A/N: Wow! I'm staggered at the response to this story but delighted that so many U/S fans are sticking with me. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story.
I stayed in bed for a long time after that. Partly it was because I was trying to recuperate from the battle: none of us had slept in nearly three days beforehand, and we were all wounded in small ways. Cuts and scrapes and bruises, and on top of that for me, muscles that ached from electrocution. But it was more than just the physical injuries keeping me down. Every time I was conscious, and sometimes even in my dreams, I couldn't stop thinking about my friends and how they'd been taken from me.
It had hurt when they died. Of course it did. But bolstering me through it, keeping me from giving up even when the Starlights told me not to was the idea that they would come back. I had fought the battle expecting them to return, just like they had after I'd defeated Beryl. It had never occurred to me that they might not when I won. It seemed like a cruel joke and I often woke up expecting, praying, hoping that it had been a nightmare.
Without them, I didn't know what to do.
Those thoughts clung to me as I drifted in and out of a restless sleep, dreaming about the future I'd never see and the daughter I would never have. I woke up countless times with her name on my lips and tears pouring down my cheeks. I had lost her once before, during the battle with Nehelania, but it was nothing compared to the pain I felt now, when I hadn't even had the chance to say good-bye. Then, I'd known there was a chance to save her. This time, without Mamoru she was out of my reach forever and that hurt more than I could bear. How could I ever have another child knowing what I had lost?
If it hadn't been for the Starlights, I might have rolled over and died from heartbreak. But one of them was always with me, just being there while I cried. Several times I woke up to find Yaten sleeping next to me, her face pale and lined with exhaustion, her hands clutching at the bottom of the tank top that I wore. Seiya slept beside me, too, except I always ended up clinging to her so tightly that she had to pry my arms off of her when it was time for her to get up. Taiki never lay down with me, but on the rare occasion that the others were gone she would kneel beside the bed and rest her head in her hands and cry. I never let on that I was sometimes awake when that happened because I knew my presence, especially if she thought I was asleep, was somehow comforting to her.
I might have gone on that way forever but they wouldn't let me. On the morning of the sixth day I woke up to find Yaten beside me, but for once she wasn't sleeping. Her clear green eyes were looking straight into mine and I knew that she had been waiting patiently for me to wake up. Her lips lifted in a smile when she saw me looking back at her, but I could tell it was more for show than because she really felt the urge to smile.
"Hi," she said softly.
"Hi," I said back. My throat was dry and scratchy. It hurt to swallow. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had anything to drink. My stomach was empty and ached with hunger but I felt no desire to eat anything. "What's wrong?"
Yaten shook her head. Her hair had come free of the tie that normally kept it back in a ponytail, and it spilled across her shoulders in a shining wave. I picked up a couple of strands, rubbing them between my fingers. Silky and soft – like moonlight. It was almost enough to make me smile. She covered my hand with hers.
"Nothing's wrong," she answered me finally. "But it's time for you to get up. They wouldn't want you to stop living your life like this."
It hurt, but I knew she was right. If my friends had been there, Rei would have grabbed the edge of the mattress and flipped me onto the floor ages ago. Minako would have threatened me with the return of Nurse Venus until I gave in and got up out of fear for my safety and sanity. Ami would have been logical about it, leaving me no opportunities to argue. Makoto would have enticed me out of bed with the smells of delicious food. Mamo-chan... He probably would have kissed me and teased me until I had reason to want to get up. But they weren't here. The room disappeared in a fresh swell of tears and I ducked my head, pressing it to her shoulder.
"How can I?" I croaked out finally, lifting my hand to rub the tears away when I felt a little more in control. "How can I keep living when they're not with me? What's going to happen?"
"I don't know," Yaten said honestly. I liked that about her: that she didn't try to lie and tell me everything would be okay. That's what Seiya did, and it was nice to hear, but sometimes I needed that brute honesty no matter how much it ached. "I don't know what's going to happen. But you can't face it in here."
I looked at her for a long time without saying anything at all. Her face was dark with pain and fatigue and I knew she hadn't been sleeping the way she was supposed to. Probably she and the others had been trying to do as much damage control as possible. After all, they were supposed to be either gone or dead by now, not still hanging around. They were female now and I had no idea how they'd been handling that, or Princess Kakyuu's death. It had to be hard on them.
And of course, they had me to look after. I wasn't kidding when I said that one of them was always with me; when I was left by myself it only took a couple of seconds for the overwhelming panic to set in. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that I wasn't alone, I couldn't believe it unless they were there. I felt the most calm when all three of them were with me, but I was alright with just Seiya as long as I knew where Yaten and Taiki had gone and when they were due back. But when Seiya was gone, I was constantly on edge, unable to relax, fighting back sleep until I knew she was around, that she wasn't going to leave me. I needed her.
Like she knew what I was thinking, Yaten sat up and looked down at me. "Seiya's waiting for you in the kitchen with a surprise," she said. "All you have to do is get up and shower."
A shower. That actually sounded really nice. I hadn't had one in a long time. My hair felt greasy and I was sure that I smelled. Those thoughts must have shown on my face because Yaten giggled and slipped off of the bed. She reached down and took my hand to help me sit up, and then wrapped an arm around my waist when I stood up. Vertigo struck in a disorienting wave and probably would have sent me right back down if she hadn't been there, but she was. Supporting me, just like they had been all this time.
"Ooh," I moaned, grabbing my head.
"It's just from lying down too long. You'll feel better once you've been up a while," Yaten told me confidently, practically dragging me into the bathroom. We were the same height but I was surprised by the strength in her small frame. She was much stronger than I was.
I was only dressed in underwear and a tank top, which I think was Seiya's. Yaten disposed of them quickly. It didn't really bother me to be naked around her. I let her help me into the shower, which was already running, and she helped me wash my hair. She patiently rubbed the shampoo in and then carefully washed every strand until all of the dirt and oil was gone. I had the easier job of washing my body. I was done before she was so I just leaned my head back and enjoyed the sensation of fingers running through my hair. I'd always loved having my hair played with. There was something very soothing about it. I was sorry when she finally rinsed the last bit and shut the shower off. I got out and sat down on the toilet, noticing that there was already a fresh set of underwear and a shirt waiting for me.
"Pretty confident in yourself, weren't you?" I observed.
"You had to get up some time," she said quietly. "You wouldn't waste their sacrifice by staying there forever."
Her words hit me hard, like a punch to the stomach, and I sucked a breath in sharply. But she was right, of course. Much as I had entertained the idea of letting myself waste away, I knew I couldn't do that. Now that the senshi were gone, now that the prince was gone, Earth needed me more than ever. My original role in life had been to watch the over the Earth from far away and I couldn't help remembering days spent as Princess Serenity, looking at this planet with so much longing. How had it ever come to this?
I brushed my hair and dried it with a towel but left it down, lacking the energy to put it up into odango. I didn't think I was ready to see that hairstyle just yet. Yaten told me that she would braid it later as I got dressed. The underwear was a pale silky green color and I figured it was hers; the cinnamon-and-olive scent that lingered around the top told me that it was Seiya's. I liked wearing her things, even if it was a little loose on me. I pulled the top on and buttoned it up just past my breasts, so no one could accuse me of a lack of modesty, then looked at Yaten.
"I'm ready," I said, trying to inject a little eagerness into my voice. "Where's my surprise?"
"Right this way." She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me out into the hall. I'd never noticed before but their apartment was pretty large. They had a penthouse, meaning they had the top floor of one of the nicest buildings in the city all to themselves. It was easily large enough for three separate bedrooms, plus a small guest room that seemed to double as a music room.
Seiya was standing by the counter in the kitchen holding a cup of tea in her hands, though it was still full to the brim. She looked tired and unhappy. When she looked up and saw me, though, the difference was instantaneous: her face lit up and she visibly relaxed. "Odango!" she said. "You're up. How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," I said, moving over to her. It was already becoming a second nature to hold onto any part of her that she would allow me to have, even if it meant I was clinging to the edge of her shirt like a child. I dreaded being away from her, from any of them; they were the one thing in my life that was still a constant. If Seiya left me, I didn't know what I would do. It thrilled me when she automatically accepted, letting me grab onto her free hand, and I smiled tentatively. She grinned back and winked.
"Yaten told you we had a surprise, eh?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said. I couldn't imagine what they thought I would want. I leaned against her, feeling a little dizzy from all the energy I'd expended after days of being in bed. "What is it?"
"Taiki!" Seiya called instead of answering.
The door to the living room swung open. Taiki was smiling at me but my attention was immediately caught by the two blurs that shot out of the room. I gasped and sank to my knees. "Luna! Artemis!" I cried, holding my arms out. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten about them; the truth was, they hadn't crossed my mind in days. I hadn't even thought to check on them.
"Usagi-chan, you're alive!" Luna pressed her face against my neck, purring frantically. "Thank god... I was so worried!"
"I'm sorry." I hooked one of my arms around Seiya's ankle and used that hand to help hold her and Artemis against me. It meant that Seiya's legs were pressed against my side and that was alright. "I didn't think... oh god, I'm so sorry." I would've been crying but the tears wouldn't come. Not anymore.
"Is it true?" Artemis asked. He was happy to see me but I could see it in his face, in his eyes, Minako.
My stomach clenched. "Yes."
His head bowed and he shoved his face against my arm. I felt the dampness of his tears against my skin and a hollowness opened up in my stomach. I leaned back against Seiya, hoping that the way my hands shook as I stroked the two of them wasn't visible, and tried to provide what little comfort I could. Meaningless in the end, but it was all I could do.
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