xxPUDDxx - thanks! :)
260 Harrys POV
The last show of the tour went so well, it was literally a perfect show. There were no mistakes in our playing, or any of the singing, hell even Danny got all of his words right! We had the best laughs on stage too, including a few Flones cheek/neck kisses, a few hugs between me and Dougie, and a load of jokes at Danny and Dougies expense. "guys, we're going to have to go soon." I sighed during my bit to speak, the crowd all went 'ow' at the same time, "I'm sorry, but Dougies got to go to bed soon. He's only little, he's got to go to bed so he has enough energy to do PE tomorrow at school." I laughed, seeing Dougies tongue as he stuck it out at me. "yeah, because of Doug we have to go after this! Boo Doug everyone!" Danny joked, getting the crowd playfully booing poor Dougie.
"well would you like it if I skipped PE tomorrow and played a few more songs then?" Dougie asked, getting such loud screaming I think I went deaf again. "guys, what do you think? A few more songs and have a lie in tomorrow or go off after this song?" Dougie turned to me, looking like a very sweaty, but extremely cute little boy. "I think we should play a few more songs." Danny answered, Tom agreed. "yeah, we'll just have to let you have a lie in tomorrow." I teased, laughing as Dougie threw a plectrum at me in retaliation. The audience were laughing along with us too, and there was another laugh, coming from the right side of the stage, that I hadn't heard in ages. It was Tom! He was laughing too! He was finally laughing with us!
It had been possibly 2 years since I had last heard Tom laugh properly, I just wanted to hug him because he was laughing, truly happy for once. I hadn't seen that much happiness on his face for months, the unrestricted laughter coming out of him, and for once, Tom looked free. Properly free, the weight he carried on his shoulders lifting for a few minutes. That freeness stayed for the rest of the show, the blonde bouncing across the stage like a dancer, almost running into Dougie a few times as he bounded back and forth too. It was hard to believe during that show, or any show, how much pain and suffering Tom went through on a daily basis. His emotional pain was unimaginable, what with the nightmares, and depression, and everything else. But I think he was in physical pain too, for the whole tour, Tom hadn't let Ryan, our physiotherapist touch him. Even when we was wincing in pain and barely able to move, he never let Ryan sort him out, just got on with it, even though we knew how much pain he ended up in without having any treatment. And right now, it was actually very tough to believe that he was in pain (I had seen him wincing and hissing in pain a few times now) it just looked like Tom was having the time of his life, enjoying every second of the last concert of our tour, which was actually quite good to see. I had missed seeing him happy and jumping about all over the place, grinning and laughing, finally being set free of the darker emotions that locked him inside his own head.
The show ended on a huge explosion of sound and screams, and the four of us chucking out as much as we could to the crowd, then racing each other back to the tour bus. I won, with Danny in close second and Dougie third, Tom right at the back, turning up in the bus 5 minutes later than the rest of us because he had walked. "that was an awesome show! Best way to end a tour! Oh my god I'm knackered!" Danny practically shouted as Tom climbed onto the bus, falling down dramatically next to me and Dougie on the sofa. "that was a good show, best one in a while!" Dougie agreed, pulling off his shirt. "agreed, I think I could sleep for a week after that!" I laughed, feeling so tired, but still buzzing from adrenaline at the same time.
"same, I wish the tour ran for another week though." Danny sighed, just about catching his breath back. "yeah, I'm going to miss it." I nodded, running a hand over Dougies side, knowing that in about an hour, he was going to fall asleep, after his sugar and adrenaline crash. "I am too, and it would have been awesome to perform again on my birthday." Danny made me remember that it was his 26th birthday in 3 days. "oh yeah, I forgot about it being your birthday soon!" I laughed, usually Danny got really excited for his birthday, and wouldn't stop telling us about it for weeks beforehand, this year he had been pretty quiet about it. "yeah, I did too until now actually. I guess it'll be good to just hang out this year, and not do anything at all." Danny yawned, looking at the bunk where Tom was hiding, his head was just about able to be seen behind his curtain cover. "gunna join us?" I asked, wanting him to come over and join in our pig out and talking session we were having. "no, I'm going to bed, night." Tom quickly turned over, and didn't say a thing for the rest of the night.
261 Toms POV
Great, I now had to think of a good present to get Danny for his birthday, he always got me the most perfect presents ever, I had to repay him somehow and at least try. But what could I get him? It was always hard to get things for him, Danny used to always like it when I drew for him, but now I couldn't do that. I had no inspiration, and I knew how bad I was at drawing, so that was out of the window. I was stuck for ideas completely, and it took me until the next day to even pluck up the courage to ask.
"Danny," I started, breaking his concentration from his game of Fifa. Even though I wasn't playing, I had been invited round, and I had spent the last hour and a half looking round for inspiration for birthday presents. "yeah Tommy? Sh*t! Lost the game! Ah man!" Danny swore as the other team scored, making him lose the game completely. "sorry, erm, it doesn't matter, go back to your game." I chickened out, I hadn't started a random conversation in ages, and it had been even longer since I had asked a question. It was probably a bad idea to ask while Danny was playing anyway, he loved Fifa, why did I try and ask him while he was playing?
"its not your fault, I was losing anyway. Whats up mate?" Danny asked, sliding onto the floor with me, looking at the side of my face. Hide your face, you look dead you're so pale. The monster inside my head growled, I did as directed by shaking my hair forward, like a barrier. "I was wondering...what do you want for your birthday?" I asked eventually, did that sound too rude? Yes, it did, you idiot. "erm, well I don't really mind, as long as you spend the day with me." Danny smiled, I think, I couldn't look at him as the monster that told me to rip my legs to shreds, told me this time that I wasn't worthy to look up. "why?" I ignored the monster, or at least tried to. "cause I love you, and to me, there's nothing more fun than spending time with you, like we are now." Danny put his arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheek gently.
"anything else? That I can get you, at all? I don't feel right not getting you anything." I pushed, just spending the day together, like we usually did, wasn't much of a present, it was better if I actually got him something, like he always did for me. "its alright, there's actually nothing I want. Nothing that anyone can actually give anyway." Danny shrugged, joining our hands together. "what is it that you want that no-one can give you?" I asked, maybe I could at least try and find something to help along with that? "what do you think Tommy? To have the whole urge to cause pain to myself to go, and for you to stop it too. I know we're doing so well right now, but, I hate that daily struggle, you know? Especially when things get tough." Danny explained, biting his lip as he looked at his own scars, they were fading away a bit, thank god. "yeah, I get what you mean." I sighed, I did at least try to fight that urge, but when I did, the monster came out and did the dirty work for me. I did try and escape it, it just never worked.
"good, at least I'm not the only one. So, wanna come to bed with me? We can cuddle and watch a film if you want." Dannys mood lightened again, pulling me up and taking me to his room, where we spent the rest of the day. We cuddled, watched movies, talked, and ate popcorn all day, which made me feel sick. I still hated the idea of eating normal food, I found it impossible to keep it down for more than a few hours. So while Danny fell asleep later on that night, I went to the bathroom and got rid of the things I had consumed throughout the day, feeling better afterwards. Thats right, get rid of it all, you don't deserve it, you don't deserve anything.