FLOYNTERxxx - when i say chapters, i don't meant each upload, i mean each POV change! the other place where i post these fics i post each individual POV as a single update, but i double up here so i can try and catch up to the sequel as quick as possible! so it shouldn't take all year to post this! :)
xxPUDDxx - yeah, i can torture him for so long, but i always have to give him a happy ending, i can't stand sad endings!
325 Toms POV
The day past slowly, the interviews all trying to get the truth out of us, about mine and Dannys relationship, and about my apparent health problems. They knew there was something wrong in my head, and it was pretty obvious that there was something wrong with me in general, so why didn't they leave it at that? And if me and Danny were struggling with our relationship, then wasn't it obvious why? I mean, look at me, who would honestly like being in love with this? I know I wouldn't, and I didn't think anyone else sane would have either. But, Danny defended me the whole time, saying that the pictures were just pictures and we were fine in our relationship, even though I was secretly starting to doubt that. The amount of times the others went off to leave me by myself in a corner somewhere was unbelievable, they kept on leaving me on my own, talking in whispers on the other side of the room, glancing at me every few seconds. I tried to ignore it, but after the 4th time, I really couldn't ignore it much anymore, the way they were looking between me and each other, not even trying to hide that they were talking about me again, it wasn't easy to pretend it wasn't happening, even with Mellissa chatting away to me animatedly, like I was paying attention to her.
The talking didn't even stop when we got home, the first thing Danny, Harry and Dougie did was go into a huddled group with Carrie as soon as they saw her, leaving me to do something, though I'm not sure what. Go away and leave them to it, they don't want you here anymore. I was told, so I went out, deciding to go upstairs and hide my unwanted self away until I was needed again. I went away and hid in my room, sitting in a corner, the furthest from the door, underneath a duvet. I didn't want to be seen right now, everyone had been looking at me today, practically staring at my face and realising just how deformed it was. The world didn't want to see my face anymore, it was probably best to hide it for a while until everyone recovered.
"Tommy? Honey, why are you up here? And whats with the duvet?" Dannys voice turned up about half an hour later. Took him long enough to realise you weren't there, he's supposed to be your lover, not doing a very good job at pretending, is he? But, he was talking, maybe he just didn't notice because he was in a conversation. Its not like he had eyes in the back of his head for me. Even if he could he wouldn't, he doesn't love you, and doesn't want to look at you either. Yeah, I knew that I wasn't nice to look at, but, Danny did at least like me, I was sure. He wouldn't have written all those songs, and wouldn't have come up with all those things he loved about me a few months ago, to not at least like me, right?
"Tommy, I need to talk to you, its important." Danny pulled the duvet from my head, burning away my inner battle as the light suddenly burnt my eyes. "okay." I whispered, so he knew I was paying attention. I always listened to what others said, whether or not I believed it was another matter. "I know that today was tough, and you did so well in those interviews, talking about the pictures and stuff. But, we've all been thinking, that it would probably be easier if you see the pictures and the whole article yourself. You were talking about it blind today, do you think you'll find it easier if you see them?" Danny asked, fiddling with a piece of my hair, kneeling in front of me, staring at my face too. Could everyone just stop staring now?! I was deformed and ugly, I got it, could we move on please? He's staring at you to compare then with now. And you should too, you haven't improved a bit. I didn't want to look at the pictures again, see the captions underneath, but I guess I was going to have to. It would look weird if I didn't, I had to look at them again, if just to show that I could, and that this time I would not cry because of it.
"yeah, I'll look." I nodded, being led back downstairs again. Everyone was in the front room, watching some show, Harry and Dougie were cuddling up as much as they could, and Carrie was on her laptop. They looked happy, not like earlier, whatever was said must have been good. Danny didn't lead me in there though, we went to the dining room, the dreading magazine waiting there, staring me in the face. "now, I don't want you to be brave for me right now. If it gets too much, you can close it and I won't force you to carry on reading. And if you need to cry about it, then don't bottle it up, just cry, I won't judge you." Danny rubbed my back, making me sit down. Don't you dare cry, you've done it once, don't do it again. I wasn't going to cry, and if I did, I wouldn't do it in public, where people could see me. I was not showing weakness in front of people, not even my boyfriend, who didn't like spending time with me even when I was in a good mood. His real boyfriends are better looking and less pathetic than you, thats why. Yeah, that was true, they were better looking, and less pathetic, but, they weren't his boyfriends...yet.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed the thoughts flying around inside my head to the back and opened the page, finding the article straight away. Seeing the pictures again, the fat 18 year old me standing next to my younger, thinner, prettier band mates, the captions guessing how much I weighed compared to the others. The pictures went through our career, so many of them revolving around me and food, so many pictures of me with food...so many captions, taking the mick out of my weight, my face, my hair, my dress sense, everything! Why did they do this to me? Where did they get these pictures from, and why did they find it funny to do this to me? Did they enjoy making me feel so low all I wanted to do was cry and cut myself to shreds? Why was that fun to them? They're trying to make you better, shape you into what the public wants. But what everyone wanted was an incredibly beautiful man, with muscles and a nice hair cut, who had talent and could actually be liked. That wasn't me, I couldn't be like that, I wasn't like that, I couldn't be what they wanted me to be. I was worthless.
326 Dannys POV
There was silence as Tom looked through the magazine, I waited, tensed, for the storm to erupt. The tears falling like the rain and the upset flashing like lightening. All I could do, was rub Toms back, and hope to god that he took this calmly. "baby, okay so far?" I asked, drawing pictures on Toms back, trying to sooth him before it got too much. "y-yeah, fine." Tom nodded, his voice wobbling already. "had enough?" I worried, edging closer to him, wanting to just take the magazine from him and hold him.
"no." Tom shook his head, carrying on staring at the pictures, tears welling up. "alright, just tell me if you need to stop." I sighed, smoothing his tshirt, getting rid of the wrinkles. Tom didn't answer me, carrying on reading instead, his hands going upwards, pulling at his hair, touching his face. He stopped on his chin, and whimpered, loudly. "Tommy, whats the matter?" I pulled his hand away, using my spare one to run through his hair. "n-nothing." Tom shook his head, pushing his hands into his eyes. "alright, I think its time to look away from this." I pulled the magazine from the table, chucking it away, hugging him. "n-no! Leave me alone!" Tom whimpered again, pushing his hands further into his eyes, like that would stop the tears. "oh baby, its not true, none of it is true." I whispered, kissing Toms hair, tightening my hold on him as he started to writhe. I wasn't going to let him go, no way, not while he was like this, when he needed to feel love.
"let me go! Don't touch me no!" Tom cried out, pushing at me weakly, he wasn't that strong, he wasn't moving me much at all. "no, Tom, listen to me, its not true. You are not fat, your hair is not stupid, neither is your dress sense, your face is beautiful, you are beautiful. You are f*cking perfect, you are so perfect. Don't listen to this article." I saw the rain and lightening start in Toms eyes, trickling down his face like the rain would down a window. Then I realised the water was making the make up on Toms face run, he hadn't taken it off yet.
"let me go! Get off me! Get off!" Tom brought up strength from somewhere, shoving me off of him, running away upstairs, reaching his bedroom before any of us could grab him. "what the hell happened?" Harry heaved by the door, after having running up all the flights of stairs to get here. "the magazine, it was a mistake. To say the least it was a mistake." I explained, Dougie and Carrie paled. "how badder of a mistake?" Harry asked, squeezing Dougies side, I prayed he wouldn't start to hyperventilate again. "what does this tell you?" I pointed to the locked door, where clear crying could be heard. My heart broke at the sound, it was such a mistake to show Tom the pictures, but he needed to see them at the same time, so he knew what had been originally said, so he could stick up for himself. I had expected him to react badly, but not this badly, how could I have not seen this coming? I knew what Tom was like, and I hadn't seen this coming? I really was stupid.
"hey, its not your fault, we had to show him." Dougie put his hand on my shoulder, seemingly reading my mind. "I know, but, I wish I hadn't." I sighed, leaning on the door. I knew there was no point in trying to get Tom out of there, I think it was better to let him cry for a while, then go in and tell him that he was perfect and the article was complete rubbish. "well, we can't undo it now, we're just going to have to live with it now." Harry sighed too, obviously used to this sort of thing now. I don't think I would ever get used to it, and to know it was my fault too, it was awful.