A pounding in my head wakes me.

The images of before dance behind my still closed eyelids, it couldn't be possible.

She can't be a... A witch

Those aren't real!

I think I would know if witches were real! I'm the fucking queen of this supernatural bullshit!

And Gary is just a human!

Just a dream!

Just a dream!

I repeated the mantra over and over in my head, praying it to be true.

She was dead! I killed her!

Remembering her death was painful for me.

The metallic smell of her blood tainted my brain, the thick feeling of it coated my hands was fresh in my minds eye as if it was happening now.

With the horrid images in mind and my conciseness began to fade once more, my mind left my body to travel back to one of my most painful memories.

The day I cost my best friend her life.

~flash back~

"Can you believe Mrs. Cope is taking over our English lit class? I'm surprised at her age she is even allowed to work at a school, let alone teach a class!" My friend giggled at her own words as we walked to her house from the theater.

"Well... I guess they were desperate" I replied with a slight giggle, something nagging at the back of my mind.

"You got that right! She spelt Jane Eyre wrong!" She exclaimed holding her stomach the was mostly protesting the force of her giggles.

Zoning out a bit my eye traveled to the night sky where a full moon shined proudly down at us, the round white sphere was surrounded by a thick reddish ring.

At the sight the hairs on the back of my neck stood tall and a shiver ran down my spine.

"Bella!" A voice called worried.

As I stared I had stopped walking alerting my friend to my internal distress.

"Bella, Bella! What's wrong?!" She asked in a panic, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.

"Blood around the moon!" I gasped out

"What?" She asked confused.

"Blood around the moon, it's a sign that trouble is coming! It brings bad luck!" I said suddenly feeling a chill biting at me.

"Oh! That's it! That stuff isn't real, Bella! It's just a bunch of old wives tales made to scare us!" She said sounding relieved that it wasn't something serious, but when she saw the I wasn't getting better she grabbed my hand and started tugging me towards her house. "It's fine, lets just get to my house we'll be safe there I promise"

"No!" I suddenly yelled frightening her a bit.

I had to get away from her, I'm dangerous without a giant pendulum of bad luck hanging over my head. I couldn't in good faith put her in danger.

"I mean I changed my mind, I need to go home! I forgot Charlie said he wanted me to make breakfast for him and some of his cop buddies" I made up the lie in a few seconds.

"Oh come on bells! I'm not stupid Charlie is with Billy and my dad fishing till Monday! Just come on! We need to get to my house!" She said with a sense of urgency desperately pulling my reluctant body to her house.

We made it to her house in about 10 minutes, it would have been shorter if I hadn't been fighting her with each step.

Every bone in my body was screaming at me to stay away, a voice in my head was shouting I need to get away from my best friend or else I was going to regret it.

Unlocking the door she looked back at me with a calming smile and nodded at me to go inside.

Filled with reluctance I tried to cross the threshold and a deathly hot invisible flame seeped into my wrist and burned it's way up my arm.

~flashback pause~

With a gasp I pulled my self from the horrible memory.

I couldn't do it.

I didn't want to remember one of my most horrible wrong doings.

My fault!

My fault!

I cost an innocent a life.

So young.

So kind.

I ruined her with my cowardly fear.

She was like a sister to me.

I truly loved her.

I can remember for her.

I can do this! It's the least she deserves after giving her life for mine.

~flash back play~

The hells flame slowly licked my wrist like a kitten licking milk from a bowl.

My sisterly friend spoke but I couldn't hear her words, and as suddenly as it started the flames were gone and I was standing in her house right as rain holding my wrist like a dumb ass.

"Bella? You okay?" She asked worry marring her beautiful face.

"I-I'm fine, I think... Di-did you feel that?" I asked my voice trembling.

"Feel what? Bella you're scaring me" She said looking away from me towards the door.

Straightening my spine I shook off memory of the pain and righted myself.

"Oh nothing, I think I got a cramp in my wrist from that bullshit essay Cope made us write" I lied with laugh for her benefit.

"Probably! 5,000 words is so unnecessary." She said giggling once more.

The pain filed away for later we put on some music and danced around, played a few games of truth or dare, did some Karaoke, and gave each other makeovers; hers much better than mine of course.

As we laid on the bed in her room trying to catch our breath before we made cookies or what ever it was she was planning on baking an agonized shout echoed from outside.

It was painful to hear, it's volume shaking the windows of the old home in its animalistic fury. I knew I would never forget that sound as long I lived.

I sat up in an instant, my ears still ringing from the nightmare inducing sound.

"What the fuck was that?!" I demanded from nothing in particular.

"I-I d-don't kn.- know" my friend said shaking in fear, I could see tears brimming in the corners of her eyes and she stared blankly at me.

For a moment the world was silent, and she stared unblinkingly at me before she shook her head and stood.

"S-stay here! I-I need to go call my dad" she said suddenly breaking the silent and jumping up.

Walking to the door of her room she turned back and looked me in the eye.

"I'm serious, Bella, just stay here and don't leave this room no matter what" she commanded me as a single tear rolled down cheek.

My brain was in over drive as I sat awe struck on her bed, true fear rolling off me in tidal waves.

I knew I couldn't just do nothing.

What if what ever made that sound got in the house it could hurt her, and she was alone.

I jumped off the bed just like she had mere minutes before and exited her room.

The house was quiet, too quiet. And a dark energy filled the barely lit hall as I walked my way through the house, each step making a barely audible squeak from the wooden floors that filled the eery silence of the house.

My breath seemed loud to my own ears as I walked down the stairs that lead into the foyer.

I resisted the urge to call out for my friend just to break the silence that was chilling me to the core.

"Go away from my house!" I heard my friend called out.

Adrenaline filled my veins as I sprinted towards her voice.

She stood with her side toward me, her face was bathed in orange tinted light from the street lights that were pouring though the opened front door.

Her chest heaved in anger, her fists white from clenching them, her face was stained red from her fury toward the shadow person I had yet to see.

"You aren't fully mature yet, little girl, you're a fool of you think your little parlor tricks will keep me from killing her as she killed my mate!" The crackling voice of Victoria echoed in my ears as she taunted my friend.

"Leave her alone" I screamed running towards my friend, forgetting my clumsy nature.

My feet caught in air I tumbled into my friend, having caught her by surprise she to fell.

Everything seem to move in slow as she fell out the door and right into Icky Vicky's terrible grasp.

Victoria smiled a sadistic smile at me as she held my friend, one arm around her torso keeping her from escaping, the other around her throat as a threat.

"No!" I sobbed unable I lift myself from the ground.

"Oh yes! Come here Izzy! Don't you want to save her pitiful life?" She demanded, her red eyes glinting at me.

"No don't do it Bella!" My innocent friend begged only to choke as Victoria tighten the arm that was constricting her throat.

"Hush you! Beeellla" Victoria sung my name cheerfully "Are you going to let her die for your sin? Or are you going to face up for what you did to my James?!" She barked at me.

I started to lift myself slowly, and walk to the open door.

"No! Victoria! You don't wanna kill Bella! If you kill her she just dies! No suffering like you have to! No missing anyone! Nothing! If you kill me, it'll hurt her! Think Tori! Make her feel like you do!" My poor stupid friend told the insane vampire that held her life at her finger tips.

"No! Kill me, I killed James! Leave her alone!" I screamed running out the door.

"Hmmmm... Choices... Choices..." Victoria mumbled. "She didn't kill him, the Cullen did... I know that... Drive her... Just like me" she spoke to her self brokenly.

"That's right! Edward killed James! Not Bella! Do what she did to you!"

"No kill me! I'm guilty!" I yelled, tears pouring down my face.

"Both of you shut up!" She growled, releasing my sister. "Don't try anything or I'll snap both you necks before you even scream H" she warned pushing my friend at me.

We both fell, her on top of me.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried hugging her to me.

"It's not your fault, Bella" she replied hugging me tightly, her voice was strong but I could feel her shaking with each breath she took.

"It is! I'm the reason this is happening" I cried into her shoulder, making my words muffled.

"No you aren't, it's that damn leeches fault!" She protested pulling away to look at me. "You will live! You will because I love you! You will make the most of this fucked up world! You're gonna fall in love and get married and have a bunch of little chipmunk babies" she said giggling sadly at her words.

"No! You will! What about your little giraffe babies?" I sobbed out.

"You know I always hated being called giraffe" she grumbled, avoiding my question.

"Why aren't you answering the question?"

"We both know why" she said shaking her head and standing, pulling me up with her.

"No, I can't" I chocked on my words the force of my sobs breaking them. "I can't lose you" I forced my self to finish.

"You know, nobody's ever truly gone." She said straightening her shirt and grabbing my chin so I was looking at her hazel brown eyes. "I will see you again one day, Isabella Swan, don't ever doubt that" she promised me.

In a flashed Victoria was behind my sister, her eyes gazed over as she gave me a smile that would haunt me, as would the words that rolled off her demonic tongue.

"You will know what it's like to lose everything, everyone you love. You will live know it's your own fault they are gone. I won't kill you because you don't deserve the peace death will bring you" With that she was gone and I dropped to my knees.

My Poor stupid, beautiful, sisterly friend dropped on to my lap.

Blood seeped on to everything, it stuck in my hair, it splashed on to my face, it coated my hands in sticky Crimson red as I tried to close the hole punched into her stomach.

"I-I love you" she whispered her hand lightly guiding my eyes from her wound to her face.

"No, no, no" I shook my head, she couldn't die.

I must be dreaming.

This must be a nightmare.

"Bella" she whispered once more. "My chipmunk, I love you" she choked out, blood trickling from her mouth as she fought to hold on.

"I love you, giraffe! Please you can't leave me" I pleaded

"At least-" she coughed up more of the horrid Crimson liquid "this means I don't have to do the essay" she said trying to laughing but failing.

"Lucky" I laughed though I was crying.

"I'll see you again, Bella, this is just the pain before the storm"

As she spoke her eyes got dimmer, her muscles stopped fighting, her breathing slowed until it stopped.

And in that short but oh so long moment, I saw the life leave her broken body, I saw the light leave her eyes, I saw my sister die in a pool of her own blood.

And in that moment I wish I was her.

I wished that I was dead.

I couldn't tell you how long I sat there with her body in my arms covered in her blood.

I couldn't tell you if I screamed, or cried.

I can tell you it was cold.

Too cold, as the wind blew around me.

I could tell you there was a clear sky full of twinkling stars that seemed to taunt me as I stared up at them.

I could tell you about the anguish cry her father made when he pulled up to find me numbly holding the cooling body of his only daughter.

I could tell you my fathers horror filled expression when I walked in the door soaked to the bone in blood.

I could tell you the smell of drying blood as I sat in the shower fully clothed and cried.

I could tell you that on that day, so fresh in my mind, a piece of me died.

~end flashback~

I rip my eyes open with a jolt, the pain in my chest growing as I struggle to breath.

It was as if it just happened again.

I could feel the sticky blood coating my skin.

I wanted it off.

Struggling to stand I dashed to the bathroom and turned the shower on full blast.

For an hour I stood under the hot spray and scrubbed my skin, trying to get the invisible blood off.

But it wasn't working, I could smell it, I could feel it, I could taste it.

I crumbled on the floor of the shower and for the first time in over a year, I cried.

I cried for my friend, I cried for my father, I cried for my grandmother, I cried for my aunt, and I cried for myself.

I cried from the loss, I cried from the confusion, I cried from the guilt, and I cried from the pain.

I just laid there and let the water wash away my tears, and I prayed with my tears it would wash away my pain.

Eventually I fell asleep in that shower, not caring the water had gone cold long ago.

Just like I didn't care when my heart ran cold.

But then I was awake and once again magically in my bed fully clothed, but this time I wasn't alone.

"We both know you're awake, so why don't you open those pretty brown eyes, Chipmunk" a voice spoke from next to me.

Clenching my eyes close I shook my head no.

"Please?" The voice begged me.

"No! You're dead! I watched you die! Whoever you are just... Just stop" I pleaded.

"Bells, if you just open your eyes you'll see, I'm very much alive"

I slowly peeled open my tired eyes open and turned my head to the voice and there on my bed was my sister in every way but blood.

She looked older, more mature, she look like a woman now and not the innocent girl that lost her life in my lap.

"Giraffe?" I questioned.

"Ya know I always hated that name" she smiled.

"Gary?" I asked

"Nope, but he was fun to play for awhile" she smiled wider encouraging me to say her name.

With a shaky breath I sat up against the headboard and ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to stop my shaking.

"How are you..." I had to know how she was alive first.

"I'm a witch, Bella, as is my father... Or better yet he was, he gave up his powers to bring me back." She said standing up and walking around the bed to give me a hug.

"When?" I demanded

"The same night I died" she answered.

I'm not sure why I did what I did next, one second we where hugging, the next my hand was meeting her face.

"Two years! I walked around dying inside for two years!" I yelled at her as she stood shocked holding the cheek I had slapped.

"I couldn't - I couldn't risk Victoria killing me again" she cried

"So you let me go years think it was my fault! You're a bitch!" I screamed at her.

"I'm sorry! But I was always there! Everyday I stood by you, as Gary, As some random joe on the street but I was always there!" She cried at me.

"Really? Where were you when I actually needed you? Like when I would locked my self in the shower trying to scrub your blood off my hands! Where were you when I need someone when my father died! New flash you were never there!" I screamed falling to my knees once more.

"You're right" she whispered "I was scared, scared you'd hate me for getting your father killed"

"How was that you're fault?"

"I told Victoria to kill those you loved to save your life, thats why she killed him"

"That's not your fault it's mine"

"No it's mine! If I hadn't wait so long to kill Victoria he'd be alive!"

"Wait you killed Victoria?"

"Yes the day your dad was killed I killed her" she said plopping down next to me. "I don't blame you if you hate me, I'm so sorry"

Sighing I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and hugged her to me.

"I don't blame you... I'm sorry I slapped you." I apologized in a soft whisper.

"It's okay" she's paused and smiled at me "I needed it"

I could help but smile back and hug her tighter.

"I love you, Bella" she said wiping away one of my tears and kissing my cheek.

"I love you too, Angela"

This chapter really broke my heart.

But it had to be done.

And I kinda needed it ;)

As always please review

And until next time.

CRW