xxPUDDxx - yeah! i adored her from the age of 11 - 13 so much i literally wanted to be her!

250 Dannys POV

I wanted to cry when the door to Toms dressing room closed on me, the sudden rejection hitting me in the face, even though this was the 6th time this had happened, it still hurt. Just being able to have Tom in my arms for a few hours, then for him to suddenly snap and be desperate to be alone killed me, it made me want to cut more lines into my skin. And then he rejected my kisses, and couldn't even look at my face, it just made me want to cut so much that my arm was cut clean off. My arms were itching already, my skin crawling and crying out for something sharp to scrape against them, just like they did every single day, just even more intensified.

"Danny, you okay?" Harry asked, coming over with Dougie, their hands already on my shaking arms. "no." I whispered, not really wanting to admit to the urge, both of them and Tom had said they were so proud of me for coping so well so far, if only they knew the struggle I was going through. "why not? Did he kick you out again?" Harry guessed, nodding his head towards the door that was keeping me from the person I wanted so badly to be my lover. It was moments like this when I realised that we weren't actually lovers, I didn't even know what we were, we just hugged and held hands, and I kissed Tom anywhere he would let me, and he kissed me when a whole crowd screamed for him to. That wasn't a relationship, I had no idea what it was, I couldn't even define it.

"yeah, I got kicked out again." I answered, adding in a 'like I'm being kicked out of Toms heart too' in my head. "do you want to talk about it?" Dougie asked, wrapping his arms around me. "no, there's nothing to talk about. Just, distract me, please?" I put my arm around Dougies little shoulders, needing to hug someone right now. "yeah, come on. Fifa is already in the xbox if you want it." Harry sighed, leading us both back into our dressing room, where, as he had said, a game of Fifa set up and ready to go. They must have predicted that this would happen, and had set up something as a distraction.

So, we played, and I beat the both of them, mostly because they were sharing a controller and only me and Tom had mastered sharing. There were so many things that me and Tom did together that no-one else seemed to manage, we were on such a similar wave length to each other usually, I didn't understand why Tom seemed determined to make it snap. It was like he all of a sudden hated me, or our relationship, or something. One minute he seemed so calm and happy to sit in my arms, the next he wanted to be completely on his own and we wouldn't hear a word out of him for hours. It killed me when he snapped like that, all I wanted was for Tom to be happy, and to like being in my arms like he used to, he used to cuddle up in my arms all the time, and used any opportunity to lean on me. That had all changed, and I just wished it hadn't, all I wanted was my Tom back, the one I had originally fallen in love with, before either of us had these urges to hurt ourselves, when we could look each other in the eye and kiss like there was no tomorrow.

"Danny, have you tried talking to Tom about the way you're feeling right now?" Harry asked, after round number 3, where I had beaten him again 6:3. "yeah, why do you think I got kicked out again? I tried talking to him about the eye contact, and thats when he flipped." I sighed, leaning on Harrys side, needing a hug from someone at least, so I didn't get up and run to the bathroom to find a razor. "what do you mean flipped?" Dougie whispered, he looked very scared at this point.

"I mean, he flipped. From being okay in my arms, because he's never happy anymore, to refusing to let me touch him, and kicking me out of the room, because he wants to be alone. His mood and personality just flip, and it f*cking hurts." I explained, biting at my nails to keep myself calm. "really? Sh*t, what are we going to do then?" Harry swore, squeezing the both of us. "I don't know, I don't want to send him to a doctor, they'll lock him up or something. But it looks like we have to." I sighed, I really, really didn't want to send Tom to a doctor, all they would say was that Tom was crazy and needed to be taken somewhere so they could 'look after him'

251 Harrys POV

It really looked like we would have to get Tom professional help, because if what Danny was saying was true, he really was flipping over nothing. "I don't want to send him anywhere, he'll never forgive us." Danny whispered, gripping my shirt. "well look, we'll see how things go, okay? If he gets any worse, then we'll go to a doctor, if not, we'll leave him be and try and help him. Just look on the bright side Dan, its been 3 week since either you or Tom have self harmed, and thats so good. And we've seen him eat a few times too, he is getting better, its just taking a very long time. We have to be patient." I advised, because technically, Tom was getting better. He was eating a little more, and hadn't self harmed in 3 weeks, so, his destructive behaviour was improving, it was just his mood that was killing him and Danny.

"I know, its just, his mood swings. It hurts, you know? How different he can be on and off stage. Its like he's acting on stage, and the real him is the one we see." Danny admitted, nuzzling into my arms a little more. "yeah, but...wait, is Tom even taking those medication the doctors gave him?" I asked, I hadn't seen him take them once, or even seen the bottle for them either. "now that you've said that, I haven't seen him take them." Danny sat up a little, thought hitting him. "I haven't seen him take them either. Or seen the pack for them either." Dougie agreed.

"do you think he's just skipped over taking them? And if he did take them, he'll feel better?" Danny asked, he looked hopeful. "yeah, thats what they're there for. So, if we can get him to take them, he might cheer up!" I smiled, making Danny and Dougie smile too.

We spent a while trying to come up with some way to make Tom take the medication he was supposed to be taking, and we could only come up with was to just talk him into it. I could just tell that Tom wouldn't actually take it willingly, considering he wasn't even taking anything right now. Maybe if we tried talking to him he would accept it and just take them? Yeah, I still lived in hope that making Tom do anything would be easy. "we can at least try, and thats all that matters, is that we'll try." Danny encouraged, he was so hopeful that this would work, I think he was just so desperate to get his Tom back, he was willing to try anything apart from sending him to a mental institution. That would destroy the both of them...and Dougie too. And I was trying to keep little Dougie away from being hurt even more by all of this, he was already being badly affected by all the self harm and depression around him. I didn't want to make him even worse.