all my paperwork and even his. Also a device that will tell him when Ukitake is getting near with candy so he can escape."
I snicker. "Who runs away from candy?"
Toshiro glowers pointedly at me. "You don't know what it's like." I wave my hand at him.
"Anime-kisses, if Uki ever has candy to give away, I will personally relieve him of it. I, for one, LOVE candy!"
Kisuke perks up. "That's it!" he declares. "Candy! I should put candy in it instead of confetti!"
I sweatdrop. "Um, wouldn't that hurt if it hits the audience?"
Hat-'n-clogs doesn't appear to hear me. The idea's already in his head now. No one will tell him to do otherwise. I sigh heavily as he runs off to go find candy.
blankNblank finishes up the offer with a lucky shiny penny and bodyguards...the penny of which is in question. "W...What would I do with a penny?" Toshiro asks, plainly confused.
"Throw it on the ground!" Kisuke supplies, sneaking out from backstage. No candy there...
"Give it to the homeless," I say flatly.
"I don't think a penny would help the homeless," Chad tells me, matter-of-factly.
"You're right." I nod my head in agreement and cross my arms. "Then you should just throw it on the ground."
"Hey, that's my idea," Kisuke whines. I ignore him.
MoonlightNightmare: "I have 6 million dollars and...I'll never call him short, or an elementary student...and I'll always call him Captain Hitsugaya...!"
My eyes grow round with surprise. "That's a lotta dough. Did you win the lottery or rob a bank?"
Suddenly, my keen hearing warms me of approaching danger. I sidestep Narunosuke just as he executes a flying leap at my back. "Master!" He hits the floor, efforts fruitless.
"I'M NOT YOUR MASTER!" I howl, pointing at him with both index fingers for dramatic effect. "THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN I'LL BE THE MASTER OF, AND YOU'RE NOT UP TO SNUFF, SO BACK OFF, PAL!
"Who's that?" Kisuke asks aloud, and I hit the floor.
"You mean we've known each other all this time and you don't know this stuff?!" I cry, flailing.
An ocean of fangirls hits the side of the stage, wanting to be heard. Hands claw in frenzy at the edge of the platform, trying to get up. I begin to issue an order for security, but it is unneeded, as JapanLover4ever jumps up on stage and produces a shield, blocking the wave.
JapanLover4ever: "SCREW YOU ALL! HITSUGAYA-TAICHO IS OFF LIMITS!"
"Now, now. Let's not be so hateful," Kisuke chides, trying to soothe out the tension crackling in the air. He goes over to the side of the stage, where the fan-girls lie in wait, and speaks to each of them, in a soft, even tone. No one knows what is said, but the fan-girls seem to relax, and back off.
"For Shiro-chan! I bid to do his paperwork for however long he wants, be his maid for two years and give him an unlimited supply of watermelons and his favorite sweets! Also, Toshiro, it's not your fault you lost against that horrible man, Aizen! You were just having a bad day!
TAKE THAT PEOPULZ! BEAT THAT!
I also offer you a Rangiku controller so you can put a collar on her and shock her or control her via remote whenever you want to!" JapanLover hands Toshiro the remote and collar, giving him a large smile. Someone in the audience mutters, "Seems a bit extreme..."
Another adds in, "BDSM stuff."
"Don't worry, I can control my fan-girling, so please consider my offer! Well, ja ne!" With that, JapanLover bows deeply and recedes into the crowd.
"Jeez...You must have paperwork overload," I say, picking myself up off the floor and brushing my clothes off. It's gone with the custom made kimono. Today, my ensemble is an all out cosplay of...Kaien Shiba.
"HOLY COW, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?" everybody shouts in unison.
I slam my fist into a table that is placed conveniently next to me. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOUR EYEBALLS BEEN? YOU DIDN'T NOTICE WHAT I WAS WEARING UNTIL JUST NOW?"
Everyone stares. "Um...no, not really." No one dares to come clean...that they were all too distracted by the magnificant Toshiro to notice my attire.
"I'm surprised you didn't dye your hair black," Kisuke says.
"I'm not that insane," I grumble, loviingly stroking my lieutenant's badge. A commotion starts up somewhere behind me, and Kisuke looks up curiously from his work just as a member of the audience gets by Chad and hones in on me.
"WHOOO! A Gin plushie! Thanks so much! Kevvy, you rule!" MehLikey begins to hug the plushie to death. "And finally, here comes my first bid. Hitsugaya-taicho, you are amazing. And not short." Toshiro looks pleased by the last bit. "For you, I bid protection against fangirls, fanboys (hey! It is possible!), Rangiku, and Ukitake and his candy.
I will never in any way insult you or call you short and I will leave you to do your papework. Or I can help with it so the load is lightened.
I will make sure Momo stays safe and I will arrange for you to have meetings with her owner whenever you see her.
I will be happy to do anything you want me to do, as I'm sure I haven't listed everything here. If it is possible and you want it, I will do it.
As you may have already noticed, I will always call you taicho and never any silly nicknames. I will never bring myself that low.
Err. Does that sound obsessive? I hope not. Please consider my offer, Hitsugaya-taicho."
If it's possible, Toshiro looks impressed. And extremely satisfied by the taicho part of the offer.
I go over to talk with my enthusiastic readerabout a bid in advance...and to bask in the glow of all the appreciation I'm getting.
And just because it's asked, I present MehLikey with a truckload of Gin plushies...and a year's supply of sugary junkfood. A few fangirls get crushed when the driver releases the truckbed and it sends a giant hill of the stuff cascading onto them.
My ever helpful Chad goes to dig them out with the help of standby medical personel. Thankfully the lovely Sakura Schiffer is not among those buried by the sugary goodness.
What's more, she feels so loved, she strikes le pose and starts giving everyone cookies.
"Sakura made a typo in her last review...she meant she would bid her love to Narunosuke...and give him some clothes...Oh...and Narunosuke..."
Narunosuke peers out from behind the lounge chair Renji left behind, which is the closest he can get to me without inciting my wrathful aura. It's not that I don't think he's hot...BECAUSE DAMN IS THAT MAN HAWT! But I don't want to be unfaithful to my beloved Kaien. And it's hard to resist Narunosuke's cuteness when he's clinging to me all the time.
"...Sakura promises to keep them mean fangirls away...she'll feed them to cows, too." Narunosuke offers a timid smile. "Thank you," he says softly. Sakura takes one of her delicious cookies and flings it at Kisuke's head. "Calm ur nips with da cannon, Kisuke-kun!"
He blinks, having been in the process of stealing some of MehLikey's immense fortune of candy to fill his cannon with. "Okay," he says blankly.
He very non-discreetly snags another pawful of candy to stuff with his cannon with and walks off, waiting for his chance...Anime-kisses decides to share in on the love as well and cuddles me while I devour a plate full of cookies.
"Yay! I got glomped! :)) Here, Kevvy, have this."
Anime-kisses digs through her pockets and pulls out a Kaien rubber ducky. "Isn't it adorable?! And when you squeeze it, it squeaks out little commands." I effect a very flattered and shimmery-eyed look of awe...which dissolves the moment Chad says, "That's...very creepy."
"Yeah," Kisuke joins in, noticeably disturbed. "It's s'posed to be a duck...but it's not."
A murderous aura radiates from me, filling the room and giving everyone chills.
"It's beautiful," I grind out, "and I don't want to hear anyone say it's not." My eyes narrow as they find hat-'n-clogs, who suddenly isn't so sunny anymore. His spirits are sapped by my wrath.
"Are we clear?" He nods frantically, incapable of speech.
The pressure filling the studio dissipates, and everyone is finally able to breathe. I go back to lavishing Anime-kisses in compliments over the ducky, then sneak away to go add it to the shrine of memoribilia I have tucked away. By then, Anime-kisses has taken new interests...in bombarding Toshiro with fangirlish-ness. "OMG, HITSUGAYA-TAICHO! IT IS AN HONOR TO MEET YOU, SIR!"
"Toshiro sure seems to be getting the respect he's always wanted," Kisuke addresses me as I return to the stage. I look over at the small-ish captain, who is giving Anime-kisses his full, undivided attention.
"While I am not bidding on you, I would like to take this moment to make a promise to you."
Anime-kisses kneels on the ground before a very shocked Toshiro.
"I shall bid on and I WILL win Momo. I swear to you here and now that I shall not only protect her with my very life but I shall make sure she lives a peaceful, serene life filled with nothing but happiness and watermelons. I just wanted to tell you this because I know how much you care for Hinamori. Thank you for listening." Now done with her respectful gesture, Anime-kisses stands up and hands a basket full of watermelons to Hitsugaya. He receives them gratefully, but he tries to look cool even as he bows slightly from the weight of the giant melons. "Oh, and any time you need help with paperwork because Rangiku is being a lazy bum, I'll be more than willing to help."
She smiles at him, and Toshiro says a strained thank-you before turning around and staggering towards the table.
"Aw, Toshiro, can you not handle the wittle ol' melons? Do you need a hand?" I coo mockingly.
"It's captain Hitsugaya," he hisses through clenched teeth. "And I'd like to see you try." I stride over to him confidently, a smug look on my face. Then I take the basket from him and immediately fall over, hitting the floor with a loud thud.
"Whoa...those are wonder-melons," I gasp, draped over the basket. Toshiro rolls his eyes at me and sighs in exasperation.
ImSeriousBro: "TOSHIRO TOSHIRO TOSHIRO OMF FAINTS."
"What's OMF?" Kisuke asks innocently.
"Probably something too obscene for children's ears, darling," I tell him, patting him on the head affectionately.
"I think it means oh my fuck," some unlucky guy in the audience murmurs.
"WHO THE HELL SAID THE F WORD?" I howl, flipping a table with inhuman strength and sending the basket of watermelons catapaulting into the air. Toshiro's eyes widen in horror, but he sags with relief as Chad catches them before they hit the ground.
"You said hell," another bidder points out unhelpfully. Without warning, the room grows cold.
A dark black energy rises off me as he lean over the side of the stage and grab both members of audience. I lift them from the floor by the front of their shirts. As I get right up in their faces, I grow fangs and my eyes turn a demonic, overcast color.
"I'm allowed to curse. Do you have a problem with that?"
"NOOOOOOOO!" the bidder wails, shaking his head as fast as humanly possible. I release him and turn my attention to my next victim.
The guy who'd said the F word takes one look at my wild appearance, and faints dead away.
"Hmph." I toss him away somewhere into the audience.
"Was that too much fan-girling? Prolly.
Toshiro, I'll give you a one-way ticket to Antarctica, and then a crap-load of money so that you can do whatever you want. You can get away from everyone and I won't even bother you."
ImSeriousBro coughs. "But I do request seeing you once a month. That's all. Once I see those other evil bidders, though...(NEXT CHAPTER COUGHCOUGH)..." She rubs her hands together. "I'll be back to update and compliment your awesome writing, Kevvy."
"I'm awesome!" I yell, pumping my fist into the air. Participants of the Auction watch me wearily, afraid I might make a snack of one of them. But I'm back to my old self, and I'm no longer Dark Kevvy with the fangs. Everybody relaxes a little, when suddenly a tiny ball of light shoots into the room and makes a beeline for the stage.
To be continued...
Well, this is actually the first time there have been this many bids for one character. As one would expect, I could not fit it all on this chapter. If I had, everyone's eyeballs would be sore from an extremely drawn out chappy. So I have spared you. Good news is: all reviews that were not seen in this chapter, will appear in the following one.
Because of Toshiro's immense fandom, I let this chapter center on him, thus the neglect of the other characters. Poor Kisuke-kun didn't get to use his confetti/candy cannon...But next chapter he most definitely will! Because Kisuke Urahara is leaving the building with his owner. :) Feel free to post any last-minute bids for him.
JapanLover4ever: If your review looked a little off, it's cuz I combined your current offer with the previous one. I didn't one want to leave either one out.
You guys stay awesome.
Signing off.