JoBros4ever - thanks, i get kinda carried away in the story and everything sometimes xD and, since one of my dreams is to be a published author, i thought i might as well get used to writing long length stuff anyway xD

FLOYNTERxxx - its leading up to a few big things, not just one :)

305 Toms POV

I heard every word Danny said before he fell asleep, they broke my heart. Did Danny really want to change me, make me 'better'? was I not good as I was? Of course you're not, you're never good enough for anyone. I knew I thought that, and the voice thought that, but Danny thought that too? Even though regularly told me he wouldn't change me for the world, that I was perfect, though I never believed him? Was he just lying to me? He didn't actually think I was good enough? Then, why was he lying to me? So leaving you is easier, obviously. Now get up, go make yourself a better person. I was ordered, so I waited until Danny started snoring, before crawling out of bed and into the bathroom, where I continued my nightly routine.

First, to get rid of all of that unwanted food I wasn't worthy of, making myself sick, being thankful that I hadn't had much of it today, just tonight's dinner. I liked hectic days like today, I could get away with not eating for hours, because we were so busy no-one noticed what I was doing, as long as I was keeping up with everyone. There you go, feeling better yet? The monster asked with a snigger. "no, feel awful." I had taken to talking to it, I might as well, it was a part of me, might as well talk back to it. Well thats even better, you don't deserve to feel better, ever. It laughed. Now, lets get down to business, you defied me today. You were doing so well today, keeping out of the way, but then you joined in and ruined a game for Danny and Dougie. We better mark these down on your thighs, before you forget again and do it over again and ruin everything all over again.

I knew I had ruined that game, but it didn't stop me from crying as I reached for my hidden razor and my cutting towel. I had hidden them right at the back of the airing cupboard in the hall way, where no-one would ever look, simply because no-one apart Carrie and me went in there. And she wouldn't look at the back, so I wouldn't be discovered. Hopefully anyway.

Hmmm, lets say, 4 should be enough, I think it will be. Get on with it then. So I did, pulling down my pyjamas, revealing all my open cuts across my thighs. I looked like I had gone through a very sharp thorned hedge, a very, very sharp thorned one. But I didn't care, these were my mistakes, mapped out for me to see, no-one else was allowed to see these. Anyone could see the ones on my arm, if I wasn't careful to cover them, but no-one was allowed to see the ones on my thighs, everyone had to think I was getting better. I was getting better, I was making myself a better person. Danny didn't think I was good enough, I was making myself good enough for him, and for everyone else, but especially him, I would make him proud to date me, before he gave up on me, like I knew he would. Everyone gave up on me, and I knew he would too. Then I would be alone, with my shiny razor, and I would make this world a better place by disappearing from it, its not like anyone would care anyway.

Stop thinking, just do it already! I did as told again, digging into my thigh, releasing the red liquid keeping me alive, making it run down my leg and onto my towel (I had planned this out so I didn't have to do much cleaning up). Three more lines made me feel light headed again, the room on the verge of spinning, but I was so used to it I didn't bother me at all. It felt good, if I was dizzy, I was doing something good, getting rid of my past mistakes.

Once I gained a bit of sense again, I cleaned up my leg, putting a big plaster over them in case they bled some more when I moved, cleaned up all of my mess, and got comfy on the floor by the bed, finally managing to pass out for a while, for some restless asleep.

306 Dannys POV

I woke up early that morning, just to see where Tom was, because the bed felt, once again, cold. As usual, I found him on the floor, curled up and shivering, his stomach rumbling so loudly I could hear it from my position on the bed. And, instead of picking him up and putting him back into bed, I grabbed the bedding, putting a pillow under his head and a duvet over his body, curling up to him again, like we were still in bed. I wasn't letting him go this morning, and this time, I was playing this Toms way, seeing if I could get more time with him this way.

I managed to doze off for a few more hours, until I heard footsteps on the landing. Opening my eyes, I realised I was back in bed, and Tom wasn't anywhere near me, he wasn't even in the room. I sighed, back to trying to find him, almost like a weird game of hide and seek. Slowly, I crawled out of bed and got some clothes ready, all the time listening out for my boyfriend, it sounded like he was in the bathroom. I couldn't help but think of Dougies theory from the night he and Tom had shared a room, he seemed to think that Tom cried in the shower in the morning. It didn't sound like it right now, but I couldn't tell, the walls were too thick to tell if there were tears being shed under the water pouring out.

"hey, Tommy, I'm awake now, are you getting dressed in there or so you need me to pass you some clothes?" I called through the door, not wanting Tom to freak out if I saw him without clothes on. "er, I need some clothes." Tom half mumbled, sounding embarrassed. "alright, anything in particular?" I asked. "long sleeves." Tom answered, sounding ashamed. "alright, give me two minutes." I ran back to the wardrobe, picking out one of Toms favourite tshirts, his long sleeve grey top with the buttons down the front, and his dark blue skinnies.

I handed Tom his clothes through the door, before sitting back down on the bed, waiting for Tom to be ready. I could hear him moving around and getting dressed, then silence, dead silence for quite a long while, before the door opened.

"hey, how did I end up in bed again?" I smiled, jumping up and putting my arms around Tom, he looked good in those clothes, really, really good, wow. "I dunno, thought you were in bed all night." Tom lied, his poor stomach growling, I could almost feel it rumbling against my stomach. "no, I woke up earlier, and you were on the floor again so I got on the floor with you. Then I woke up again and you were in the shower and I was in bed again." I shook my head, pretending like he hadn't just lied, he knew how I managed to get back into bed again.

Tom was quiet at that, all that I heard was his stomach growling almost painfully, making him wince. "right, you're starving, lets get you some breakfast." I couldn't ignore the sound of his stomach anymore, not when he winced like that. "I'm not hungry." Tom protested, but let me drag him downstairs, his stomach growling again. "yes you are, you're stomach is calling out for some food! So don't lie to me, what do you want? We have cereal, toast, pop tarts, anything and everything else, so, what do ya fancy?" I smiled, putting my arms around Toms waist, holding onto his hip. "cereal, just, cereal... I'll make it." Tom ripped himself from my arms to the cupboards, half filling a bowl of cereal, running off to eat it before I could even say anything.