xxPUDDxx - its their jobs to get as much information out of him as possible, even if it means being horrid to get that information :/
Oh quick question for everyone! I've thought of a few SA ideas relating back to this fic, things like how Harry and Dougie got engaged, Tom and Danny first meeting etc, would anyone be interested in me posting them up here? They won't further this story anymore, but they could give a bit more background into the band dynamic during happier times. Let me know if anybody would be interested in posting them!
333 Dougies POV
I knew that there was still some trouble going on between Tom and Danny, but I couldn't help but think, maybe if I showed just how excited I was to go to see this film, then maybe Tom and Danny would focus on my excitement and stop being so worried. I knew it was a stupid idea, but I felt like I had to do something to distract them from the past few interviews, all of them making Tom look so guilty for the way he was, and really rubbing it in that they didn't believe that there was something wrong with him. Even though it was clear that he really wasn't well, I hadn't seen him near food whenever we were out, or even in the house. It scared me, and I just wanted Tom to feel better. So maybe showing that I was childishly excited for this would make him feel like he could at least show that he was happy to go too. At least I was making Harry smile.
"come on Captain, we've got to get ready." Harry laughed as we drove up to our house, pulling me out of the car by my hand. "meet you guys back here in an hour!" Danny pulled Tom into his house, the both of them almost running. I was running into our house, almost rushing to get ready, getting changed into one of my Saint Kidd tshirts (keeping with the pirate theme) and another pair of skinny jeans. I was in the middle of tucking my trousers into my Jack Sparrow boots when Harry came out of the shower and saw me. "you're actually going to wear them to the premiere?" Harry raised an eyebrow, used to my completely mad ways by now. "yep!" I smiled, bouncing up to my feet, thinking it looked quite cool. "alright, whats the method behind the madness today?" Harry stood behind me, looking into the mirror from behind my shoulder, his hands holding onto my hips gently.
"Pirates Of the Caribbean premiere, pirate boots. Thought it would fit." I shrugged. Maybe wearing them would also detract attention from Tom, if the cameras got too much for him. "it does fit well. Good thinking Dougs." Harry smiled, handing me my coat. "thanks, I try." I pulled it on, carrying on our conversation as I watched Harry get dressed, before running out to the street, piling into the car after Tom and Danny, freshly washed and changed again. "nice boots Doug!" Danny commented with a laugh. "I know, my pirate boots!" I grinned, liking that it was already drawing attention. I usually hated having attention on only me, but I would do it if it detracted at least a little away from Tom.
Getting to the premiere, we were greeted by the sight of thousands of cameras flashing, so many people had turned up, and now so many were looking our way. It was like they were watching us closely, in case one of us cracked and did something worthy of news. Me and Tom whimpered, not sure that this was actually a good idea. "come on Tom, the quicker we get down here, the quicker we are inside and out of the way of all of this." Danny encouraged, his arm hugging Toms worryingly small waist, which was getting smaller and smaller as the days went by. "yeah, quicker we get down, the quicker the pirates will start." Harry smiled at me, squeezing my hand. Both him and Danny started walking, making me and Tom move too.
We stayed huddled together for the entirety of our walk down the carpet, staying tucked up in a close huddle, arms around each other, holding hands. Me and Tom were kept in the middle, protected by our lovers, they're arms around us with our hands entwined. I managed to relax a bit as we got into the swing of it again, we hadn't been to a premiere in ages, in over two years, it wasn't like everyone was looking, just a few people we were standing in front of. But that didn't stop Tom looking so awkward, like he didn't know what to do. "its okay, just relax Tommy, relax." Danny whispered, pressing a kiss to Toms hair, the boy struggling to keep his head facing forward.
334 Toms POV
I couldn't relax, it was impossible! There were so many people, all staring at me, all of them looking at me, judging me, looking at how ugly I was. Doing this was giving them more ammunition to hit me with, show just how horrible I was, even though I had tried so hard to make myself look better. It didn't work, you look like an over grown boy in that outfit. And that make up just made you look even worse, you're chin still looks huge. I wanted to run and hide in a hole somewhere, away from all these faces and cameras, where there was no photographic evidence of what I looked like.
"you're doing well Tom, I'm proud. Its just a little while longer until we're safely hidden away in the cinema." Danny assured, moving us along the carpet, standing us a little closer to the cinema. "over here! Look over here! This way!" loads of photographers shouted as Harry and Dougie joined us, Dougies arm going round my waist, he looked so happy. In fact, all three of my band mates did, they were in their element, safe in the knowledge that they didn't look bad (even in pirate boots) and that no-one would take the mick out of them. Because they're pretty, unlike you, now look forward and take the abuse like a man. I did as told, looking up towards the cameras, letting them look at my face, regretting cutting my hair the other day. At least when my fringe was longer it could actually hide my eyes and half my nose, now there was no chance, it barely skimmed my eyes.
It seemed like getting into the cinema took forever, but finally we got to our seats and I managed to relax a little. "see, wasn't too bad, was it? I'm proud of you, I know you don't like being in front of people." Danny smiled, squeezing my hand. "no, wasn't too bad." I lied, that was the worst thing I had done in ages, there had just been so many cameras, focusing on what I looked like. I was under the spotlight, everyone was watching me, looking at how thin I was, waiting for me to crack and balloon out again, so they could start taking the mick out of me again. But I wasn't giving them the satisfaction, I would not balloon out again, I refused! I was staying exactly like I was now, and no-one could ridicule me for it, thin people didn't get ridiculed, people like Danny, Harry and Dougie didn't get ridiculed, not even when they wore pirate boots or womens clothes. And I refused to be the fat one, who people took shots at all the time, just because I was ugly and disgusting.
"I'm getting some popcorn, anyone want anything?" Danny asked, getting up. "more popcorn over here!" Dougie grinned, looking beyond excited. He was literally bouncing in his seat, looking like he was about to explode, like he did at everything pirate/dinosaur/Blink 182 related thing. "alright, want anything Tommy?" Danny looked to me, running a hand through my hair. "no, not hungry." I felt a little sick actually, sick of myself, sick of ridicule, sick of just everything people hit me with. And just sick of the thought of eating in front of people, no way in hell was I about to do that. "alright, I'll be back in a minute. Relax a little Tommy, no-ones looking anymore." Danny untangled his hand from my floppy hair, which I was sure was going greasy even though I had only washed it two hours ago. I pulled my beanie from my back pocket and shoved it on top of my head, hiding my hair, feeling a little better with it on.
"getting excited yet?" Dougie bounced. "yeah, a little." I nodded, trying to pull my sleeves over my hands, cursing the fact that they were too short. "I am too! This is going to be so cool! Pirates are so cool!" Dougie was already going hyper, Harry was looking at him so lovingly, he loved hyper Dougie more than anything in the world. "what? More cooler than dinosaurs?" Harry teased, putting his hands on the small blondes shoulders to keep him still. "yeah! So much cooler than dinosaurs!" Dougie answered, and kept up being hyper until we managed to keep him quiet with popcorn when Danny came back.
"hey, the movies on the screen, not on your feet! Its okay to look up now, no-ones looking, I promise." Danny laughed, that stung. He was laughing at me now, joining in with the media who laughed at me because I was pathetic. It wasn't like I was doing this on purpose, I just didn't want to look up anymore, didn't want people to see me, see my face. Its not like I deserved to see this film anyway, this was another reward for 'managing' our 8th week without self harm, I didn't deserve it. I had cut another two lines into my skin not three hours ago, and had made a few more over the past few days, I didn't deserve to be here, I didn't want to be here anymore, I just wanted to go home and hide under a duvet and pretend I didn't exist anymore. If I didn't exist, I wouldn't get all this abuse, and all these undeserved rewards, and everyone would be happy. Why couldn't I just not exist?