243 Harrys POV
"I'm fine, really, I am. I'm not going to start heaving again, or faint, or anything." Dougie whispered, leaning his head against mine, obviously wanting to calm me down. Though I already knew Dougie was usually okay after recovering from a heaving/fainting attack, he just felt a little light headed and clammy, that was it. "I know, I just still feel worried, cause, well, you're you, and I wouldn't be me if I didn't worry." I sighed, pulling him closer, nuzzling into his neck. "I know, but I'm okay. That was a minor one, you know that, I didn't faint this time." Dougie smiled, holding onto my hand, letting me count his breathing, checking that it was regular. "thank god. Can you just let me look after you? Just for a while, I feel awful just leaving you to get on like nothing happened." I whispered, not really wanting Tom to hear our conversation, or Danny, even though he knew Dougie had already had a problem breathing today.
"I know, you can look after me for a while if it makes you feel better." Dougie gave in, petting my hair. "thanks. I love you." I kissed his cheek, loving that Dougie understood me so well he knew when I just needed to look after him sometimes, it helped me feel useful, and like a proper husband, and normal. I loved Dougie so much, I wasn't going to easily let go of looking after him, like I had ever since he was 15 years old. "I love you too. Now, how about this tournament before we actually reach the next stop?" Dougie laughed, turning on the tv and xbox, putting in Call Of Duty.
"we're playing as 1 person, its already been decided!" Danny grabbed a control, handing it to Tom, obviously trying to include him in our games. "yeah, alright, just don't cheat!" I flicked Danny in the ear, earning a slap to the arm back. "oi! Save the fighting for the game!" Dougie countered, before Tom got caught in the crossfire of flailing hands. "alright, be prepared to be smashed by Flones!" Danny laughed, putting his hands on Toms shoulders, holding in a shudder. "yeah right! There's two of us working together, versus you, working together as one. We'll thrash you!" I teased, knowing we would win this war, no doubt.
Within half an hour, we were winning, 10 kills to 5. Danny, despite his competitive nature, was still letting Tom use the controls, following his random shouts, almost like when he let Tom win at Fifa, just because he was awful at sport, in real life and on games. "shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him now!" Danny cried, bouncing hysterically on his seat, "yes! Good job Tommy! In your face Dougs!" Danny stood up in celebration as Tom managed to shoot my character in the head, for the 3rd time. "shut up! That was a lucky shot!" Dougie waited to respawn, and just missed Toms character by literal centimetres...he was getting very good very quickly, considering this was the new game, and he hadn't ever played it.
Instead, I shot him in the head as revenge, getting one pained cry and a hard slap from a certain someone from Bolton. "revenge for killing my husband." I shrugged teasingly, laughing as I got another slap.
244 Dougies POV
We ended up playing Call Of Duty all day until we got to the next venue, we weren't on tour just yet, but we were working up to it, this was sort of like a trial run. So far, we were doing reasonably well. Me and Harry won the 'tournament' twice over, even with Danny playing properly, instead of telling orders to Tom. Luckily, Tom continued to sit with us, mostly I think because Danny had put his feet on top of Toms crossed legs, half using him as a foot stool, half keeping him on the floor with us.
It was great fun, we had such a good time together, for the first time in ages, we all had such a good time without being on stage. We were all together, laughing and joking, like we were on tour, like nothing had changed. It was the greatest day we had spent together for a while. "oh, I think we've arrived. We'll continue this later on, alright? Come on Tommy." Danny stood up and took hold of Toms hand, pulling him with him.
Together, they walked up in front of us, thankfully holding hands the whole way. Danny lifted their arms and wrapped them around Toms body, holding him close to himself, kissing his hair gently. They talked in whispers to each other the whole way, finally seeming like they were actually a happy couple. I wondered how long it would last.
It didn't last long at all, as soon as sound check finished, Tom departed from us all to sit on his own in his dressing room, locking the door so we couldn't get in. He stayed in there all day, refusing to come out until show time, where again he was a completely different person. On stage, Tom was happy and bouncy, he spoke with confidence, he stood up straight, he smiled, he laughed, he played every single note perfectly. It was such a dramatic change, almost like he had two personalities, the quiet, withdrawn, depressed and mentally ill Tom we mostly saw behind closed doors, and the happy, alive, occasionally loud, jokey, perfectly normal Tom everyone else saw out in public. It was amazing how no-one else saw that the Tom they saw wasn't 100% real, that everything wasn't this perfect, that he wasn't actually that happy all the time, usually the papers noticed everything else, but no-one even noticed that Tom wasn't actually happy, he wasn't even remotely happy off stage. It was all just a lie, a very good lie, no-one seemed to notice the switch, hell, at times I thought that Tom was actually okay. His smile on stage told everyone he was happy (it was a genuine smile, but it still hid the pain he suffered with the rest of the time) but the tears he shed every night after a show (I could hear him, the walls in the hotels were paper thin, I heard every single cry) told a different story. Tom suffered behind closed doors, and we couldn't help him because he wouldn't let us.
The whole thing carried on for months, during the time we had off, and into our tour. If anything, it got worse during the tour, because we couldn't get Tom to actually hang out with us while we were in the arenas, on the tour bus, yes, he spent some time with us. He didn't really say much, but he stayed in the same place as the rest of us at least, which was a start. But in the arenas, he stayed in his own dressing room, saying he was going to sleep or something similar, locking the door so we couldn't get in. I suspected he was self harming, even though we had been trying to make him stop. We had a reward system going, and it was working, for at least Danny. Each week, we would check their arms for new cuts, and if there weren't any, then both would get a reward. And if they managed a month without cuts, then they got a larger reward, but if one did cut, then neither got a reward. So effectively, Tom and Danny were working for their own and each others rewards. We thought this was a good idea because Tom wasn't likely to actually want to be rewarded for anything, but he would do anything to make Danny happy, so if he didn't cut for Dannys reward too, he was more likely to try and stop. And it worked, to a degree, we obviously had slip ups, but it worked to keep the cutting down. So whatever Tom was doing in his dressing room was a mystery, there were no new cuts turning up on his arms, but I still suspected he was self harming somehow, so he still had the pain but no clear signs. It confused me, because if Tom wasn't self harming in his private dressing room, what was he doing?