264 Toms POV
That knife, it was so tempting, it was right there in front of me, I could take it and run away before anyone even noticed. The monster inside my head thought it was a good idea too, as it started to wake up again, telling me to grab it. Grab it, go on grab it. You've been touched all day, how disgusting do you feel now? Bet you feel really disgusting now, go on, get rid of it by cutting a few more times, go on! It chanted, it took every single ounce of will power left inside me to leave it alone. It was too risky, I would disappoint everyone, and how could I ruin Dannys treat for being so good? He had been free from this for a month now, I couldn't slip up and do something obvious, wrecking his reward!
I sighed in relief when Harry took it away, after 4 slices had been cut from the cake, one for each of us, even though I had said I didn't want anything. I felt so sick right now, just like always, I had eaten way too much already today, I couldn't carry on. "feeling okay Tommy? I'm proud of you by the way, that wasn't easy, I'm really proud of you." Danny whispered gently, kissing my hair, managing to calm my nerves. "I'm okay." I replied also in a whisper, taking in a deep calming breath. "good, I love you." Danny smiled, wrapping me into his arms, pulling me so I was almost on his lap.
"you're doing so well today, thank you so much, for trying. You're doing brilliantly, you've made this the best birthday ever." Danny grinned as Harry and Dougie rejoined us, the three boys eating their cake slices and falling into a conversation about something. I was glad to have my camera, so I could hide behind that and just take pictures all day, it made a good change to be on the opposite end, to have complete control of the pictures being taken. It also meant I got out of talking so much too, because I was either changing the settings on the camera, or taking photos, or something similar. I was so busy with that, trying to ignore the freckled hands that were touching me all day, that I completely lost track of time. Before I knew it, it was time for us all to go to bed, seeing as it was gone midnight.
"well, we're off home. We still have to walk the dogs before we can go to bed!" Harry got up and stretched, hand entangling with Dougies. "yeah, we have to too actually, which house are we sleeping in tonight then Tommy?" Danny asked, getting up and shoving on a pair of shoes. "I dunno, your choice." I shrugged, it was Dannys birthday, he should be able to decide. "alright, we'll go to yours, your beds bigger." Danny decided, waving goodbye to Harry and Dougie as they ran off home to collect their dogs. We ran round to find Brucie and Ralphie, and gave them a quick run around out the back, letting them play fetch in the field behind all of our houses.
"I never had the chance to say this before, but, thank you. For making this a really good birthday, it was perfect, because of you." Danny grabbed hold of my hand, pulling me towards him. "but I didn't do anything." I lied, I had tried today, tried so hard to be more like a boyfriend. Danny had said he wanted to have his self harming urges to stop, and I knew that I caused some of it because I was so stupid. I had hoped that by acting a little more like a boyfriend, Danny wouldn't think about that sort of thing all day, so he wouldn't have to fight that urge all day. It looked like my plan had worked, which was the best feeling I had had all year.
"yes, you did. You tried to get a little closer to me today, and it worked, you made me so happy by doing that. You have no idea how happy that made me, just to see you trying and succeeding, it means the world, the world and beyond." Danny explained, running a hand down my face. If you think that was a real speech, you're sadly mistaken, don't you dare believe it. Again, my internal monster woke up, and, as usual, told me that I was being lied to. It had created itself during the tour, telling me after every song that I couldn't play, and couldn't sing, commenting on every note I sung, telling me that I couldn't sing. Then it started telling me that my face looked horrid when pulling certain faces, and that my outfit looked stupid, all the things I didn't want to hear. Now it just commented on every single little thing, telling me how things were lies, that my only true friend was a razor.
"I-I'm trying." I whispered, hearing loud laughter in my head. Trying! Ha! You're giving up, letting me control you, you pathetic excuse of a man. It laughed, I wished it would just shut up. "I know you are. And I am so proud. Honestly, I am. You deserve the reward we're having tomorrow, you really do deserve it." Danny smiled again, then his face split into a grin, "hey, don't suppose I could have 1 last birthday wish, could I?" he giggled. I nodded. "could I have a kiss, a proper one. I've missed them." Danny leant up, and I didn't stop him, I just let him kiss me, trying my best to make it enjoyable for him, finding it quite enjoyable myself. Like this would ever count as a ki- the monster died away, giving me sweet relief in my head, at last.
265 Dannys POV
I almost passed out when our kiss ended, because, wow... I didn't know how to describe that, that was the best kiss I had had in MONTHS! "whoa, I think I lost a few brain cells." I laughed, feeling my knees weaken a little. "really?" Tom looked confused, he was luckily holding onto me to hold me up a bit more. "yeah, jesus I love your kisses, and I've missed them so much." I admitted, trying to pull my boyfriend even closer. "well, you can have another, if you want." Tom mumbled, blushing, he looked so awkward again. "of course I want another one!" I pulled his head forward, not exactly gently, kissing him like it was the only thing I was capable of.
This kiss was even better than the first, Toms kisses were addictive, they were the best thing I have ever experienced, not even playing at Wembley arena was as good as kissing Tom. They made the world stop spinning, time stop moving, nothing mattered when Tom was kissing me. We broke apart, almost heaving for breath, I insisted resting our foreheads together, making sure we stayed close, I craved being close after being far apart for so long.
"thank you, so much. Come on, want to go home? Its getting a bit cold." I shivered, the world starting to slot back into place, I realised it was pretty cold. "yeah, alright." Tom nodded, a small, nervous smile starting to appear. "cool, Brucie! Ralphie, come here boys!" I called, both dogs came bounding over, running straight past us and into the back garden, knowing the route so well. I laughed, slipping my hand into Toms, wandering back into my house, getting the dogs settled, before running round to Toms. To be honest, I liked his house more than my own, it felt more like our shared house, because there was a perfect mix of our things inside. Also, Toms bed with bigger and comfier than my own, so I enjoyed cuddling up close to him at night, it felt right at his house.
We went straight to his bed, didn't stop for anything, because it was now gone 2am. "ah, perfect end to a perfect day. Thank you, so much, for the whole day, you've made me so happy." I sighed, curling up to my boyfriend, interlinking our fingers. "it was nothing." Tom squeezed my fingers, shifting over so he had his back to me. "but it meant the world to me, thank you, so much." I whispered, kissing Toms tshirt covered shoulder. "are you happy then?" Tom asked, his shoulder was twitching a little, like he was trying so hard to keep it there. "yes, so, so happy. You've made me incredibly happy. Thank you." I smiled, running my fingers over Toms arm. "I'm glad." Tom nuzzled into his pillow, keeping a good hold on my hand.
"good, thank you so much for such a good birthday. Night night Tommy, I love you." I pressed one last kiss to Toms shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. "I know, night Danny." Tom sighed, disappointing me again that he didn't tell me he loved me too. But, I fell asleep happy, because I was cuddled up to my boyfriend, for the first time in ages, happy that he was letting me do this.