xxPUDDxx - i'm glad the SA made you happy! and if there are any other things from their past you'd like to read about, tell me and i'll see what i can do about it!
FLOYNTERxxx - yeah, if only Tom could trust Danny like he does Carrie! and in answer to your comment on the SA, i've got a few Flones ideas, and a few ideas in general that i'll post every so often. any prompts or ideas you'd like to see are very welcome too!
LeilaTheGalaxyDefender - Tom doesn't feel like he can unfortunately :/
339 Dannys POV
I woke up with a start, a bit dazed and confused over where I was, why was I on the sofa and who was holding my hand? It wasn't Tom, his hand wasn't as big as this, and there were too many fingers... "hey, whats up Dan?" Harry turned round, revealing that it was him and Dougie holding my hand, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa I was laying on. "Tom, wheres Tom?!" I almost heaved, feeling myself start to panic, why wasn't Tom here? Was he still sleeping? Or was he awake somewhere, but why wasn't he here? "out on a walk, with Carrie. They went out about an hour ago, don't worry." Harry answered with a smile, squeezing the fingers he was holding. "oh, but, was he okay? Was he alright?" I asked frantically, scrambling to sit up straight, so worried about Tom.
"yeah, he was alright. Little down, but, what can you expect?" Harry answered, shrugging, I hoped to god he wasn't lying. "don't sugar coat it, really, what was he like?" I whimpered a little, trying to force myself into relaxing. Tom would be fine, I was sure of it, he was going to be fine. He just needed to...adjust, and learn that it was okay, no-one was going to say anything about him. "you really want to know?" Harry deflated a little, grabbing Dougies spare hand. "yeah, I wanna know. What was he like?" I nodded, he couldn't have been that bad, could he?
"well, Tom wasn't exactly happy, but then again, he never really is. He just, stood by the door, answered when we spoke to him and all that. Then said he was going on a walk and Carrie basically jumped at the chance and made him let her come along too." Harry explained, it didn't sound too bad, and maybe Carrie could cheer him up a bit, right? "doesn't sound that bad, and maybe Carrie can cheer him up too." I relaxed a little, sliding off the sofa in between Harry and Dougie, feeling a bit more awake than I did earlier on.
We sat in a comfortable silence for a while until the door opened again, revealing Tom and Carrie. "Tommy!" I squeaked, running over to him, finally giving Tom his morning hug, almost knocking the both of us over. "hi." Tom mumbled, letting me hug him, but not hugging me back. "I missed you so much! I hate not waking up next to you! How are you feeling now? Any better?" I leant back to look at his face, there weren't any signs of crying, which was good. "yeah, much better." Tom thankfully nodded, cringing a little at something. I chose to ignore it, he always cringed and winced at random times, I guess it was just a nervous tick or something. "good, I'm glad. Last night wasn't exactly the best plan ever, but, its over and thats all that matters!" I put on a smile and pulled my boyfriend into my arms again, trying to reassure him that everything was fine.
I managed to get away with hugging Tom for a while longer, until he got awkward and made me let go of him, going to curl up in a corner. Again, Tom had his head looking at his feet, though I could tell he was looking up from under his fringe, like he thought I couldn't tell that he wasn't facing the floor. "right, grubs up guys! Pizza fresh from the oven, all cut and ready!" Harry and Dougie came in, stopping me from staring at my troubled boyfriend. Dougie closed the door behind them, looking worried, was this them trying to get Tom to eat in front of people? Maybe it was, they hadn't told me they were trying anything though. They would have told me, right?
340 Toms POV
I managed to hide a whimper as Dougie closed the door, I knew what this meant, they were going to get me to eat in here. But I didn't want to eat in here! I wanted to run away and hide! Couldn't I run away and hide in a corner somewhere far away instead?! It wasn't that much of a problem, was it? It couldn't have been, just because I didn't eat in front of people, it wasn't that bad, was it? Of course it is, its pathetic. That still didn't mean I had to eat in front of people! Yes it does. But I didn't want to! I felt like crying, honestly crying until I was let off, I didn't want to do this!
As Harry handed Danny a plate, he whispered something in his ear, nodding his head subtly to me. Oh great, I was defiantly in for it, I didn't want this! Why wasn't it good enough for me to hide in my dark corner, couldn't I just do that and wait until after everyone had gone home? Its not like I actually deserved this anyway, couldn't I just wait until it was cold, so it was nearly at my level? Doesn't matter, you'll be getting rid of it anyway later on.
"Tommy, can you do something for me?" Danny broke me from my inner turmoil, sitting in front of me, plate of pizza in front of him. I shook my head, not even trusting myself to speak. "oh, I'm sure you can, its not too hard, really. I just want you to eat this in here. Thats all. You can still sit in this corner, and I'm not going to look at you at all. None of us are going to look at you, we just want you to try and eat this in here, alright?" Danny explained, stroking my cheek gently. "no." I whimpered, I didn't want this! I wasn't going to do this, I was not a pig! If I ate in front of people, I would be seen as a pig! I was not a pig! But you are a pig, a disgusting pig. I was not a pig! I had to prove the voice wrong, but I didn't want to eat either! "please, Tommy, please do this. I am begging you. Just try, I need you to try for me." Danny pleaded, why did I have to love him so much that by just giving me a hurt look I gave in despite my inner battles?! "I-I'll try." I regretted it the second I said it, pig! Pig! Piggy pig pig! Piiiiiiiiiiiiig! Would that voice SHUT UP?! Never piggy!
"thank you, it means a lot, thank you." Danny kissed my forehead and got up, falling onto the sofa, finishing his own slices before I even had picked up my own. As soon as he finished, he leant on Harrys shoulder, you haven't even started yet and you've already pushing him away, nice going piggy. I whimpered again, I couldn't do this, I really couldn't do this! If I ate in front of people, I was going to lose them, and I didn't want to lose anyone, ever! I knew I would lose everyone, but couldn't I just get away with not eating in front of people until everyone had left? It would be easier to eat already knowing everyone hated me, instead of trying while I knew I was making them more and more disgusted, pushing them away.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I pushed the plate away, I didn't even want to look at it anymore, I didn't even want to think, I hated myself right now. I hated myself anyway, but I hated that I couldn't even look at a plate of food anymore without turning into an emotional wreck, no wonder Danny just ditched me to go and cuddle with Harry instead. At least he could actually function without wanting to cry all day! As soon as Danny realises that, he's out of here, thats for sure. Your days are numbered. I didn't want to know that! I knew that this wasn't going to last much longer, but I didn't want to be reminded!
My internal battle managed to last all night, only Danny cared that I was breaking down, coming over and hugging me, saying that he was proud of me for at least trying, that he loved me so much. "its okay, we'll try again tomorrow, it'll be alright in the end Tommy. We'll get you through this." Danny promised, kissing my hair. He won't, he'll give up. "I'll never give up on you, I promise." He continued, liar. All I could do was try and not cling needily to him and act like I was fine, somehow, it worked, I managed to not cling, and act like I was fine. All I did was put my head on Dannys shoulder, because I was forced to, Dannys large hand keeping my head there until it was time to bed.
Again, we got ready and got in together. I'm not sure why I still bothered getting into bed, though I guess it could have been out of habit. "good night Tommy, I'm proud of you for trying." Danny smiled, leaning in to give me a kiss. "I-I didn't do anything." I whispered, because really, I didn't do anything! Turn your head away right now, you do not deserve a kiss. "I don't care, you agreed to try, which is a start. And I love you for it." Danny pushed my fringe off my face, rubbing my side gently. I stayed quiet. "anyway, night Tommy, I love you." I was pulled closer until I was resting my head on Dannys shoulder, wrapped in his arms. I stayed like that until he fell asleep, before crawling out of bed, unable to even stand being in it right now. I still felt worthless and pathetic, I couldn't even try and eat in front of people without almost breaking down, how could I possibly fool myself into thinking I could sleep in a bed? I couldn't, I simply couldn't. You'll never sleep in a bed again, the next bed you'll sleep in is a coffin. Cheers voice inside my head, making me feel even worse about myself. Doesn't matter, you'll be seeing it soon. Yeah, I probably would be, I felt so low these days, like I couldn't get any lower, sometimes, I did just want to give up. Danny, Harry, Dougie and Carrie were the only reasons why I kept going, because Danny loved me, and they made me feel a little hope sometimes.
Slowly, I managed to fall asleep, actually forgetting about my normal routine, just needing some time to sleep and recover for a while, it was all I needed. But, I got hit by so many nightmares, razor blades haunting me, the idea of being caught playing out through my head until I woke up almost screaming in pure terror. Panic hit me square in the chest, I didn't want to be caught, I didn't want to be taken to some ward somewhere, I wanted my boyfriend! Without even thinking, I scrambled back into bed, needing to feel my boyfriends warmth for a few minutes, just to calm myself down, but he wasn't there! Danny wasn't in bed! Where the hell had he gone?! Scrambling back out again, I ran to check every room in the house, not finding in a single one, and before I knew it, I was shoving my feet into my shoes and running down the road to his house. I needed to see Danny desperately! I needed to see him so badly right now, why wasn't he in bed with me tonight? Where did he go? Why didn't he tell me where he was going?!
I barely even had the sense to slow down a little once I got to his house, managing to quietly creep around his house too, trying to find Danny so I could hug him and be reassured that everything would be okay. That nightmare had been so scary, and to know it could happen worried me so much I couldn't even think straight. All I could think was Danny, Danny, I needed Danny right now!
But he wasn't in his house! Danny wasn't in his house either, where else could he be?! At Harry and Dougies, stupid. Of course! But why would he be there?! Cheating on you. But, we had been there already, Danny wouldn't cheat on me, he would end it first! There would be a very good reason why he was round Harry and Dougies house, of course there would be, he just...woke up and needed something, that was probably it, he just needed something! He would just need something, right? Of course he would just need something, maybe a talk with them, yeah, he was just talking about tomorrow with them that was it. He was talking to them about tomorrow and when I got to their bedroom, they would be talking, that was it. Yep, go on and believe that, you'll be shocked when you see them. No I wouldn't be, it would be fine.
As quick as I could, I pelted up the stairs to Harry and Dougies room, trying not to run, no-one could know I was here. I couldn't just barge into peoples houses, even when they were my band mates, I couldn't just barge in and ruin their talk. But I needed to hear Dannys voice, just to calm down a little, I needed to hear his perfect calming voice. I managed to stop my pace and creep across the corridor, stopping at the door, looking in through the crack in the door.
"I love you guys." Danny nuzzled into Harrys bare chest, wrapped inside the duvet, a tangled mess of arms and legs with Harry and Dougie. "we love you too Dan, always have, always will." Harry kissed Dannys hair, rubbing his back. What was happening?! Why was Danny in bed with Harry and Dougie like this? And why were Danny and Harry shirtless, and why did Dougie have Dannys shirt on, one he hadn't been wearing today?! Were they having an affair, looking at them, their clothes strewn over the floor, all tangled up, Danny looked sweaty but content. I told you, didn't I?