FLOYNTERxxx - i'm alright, just got a few stressful things going on at the moment! and Tom does need to see it, but the thing is, will it backfire?

xxPUDDxx - i'm just a bit stressed, i'll do fine in the end :) and you may be on to something there...

319 Dougies POV

Waking up, I was greeted by the sight of an old worn tshirt, Harry didn't wear tshirts to bed...and his arms weren't this long either...what the hell?! Whoever they were, they were warm, and they smelt familiar, but where was Harry? There were more than two hands on me, were the other hands his? They were joined with mine, and ah, yes it was him, I could recognise our wedding rings and Harrys hands anywhere. I relaxed a little, knowing he was here was such a comfort. But, who was hugging me then? I looked up, seeing freckles, must have been Danny then. Tom must have kicked him out last night and he had come to ours, I wondered when he turned up.

I curled closer to Danny, wanting to have a hug, and to give him some love too. I couldn't imagine going to bed and curling up to my lover only to wake up to find him on the floor, after not being allowed to hold him all day either. In my mind, it would have been pure torture, I was surprised that Danny hadn't snapped yet, or maybe he had, and had come round afterwards to feel better?! As quick as a flash, I turned round, lifting Dannys arms, moving his sleeves up, revealing his freckled, scarred arms. Oh...my...god, this was the first time I had seen these scars, it horrified me. All the jagged lines across his arm, misshaping his freckles, but, the thing that scared me the most, was the massive cross that cut almost half way down his arm, thank god the mark was old and shallow.

"uh, what? Doug, what are you doing? Get off my arm!" Danny whined sleepily, pulling his arms away from my eyesight, yanking his sleeves down again. "w-what have you done?" I whimpered, did Toms arm look like that? Did his look worse? "oh Doug, you weren't supposed to see that." Danny sighed, moving to hug me. "I-I was going t-to see at some point...what have you d-done?" I just about kept in tears, wanting to just start crying. Just seeing what one of my best friends had done to himself, knowing my other best friend had done the same thing, had killed me. I had seen things like it in my nightmares, but I had known they weren't real, but, this time they were, this was real. Those scars were real, and they were never going away.

"I know Doug, I'm sorry. Things are just out of control, and its the only way I've found to stop all these feelings. But, you know I've been good, I haven't done it in over 6 weeks now." Danny sighed, bringing me close, turning me over so I could hug him. "how many days and hours? Tell me, please." I whispered, hoping that hearing how long it had been would stop the panic attack from rising up inside me too far. "6 weeks, 6 days, and 8 hours. Do you want minutes too?" Danny asked, did he seriously count that much?! "no, just...promise me, don't ever do that again! You can't do that ever again!" I didn't realise that my voice was getting higher and higher with every word, waking up Harry, who was round to my side in seconds, getting in behind me, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a sense of calm again. "I won't Doug, promise, I won't." Danny promised, loosening his grip a little so Harry had a bit of room to hug me as well, the boys holding me close, calming and protecting. But, all I could see behind my eyes was those scars, and how Toms arm must have looked like. But, how bad was Toms arm? Was it so covered, you couldn't see any clean skin at all? Or was it like Dannys? What did Toms arm look like?! It scared me so much, how could they do this?

"Dougie, take a deep breath, please, take a deep breath." Harry whispered, trying to beg me into breathing, I was already feeling short of breath. Because of this cutting...they could die! Tom and Danny could have died...they could still die! If they got too stressed or something, they could do it once more and go too far! I couldn't lose them, I could never lose them! "Dougie, come on, breathe. Don't faint on me please! We're going out today, you can't faint now!" Harry encouraged, rubbing circles into my back as I clung to Danny, feeling like I had to let him know that he could not die, we could not lose him. We could not lose him or Tom, no way, we had to have both of them, all the time. They could never leave, ever, they had to stay!

320 Toms POV

I was left in the house with only Carrie for company until twelve lunch time, the latest time that anyone had ever turned up, Danny, Harry and Dougie were always earlier than that. This was strange, they're starting to leave you. Just you wait, they'll all leave...hey, look at Dannys tshirt, its Harrys. What does that tell you? I looked to Danny as I saw him walk down the drive to my house, he was in Harrys tshirt, and Dougies coat. Oh. He must have stayed at theirs last night. To cheat on you. My monster made me cringe as the doorbell rung, the possibility had been trying to invade my mind for a while now, but, surely, Danny would have broken up with me first? Of course not, he feels sorry for you, because you're disgusting. He'll stay with you for a while, to make you feel happy, until you're too much to bare. I winced again, staring out the window from my place in the corner, between the sofas in the smaller of my front rooms. My god, I had more than one front room, since when did I deserve this?! You don't. Thats the problem.

"hey, aren't you going to get that?" Carrie bounced up, she had been sitting with me for a while, not talking or anything. As usual. She ran out as fast as she could, opening the door, my band mates stumbling in. Poor Dougie looked ill, being held up by Danny and Harry, he looked at me and paled even more, his knees almost buckling underneath himself. What did I do? He saw your face, idiot. Could this voice just shut up please?! Never.

"hey Tom, just give us a sec. Doug, its fine, calm down. Don't faint again, please." Harry sighed, giving up and picking Dougie up, holding him in his arms, the little ones legs around his waist. My eyes moved to where Danny put his hand, on Dougies shoulder, rubbing it a little, my eyes were trained on his hand. What had happened and why was Dougie acting like this? I wanted to go over and hug him too, but, I couldn't, I would probably make things worse. Like usual. I always made things worse, I wasn't going to do that again, its not like I knew what was up anyway, and the chances of being told were practically nil. I wasn't told anything that was going on anymore, the three kept it all to themselves when they could, I didn't even know why they even bothered coming round when we weren't going somewhere anymore. They feel sorry for you because you're pathetic.

"aw Doug, whats up?" Carrie asked first, rubbing Dougies back too. "bad night, very bad night." Danny answered, proving he had spent the night with the others. Great, he didn't even go back to his own house anymore, he goes to his real lovers instead. Would that voice just SHUT UP now?! I knew I was worthless, but I was sure, Danny would end this relationship first before moving on! He would do that, he would...right? I hadn't been so sure a few months ago, I had been certain that we weren't properly together, but somehow, I had come to believe that we were together. But, now I didn't know what to think, looking at the scene and the sudden change today, I had almost been completely ignored. Normally, me and Danny would have at least hugged by now, he usually jumped on me, but today, he seemed content to stay with Dougie and Harry. Though, Dougie did look ill, and had obviously had a bad night, and probably a bad morning too. Maybe he was just being protective of the guy he at least felt brotherly love for?

"ah, poor Doug. It'll get better, I'm sure. Its just a magazine, after the press release has circulated, and you've done a few interviews explaining that you're all fine, it'll be okay." Carrie smiled, she was always great at comforting people. She didn't last night as you cried like a baby, did she? No, she didn't, but that was because I was being quiet as I ripped my thighs to shreds. They still ached and I still felt pain as I moved too quickly, but I felt better because of it. The pain reminded me constantly that I wasn't allowed to do certain things, and if I did them, I was ruining everyone elses day. Thats why I was staying here, I would make things worse if I went over to the others, no matter how much I wanted to help cheer Dougie up. "yeah, Doug, hear that? It'll be fine. Its just a bit of stupidity, and its getting better right now." Harry sighed, kissing his precious husbands hair, looking like he wanted to cry too, I put it down to the fact he always felt like he was in agony when Dougie was in pain. Harry hated nothing more a crying Dougie, he worked to keep a smile on his face at all times, though mostly it didn't work. It never stopped him trying though, Dougie had to be happy and smiley, like the big kid he was, and no-one ever got in the way of that. Except you.