xxPUDDxx - wooo! thats awesome! which show are you going to?! i'm happy for you! its guaranteed to be an AWESOME show if Memory Lane was anything to go by!
307 Toms POV
I almost pleaded my stomach to stop rumbling as loudly as it was, before someone heard it, it was probably so easy to hear, everyone would know what I was doing if my stomach didn't shut up soon! I knew why it was rumbling too, it was because I didn't actually have anything inside me, I had gotten rid of it last night. I knew it was wrong, but, I just found it impossible to keep things down all day, it was like getting into bed was a trigger, I had to get rid of everything in my stomach before I could sleep, because I wasn't worthy of having a full stomach. What did that feel like anyway? To not be hungry all the time and not feel like you had to be sick at any moment? How could anyone feel like that, without ever worrying over how much they put in their mouths, how it made them look, what it would do to them? Because they're not you, they deserve it, they look good, they are good. They can do what they like, you can't, you're not worth it. Now eat that before you go, its the best you're getting all day. My monster explained, telling me that I had to eat this dry cereal. If I didn't, I was going to be hungry all day, I didn't know what was worse, feeling sick, or feeling hungry all day. At least my stomach was quieter if I ate it, which was a start.
"Tommy, you finished yet? We have to be ready to leave in twenty minutes." Dannys voice broke me from my thoughts again, midway through my last dry mouthful. "almost." I answered, swallowing and shuddering, feeling my tummy lurch over. I shakily stood up, feeling dizzy, before wandering out to find my shoes, getting ready to go out, worrying on the inside whether or not I looked average or not. "hey, found you! Ready to go? Its our last hectic day for a few weeks, so we can relax after today." Danny hopped up, tying up one of his own shoe laces. "yeah, I'm ready." I sighed, not exactly wanting to go out and have another day of saying 'yes I'm gay, I'm with Danny, and no its not going to change anything' even though it was going to change things. It was going to change a lot of things, like how we acted in public, we could hold hands in public now, we could kiss in public too. Usually going out was our break from being a couple, now we were going to be permanently together, with no breaks, I wasn't going to mind that, but in the end, Danny was going to get sick of me. All I did was trail along behind him like some stupid pet, clinging to his hand and whatever else I could hold, now I could and probably would do that in public too, great, I would really wind him up then. We were going to break up at this rate, sooner than I had originally expected, and it would be my fault for being so clingy and needy.
"hey, whats up? You look like you're going to cry!" Dannys arms came around me, pulling me backwards into his chest. "nothing, nothings wrong. I just...think my contacts are in wrong." I lied, pulling myself from his arms, because I was not clingy and needy, I did not need a hug. "oh, well go and sort them out then, we have a bit of time left." Danny seemed to fall for it, like he fell for my lie about how he got back into bed again this morning. Me and Carrie had put him back in again, after she had come in and I had told her he had fallen out in the middle of the night, and I had just put the pillow and the blanket with him. Why he had ended up on the floor with me was anyones guess, there was a perfectly good bed right next to him, why he laid with me I don't know. I mean, I wasn't worthy of that bed, but that didn't mean he wasn't, he was everything, I was nothing, thats why I slept on the floor, despite getting back ache because of it.
I vaguely heard the door knock downstairs, and someone asking where I was, but I ignored it, carrying on sitting and thinking on the floor. It didn't make sense, why would someone so special like Danny sleep on the floor with me? And why would he give me a pillow and the duvet, it wasn't that cold on the floor, so why give me these things? Did he honestly believe I deserved them? He couldn't have, he couldn't have thought that, I had proved that over and over by messing up everything. He does believe that, but he's stayed on the floor once, he'll do it again, don't make him do it again. That isn't fair. I was warned again, as I was called back downstairs. Get moving, before you mess up again and make them late. I wiped my tears and stumbled downstairs, still feeling sick and dizzy, and still like I wanted to cry. I didn't want to pull anyone down to my level, or make Danny so annoyed with me for being clingy that he broke up with me, I didn't want to break up at all. I liked being together, it was nice being together, I felt safe when we were together, how could I ruin this? I wasn't going to be able to help it, was I? I was going to ruin it all again, because I was pathetic, and because thats what I did, mess everything up, just like always.
308 Harrys POV
Tom was quiet once he got in the car, keeping his head down, and his whole body tucked into his corner, hugging himself. "Tommy, you alright?" Danny asked first, leaning over to his boyfriend, his hand going to his arm. "yeah, just tired." Tom nodded, putting his earphones in, seemingly falling asleep minutes later. "why don't I believe that?" Danny sighed, deflating back to his side of the car, picking at his nails. "we'll talk to him later about it. Let him sleep for now, we'll cheer him up when we get to the studio." I advised, how many times had I said this just this month? I'd lost count. "I hope we can, he's looked like he's wanted to cry all morning." Danny bit his lip, tugging his sleeves over his hands, reminding me we were supposed to be checking his arms again.
"hey, its Monday." I whispered, watching Dougie pale and turn away. "yeah, scar check, I know." Danny reluctantly rolled up his sleeves, showing me his arms, clean from any new wounds again. "well done Dan, thats...6 weeks now I think." I smiled, hearing Dougie exhale with relief, but not risking to turn round until the old scars were hidden. "6 weeks, 2 days, and 20 hours." Danny replied, my jaw dropped, "what? Needed something to distract myself, might as well count how long its been so I can feel good." Danny shrugged, making sure his bracelets covered anything incriminating. "so do you know how long...?" Dougie trailed off, nodding his head towards a sleeping Tom. He usually looked so calm and peaceful in sleep, sometimes even cute and childlike, but now he didn't, now he still looked upset and scared, like not even sleep was keeping him from his thoughts. "6 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours. He slipped on the first day, but hasn't since." Danny answered, reaching his hand out to rest it on Toms arm, stroking it with his thumb gently.
"well, thats good, isn't it? Its progress at the least." I encouraged, wanting to see Danny smile again. "yeah, I know. I just wish he was better, you know? Normally he's so perfect, and now, he's not all here." Danny mumbled, never taking his eyes off of Toms face. He honestly loved that boy so much, I had never seen someone so in love before. I didn't even think I could match up to his level of love for Tom with my love for Dougie, and I loved Dougie so much I sometimes thought I was going to explode. "well, we'll still help him out, and make him better. Remember, from tomorrow, we're working on his food problems, and thats taking a good step forward." I offered a smile, my hand running over Dougies back, wanting to comfort him too. "I know. Do you think he knows that I love him?" Danny chewed on his lip a bit longer, moving his hand to link with Toms, somehow without the boy waking up.
"of course he does! Tom knows you love him, so much, he knows that. There's no way he couldn't know that." Dougie jumped into the conversation, almost jumping over the seat to get his point across. "really? You think so?" Danny looked hopeful, how could he not know that Tom loved him so much? "yeah, he does. If he didn't, he wouldn't listen to you as much as he does. Or hug, or kiss, or do anything with you." I nodded, making Danny grin as we rolled up to the latest studio. "good point...Tommy, wake up, its time to wake up now baby, we've arrived!" Danny gently shook Tom awake, leading him inside the studio by his hand. The blonde seemed half asleep still, and a little conscious of how close him and Danny were, but it didn't stop Dannys smile. He couldn't stop smiling, keeping a firm hand on Tom the whole time, never letting him go, looking so happy, just because we had told him that Tom loved him.