Chapter 20

Daniel Jackson sat flipping thru The Book of Origin trying to pass the time as they continued their journey to Atlantis. It had been nearly a day since Rodney had relayed to Weir their plans and still nothing. Both he and Mitchell had come to the conclusion that although they would still wait for word from Atlantis, they may have to wait until they arrived to find out if they were onboard. He couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty for asking people who were virtually strangers to risk their lives for something totally insane. He knew, hands down, that the people he worked with at the SGC would help him without hesitation. However, there was no time and no safe way, to return to Earth to rally troops. He felt the most guilt for those whose help he could have once depended on the most: Jack, Teal'c, and Sam. There was a time he knew that they would have walked into hell and back for him and though he had no doubt they still would, he couldn't help but feel the distance between them. The doubt and the lingering fears that they had since his return from Ascension clouded almost every action they took with him. They were less reserved, less trusting and that hurt Daniel more than anything.

He would never or could never admit it to any of his friends but he had returned from Ascension a changed man, and as much as he tried to jump right back into his old life, it was beginning to become like an old sweater that just didn't fit right anymore. That his life was becoming more confined and constrained and the constant burden of trying to save face was weighing him down. He felt that he had to keep pretending that he was happy and that everything was fine for the sake of everyone around him. He realized that he was just as guilty as they were for not being strong enough to see what was right in front of his face. For the first time in his life Daniel wanted something different, something more than the life he had led. He knew deep down that the SGC didn't need him anymore. They had turned away from mere exploration and focused more on the militaristic acquisition of weapons and technology years before. And he found himself now reeling from the fact that he was right there along side them. That wasn't who he was. When he had first joined the SGC he would have protested at every shady move that was made. Now, well, he hated to admit that his experiences had jaded him to the point where he didn't really care.

He hated having to look back at himself and realize that he was becoming more and more the person that he always fought against. It is true that sometimes drastic measures and actions are necessary in times of war, but at what cost? Did gaining the upper hand on the Goa'uld and now the Ori mean that he has to sacrifice himself to achieve it. He had done that literally on more than one occasion and he came out of each experience worse for wear. He had to put things into perspective and to admit that his experiences changed him. To find out the person that he was now and not to let how others may feel about who he was get in the way. Mitchell had been right. He had supressed his desire to learn more about his time as an Ascended being .What he went thru and what he experienced. Until he learned the truth there would always be a part of him that was missing. Incomplete. Maybe it was it was one of the reasons why he was so eager to go after Vala. To throw himself right into the pit of the beast. In the hopes that somehow, somewhere along the way he would find something, anything that would give him a clue about his past. He admitted that he was frightened about where it may lead him, but he also knew that he would always feel restless until he learned the truth -- no matter what that was.

Slamming the book shut and placing it beside his bed he decided to have a talk with Rodney, and see if there was anyway to find out from Atlantis whether or not they were along for the ride. Taking a good look around to ensure that Dr. Lam was no where to be found, he got up from his bed and made his way to the door. He had made it about five steps out when he heard it. A soft humming sound coming from the observation room next door. It sounded eerily familiar and despite all of his efforts, he could not place it. Putting his quest to find Rodney aside, Daniel followed the sound. When he reached the observation room and looked inside, he was surprised at what he saw. There, sitting on a exam table was a little girl. No more than eight years old with dark brown hair, she gave Daniel a small smile.

"Hello."

Daniel walked hesistantly towards the girl, uncertain if he was really seeing what he saw.

"Um . . . hello."

"What took you so long, Daniel," the girl said jumping down from the table. "I've been waiting a long time for you."

Daniel said nothing only stared in strange bewilderment as the young girl walked up to him.

"Don't be afraid Daniel," the girl said stopping right in front of Daniel.

Suddenly overcome by an overwhelming sense of forbode, Daniel began to back away from the small child.

"What are youd doing silly?" the girl asked half giggling.

The child took one look at the door to the observation room and with one swipe of her hand, slammed it shut. Daniel began to band wildly on the door, pulling and jiggling the doorknob hoping beyond all hope that it would open.

"You can't escape me, Daniel," she said tapping the side of her head. "I'm in here."

"Who are you?"

"I am many things."

Daniel could do nothing but stare at the young girl, whose eyes narrowed and began looking at him with an air of omnipotence.

"Ultimately a man must walk his chosen path alone. That time has come."

"What do you want with me?"

"Many roads lead to the great path, Daniel. Lets just say that I have a vested interest in ensuring that we are both on the same path."

Within seconds Daniel awoke to find himself back in his bed. Unsure of exactly what had happened or why he knew beyond the shadow of all doubt that it was real. Rising up from his bed and nearly running to make his way out the door, he practically slammed into Mitchell who looked like he was running himself.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, Daniel, where you going?"

"To see you actually."

"Why?"

"I wanted to see if you've heard from from Atlantis."

"I have."

"And?"

Mitchell shook his head and grabbed Daniel by the arm guiding him back to his bed.

"You might want to sit down."

"Why?"

"Rodney just got a message from Sheppard."

"And."

"We're good to go," Mitchell said, a wide grin breaking across his face.