GEMMA:
Sometimes I wonder makes a family. Is it love? Is it blood? I loved Rachel, unconditionally, but at the time I thought she was my only mom. I never questioned why her hair wasn't the same color as mine, or why no one ever complimented me with such simple words like 'you have your mothers smile'. I think I'm Brooke's daughter to a certain degree, we share the same features, and our personalities are somewhat similar. However, there are things about me that contain no trace of Brooke. For instance, the reason I'm so cautious with boys.
I remember falling asleep on the couch late one night, and waking up to Rachel walking in the door crying. Startled, I ran to her, begging her to tell me what was wrong. She sat me back on the couch and told me to listen to her, and to not forget these words. "Boys can bring you the most pain without ever having to lay a hand on you." She breathed, stroking my hair. "So I want you to be careful, Gemma."
"What do you mean?" I asked. I was 7 at the time, and boys were as far away from my mind as college, and job interviews were.
"Love can make you reckless." She laughed, "Especially when you're young." It wasn't until today that I know what she meant. Rachel never would have told me, but I read the book. I know about her attempts to steal Nathan from Haley, turn Lucas's attention away from Brooke and back to her. I read the part about Cooper, about the limo. "So Gemma," she continued, "always look before you fall, ok? Make sure you know him, make sure he knows you. Can you do that for me, sweet girl?"
I nodded an ok, but only because I hoped it would make her stop crying. I came away from that conversation wiser, though. I always kept myself at arm's length, and never gave to much of myself to someone else. I'm thankful for that night now. Mostly for selfish reasons, that have nothing to do with learning how to deal with boys. I was thankful for that night because Rachel saw something of herself in me, enough to reach out and warn me not to follow in her footsteps. These are the things in me that aren't Brooke or Lucas, the things I didn't get just from the gene pool. My mannerisms, my history, my almost-recklessness, they were Rachel, and I was happy about that.
I just wish that I would have remembered that night with my mom when I met Mather.
Light seeped in the window of my hotel room, I rolled over and noticed bags sitting near the door. Bags that looked eerily similar to the ones I'd seen depart from the airport on a flight to LA not too long ago. That's weird, I thought, Lennie left yesterday.
"Peyton!" I gasped, throwing the covers off me and pushing myself off the bed. Peyton appeared in the doorway of my bathroom, her curls pulled into a messy bun, and a bright smile on her face. "Shh." She whispered, putting a single finger to her lips, she nodded at the sleeping figure on Lennie's former bed. Sawyer was curled up, clutching a teddy bear. Before I'd turned back to the bathroom, Peyton had enveloped me in a hug. I hugged her back, pushing down the sick knot in my stomach. She smelt familiar, like vanilla, and those hazelnut coffees she always drinks.
"You're early," I breathed, pulling away.
"We wanted to surprise you guys," she smiled, "I tried Lucas's room, but for some reason the card didn't work."
"Oh thank god," I said, without thinking.
"What?"
"Oh, um, his room is just a complete mess, you know," I stuttered, "men."
"Oh, okay." She said, reaching for her purse. "I'm just gonna go by Brooke's room, see what she's up to."
"No!" I almost yelled, "She's um, she's out…" I was about to lose it. If Peyton steps foot into Brooke's room and sees what I saw the other day, all hell would break lose.
"Ok, jeez, Gem, are you ok?" She asked, putting a hand on my forehead, "You look a little pale."
"Yeah, I'm fine." I forced a smile. "You know what, you must be exhausted, I'll go grab us some coffee, be right back." I ran for the door, and sprinted down the hall to Brooke's room. My heart was racing, and it wasn't until I reached Brooke's door, I realized I was still in my skimpy La Perla pajamas. I banged on the door, praying that they were awake. Seconds later, Brooke opened the door, fully dressed, and no Lucas in sight ( thank god).
"What the?" She snorted, pulling me inside. "What exactly do you think you're doing walking around like that?" She pulled a pea coat out from her suitcase, and forced it around my shoulders. Cinching the waist, as I tried to catch my breath. "Gemma, what's wrong with you?"
"Suitcases," I sputtered, "her suitcases." I looked up at Brooke, whose brow was furrowed in concern. I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want to admit that this family vacation was over, and that, possibly, Lucas might be leaving France with Peyton and not Brooke. "She's here," I croaked, trying not to cry. "Peyton, she and Sawyer just got in."
Brooke paled, she looked away. She didn't have to tell me, I knew she felt guilty. Playing house with your best friend's husband while she's away on business is a hard pill to swallow. I reached for her hand. "What are you going to do?"
"Well, I'll let Lucas talk to her first. I'm not sure she'll want to speak to me after that, though." Brooke sat down on her bed, and patted for me to take a seat next to her. When I did, she started to cry. Oddly enough, I felt guilty. For her, for Lucas, for myself. I shouldn't have let it go on. But what could I do? Brooke was an adult, so was Lucas. The most backwards part was that I wanted it to happen, I wanted my parents back together. That is, until Peyton showed up today.
"Tell me the truth, Gemma," she sniffled, "do you want them together? Do you want to be in their family?"
"Brooke!" I said, indignantly. "You're my family, I go where you go. Can't you see that? My grandparents asked me to come home and I said no, I said no because my home is with you in Tree Hill, at our house. The one I share with you, not Lucas or Peyton." I took another breath, and tried to clear my thoughts. "Peyton's not my mother, Brooke, you are."
"God, I love you so much," She sobbed pulling me into a hug. "So you don't care who Lucas ends up with, as long as we're together?
"Well obviously I wish it were you," I said, patting her arm, "but no of course those two staying together wouldn't affect my life with you." Brooke smiled, and wiped some tears off her cheek. "You know," I whispered, "I think all this family does is cry."
Brooke let out a giggle and slapped me on the arm, "having a teenager makes me emotional."
"You sure it's not just menopause?" I grinned, dodging another slap.
"You take that back!" She laughed, throwing a pillow at me. "I don't even have any wrinkles yet."
"Not yet." Another pillow flew at my face, and before I knew what was going on, we were in an all out war. The room was a mess, pillows, blankets, and those little complimentary hotel robes were thrown about everywhere. I was about to go in for the kill with my last throw pillow when Brooke's phone rang.
"It's Luke," she said, pushing herself up from the hiding position behind her bed. She pushed her chocolate colored hair out of her face and sighed. I walked into the bathroom while she answered it, figuring it was a conversation not meant for me. When I figured enough time had passed I peeked through the door. Brooke was sitting on the bed, her face blank. She was twisting her charm bracelet around her wrist repeatedly, and staring off into space. "Is everything okay?" I asked, entering the room again.
She looked up, and her hazel eyes lit up with something I couldn't recognize. "Lucas is leaving Peyton." Brooke looked down now, and bit at her lip.
"Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Yes, well, I mean no, but yes."
"Brooke?"
"I told him this doesn't mean we're together, he needs time to figure things out with Peyton, and how they're going to handle Sawyer."
"So what does it mean?" I pushed, feeling panic rise in my chest at the thought of Peyton.
"It means when I'm ready, I'm going to give him a call." She finally said, looking back up at me. I pursed my lips, I knew what I wanted to say. But why can't you two be together now? However, I also knew what Brooke needed to hear. "I think you made the right choice," I forced a smile, "Now there's going to be two single girls in the Davis household again."
"Let the fun begin." She grinned.