Guest - thank you so much! that means so much to me! :D
288 Dannys POV
"why is Dougie now a little cutie?" I asked, looking up from mine and Toms joined hands. We had been talking quietly in the corner for hours, and Harrys laugh had broken our moment. "because he's got his lucky dinosaur with him!" Harry showed us the orange toy, squeezing Dougie so close there wasn't any space between them. "aw!" I smiled, making Dougie blush bright red. "I just, wanted some luck." Dougie whispered, pushing the toy into his pocket. "I know, and its so sweet! I think I may have fallen for you even more!" Harry grinned, kissing Dougies temple, right under his blue headband.
"if you two start making out, we're kicking you out of here!" I teased, squeezing Toms hand, feeling like I was leaving him out of the conversation. "fine, killjoys." Dougie stuck his tongue out, bringing Harrys hands around his waist, linking their fingers together. "now boys, behave. Tom, I need to do your hair and make up." Mellissa smiled, used to our playful arguments. Tom whimpered a barely audible whimper and got up, taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of the mirrors, thankfully letting Mellissa sort his hair and make up. "why have you already put make up on? Didn't you know I was going to do it for you today?" she asked, getting out the wipes to wipe it off. "yeah, I just, thought it would save you a job." Tom whispered, still chewing on his sleeve, creating a hole in it, perfect for his thumb. "aw, Tom you sweetie! Its my job to make you all look presentable, leave it to me, alright?" Mellissa ruffled Toms hair, wiping off the make up he had already put on his face, I hadn't even noticed, it had been put on almost perfectly actually.
Mellissa finished Toms hair and make up within 15 minutes, before she moved onto me, sorting out of my own face. Tom went off to choose an outfit to wear, still chewing on his sleeve, I watched him out the corner of my eye, making sure he was alright. To people who didn't know Tom very well, he looked fine, but I could see he was having an internal battle with himself, looking through all of his clothes, trying to find something he thought was decent. His mind was probably tearing him apart too, telling him he couldn't wear half of what was set out for whatever reason.
I wanted to go over and help him, but I knew I couldn't, a) because Mellissa would kill me if I got up now and b) because I knew Tom would not appreciate it, at all. So I had to watch from a safe distance, seeing the hole in his sleeve get bigger and bigger and the panic slowly rise inside the poor blonde guy. I couldn't tell if he was worrying about the interview, or getting changed in front of us, or which clothes he was going to wear. Whatever it was, it was driving him nuts. Wait, was this what Tom went through whenever we had an interview? Or was he just worrying because of what this interview was about, or because we were all crowded in one room? I hoped it was just this interview, I would have hated to find out that this panic turned up every single interview, making him think goodness knows what.
Luckily, Tom was soon joined by Harry and Dougie, who have gave him a few suggestions about his outfit as they picked out their own. "well if you wear the white shirt, then we're all wearing the same sort of colours, so we won't all look a packet of skittles on the sofa." Harry pulled out Toms white shirt, handing Dougie one of his Saint Kidd tshirts. "yeah, and dark jeans will look good." Dougie smiled, changing his shirt in a flash, tying up his blue headband on his head properly, wrapping the reddish pink one around his wrist.
Mellissa finished with me in that moment so I got up and went over too, picking out a black tshirt, which I think was Harrys, though I couldn't tell. "I, er, thanks. But...where..." Tom trailed off, looking around the room awkwardly, still chewing on his sleeve. "there's a wardrobe thing there with a door if you want to get changed in there." I guessed that was his problem, considering we were all getting changed there and then, showing off what he called 'perfect' bodies.
289 Toms POV
I hurried into the wardrobe thing, almost slamming the door behind me, finally breathing a sigh of relief. Finally, I was on my own, I wasn't used to being in a busy changing room like that, surrounded by everyone, three of which were getting changed at the same time. You couldn't stay in there, you would horrify them. The monster told me, it sounded a little scared, because if I did get changed in front of people, they would see my scars, and that would be the end of me completely. The end of us, don't you mean.
"shut up, please shut up." I begged, pulling off my tshirt and pulling on my crisp white shirt. I had managed a chew a hole through my original tshirt, looks like I now had one less tshirt to wear. I'll never shut up, never. Someone needs to tell you the truth. The monster hissed, making my eyes look down at my arms, and my thighs, that were so abused I could hardly see clean skin. Its a good thing, it shows your mistakes and how you punish yourself. It told me, and I agreed, it did show my mistakes and how I punished myself because of them.
I snapped myself from thinking and pulled my skinny jeans up, they literally hugged my legs, they were almost so tight that my scars could almost be seen. These had to be Dougies, none of my jeans were this tight, were they? No, these didn't have rips in them, and I wouldn't have fitted in Dougies jeans, he was tiny. I had put on weight recently, these had to be mine... I needed some more jeans, that were baggier. "Tommy, ready yet? We're almost on now." Danny made me jump, knocking on my door. "y-yeah, I'm ready." I shoved my feet into my Converse, stumbling out into the main room again, nothing much had changed, apart the guys had completely gotten changed and everyone else had disappeared. "that outfit suits you, you should wear it more often." Danny smiled, bringing me forward, his arms slipping around my waist. "you should, it looks good on." Dougie agreed, playing with his toy dinosaur, as Harry straightened out his tshirt and jacket, making sure his little one was presentable as usual. They're only saying it, they don't mean it. They don't actually think that, don't ever think they do. My voice reminded me again, it always reminded me to not believe a single word the guys said about my looks. Its make up making you look alright, you're disgusting under the lies.
"ready to go out there Tommy? Its just an interview, no singing today." Danny smiled shakily, disentangling himself from me, but keeping a hand in my own. I nodded and let myself be led through the corridors, not paying attention to the people staring at me, at us. It was weird to think we were out now, we had kept it such a good secret, and now people knew. But would they accept us for how we were? I hoped so, I didn't want to cause us more trouble, and make us hated. I wouldn't be able to stand that. "good luck guys, you'll do great out there." Tommy encouraged, patting us all on the back encouragingly. "thanks, we'll try." Danny smiled again, squeezing my hand. "oh, might not want to hold hands from the beginning. We don't want to be too in-your-face. Maybe hold hands half way through or something?" Tommy suggested, pointing at our joined hands, I dropped mine from Dannys straight away. That would make sense, to not hold hands from off the bat. Who would want to hold hands with you anyway? Dannys only doing it to keep you happy, he doesn't love you really. He'll stay longer now because you have too, because the papers know now, he'll leave though, don't worry, he'll leave.
"yeah, makes sense. Thanks for the tip Tommy." Danny sounded relieved, see what I mean? I wished that the monster would just shut up now, I didn't want to hear this right now, I couldn't cry on national TV, or around anybody. It was a stupid and attention seeking thing to do, and I couldn't confirm Fletchs thoughts on me. I was not stupid and attention seeking, I was not, oh but you are. You spend all your time seeking out attention. The monster laughed, I hated that voice, it came up at the worst of times, and then told me things about myself I didn't want to hear, even though they were true.
At last, we were called out to the set, still followed by screams and shouts of affection, at least our relationship hadn't ruined that. We were sat how we were told, me and Danny on the sofa, Harry and Dougie behind, so the focus was all on me and Danny, because we were ones who were under the spotlight now. "hello boys, its nice to see you again! So, I think we can skip right to the chase about why you're here. We're here to talk about your latest big news, about you coming out." The presenter started, I already didn't like where this was going.
"yes, we are. We need to set the record straight." Danny put on a confident smile, slipping his arm around my waist. "we are, so, do you mind doing the explaining about this whole thing? Are you actually together? Or was this a drunken picture?" the presenter showed the paper with the massive picture of us kissing in. "no, its not a drunken picture. Me and Tom are together." Danny confirmed, the audience gasped. "wow, so are you both gay?" the presenter leant forward the table, smelling an exclusive. "well, I'm gay." Danny answered, turning to me. "I'm also gay." I added, the audience and the presenter gasped this time.
"exactly the same as us." Harry jumped in, rubbing Dougies arm, the poor boy looked as scared as I felt, probably reliving his experience of this, it was harder for him, he had only been 19 years old when he came out with Harry, having recently gotten engaged. The amount of jokes and stares he got hit with had almost killed him, we were lucky they stopped after everyone got used to it. "ah, so completely gay band then. Well then, I think we're all dying to know, how long has this been going on for? How long have you two been together?" the presenter asked, indicating the audience, they all looked like they were hooked on every word we said. "we've been together now for, four years now, give or take a few months due to, erm, circumstances. Before that, there wasn't anyone for either of us." Danny explained, linking our hands together now, giving me another loving look. "you mean the run away?" the presenter made me freeze, oh please, don't go there again! "what do you mean?" Danny looked worried too, his hand tightened around my own. "the give or take a few months, did you mean because of Toms disappearance? Was the disappearance because of your relationship?" the presenter went there, and went far over the line. Yes in a way, I ran away because of our relationship, but that did not mean that they had to know that! No-one had to know that, that was something to be kept private for only me to know!
"no, no of course not! You didn't run away because of our relationship, did you?" Danny now looked panicked, he hadn't caught on, had he? "no! No I didn't, we've gone through this, it doesn't matter anymore, its sorted." I shook my head, denying everything. We're done for now, they've planted that seed of doubt, lets see how long this lasts now, shall we? The monster cackled, I willed it to shut up, now was not the time to be telling me this. "see, of course Tom didn't run away because of us, he had other reasons. Which we've already been over, so leave it." Harry backed us up, the defensive side of his nature coming out. "alright, calm down! I was only asking...right, we have to cut to a commercial break now, we'll be back after these messages." Luckily, finally, the cameras shut off, the interview over for now. I could only hope they would leave it now.