Chapter 13

Day Two

I can't contact her.

I don't know why I feel as if I can because she has always been the one to contact me. However, I feel compelled to do so. I am not sure if it's the fact that I haven't heard from her since our last encounter or the fact that I couldn't get rid of the pit in my stomach.

Something is wrong.

I am trying to hide these feelings from the others, especially Dr. Lam. No reason why I should give them reasons not to let me continue on with the mission. Speaking of missions, Sam has had no luck in trying to find a way to travel to the Ori galaxy. According to Landry, the IOA has put priority on closing the Supergate and not the rescue mission, so if she cannot find a way soon, then all of this would have been for nothing. It can't end --

"Knock. Knock."

Breaking his concentration away from his journal, Daniel looked up to see Mitchell standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Cam."

Taking a look at the book in Daniel's hand, Cameron faltered slightly before taking a seat next to his bedside.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"No, just trying to bide my time since I am not allowed to do anything else."

"Well, that's kinda one of the reason's I'm here. I was wondering if you gave anymore thought into the rescue mission."

"Well, unless we are able to find a way to both block and destroy the Ori Supergate then any planning on our parts would be moot, wouldn't it?"

"Sam's still working on it, and let me tell you she is as determined as ever to find a way. I think it has a lot to do with McKay's incessant droning that it can't be done."

Daniel laughed, "He always seems to bring out the competitive streak in her."

"What I had in mind was who was going to be going with us. Now, the best chance we have of getting thru the Supergate undetected is by going in a small vessel."

"Easier to avoid detection."

"So I brought the subject up to McKay and he has suggested using one of Atlantis' Puddle Jumpers."

"That's a good idea; it has cloaking technology and Ancient weapons. What did he say was the capacity?"

"Anywhere from 6 to 8 on the safe side, ten tops."

"So that means whomever we take with us will need to be essential to the mission."

"Sam wants to go but I reminded her that we're going to need her at Atlantis if this is going to work."

"Well, we for starters need someone with the Ancient gene to fly the ship."

Mitchell gave Daniel a quizzical look," Why can't you do it?"

"Because I don't know how to fly, I'm an archaeologist not a pilot."

"You've flown an Al'Kesh before, haven't you?"

"Yes," Daniel nodded. "But this is different?"

"How so?"

Daniel looked as if he was going to respond before stopping himself. Sighing, he placed the journal on the bedside table and looked Mitchell straight in the eye.

"I want to tell you something, as long as you promise that it stays between us."

"You can count on me, my lips are sealed."

"I've never said this to anyone – not even Jack – although I tried to bring it up to Jack once. But that didn't go so well."

"What happened?"

"Well, he seemed to completely ignore what I said and asked if I was hungry."

"What exactly did you say?"

Daniel hesitated, he wasn't sure that he wanted to continue to with what he had to say. However he knew that if Mitchell was going to understand, he had to know.

"I don't remember much about my ascension and part of me is glad for that. However, it's also an impossible burden. To have lost an entire year of my life, it's hard to comprehend. That's one of the reasons I have tried to not talk about it."

"I'm sensing there is a but in there somewhere."

"But, I can't shake the fact that there was something being kept from me. Something I did or I knew that Oma didn't want me to remember."

"Have you tried remembering?"

"More times than I can count but I keep coming up empty with nothing more than the feeling that I can't shake."

"Maybe the reason you're not remembering because deep down, you don't want to."

"What are you talking about?" Daniel said angrily. "Of course I want to."

"Well from what you just said, it sounded like, and don't get me wrong, that you're scared to."

"I'm not —"

"I know what you're going thru," Mitchell said giving Daniel a small smile. "The crash and everything that followed was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. The isolation, the fear – man, there were days that I wanted to just lay down and die because I felt it would be easier than having to deal with any of it. I didn't though. You want to know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I had my family, my friends. People around me who wouldn't let me give up. Who helped me see past the fear, the anguish -- to a life filled with better things ahead. You have that. All of us, we're friends. We're your family. We'll be here for you no matter what happens."

Daniel laughed again, only Mitchell noticed it wasn't so much for amusement but the bitter kind. The kind of laugh you give when someone says something dumb and you know better.

"What?"

"It's just – that's the problem. I don't have anyone to confide in. Ever since I came back people have been avoiding talking about my ascension like it was the plague. Everyone is walking tip-toes around me, trying not to bring it up, and curtailing the subject as quick as possible when it does. Before it was easier to deal with because it wasn't in my face all the time but since the Ori showed up –"

"You can't avoid it."

"And they can't either. Although they do try. I once told Jack, right when we first made contact with the Ori, that they scared me. That for the first time in my life, for this first time since I step thru that gate, something left me shaken, left me terrified to my core, and you know what he said to me?"

An uncomfortable realization hit Mitchell like a ton of bricks, "He asked if you were hungry?"

Anger began to swell up in Daniel's voice the likes of which Mitchell had never heard before.

"Jack is one of my closest friends. I've known him for over a decade and he is one of the few people with whom I would gladly lay down my life for. He's someone with whom I have been thru so much with, someone with whom I trust more than anything. Hell, when I was dying of radiation poisoning and wanted to ascend – it was Jack with whom I reached out and begged to let me die. He's my best friend. And here I am, having been thru this horrendous experience that left me completely rattled and all he can say to me is if I was hungry!"

Mitchell said nothing. He could only watch as a gamut of emotions ran thru Daniel's face. It was obvious that the stress of the recent week, combined with the long and pent up buried emotions were coming to a head.

"I have to find her," Daniel said in what was a barely audible whisper. "I don't think I would be able to handle it if I never saw – "

"Don't worry," Mitchell said placing a reassuring hand on Daniel's shoulder. "We'll find her."

Daniel looked at Mitchell, his eyes conveying a steely determination.

"No matter what?"

Mitchell gave Daniel a reassuring nod.

"No matter what."