Chapter 23

A/N: Dear readers: so sorry for the long wait! I am now graduating from high school, so I've been quite busy. Coming May 7th, I will be returning to Fanfiction and finishing all ongoing projects. I am not abandoning my stories. HogyokuButterfly: Don't be sad! I have not quit writing Bleach Auction and I do not intend to. I apologize for the wait on this chapter. It took me a considerable amount of time to finish it.

A giant, yawning chasm opens up in the middle of the stage, the two halves collapsing inward and sending me and my unfortunate party sliding towards it. The audience screams, running away as a plume of dust fills the studio. Out of the chaos, Mangareader125, still in his magical fairy body, flies towards me and Toshiro and grabs us by the back of our outfits, pulling us both up.

"I guess being small and able to fly has some advantages, huh?" He beams at us. Toshiro sighs heavily with relief, and I sag, very much dazed from all the turmoil and the deafening noise coming from the bidders as they stampede each other in trying to find the exit.

Mangareader places us back on a safe piece of stage, where I melt into a puddle on the floor and don't get back up.

Toshiro just composes himself and proceeds to brush himself off as though nothing has happened.

Nearby, Mangareader spots the vial that Kisuke dropped just before he'd been swallowed by the darkness. Heaven only knew where he was now...

"Is this the antidote?" Mangareader asks aloud. "Well, I already have one experiment on me...what's one more, huh?" He reads the label. " 'Drink me'? Okay!" One sip later, Mangareader returns to his original height in a startling transformation...that leaves him with wolf ears and a tail randomly added to his appearance. "Huh...I guess it had some side effects. Oh well, a deal's a deal. Here you go, Kevvy! One special must-have, number one 'I Love Kaien Shiba' fan club club with his signature on it!"

In an instant, I go from puddy to person, and take the card from Mangareader, lifting it above my head in triumph. "YEEEEEEES! IT'S ALL MINE!"

"Toshiro, I offer this item up for bid...A bottle of pills!" There's a pregnant silence. Toshiro and I stare at Mangareader.

"They aren't ordinary pills,"

he says sheepishly. "They are a special pill that forces alcoholics to stop drinking! Just slip a pill into her tea, and when she begins to drink saké when you aren't around (yeah, she might be drinking right now instead of working at the moment) the medicine will react badly to it, and make her ill!"

No one needs to ask who "she" is. Rangiku is a notorious lush. In fact, while everyone had been fleeing for their lives, Rangiku had been passed out drunk on the floor. She's still there, saké gourd in hand.

"Seems a little harsh, making her ill, don't ya think?" I ask aloud. Toshiro just shrugs, unwilling to comment.

"If that doesn't do it then how about this device that switches all the alcohol in the immediate room with vinegar." The captain immediately takes interest. "Really? I could use that." He goes over to prod Mangareader for more information on how this remarkable contraption of his works.

Just as they're getting into it, Sakuya Schiffer makes a mad dash towards the gaping hole in the ground, falls to her knees, and looks up dramatically at the ceiling.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOO! NARUNOSUKE-KUN!" Sakuya suddenly clears her throat. "A-and Kevvy-chan, too...NNNNOOOOOO!"

Sakuya flails her arms, running around like a chicken without its head. She continues to go unnoticed to the fact I am indeed within the vicinity. The bit of stage I'm standing on is directly behind the reckage on the other side of the hole in the ground, so I am hidden from view.

"SOMEBODY GET THE TACO OF LOVE! IT CAN FLY! IT'LL SAVE US ALL FROM THE HOLE AND STARVATION! WE GOTS TA SAVE KEVVY-CHAN AND NARUNOSUKE-KUN!"

Taco of love? I think, bemused.

Sakuya manages to find one of MehLikey's Gins as she's pinwheeling, and glomps him.

"YOU! Your crazy! Go get in dat thar hole!" Gin takes one look at the black chasm and shakes his head no.

"Narunosuke-kun! I shall save chu! Let meh loves chu! Please choose Sakuya and chu will never be swallowed by a hole in the ground ever again! Sakuya promises!"

A hand grasps the edge of the pit, and Narunosuke's dirt smudged face appears as he slowly hauls himself up the side.

His eyes mist over with tears as he sees the very distraught Sakuya.

"M-my...master. I have upset you." His shimmering gaze remains locked on her as I suddenly jump out of hiding and waving an accusing finger. "THE HELL? I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR MASTER! TRAITOR!"

"He got tired of you playing hard to get, Kevvy-chaaaaan," Rangiku drawls, just barely managing to sit up in her drunken state. Narunosuke blinks innocently.

"That isn't true, Kevvy-sama. I have simply come to understand your affections are for another. Sakuya, however, has been here for me this whole time. I know now she is my true master."

He smiles at me. "Thank you for everything." Narunosuke wobbles a bit as he stands to his feet, but manages a meager bow. Casting me one last soulful look, he turns and puts his arm around Sakuya, walking away with her.

MehLikey chooses at that moment to make a sudden appearance, startling me.

"Oh, wow. Did you survive your stage collapse?"

"It appears all body parts are intact," I assure.

"I hope no one (except Urahara) died. Thank gods, he's gone."

Without warning, Urahara rockets out of the chasm, riding on his cannon as candy explodes out the back. "CONGRATS, SAKUYA SCHIFFER, YOU'VE WON NARUNOSUKEEEEE!" he declares.

"Hey!" I start, pointing my finger at him as he starts whizzing around the ceiling.

My rather alarmed exclamation is cut short as I get bombarded with piles of candy and pounds more of scorched almonds.

"Kevvy, I ran out of scorched almonds already." Mehlikey frowns.

"Problem solved!" Kisuke cheers, waving at said hill of scorched amonds...that is sitting directly on top of me. "Have I won you over into liking me now? Hm?" The devious shopkeeper waggles his eyebrows.

Panoramic Downs: "Umm... Can I bid on Hitsu-chan? If so, my bid is as follows: As much amanatto and watermelon as you could ever need-" Toshiro gives a pointed look at the gaping hole in the ground

"-a room full of Aizen voodoo dolls, some high-definition TVs so you can watch the chaos you create with said dolls, and a nice house in the mountains with loads of security to keep away the fangirls. The house includes a huge (HUGE!) library (I bet you love reading), a bedroom, fully equipped bathroom, state-of-the-art-kitchen (Make delicious baked goods for me, please!), computer room, and garden where many watermelons will be growing, among other amenities. MANY WATERMELONS. You shall never run out."

"I think the giant hole in the floor is all the emphasis needed on the watermelons, thank you," Kisuke says.

The white-haired captain gives a groan at the mention of another watermelon, and shuffles off to go find peace, which may be hard to find with the audience cursing Hat-'n-clogs, because now they not only have to wade through debri from the stage collapse, but a sea of candy and scorched almonds as well.

The entire studio is a mess.

MehLikey: "Did I freak you out, Hitsugaya-taicho? If I did, I apologize."

"Quite the opposite. At least you're sane," Toshiro says, collapsing onto one of the few unbroken chairs in the room. "Everybody keeps offering me stuff I don't know what I'd do with. Aizen is in a maximum security prison. I'm not going to get some twisted rise out of torturing him with voodoo when he's already received his punishment. I don't even know anything about voodoo."

"But it's nice to know you have the option," Kisuke puts in jovially, smiling as ever.

"People are offering you watermelons now. I would, but that would just seem like I'm a copycat, unable to think up my own offer for you. Remember, all of my previous offers still stand.

But let me ask you a very important question, Hitsugaya-taicho. What do you want?"

Toshiro straightens up a bit from his slouched position, blinking.

"I guess if I had a choice, it would be to get stronger. To be able to protect Momo from ever getting hurt again. I mean, I know Rangiku isn't the most responsible person in the world, but that hasn't changed in the past 100 years, so I don't see why things should suddenly turn on a dime. She's loyal to squad 10 and that's all that matters."

Kisuke nods, arms crossed, sitting cross-legged on a cushion offered to him by his fan-girls.

"Very poetic," he says.

ultimate kh fan: "Toshiro-kun, I will keep Rangiku-kun doing her paperwork so you won't end up doing it whenever she gets drink. I will poor ice-cold water on her to get her sobered up and back to her duties. I will force Strawberry to call you by your title, I will supply you with an endless supply of shaved ice, I will battle against you to help you lengthen your Bankai time, I'll help you with any problem you may be having with Momo-kun, and any time you want a break I'll take over your duties and keep everyone away from you. And if anyone touches Toshiro-kun they will have to answer to me!"

Kh fan pulls out a powerful, super adaptable zanpaku-to, causing everyone to shrink back in intimidation. I keep a weary eye trained on the blade in case it comes too close to vital body parts.

forever122: "First of all, I want to say that I admire your leadership skills and your tendency to not procrastinate. No joke. I offer you three wagons full of watermelons-" I break out into sobs at the word, falling to my knees before the wreckage of my beloved studio and the broken stage.

Splinters of wood litter the floor, and the dust cloud of debris has settled, revealing the now dust-covered nature of the room and its inhabitants. The sea of candy from Urahara's cannon effectively highlights the carnage.

"I also offer to take all that candy off your hands."

A lake of tears expands around me, and Toshiro glances at forever122 nervously. "You probably should."

"I pride myself in my maturity, timing, and writing skills. I will do half of your paperwork for you, and I won't stop until it's done. I do that with my schoolwork also. If you have any problems, I will do my best to solve them. That is the best I can give you. To the ultimate kh fan or something. I will gladly duel you. I need to improve on my sword skills anyway."

With that said, forever whips out a zanpaku-to, facing off with kh fan. "I will also have your back in any situation, Hitsugaya-taicho!"

Toshiro sighs, arms crossed. "Can I go now?" he asks me. "I need to be somewhere."

"Where?" Kisuke asks, curious.

"Working," the captain snaps. "I have a division to run, you know."

"But you still have so many fans who want to torture and torment you," I say. One of said fans pulls her shirt up, exposing herself to everyone in the room.

"I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES, HITSUGAYA-KUN!" Her jugs bounce around, making an eye-popping display.

"HOLY TACO, THIS IS PG-13, WOMAN, COVER YOURSELF UP!" I explode. She giggles, turning to give Toshiro a good view.

"Gwah!" A geyser of blood spurts from his nose, the force of which causes him to fly backward and hit the floor. He merely twitches, brain circuits severely fried from the sensory overload. I go over to him and kneel by his side, mischievously stuffing tampons up his nose to stop the bleeding.

"Heheh," I snicker, and creep away. Toshiro groans, coming to as some of his fan girls begin fussing over him. Kisuke quickly yanks the tampons out, choosing to keep his life rather than suffer icy wrath for cheap laughs.

I sulk, crossing my arms in disappointment. He just shrugs. Rangiku pushes her way through the cluster of girls milling around Toshiro, staggering a bit with dizziness. She gives her captain a very lopsided smile when she sees him and waves. "Hey, captaain."

Toshirolovr94: "I'll bid a quiet place for CAPTAIN Hitsugaya. And the room has a shocking system if Rangiku gets near it."

"Hey!" The voluptuous lieutenant shoots Toshirolovr a dark glower.

"And she won't be able to bother you! And no more doing Rangiku's paperwork. It's such a pain I'm her cous- uh-oh," she falters. Toshiro's eyes widen. "Hehe...um...Rangiku, you can tell him...Anyways, uh..."

Rangiku blinks as Toshirolovr hides behind her, seemingly using her as a human shield to escape the captain's penetrating eyes. "I have a cousin?"

"And I've done her work before so I know how you feel..."

"Oh wow!" Rangiku throws her arms around Toshirolovr. "I have a cousin! So cool!"

I sigh, face-palming. "You're still drunk."

The bidders bustle around us, suddenly coming alive with new movement. It seems something's happening near the hole in the studio. The crowd parts around us, clearing a path just as Chad appears within view, dirty but unharmed.

"You're alive!" I exclaim.

"Yes," he replies, not one for many words.

Behind me, JapanLover and Toshiro are getting into it over a fantastic amulet that allows the wearer to have whatever they desire. She continues to keep his interest by promising to pay his bills, which is, well, very important to a guy who likes things well in order.

AzTec999 throws a bit somewhere in the mix, complete with a customized state of the art frozen mansion...and Matsumoto prevention- "Hey!" she wails. "Why is there no love? Am I really that character, the one everyone dislikes? Y'know I can't be held responsible for Toshiro being so uptight! Why should his happiness be valued over mine?"

Toshiro scoffs. "Because I pull my weight and you don't. Besides, you ALWAYS get off-time. I don't."

She just pouts at him, trying to give him the guilt-trip. He's having none of it. Toshiro walks with JapanLover in tow, discussing the details of the amulet while at the same time waving AzTec over to talk shop.

Somewhere after introductions she finishes her bid with mention of growth pills. "I know it's very important to you. And I promise to leave you alone if you so choose."

The room goes deathly quiet. Urahara winces.

I snore, having fallen asleep in all the commotion. Which is a remarkable feat in itself considering I'm standing up, but I'm leaning against Chad and he's like a statue, having not moved for fear of waking me.

The tension is immediately dispelled when Toshiro nods curtly, seeming to understand she meant well. "Thank you." Everyone sighs. I snore.

"And in all this fun you forgot to invite me," says a mock wounded voice. Szayel strolls in through the door.

To be continued...

All characters except for Szayel will be gone next chapter, so if you have any last-minute bids, now would be the time to do it. Chirpy-Hitomi-chan hasn't come to claim Urahara or said anything in regards to his kidnapping, so I'm going to keep him a little longer. Meheheheh.

Next chapter Szayel, Tesla and Aaroniero will be going on Auction. I should note that Aaroniero will be as is, not with the Kaien option, because Kaien is a separate character. Also, I just don't want to give him a reason to desecrate Kaien's memory any further.

Until next time, readers ;)